Archive of Our Own ^beta

Soobin was tired. 

He’s been like this for almost two months since Yeonjun injured his foot in a dance practice for his upcoming comeback. Yeonjun and him were friends since they were four and five years old and even though Yeonjun has been an idol for over a year now, Soobin would never get used to it. Especially when the person he’s known since birth became one of the most famous people in Korea, swapping away all of the New Solo Artist and Rookie Awards he could muster. 

To people, Yeonjun was the 4th generation It boy. To Soobin, it was his best friend, the person he loved and cherished the most.

Of course, he was beyond proud of the man, but it hurt like hell seeing what he went through during his trainee days, with unhealthy diets and long, tiring practices that almost put Yeonjun at the point of fainting because of exhaustion. It was a long journey of four years until he debuted, but seeing the results of his sacrifices was worth it.

When Yeonjun received his first paycheck, he immediately treated Soobin to an enormous and fancy dinner, saying that was the least he could do for the person who never left him and always supported him, even when he wanted to do some dumb thing, like dying his hair at uneven hours in the night.

Yeonjun was preparing for his third comeback when he injured himself, thankfully it wasn’t announced yet about the comeback, so he would have time to recover without his fans worrying over him. However, there was one person who would worry about him more than anyone.

Soobin. 

Just the fact that Yeonjun called him while he was at the hospital, finishing putting the bandages on was enough to make Soobin drop his work and run to where he was. Once the younger man reached the lobby, Yeonjun was getting out with orthopedic boots with his manager by his side, explaining the details about his condition and how he would take care of it. Soobin ran to him and held himself back from flicking his forehead as a punishment. 

“I always say to be careful, did you not listen to me today?” Soobin whined and Yeonjun and his manager laughed.

“Soobinie, I’m fine. I just slipped on my sweat at the dance practice, that’s all. The doctor said it wasn’t that bad, I’ll have to stay with these boots for three weeks and then, I’ll have to do physiotherapy for another two weeks before going back to dance,” Yeonjun tried to calm him down because he had worse injuries before, so he was going to be fine.

“Fine, you’re lucky I have already finished my weekly tasks and can help you out.”

Soobin and Yeonjun would grow old and still live by each other. They were neighbors when they were kids, playing around all afternoon at each other’s house, and when they graduated from school and Soobin got to college and Yeonjun got the news of his debut, they both moved into a new apartment, their buildings being literally side by side. They didn’t move in together because they both needed their own space and if they needed each other, they would be less than a minute away.

And that’s how they survived the last two months. Soobin would drop by almost every day to cook for Yeonjun and to spend some time together, watching movies or just talking about random things. Even though they had known each other for over ten years, they never ran out of topics to talk about and they also really enjoyed the comfortable silence that surrounded them most of the time.

On the first day of Yeonjun’s physiotherapy, Soobin accompanied him. And when he made his first step on his injured foot without hurting, Soobin was silly enough to clap and whistle quietly, making the doctor laugh.

It was always like this. Yeonjun and Soobin together.

Now, everything was fine again. Yeonjun would be going back to the company to go back into his dance training and Soobin had finished his last essay of the semester. He loved literature, but sometimes he was sure literature didn’t love him back that much, but it was fine for him.

He and Yeonjun grabbed coffee together around 7 am at a nearby café close to their houses, and after twenty minutes the older left, leaving Soobin alone enjoying his iced americano. He was watching the streets through the shop’s window, seeing its flow of people increasing, even though it was early morning. The boy was interrupted from his zoning out by a notification on his phone. It was from his older brother and he frowned at that.

Gongmyung : We need to talk.

His brother never talked this seriously daily. Just by the message, Soobin’s stomach flipped and he quickly answered him.

Soobin : What happened? Is everything okay? 

Not even five seconds before he received another text.

Gongmyung : No

Gongmyung : Dad’s back and he wants to talk to us

Reading the reason behind his brother’s message, Soobin felt his head getting dizzy and a migraine hitting him with full force. His dad left him and his brother when they were four and six years old, with no explanation whatsoever, he just left. Their mom didn’t cry nor try to stop him, she just let him go like sand escaping through her fingers. They just grew up without their father, so why is he trying to come back to their lives now that they are grown up? Is it because now he wouldn’t have to deal with children? Was it because he regretted his decision and was trying to make things right? 

Whatever it was, Soobin didn’t want to know. 

Soobin: You already know what I'm going to say

 (...)

Later on that day, Soobin dropped by Yeonjun’s company so they could go home together and have dinner. He was already known in the building and didn’t even ask for Yeonjun’s permission to enter the place. A lot of employees still thought they were a couple, ignoring the hundreds of explanations they both told them that they were only friends.

However, they were indeed right. Soobin liked Yeonjun, but that was something he would take with him until his grave.

He’s been holding this in since they were fifteen and he’s been fine, why bother saying something now that they were entering their twenties and making their career? Especially because Yeonjun was famous and Soobin would never put that at risk for his friend because of his selfishness.

He didn’t even know himself when he started liking Yeonjun, it just happened naturally as he thought it was normal. Lots of their friends in common had a crush on Yeonjun at some point in their friendship, so Soobin was just another one on the boat, except he was different.

Soobin was different because he was not only Yeonjun’s best friend but also his twin flame. They grew up together, they saw each other at their lowest and helped themselves through their problems, and they were always together when the other achieved some dream. Soobin was the first one Yeonjun looked at when he was feeling down and needed to distract himself when it all felt too much and he needed to vent, when he was so happy he couldn’t stop bouncing on his feet. It was always Soobin and he did as much as the younger did to him.

It was inevitable to not fall for Yeonjun.

The said man was waiting for Soobin at the usual studio where he practiced and he was all set up to go. As soon as Soobin saw him approaching with a big smile, the one that made his eyes crinkle and it was so wide it was like his cheeks hurt, he felt at ease. Everything that had been on his mind since morning was long vanished by seeing his friend.

“Hi, loser. How was today? Are you healed enough to practice again?” He bombarded the older with questions as he took his bag from his hands and threw its strap onto his shoulder.

“I thought we had agreed I was fine to be back,” Yeonjun wiggled his eyebrows and giggled, “It was just fine, it’s like I wasn’t even hurt in the first place. My manager said my mini album is already done and I got to listen to two finished tracks and, Soobinie, it’s so good you won’t believe it! I think my comeback is going to happen in less than a month, hopefully.”

“Won’t I have the best friend privilege of getting a sneak peek?” Soobin asked, lips jutting out as he thought Yeonjun was leaving him out.

“Of course, you will, c’mon,” Yeonjun nudged his side with his elbows as they went through the building’s door, heading to Soobin’s car. “I was going to ask if you were free tomorrow night so I could show you a little of it.”

“Was I ever unavailable to you?” 

“In fact, yes, a lot of times.” Yeonjun teased him as they got to the car.

“Yah, I had my reasons, ok? Some of us need to study to have some money to survive,” Soobin retorted and put Yeonjun’s bag in his backseat.

“I know, that’s why I’m asking. You seem to be busy.”

“How so? I didn’t even say anything about my day,” The younger started the engine and soon he was heading to the dinner nearby their house.

“Do I really need to explain?” Yeonjun craned his neck to look at Soobin driving. “Your shoulders look tense and you were fidgeting with my bag. C’mon, I've known you for over ten years now.”

It was in times like this that Soobin’s chest ached at how observant Yeonjun was of him and how he read him like an open book.

When Soobin realized he liked Yeonjun, he got frightened by the possibility of Yeonjun finding out and cutting off their friendship, even if it was something he’d never do. It was like he was bare and vulnerable to anyone seeing how much he longed for Yeonjun, like every little move he made could be analyzed and people would conclude about his feelings. In his worst scenario, Yeonjun would realize his feelings first.

Luckily, it never happened.

“College’s getting a tool on me as I need to start preparing for my final thesis. Also, I’m afraid I won’t handle the burden of my job well, but I’ll get over it,” Soobin explained, already dismissing it as he always did.

Don’t get him wrong, but even with Yeonjun, it was hard for him to open up. He’d give in, eventually as he always did, but it was always a battle to talk about how he was feeling when he wasn’t in a good place. Yeonjun knew everything about him, from his major problems to his family issues, but it was always with a lot of nagging because he wanted to be there for Soobin just like he was for him.

When things got too much, Soobin would go for Yeonjun and spill everything he had bottled up on his chest for a while. However, he still had a long way to go when it came to searching for help. 

That’s why he didn’t mention his brother’s message. He wasn’t dealing with anything as he already said no to him. It was fine.

Except, it isn’t. 

But, he was already used to faking it so he wouldn’t worry Yeonjun. The man had already a lot to worry about and Soobin wasn’t going to add his stupid problems to him. Yeonjun had to worry about his image, he had to write his lyrics, compose and produce, and also help with his choreographies. Besides that, he still had to worry about his health issues, like his back injury and now his foot as well, he had to feed and take care of his fish tank, and, from time to time, he still had his family issues. 

Soobin would never forgive himself if Yeonjun got in trouble because he was thinking too much of his insecurity taking him over and convincing him he couldn’t teach in college as he planned to.

“Soobinie, I know you don’t talk a lot about how you feel, but can always come to me, ok? You know, I could be your fake college student so you could train your lectures and stuff,” Yeonjun suggested softly, in a tone Soobin was already used to by now.

“You could have a Shakespeare concept for your next comeback, then. You can apply your incredible literature studies to it,” Soobin joked and they laughed.

He parked at the front of the restaurant as it was available and they got out, already going to their usual spot.

“Seriously now, you’re totally capable of doing it, Soobin. You have been teaching for schoolers for almost six months now and, I think college is better than high school when it comes to teaching. People in school can be so annoying if they don’t like the teacher at first impression,” Yeonjun whined as he remembered the lots of stories Soobin told him about his co-workers having a hard time. Luckily, the students loved Soobin and he could teach in peace.

“I know, but I sometimes just think of the responsibility of working in a college and it’s a little scary. But, as I said, I’ll be fine, you know I worry about this from time to time.

Yeonjun hummed and before they continued talking, the waitress came over just to confirm their usual order and retreat to the counter. The waitress was the owner’s daughter and she was very kind. Yeonjun and Soobin have been going there for over three years now, a year before Yeonjun debuted, and they would never forget her shocked face onde Yeonjun stepped into the place after debuting. 

“Anyways, I’ll be free tomorrow, it’s Friday and I can’t wait to have a little rest.”

“All set, then. I’ll show you the music once you come over to pick me up.”

They changed topics in between how Yeonjun was excited about his new concept. ‘I have both female and male backup dancers!’ he had said with his eyes shining. Soobin talked briefly about an essay he did and some funny stories from his work involving paint all over one of the classes he had. Their dinner fell into a routine like always, both of them talking about their say over a good meal. It was like every other day as they were in each other’s routine despite their different lives.

That eased some of Soobin’s worries about being alone because Yeonjun had found someone better who had the same work as him, the same dreams as him. 

However, it was impossible. There wasn’t Yeonjun without Soobin and that was long accorded silently between them when they were kids. 

(...)

It was like the universe was putting Soobin’s limits on test.

As if it wasn’t enough the way his previous day started with his brother’s text, now he had to face the results of one assignment he did, and, spoiler alert, he wasn’t happy with it. He wasn’t failing either, but Soobin was always too hard on himself when it came to grades and it was rooted in him since he was little.

He wasn’t the popular friend, the pretty friend, the talented friend. He was just Soobin and he made himself be, at least, a smart friend as the others depended on things that he couldn’t change himself.

Unfortunately, he’d be grumpy for the rest of the day and overthink all the work he did, trying to spot where he could have done better. As if it wasn’t enough, his brother texted him again and Soobin groaned, picking his phone harshly to answer him.

Gongmyung : Soobin, you’re not a kid anymore.

Soobin sighed and pressed his temples, closing his eyes for a second. His brother was right as he was running away instead of facing the problem and solving it as soon as possible, but he didn’t want to admit that.

Soobin : Meet me for lunch, then 

Before he could think more about his family problem, Soobin busied himself with schoolwork as much as he could, even if it meant making himself go to the brim of exhaustion. His week was really tiring and not even on Friday he had a break. After a whole four hours of studying, he met his brother at the usual restaurant they ate.

“Cut the bullshit, I have a lot to work on. What does he want?” Soobin snapped as soon as he sat on the table and stared at his brother. 

“Hi there, yes, I’m fine and you? Thanks for asking,” His brother answered with irony, seeming to be as annoyed as Soobin by the situation.

“Straight to the point, hyung.”

“He messaged me to say he was coming back from America because his mother died and he wanted to let us know as she was our grandma, even though we had low contact with her. Also, he wanted to let mother know because they were close when they were still a couple.”

It wasn’t as bad as Soobin thought. The man pictured hundreds of scenarios and all of them included their father trying to play the hero and establish contact with them or their mother again. They didn’t end up on bad terms, it was a mutual agreement, but the brothers couldn’t help but be petty about it as the man left them alone at such a young age to live in another continent right after divorce, not even being present in their lives. The grudge their mother didn’t hold up against the man, they did it for her.

“Oh, just that? I thought it was something worse,” Soobin shrugged his shoulders, but his mind was still running, the problem wasn’t solved yet. “But, are we going? That’s the real question.”

“Mother said she will, but we are to decide on our own as she can’t force us to do anything we don’t want to. I know you don’t remember anything about her, but I had some nice moments with grandma when I was young, so yeah, I might go.” 

Soobin hummed and went into a moment of thinking and decided that wasn’t something he could answer just now. The man had to think as he was going to face his father after a long time.

“When is it?” He asked about the funeral.

“In ten days.”

“I’ll let you know by Monday my decision. Is that all father wanted to talk about?”

“Yes, Soobin, you don’t need to worry about anything else involving him. It’s fine,” His brother reassured as he saw the younger was lost in thoughts at the table.

Soobin hummed once again and they decided to make their orders as Soobin had only one hour to eat because of his afternoon shift at the cafeteria where he worked. The owner of the place was an old friend of his and he accepted the job to help them when they decided to open it a year ago. Even though his routine was kinda busy, Soobin still could fit in another job, especially when it meant he was helping someone he treasured a lot. Huening Kai was forever grateful for having him as a friend.

“How’s been college?” Gongmyung asked to break the tension that surrounded them.

“It’s been fine,” Soobin sighed, “I just am worried about my final thesis, but I’ll manage it.” 

They kept talking about casualties and updates on their lives in the past two weeks since their last lunch together. Soobin got a little eased up after having some quality time with his brother, he loved him and things would be immensely worse if he didn’t have the older by his side. As soon as Soobin finished with his meal, he went to the bus stop as he had only fifteen minutes until his shift started.

The minute Soobin stepped inside the place, he went to Huening Kai to ask for an extra shift on the following day, so he could keep his mind busy as well. His friend sensed something was wrong, but Soobin was never one to talk about his feelings easily and Huening Kai wouldn't push him about it. They greeted him with a warm hug and Soobin smiled a tiny bit, his friends never failed to make him forget about his problems.

“I made an extra batch of your favorite cookies, alright? I put them behind the counter for you,” They said with their arms still around the younger.

“Kai-yah, you never fail to cheer me up. I hope you know how grateful I am.” 

Huening Kai dismissed him saying it was too early for their sappy moment and Soobin chuckled, going to the staff room to put on his apron and taking a cookie on the way. Yeonjun would be really happy by the night with one of the cookies, it was one of his favorite foods. It was hard for Soobin to don’t assimilate things with Yeonjun, but it was like their second nature to send at least one message every day saying something reminded them of each other. It was cute.

His shift was kinda quiet for a Friday afternoon, but he wasn’t going to complain about it as it was less stressful for him. Dealing with customers was a pain in the ass most of the time, but the job was still nice despite it. By the end of the day, Soobin was dreaded, but he still had to meet Yeonjun as they agreed on the previous day. The man grabbed the bag with his cookies and put it inside his backpack, bidding goodbye to Huening Kai with a quick goodbye as he was going to work on Saturday as well.

He got to his friend’s company in only ten minutes as it was close to his work and he sent a quick message to Yeonjun to check in which room he was. When Soobin received a reply, he went straight to the 5th floor and found Yeonjun alone in the recording room. 

“Where is hyung?” Soobin asked as he dropped his things on the couch by the corner.

“I’m here,” Yeonjun replied cheekily while turning around on the chair.

“I mean the real hyung, Taehyung hyung,” He said as he rolled his eyes and sat at the other chair beside him.

“So I’m not a real hyung?” Yeonjun pouted and looked at Soobin with his shiny, big boba eyes, one of his weaknesses.

“No, you’re Yeonjun.”

It seemed like Soobin’s answer satisfied him enough that he dropped his act and turned over again to open the archives on the computer at the table.

“He went out to have dinner with someone, but as I was going to meet up with you, I refused his invitation.”

“You know you don’t have to do it for me,” Soobin groaned and elbowed him, who just giggled, “Next time lemme know and we can listen to it another time. You didn’t have dinner yet?”

“No, and I know you didn’t as well as you were working. I was waiting for you to order some take-out.”

It was in times like this that Soobin’s heart ached, a familiar pain he was already used to this point. Every time Yeonjun noticed something small from his routine or some habit of his, he felt like his chest was going to burst. He never had that kind of attention — he kinda didn’t have any attention at all as he has always been introverted. The mere act of acknowledging him made him fond of it and treasure it close to his heart.

They ordered it and while they waited, Yeonjun showed his best friend two songs from his new mini album before the food arrived. It was just like him, you could sense it was Yeonjun’s music at the first beats, his musical identity overflowing in every part of it. Soobin loved how authentic Yeonjun was when it came to his music, you could feel his passion for his work.

They ate in silence, Yeonjun could sense his friend wasn’t in his best mood, so he decided not to push for a conversation, even though he wanted to know about his day.  Soobin zoned out a few times while they ate, thinking back about what he had talked with his brother earlier that day. Was it insensitive of him if he didn’t show up at his grandma’s funeral? Was he holding an unnecessary grudge against his father? Who would be there as well besides his parents and his brother?

His mind was filled with questions and none of them seemed to help him with his decision. He could ask Yeonjun, the man who has always been the one to help with his tough decisions that involved emotions, but for that, he would have to open up and Soobin didn’t want to add another burden on him. It was something dumb and he could handle it himself, he was just being stupid.

After eating, Yeonjun showed him another two finished songs and Soobin truly said what he thought of them. If Yeonjun was proud of his work before when his best friend told him it was his best work, the smile that grew wide on his face was inevitable. 

“If I get a win in a music show, I’ll treat you to dinner,” He blurted out before he could think, still smiling.

“Seems like I’ll have to put on my ten fake accounts to work this time,” Soobin joked.

(...)

On the following day, Soobin woke up later than usual, but early enough to be up on a Saturday. He took a bath and instead of having a cup of coffee at home, he headed to the café, taking advantage of his soon-to-start shift. Once he got there, Huening Kai was with a mug in his hand behind the cashier, waiting for him to take his spot.

“Hi, hyung. Slept well?” Soobin asked as he put on his apron behind the counter.

“Uhm,” He hummed as he took a sip of coffee, “Like a baby. And you? Did you rest a little? You looked a little down yesterday.”

“Oh, yes, don’t worry. It was just college stuff on my mind, but it’s fine now,” The lie rolled out of his tongue so naturally that he didn’t even notice. “Can I drink some coffee before starting?”

Huening Kai chuckled and looked at him. “Soobin, make yourself at home. It’s like you’re new here and not the one who’s been with me since I opened this.”

“I’m sorry if I have manners,” The younger mocked him with a smile and proceeded to make his mug.

Soobin was quick with his coffee and as soon as he could he was already working. It was tiring for sure, but he loved the place. The ambiance and the cozy, warm feeling of the scent of coffee and freshly baked cookies were unexplainably pleasing. It was the perfect formula for Soobin to forget about his worries. When the clock hit noon and they changed shifts, he and Huening Kai went out to lunch at the restaurant on the other side of the street, both of them already known there. 

They chatted for a while about random things, never being about any serious matter in Soobin’s life. The duo enjoyed their fifteen-minute break after lunch and went back to work. Huening Kai, even though the owner of the place, left the store earlier that day around 4 pm while Soobin worked until 6 pm. 

Soobin’s shift ended and he dragged himself to the staff room to change and get his things. He still had to go to a convenience store and buy some snacks for his usual movie night with Yeonjun. It was a tradition they had since they were in high school and even when they both got really busy with their career, they still tried to find time for each other in the middle of chaos.

Yeonjun didn’t have night practice and he wasn’t going to push himself with extra training when he was still recovering from an injury, so he texted Soobin to ask if their usual night was still up, which he answered quickly with a yes. If Soobin was a little less stubborn, they could have it by Sunday night as he was exhausted, but he wasn’t going to let their tradition pass by because of his personal matters.

Then, he stopped by one close to their buildings and bought Yeonjun’s favorite sweet potato snack and popcorn, some sour candies they loved, and a bottle of iced tea. Quickly, Soobin was at home and the man decided to take a shower after a tiring workday. He didn’t worry if Yeonjun came by when he was inside the shower as the older had a spare key to his house that he always carried with him.

Soobin felt his shoulders slowly relaxing with the warm water running down his body, his fingers on his scalp while he washed it felt like heaven and he almost dozed off while showering. He finished the bath and as always, put on a pair of sweatpants and a loose shirt. The man had already texted Yeonjun saying he could come over and he waited for him on his bed, scrolling mindlessly on his phone. 

What he didn’t expect was to wake up in a jump and see through his window the sky already bright blue. He fell asleep without noticing and Yeonjun- What about Yeonjun? Did he wait for him by the door for minutes? Was he upset because Soobin missed their movie night?

The man quickly scrambled around his bed to find his phone and see if there was any text indicating Yeonjun's whereabouts, but there was none. Soobin got from his bed and went to the kitchen to grab a cup of water while he groaned, upset with himself. However, when he reached the room, he found a sleeping figure by his couch, which he was sure wasn't there before. 

It was Yeonjun.

He was rolled up around a fluffy blanket he used since they could remember, holding himself when sleeping, like a little kitten. Soobin’s chest warmed up and he felt a wave of relief washing over him as he saw his best friend. As silent as he could muster, he decided to prepare breakfast for both of them as a way of apologizing for the previous day. He already knew Yeonjun was going to nag about it, saying he didn’t need to and it wasn’t his fault that he was tired, but he also wanted to pamper him a little. It’s been a while since Soobin treated him to a nice meal. 

A fun fact about Yeonjun is that he was a very affectionate person. He was always hugging Soobin or pinching his younger brother’s little cheeks. When he was with his kid nieces, he was always holding them in his arms playing with them or swinging them around. But, the truth is that he was only like that with a few people he was comfortable with.

Soobin was lying if he said it didn’t affect because it did, hell, it did. So, when he felt Yeonjun’s chin over his shoulder when he was finishing a scrambled egg on the stove, his heart sped up slightly.

“What are you doing?” He mumbled, sleepiness still thick in his voice.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Soobin mocked him and continued his task, focusing on the pan. “I’m making us breakfast as always, duh.”

“Yeah, but you only do eggs when you wanna make an unusual breakfast, duh,” Yeonjun mimicked him and went over to sit at the table and wait for him.

There were already some toasts and a little pile of waffles with various cutten fruits in bowls around it at the table. Yeonjun smiled and got up to, at least, make them both a mug of coffee as Soobin had already done all the job of making them food.

“I’m sorry I slept yesterday, I didn’t mean to,” Soobin mumbled as he put the scrambled eggs by the toast on the plate.

“You know, if I wasn’t holding two cups right now, I’d have punched you,” Yeonjun said as he sat back at the table, placing gently the mugs on it.

“As if you could.”

“I can and I will,” Yeonjun replied with a serious tone, his big eyes overflowing with worry. “You know we can always rearrange it if we’re too tired, we already talked about that.”

“Yes, but…” Soobin thought for a second before speaking, making sure he wasn’t going to say something dumb. “I was tired from work, but you know that spending time with you always recharges my energy. 

 Soobin wanted to say that he looked forward all week to spending time with him, to hear him giggling because of a silly movie, or to hear his muffled screams over a horror one. He wanted to say he always made him better despite anything, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t let Yeonjun know about how he truly felt.

“I know, Soobinie, but we always have Sundays as well. You’ve been tired all week, so I came by last night to check up on you as well. When I found you sleeping, seriously, I wanted to slap you right on the spot because you’re always too damn stubborn to admit when your body needs to rest,” There he was, the worried-nagging-like-his-mom Yeonjun. 

“I’m sorry for worrying you, I didn’t mean to refuse to rest, but I planned to rest today after our movie night,” Soobin smiled embarrassed of his behavior.

“Right, Sherlock. Too bad your body shut it down by himself earlier,” The older rolled his eyes and they started to eat, a comfortable silence between them even though their usual bickering. 

They ate without a hurry as it was one of the only days they had nothing to rush over and rest, as Soobin said. Yeonjun, at some point, started to tell him about his Saturday, talking about how he was enjoying this new choreography and which hairstyles he wanted to try this time. Soobin listened to him with curiosity and fondness like always. He also told Yeonjun about a few things that happened at the café, like how Huening Kai got nervous when the boy who worked at the bookstore next door walked in and how they were acting like middle schoolers around each other.

Once they finished eating, both of them organized the kitchen, putting back in its place what they didn’t eat and doing the dishes, one washing and the other drying it. Soobin asked his friend if he had a day off and if they could have their movie day today, to which Yeonjun gladly said yes and ran to the couch, making himself comfortable.

It was cozy, so familiar for both of them that it was like they were into automatic mode, nothing out of place. It was funny to remember that Yeonjun didn’t live there, but it was like his second home, too normal to spot him as an intruder.

Soobin was Yeonjun’s home, but neither of them knew that yet.

(...)

Later on that week, by Wednesday, Soobin texted his brother to have lunch together. 

They went to the same restaurant as the last time in the week before and Gongmyung promised he’d treat Soobin the next time they saw each other, so he was kinda feeling good enough to go. The rest of his days before it was him overworking until he was at the brim of exhaustion. Yeonjun had already noticed it and Soobin knew it, but he wasn’t going to talk about it unless he brought up the topic between them.

Soobin arrived at the restaurant and his brother was already waiting for him with a table full of his favorite dishes from the place. He smiled to himself and headed to the chair opposite ways from Gongmyung.

“Are you trying to buy me here?” Soobin joked as he sat down.

“Can’t I do something nice to my favorite dongsaeng?” The older whined and Soobin chuckled. “I knew you’d be worrying about what we talked and I thought this would cheer you up a little.”

“Thank you,” He mumbled with a genuine smile. It was nice to have someone looking for him sometimes, especially when he didn’t need to directly say he was going through a moment. 

They started to eat quietly, Gongmyung giving space to his brother to approach the main topic of their meeting when he felt like it. He knew better than anyone what to do when his brother was feeling overwhelmed or feeling bad, it was one of the things Soobin loved the most in their relationship. After a few bites, Soobin spoke, voice barely over a mumble. 

God, how he hated to talk about his feelings.

“I’ve decided, I’ll go to the funeral. Send me details and I’ll show up on Saturday,” He informed and continued eating after to not make a big deal of it.

“Sure, I’ll send them to you by text,” Gongmyung dismissed the topic as quickly as it was brought up. 

Soobin nodded and looked over the window by their table, thinking of how he was going to prepare himself for this extremely mentally tiring event. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes momentarily to open them and face a pair of eyes he knew like the palm of his hands.

Yeonjun.

His best friend was looking at him at the restaurant, standing on the sidewalk and disturbing the flow of people who passed by. Their eyes met and Soobin felt a wave of distress taking over him. He’d have to explain himself to Yeonjun and that would lead into a deep conversation of his feelings. It’s not that he didn’t trust the older, but it was his busy idol life who kept Soobin from venting to him.

However, while he was too busy worrying over Yeonjun’s life, he didn’t notice his behavior hurt the man. Even though they had been friends since birth, Yeonjun still had his insecurities about their friendship like everyone had. What if Soobin got tired of him? What if Soobin left the country and forgot about him? What if someone made Soobin choose between him and something important? Questions like this always appeared from time to time inside Yeonjun’s head.

Yeonjun turned on his heels and started walking back to his company, head down and his pace quick. Soobin watched him walking away and he felt his chest tightening at the sight, it was like Yeonjun was walking away from him.

Gongmyung noticed his agitation and followed his eyes to where he looked, seeing the silhouette of Yeonjun almost out of sight.

“Are you… Are you guys okay?” He asked carefully, afraid something happened to them and Soobin was running away from it.

Soobin sighed. “Actually, we are, but…” He trailed off.

“But he doesn’t know about the funeral, neither that you’re going through a lot right now,” His brother completed and he weakly nodded. He hated how he could read him like it was nothing.

“He knows I’m not in a good moment, but I didn’t tell him, he just assumed by my behavior and stuff. Now, he saw me in here and we’re going to have to talk about this because I’m sure he’s upset,” Soobin ran a hand through his face. 

“You know he loves you, right? Just like I do, he worries and cares for you a lot.”

“Please, of course I know,” Soobin made a face, he didn’t need to hear the obvious right now.

“Then why won’t you open up to him when you’re feeling bad? God, you’ve been best friends since you learned to walk.” 

Listening to things directly like this made the man’s stomach drop. It wasn’t like he didn’t open up on purpose, he just had a mental block he needed to work on.

“Because he already has his own burdens, I don’t want to add up to that, especially now after his foot injury in the middle of a comeback practice. 

“And? You also have your own burdens and yet you listen and help him out. Why doesn’t it apply to you as well?” 

Soobin hated so much to have these conversations with him where he could simply prove he was being a hypocrite so easily.

“It’s different,” He groaned and drank a sip of his soda.

“How? Soobin, you have to stop neglecting yourself and your own feelings. It isn’t healthy and it always leads you to harming yourself without noticing. Do you think it’s good for you to sleep three hours a day or to have close to zero spare time from your obligations? I know you hate it when I do my job as an older brother and lecture you, but you have grown up enough to understand and take responsibility for your actions.”

Soobin pouted and stopped eating because he knew his brother was right and with his mindset, it was like nothing as he made people worry about him either way. He sighed and tried to come up with your words now that his bubble was broken by his brother, but all he could muster was a simple apology.

“I’m- I’m sorry, it’s just- I’m afraid people look at me with pity and stuff like that. I don’t need anyone to look at me like that,” He confessed and it was like he was ripping himself open to his brother to see each crack he had inside and hid for years now. 

“It’s totally understandable, but… Do you think Yeonjun would look at you like that?”

The truth is Yeonjun would never look at him like that. He’d never look at him differently, and at the same time it relieved Soobin, it served as a reminder that they were friends and Yeonjun would never look at him as more than that as well. It was a bittersweet feeling to realize that, but he was fine, it wasn’t like he didn’t know it already. Soobin was just really afraid of being weak in front of the person he liked, loved even.

“You’re right,” Soobin said, defeated. 

As they had this heart-to-heart conversation, they managed to finish the food without noticing and Soobin left in a rush, saying to his brother he had things to deal with and he answered with a chuckle. Soobin started pacing to the bus stop nearby while he dialed Yeonjun’s number, praying he was on a break or that his call wouldn’t put him in trouble.

After three rings, Yeonjun picked it up.

“Hey,” Yeonjun greeted in a low voice, making Soobin wonder if he was upset at him or if he was tired from practice (spoiler alert, it was because of both).

“Yeonjunie, can we have dinner today? I need to talk some things with you,” Soobin hurriedly said, almost tripping in his words.

“Sure, but… can I ask why out of sudden, or what do you want to talk about?” The difference in his voice was evident, it was slightly brighter by Soobin’s invitation and he smiled.

“No need to worry, I just wanted to be honest with you about the past days and how I have been.”

“Fine then. I’ll leave today around 7 pm, can you pick me up?” 

“Sure, see you later.” 

“See you.”

When they hung up, Soobin felt lighter, even though he had a lot to tell him yet. It was going to be worth it, he thought.

(...) 

Soobin used the chance of the dinner to make one of Yeonjun’s favorite home-cooked meals.

After he did some research at his college’s library, he went to the market to buy some things he had run out of and took advantage of it, buying food to make dinner. It was funny like his house was full of things Yeonjun liked, from food to his bathroom supplies. 

He cooked fairly quickly for him even, his anxiousness kinda being the reason for it. Once the clock on his wall showed it was ten to seven, Soobin got his car keys and headed to Yeonjun’s company. He got there in less than ten minutes and decided to wait for his best friend in the lobby. As soon as the receptionist noticed him, she gave him a warm smile.

“Hi, Soobin. Your boyfriend will be down in a minute, okay? His manager passed by a few minutes ago saying they were already finished for the day.”

Soobin couldn’t help, but blush at the mention of Yeonjun being his boyfriend, even though he had already denied it several times before. It was normal at this point, but the fact that he was about, to be honest with Yeonjun and show everything he had bottled up for almost a month made this time different.

Soon, he saw Yeonjun’s fluffy black hair bouncing coming down the corridor. The older smiled at him and they left the place after bidding a small goodbye to the receptionist. The ride back to Soobin’s house was suffocating, neither of them spoke anything and there it was only the faint sound of the radio filling the car. Soobin could sense his friend was apprehensive and he wouldn’t say anything until Soobin approached him first and he hated himself for making him feel that way. Yeonjun didn’t have any fault.

They ate while talking about trivial things of their day, averting the obvious reason why they were going to talk, and the way Yeonjun’s face lit up when Soobin said it was his favorite one was the best thing he could receive. Seeing Yeonjun happy was enough to make him happy as well.

After they finished, they headed to the couch and Soobin prepared himself mentally before speaking.

“I wanted to… I wanted to be honest with you,” Soobin started and kept his gaze down at his hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Yeonjun only hummed and nodded for him to keep saying without interruption.

“A few days ago, Gongmyung texted me saying that our dad wanted to talk with us, but I declined the request right away because you know how I am when it comes to my father,” He stopped briefly and took a deep breath. Indeed, Yeonjun knew how he felt about it as Soobin always eventually ended up venting out to him even if it took a while. “I had lunch with my brother last week and he told me why. My grandma, his mother, died and he came back from the US for her funeral he wanted us both and my mother there. My mom agreed right away as she had a strong connection with her and Gongmyung said he’d go as well as he had good memories with her. I also got a bad grade at college and you know how I always worry about my academic life. So, with these two things, I got overwhelmed and, as always, I started to overwork at the café and I shut myself down to avoid talking about it. I’m sorry” 

Yeonjun took his hands on his own and gently rubbed his thumb at the back of it, drawing soothing circles. “Soobinie, you don’t need to apologize. It’s fine, okay? Breathe in and breathe out with me.”

Before anything, Yeonjun always cared for his well-being, so before answering him, he managed to calm him down.

“How bad was your grade? Will you fail your class?”

“Actually, no, I’m just being too hard on myself,” Soobin confessed and sighed, feeling himself feel lighter and lighter as he was taking off his burdens from his back.

“So that’s fine. And about the funeral, will you go?” Yeonjun asked carefully, still studying Soobin’s reaction when mentioned the topic. 

“I decided I will, I told hyung earlier at lunch. That’s when you saw us.”

“Uhmm, I get it. When will it be? Are you really sure you wanna go?”

“It’s this Saturday by the morning. And it makes no difference to me, I don’t remember her at all, but I think it would make my mom happy if I went. It’s not like I will be affected by the death and stuff, I’ll be just highly annoyed by my father’s presence.”

“It’s better than being sad, at least, right?” 

“It actually is, never thought about that,” Soobin chuckled and Yeonjun smiled. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I don’t want to look like I’m a weak person in front of you…”   

Yeonjun’s face fell a bit and Soobin felt his chest tightening from anxiety, but kept his breathing pace steady, controlling his demeanor to stay calm. He didn’t want to make Yeonjun feel bad about his reasons, it was totally on him and he didn’t want his friend to think too hard of himself about it.

“Soobinie… I’d never see you as a weak person, C’mon. You’re literally one of the strongest ones I know, I can’t even explain, but- Soobinie, I know you hate being pitied, so I’d never do that, ok? You can trust me to talk to when you’re not feeling good, I care about you a lot and I want to help you like you help me. I wanna be there for you too…” 

Soobin never cried. It’s not like he was playing tough, it was just the way he was. The man rarely let him show his emotions, especially when most of the time he was faced with a bad situation, he had to help others who were worse than him. Yeonjun was the one person who Soobin allowed to see him crying when he did. Yeonjun knew how to comfort him, he let Soobin cry without talking and he was thankful for that. 

However, now, facing Yeonjun who gently caressed and held his hands, looking at him with fondness and speaking with so much sincerity, he felt his eyes watering and he let himself feel. 

Yeonjun carefully approached him and hugged the younger, who fell right into his arms and started sobbing into his shoulders as the other caressed his back gently and held him tighter. 

“I’m- I’m sorry,” Soobin said between sobs, and now, it was Yeonjun who felt his chest tightening and hurting.

“Shhh, you don’t have to apologize,” Yeonjun shushed him and laid back on the couch, bringing Soobin with him close to his chest to make them more comfortable. “It’s fine now.”

After a few minutes, Soobin’s sobs cessed and they were just laying down together, Yeonjun scratching and caressing his friend’s scalp. 

“I promise I’ll try to open up more, ok? I don’t wanna hide anything from you,” Soobin mumbled close to his neck, afraid to look into his eyes. 

Yeonjun, however, wouldn’t let him dismiss the topic like that. He held Soobin’s face and made him look at him. “I’ll be more than glad to help you. You know I love you, right?”

“Of course, I know,” Soobin giggled.

“Yah, won’t you say it back?” Yeonjun whined and pouted, making Soobin laugh even more.

“Why would I say that?”

“I don’t want this anymore, I’m hurt now.” Yeonjun let go of his face and crossed his arms in front of his torso, making Soobin laugh harder.

“Please, you’re so annoying. I love you too, ok?”

Everything felt too intimate. Their conversations, Soobin’s words, the way they hugged, the way Yeonjun comforted him, and even now, while they said they loved each other. They had done it a million times before, but this time it felt different. Too intimate, too sincere, too raw, even for Soobin who admitted to himself he liked Yeonjun. It felt like everything, but a friendly and platonic moment. 

Then, Yeonjun realized.

He realized they weren’t dating and this moment was between best friends. It felt so wrong to say the word friends at this moment, the mere thought of it made him annoyed and irritated. But, that’s what they are, right? They are best friends, so why was he annoyed?

Then, Yeonjun truly realized.

He was in love with Soobin for too long now to remember they weren’t together. He realized he was liking his best friend.

But, it’s like they say. Better late than never.

(...)

Things changed after the moment they got back to Soobin’s house. Yeonjun offered to keep him company at the funeral and he gladly accepted, having him by his side, holding his hand while he had to comfort his mother, who was genuinely affected by the death. It was so much easier to be there when he had the warmth of Yeonjun by his side and the warmth that spread through his chest as his best friend caressed his hand with his thumb and as he comforted his mother as well.

Soobin didn’t even need to talk with his father because as soon as the ceremony was finished, Yeonjun led him away from the place after bidding goodbye to Gongmyung and his mother. 

Something shifted in their relationship and both of them knew it, but they were too cowardly to point it out and talk about it.

After the funeral, it took Yeonjun only a week and a half to make his comeback, hence getting him busy all day and he could barely see Soobin. Thankfully, he is far too used to it now and did what he did as always: take care of Yeonjun. He picked him up every time the older asked when he wasn’t leaving late from the dance studio, he dropped lunch for him almost every day as he knew Yeonjun would forget to eat when he had a busy agenda, he massaged Yeonjun’s back when he was feeling it hurt due to his exhausting training. 

They couldn’t blame people for thinking they were a couple when all they saw was both of them looking out for each other and talking about each other 24/7. 

When the music video was released at midnight, Soobin was with him at his own apartment. As always, they watched it together and every time Soobin complimented his friend, he’d flush and dismiss him right away, too embarrassed to look at him.

Yeonjun’s company had high expectations of him since he was spotted as the future of the music industry. That’s why they woke up on the next day around noon since it was Sunday with a call. It was Yeonjun’s manager to informed him that overnight he already had a perfect all-kill and his MV reached over twenty million views in only 12 hours of release. 

His first comeback stage was set to be by Wednesday afternoon and they agreed — Yeonjun nagged Soobin until he gave in — to treat the younger for dinner like he always did when he did a comeback. 

Even though it was his first stage, he was already eligible to win an award at the program. Soobin was monitoring him in the dressing room together with his manager and they both cheered brightly when the older won. Yeonjun was really happy that his company let Soobin accompany him even if he’s an idol because Soobin meant the world to him and he wouldn’t go anywhere if Soobin couldn’t be with him.

When the older entered the dressing room, he was met with everyone clapping, screaming, and cheering for him, who smiled widely. He bowed as he thanked everyone for helping him out with his career and as soon as he saw Soobin waiting for him close to the TV, Yeonjun immediately walked to him and opened his arms right away, catching Yeonjun in a hug.

They always hugged each other, but Yeonjun could feel his stomach twisting and he got confused by the itchy feeling that spread through him. Their embrace lingered a little longer than they intended to and they parted ways when Taehyung cleared his throat beside them. Yeonjun stared into Soobin’s eyes for a second and it was enough to make the younger confused because he never saw that look before.

The manager congratulated him with a warm hug — however, nothing like Soobin’s hug — and they talked briefly about the following schedules he would attend. Soobin sat on the couch by the corner and started to scroll through his phone as Yeonjun and his manager kept talking while the idol wiped the excess of his make-up.

“I’m happy you’re finally together,” Taehyungg blurted out with a sincere smile that quickly disappeared when he saw the confused look on Yeonjun’s face. “What?”

“I told you a hundred times before, we’re not together, hyung.”

“How so? I’ve never seen those googly eyes before,” He points it out as the most obvious thing on the planet.

Yeonjun tilted his head. Those eyes? But he always looked at Soobin like that, it made no sense.

“It’s the same look as always, hyung. It’s my ‘I-love-my-best-friend’ kind of eyes,” The man joked and the topic was closed.

However, it wouldn’t leave Yeonjun’s mind the rest of the night, especially when he was alone at the restaurant with Soobin to treat him to dinner as promised.

They choose to go to a new fancy restaurant that recently opened and Taehyung recommended them to try. It had an extravagant decoration and it seemed it was like they were in Europe, a truly Italian place. Once they arrived, the receptionist led them in and got them a table by the window with a beautiful view of Seoul.

“I’m feeling underdressed,” Soobin pouted as he sat and looked around the other tables.

“Soobinie, you look beautiful as always, stop it.”

And there it was. The awkward and thick tension between them, the air getting heavier as they stared at each other after Yeonjun’s words. Everything felt too much now and it was driving Soobin mad because he couldn’t read Yeonjun, he hated to be in the dark when it came to him. They could sense things were different, but Soobin couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was and he wasn’t going to bring it up, afraid he misunderstood everything. 

The silent staring battle ended when the waiter approached the table and gave them the menu, retreating back after saying to call him when they were ready to order. The duo decided to get a good and well-done pasta as they craved it last month and hadn’t got the chance to eat it yet.  

They chatted about some upcoming things for both of them; in Yeonjun’s case, regarding his comeback, and in Soobin’s case, it was about his job. Yeonjun told him about the next programs he would perform and that this time he was invited by Studio Choom to shoot his choreography, he also was going to shoot some interviews in some variety programs with another solo idol who did a comeback at the same time. Soobin cheered and got happy since he knew Yeonjun’s main goal for this time was Studio Choom. He loved dance and to have his skills recognized was the best thing in the world.

Soobin told him that one of his classes was going to graduate in two weeks and, despite being only his professional internship, he was going to miss them. He also talked about how he was feeling a little stressed because of his thesis since he was struggling to find a certain book to help him write one topic. Yeonjun listened to him with attention, his big shining eyes staring at Soobin with curiosity and genuine interest in his life. 

Yeonjun was also happy that he was being more open about his feelings as he promised, he couldn’t contain the warm feeling that spread through his chest every time he had a chance to comfort Soobin through his words when he told him something by text or through his touch when he hugged his best friend.

After a while, their plates arrived and they started eating. The soft jazz music playing in the background and the sweet taste of the bottle of wine they chose harmonized really well with the food and had both of them groaning in satisfaction at the first bite. Halfway through his spaghetti, Soobin got a bit of tomato sauce by the corner of his lip and Yeonjun signed to him where it was dirty, but he cleaned the opposite side of his mouth, making the older giggle.

“Here, all clean now,” He wiped his thumb through his lip and sucked the sauce from his finger while Soobin stayed dumbfounded by his sudden action. 

Yeonjun’s eyes lingered more time than necessary at Soobin’s lips and he asked himself if they always looked this plump and this reddish like now. The younger saw his gaze focused on his lips and he went back to eating before any reaction and before his chest exploded by the fast pace of his heartbeat.

They finished eating in silence and while they finished the bottle of wine contemplating the view, the waiter approached them with a plate with a petit gateau on it. Soobin stared at it confused as he put it on their table.

“I’m sorry, but we didn’t ask for it. It must be a mistake,” Yeonjun explained to the man.

“Oh, no! We are giving a free dessert today to all the couples. It's a gift from the house to celebrate one month since we opened up. If you don’t want it, we can take it back to the kitchen.”

Yeonjun stared at Soobin, both of them raising their eyebrows but a funny look made its way into their faces.

“No, no, it’s fine. We didn’t know about the couple's gift, that’s all. Thank you,” Soobin smiled and answered the waiter, ignoring the pang in his heart when he said the word couple. They weren’t one. They weren’t together.

Not yet.

(...)

As the week went by, they barely didn’t see each other until their usual Saturday meeting. It was normal when Yeonjun was promoting, but it only took him one week away from Soobin for him to be sure about his feelings.

Unlike Soobin, he has always been in tune with his feelings and never allowed it to get too much since he had a lot to worry about, especially about his career. He always coped in some way to take his feelings out of him as soon as he acknowledged them, it could be through writing a song, dancing by improvisation, customizing his sneakers, and other ways as well, but all of them involved art.

That’s why Yeonjun went to his house that Saturday with one purpose in mind. Tell him everything he felt because even if it wasn’t mutual, they could overcome this in their friendship easily. Hence he knew his best friend would get anxious if he texted him saying they needed to talk or if he got to his house with a serious face, Yeonjun arrived like he always did: with a wide smile and hugging Soobin as a greeting.

He would do his best to carefully approach the topic before watching the movie and he did.

“Soobinie, can I tell you something that has been on my mind all week?” Yeonjun smoothly brought it up. 

“Sure, hyung. What’s up?” Soobin said and threw popcorn in the air to catch in his mouth.

“I wish I had written a song about this, but I’m busy. Anyways, this week has been weird, you know? My chest felt tingly every time I thought of this person even though I needed extra focus because of my promotions. It’s such a weird feeling,” Yeonjun looked briefly at Soobin who gulped and nodded for him to continue. He thought. 

“I think I have had this feeling for a while now, but I never got the chance to stop and think about it, to acknowledge how I felt towards this person, so it’s strange. But it’s such a good feeling, it feels so nice to feel. Do you know how it is, Soobinie?” 

Soobin was trying his best not to cry. For God’s sake, he couldn’t cry in front of Yeonjun when he was telling him about some crush because how would he explain the reason he was crying? Tell him he was crying because he was heartbroken. Because he liked Yeonjun and the person he liked wasn’t him? Never in a million years. Soobin stayed with his mouth shut as Yeonjun rambled about his feelings.

“I- I do. But for me, it’s more of a bittersweet feeling.” 

“Indeed it is,” Yeonjun agreed, “But I can’t shake away the good warmth that spreads through my chest when I think of them or the wide smile I have when I talk about them to someone,” And Yeonjun was smiling now, one of Soobin’s favorite ones because he was smiling with his teeth without hiding away. He felt his stomach dropping for a second. “Do you wanna know who it is?”

Soobin didn’t, but his mouth wasn’t connected with his brain. “Yes.”

“It’s you,” Yeonjun simply said and it didn’t reach the other’s ears.

“What?” He asked incredulously.

“It’s you, Soobin. I like you,” He giggled and Soobin felt dizzy, it was like the air wasn’t reaching his lungs, words weren't reaching his tongue and it all felt too much.

Yeonjun liked… him?

That’s impossible. How could Yeonjun like him when he had everyone falling for him wherever he went? Especially now being an idol, Yeonjun had told his best friend that sometimes a member of some group would try to give their number to him, but he always politely refused and let Taehyung take care of it so he wouldn’t be spotted as unapproachable and rude.

“It can’t be,” The younger was simply paralyzed, unable to even speak as the statement sunk into his mind.

“How so? You know it’s really easy to fall for you, right? We’ve been friends for years now, if I hadn’t felt attracted to you at least once, then something would be wrong.” 

It was kinda funny how Soobin blushed with such a simple thing like this, but not all the previous things Yeonjun confessed to him.

“I hope this doesn’t make our friendship awkward, but I had to tell you that, or else I’d feel bad. And you don’t have to say anything.” 

Yeonjun was reaching for the remote on the center table in front of them and it was like things finally clicked for Soobin, who was still shocked by the sudden confession. He grabbed Yeonjun’s arm, stopping him from reaching it and making him look at him, asking silently what it was.

“It won’t be awkward, hyung. Didn’t you notice already?” Yeonjun tilted his head, confused. “Yeonjun, I’ve been liking you for years now. Everyone could notice it, but you, even the receptionist of your company and Huening Kai,” Soobin deadpanned with a smile. 

“But Huening Kai doesn’t count, they are like your closest friend after me,” Yeonjun whined.

“Exactly! If they kept nagging me about us being a couple, especially when you were around, something must have been up.”

“When did you realize you liked me?” The older asked, genuinely curious since Soobin told him it had been years.

“I don’t know. It wasn’t like it had a major event that made me like you, I guess it naturally happened as we grew up together. You were always the kind and sweet person between us two, not to talk about your endless qualities. You always fought for your dreams and you went through a lot, but your hope and strength never faltered. When you got to debut, it made you work harder and harder and you can’t imagine the feeling of seeing you up there on the stage. You shine and you touch people with your music, your dance, your art. It’s simply endearing and being by your side since day one makes it more touching and intense for me,” Soobin rambled on as he stared at the framed photo of them he had by the TV, not meeting Yeonjun’s eye in pure shyness. 

He didn't see Yeonjun's eyes glistening because of the tears about to fall after his answer. Yeonjun was so, so lucky to have Soobin in his life, he always said that to the younger when he had the chance, but it felt so real now. Yeonjun never gave up on his dream because he always had Soobin by his side cheering him up, listening to him when things got too hard, or even taking care of him when he didn’t. Soobin gave him strength and energy to keep going because, with Soobin by his side, Yeonjun felt like he could conquer the world.

Soobin didn’t dare to look at him after finishing, that’s why Yeonjun grabbed his collar and turned him to look into his eyes briefly before diving into a kiss. It got Soobin surprised as he didn’t expect it, making him gasp before reciprocating the act.

It was a soft touch of lips, but enough to make them breathless. It wasn’t like people talked in the films, it had no fireworks nor butterflies in their stomachs, but instead a warm and giggly feeling taking over them. Their heartbeats were in sync, both of them running a thousand miles of how fast it beat. It was sweet, calm and serene. 

It was Yeonjun and Soobin.

When they broke apart, Soobin kept his eyes closed for a second, still surprised by the sudden act and still not believing he kissed Yeonjun. He was holding Yeonjun’s face like he was made of porcelain, and Yeonjun was looking at him with so much love, so much fondness it was making him want to cry. 

“I never gave up because I had you with me, silly. You were the one cleaning up my wounds after hours and hours of dance practice, you were the one making sure I was eating right even if I had barely time to breathe. You were always there for me, Soobin. When I debuted, when I got my first win, my first award, my first salary, everything. You gave me strength to continue,” He whispered like he was secluding his most important secret from him, afraid someone would hear him even if they were alone at Soobin’s apartment. “You have been by my side for so much of my life that it took me so long to realize you were the most important one. My first love.”

Now, Soobin was the one crying. He didn’t even fight back to keep the tears that were running down his face, he just let himself feel like he had been doing in the past days, but now he let himself feel good things. He let himself feel loved, feel how much he loved Yeonjun without holding back because of his fear of the older figuring it out. It was like Soobin was on cloud nine.

“I love you,” Soobin said while still holding Yeonjun’s face, staring right into his eyes.

And it was like every piece of this messy puzzle that was his life fell into its place. He was happy, he was loved and he was proud of himself. He was proud because every day he was learning more and more about the perks of his feelings because he had Yeonjun to help him out. 

“I love you too.”

(Days after, both of them were at Soobin’s student's graduation party. Yeonjun went as his plus-one.

They were talking about the music playing in the background when a student approached them.

“Teacher, is this the man you would always tell us about? The Yeonjun one?” She asked meaning no harm, but looking at them with affection in her eyes.

“Yes,” Soobin looked at Yeonjun, who was looking back at him. “This is my boyfriend, Yeonjun.”)