Chapter Text
Strong Sad sat down at his desk in his room to discuss the topic at hand with his group.
“Hello, welcome to the “Depressio Therapy Sessio”, you’re all here because you were voted as the biggest Woobies on this very website.” Strong Sad announced, holding up an index finger.
“A worbie?” Coach Z questioned Strong Sad as Lil' Brudder, Reynold, and What’s Her Face also looked confused, while the New Paper came down with a question mark on it. Strong Sad sighed.
“It means everyone pities us and it’s easy to feel sorry for us. But who can blame them? We do go through a lot.” Strong Sad explained.
“Oh.” Everyone said, except the Paper who scrolled up, then down and the text on it said “Oh.”
“What is that new papes doing here anyway? I thought it dired.” Coach Z raised an eyebrow.
“I came back to life.” The New Paper read.
“Why am I even here?” Lil’ Brudder asked while standing on his one hind leg. “I can make it on my own, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“Awww….” The others cooed at Lil Brudder.
“See? Everyone just feels so sorry for me, but I can make it on my own. I want to be appreciated for being strong in spite of my condition, not because of it.” Lil Brudder scowled.
“Oh, sorry.” Strong Sad apologized. “But I see what you mean, being loved because of pity can be hard… Reynold. Would you like to go next?”
“I joined an evil organization because my original “hero” team mistreated me.” Reynold sighed. “It started out tolerable enough, I thought they treated me like a kid because they cared about me and wanted to protect me, but then I got sick of it and when I protested, they locked me in their office and rarely fed me.”
“Yeah… It can be hard being treated like the baby of the bunch but abused at the same time… What about you, What’s Her Face?” Strong Sad asked.
“Despite not being The Ugly One, I’m treated as the least good looking girl, no guy ever wants to date me.” What’s Her Face sighed, but then she smirked. “I admit though, it is nice to see Cheerleader suffer for mistreating me and the other girls.”
“Yeah, revenge can be sweet.” Strong Sad nodded. “Now-”
“Whart about me?” Coach Z waved his arms in eagerness.
“We’ll get to you, be patient.” Strong Sad scolded. “New Paper?”
“I’d rather not talk about it.” The New Paper’s text read.
“Okay, I guess we can-” Strong Sad was interrupted by the New Paper scrolling down.
“But it all started when Strong Bad wanted to replace The Old Paper with me…” The New Paper showed its text again. By the time it was finished, everyone was asleep, except Strong Sad who was reading it with anticipation. “And in a moment of desperation, I betrayed Strong Bad and joined Homestar’s side… Too bad I was burned alive later…”
“Oh my…” Strong Sad’s eyes actually sparkled as they dared to shed tears. “Now, Coach Z and I debated for hours who had the most problems and we said we would have a vote by everyone else to see who would be picked last, since we both have long depressing stories… Most miserable goes last. So place your votes.”
Reynold held Coach Z’s name on a tabet, Lil Brudder clumsily held his name in a paper in his mouth, What’s Her Face had Strong Sad’s face written on her shirt, and The Paper had his name typed on its body.
“A tie huh? Guess we have to corllaborate.” Coach Z put his arm around Strong Sad. “Tell our stories together, at the same tirme.”
“Um, I think that’s all the time we have for today.” Strong Sad lifted his finger. “For our next session next week, we’ll talk about how our lives were ruined by a certain masked Wrestleman and what we shall do about it.” Strong Sad held up a sign that had Strong Bad’s face circled and crossed out in red.
“Um, I don’t even know Strong Bad that well.” Reynold told him. “But… I guess I’ll attend anyway.”
“Until next time.” Strong Sad waved at the camera.
One week later, Strong Sad, Coach Z, What’s Her Face, Reynold, Lil’ Brudder, and The New Paper were meeting once again.
“So, what should we tork about today?” Coach Z eagerly asked.
“Since you clearly forgot. We are going to plot against Strong Bad.” Strong Sad groaned.
“I can do it! I can do it twelve times!” What’s Her Face smiled. “I think that’s how the saying goes.”
“But Strange Bard helped me do a new number one jam!” Coach Z protested.
“Oh, right.” Strong Sad sighed. “You can stay out of this if you want.”
“Shore.” Coach Z shrugged.
“Anyone else backing out?” Strong Sad questioned.
“Strong Bad never really did anything to me.” Lil Brudder walked away.
“Me neither.” Reynold sighed.
“Anyone actually want to join or am I just going to do this on my own as usual?” Strong Sad grumbled.
“Nah, I’m tired of being killed.” What’s Her Face scowled.
“I have many reasons I’d like to join in.” The New Paper scrolled down with it’s text.
“And me too.” Reynold scoffed.
“I thought you backed out.” Strong Sad gasped.
“I did, but a few seconds ago…” Reynold waved his arms to signify a flashback.
“There you are, The Cheat! Go and get me a danish!” Strong Bad commanded when he saw Reynold. “And take off that ridiculous Reynold costume!”
“But I am Reynold.” Reynold whined. Strong Bad growled and then kicked Reynold with his foot, causing his glasses and tie to fall off.
“I can see why now.” Strong Sad told Reynold after the flashback ended. “Your like-ness to The Cheat may be useful anyway.”
“I love revenge and evil plans!” Reynold chuckled evilly, rubbing his stubby hands together, What’s Her Face laughed as well, and the New Paper read “hehehe”.