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This is the story of how Haru and Makoto were driving apart.
Sometime in the beginning of his last semester in high school, Makoto went to Tokyo for a week. He said he was visiting a relative while looking around if he would go to a university in Tokyo.
Sometime after that, Haru, as the closest person to Makoto, noticed that Makoto had different expressions, the ones that Haru never seen before.
Haru had been with Makoto since he could remember. The change on Makoto’s expression made him focus on how Makoto had different smile than on his study and—Haru surprised himself on this one—swimming.
Haru believed something happened in Tokyo, but whatever was that, it wasn’t like Makoto was going to leave Iwatobi and Haru.
They had always been together, Makoto and Haru. Surely they would still be together for the next twenty or even fifty years.
With that in mind, Haru kept feeling free to do whatever he wanted, because Makoto would always be around to catch him if he fell.
That was until they fought before national, under the fireworks-painted night summer sky.
That night was the night Haru discovered that Makoto was hiding something from him—that Makoto would go to university in Tokyo. That night was the night Haru saw another different expression on Makoto’s face, the one that Haru had never seen before.
Haru felt cold and nauseous.
Why did Makoto look at him like that?
Why did Makoto looked like he was uncomfortable with Haru and that he was going away from Iwatobi?
Haru felt like he would cry if he stayed there, so he turned his back and left Makoto, who stood still under the fireworks.
*)*
A couple of days later, Haru sat on Bondi Beach, watching Rin wetting himself with seawater that kept kissing the tide, as he confirmed his fight with Makoto back home. Rin said he fought with Sousuke all the time. Haru looked up to his friend’s face, probably envying Rin a little.
Rin had been fighting with Sousuke all his life. They were used to being in disagreement together. Rin also had no difficulty in leaving Sousuke alone, again and again, just like when he was in elementary school and perhaps when he return to Australia someday after high school.
Haru didn’t want to be like that with Makoto.
The first person who called for Rin and him when they arrived back in Japan was Makoto. Obviously, Makoto would be there to pick them up. He was that kind of person. Haru was hesitant to say anything to Makoto because of their first and only fight. Makoto, however, had no difficulty saying, “Welcome home” as he smiled to Haru.
Guiltily, averting his eyes a couple of times, Haru muttered as he stared down, “I’m home.”
They acted like Rin wasn’t there for several seconds—several seconds that only belong to Makoto and Haru.
But those seconds over by the time Makoto said that they better go, because everyone was waiting.
Makoto asked Rin about their journey as they made their way outside the airport. Haru looked up to Makoto’s broad back, wondering whether Makoto talked to Rin because he felt he already did his part to greet Haru. Haru kept looking at Makoto’s broad back. He wanted to hear Makoto’s voice talking to him. He wanted to see Makoto’s smile. He wanted Makoto to pay attention only to him.
He wanted it to be just Makoto and him, so he could apologise for all the mean words he said to Makoto back then under the fireworks-painted night sky.
But Haru knew such time wouldn’t come soon. They were preparing for the national tournament. So Haru followed Makoto and Rin in silence.
*)*
When the Iwatobi Swim Club was given two bedrooms for the tournament, Makoto said he wanted to share room with Rei. Nagisa quickly jumped to hug Haru sideways, saying that them sharing room together would be a good memory when Haru graduated.
Haru could feel his eyes stinging with heat. He wanted to cry, but not because he would graduate and leave Nagisa and Rei.
It was because Makoto didn’t even glance at him as he said that he would share the room with Rei.
*)*
They won sixth place on national and Haru didn’t got the chance to be just with Makoto until they graduated. Nagisa and Rei were always around, so were Kou and Amakata-sensei. When Haru realised it, tomorrow was already the day Makoto would leave for university in Tokyo.
It was a bleak, hot day at the end of summer. Haru sat outside with the feral cats by his feet, meowing and keeping him company.
He was remembering the last time Makoto and him were together. It was that night when they had their fight. In the end, Haru didn’t have the chance to apologise. Haru had a feeling that Makoto didn’t let him apologise, but that wasn’t possible… right?
Right?
Haru’s stomach growled. He needed to buy some fresh mackerel for stock. He went inside, took his wallet, and closed the door.
Just under the stairs, he saw Makoto stood with someone Haru had never seen before.
The girl next to Makoto must be at least as tall as Haru. Her skirt probably wouldn’t be that short if she hadn’t such long legs. Her hair were the colour of Nagisa’s and she was smiling at Makoto as Makoto smiled at her.
They were standing so close to each other that if Makoto took a step forward, he would be able to kiss the girl’s lips just fine.
Haru moved forward before he realised it, making loud sound of someone stepping down the stairs.
Makoto looked up at Haru and smiled, “Ah, Haru-chan!”
Haru sighed, “Don’t call me ‘Haru-chan’.” He was glad, however, to stop two people flirting so bluntly on daylight. He said nothing for a while, letting Makoto realised that he was with someone Haru didn’t know.
“Ah,” Makoto shuffled on his feet. “This is Arashi-san. Arashi-san, this is my childhood friend and also the vice-pre—ex-vice-president of my school’s swimming club, Haru.”
‘Arashi-san’ looked at Haru. They were really in the same height. Arashi-san was an extremely tall girl for a Japanese, Haru thought. Her eyelashes were light-coloured and long, Haru noticed, as he watched her blinked when Makoto introduced her to Haru.
“Ara, ara,” she giggled, her voice high yet soothing. “So you’re Haru-kun that Makoto had told me about.”
Haru watched Arashi-san’s face. She called Makoto with first name name and no prefix.
“I’m Arashi Kana. It’s nice to meet you,” she smiled, extending a long, snow-pale hand with long fingers to Haru.
Haru shook her hand slowly, his sight still on Arashi Kana’s face.
Makoto’s voice made Haru jolted, for Haru almost forgot that Makoto was there as well. “I’m about to introduce Arashi-san to my parents,” he said. “We’re going to leave to Tokyo tomorrow together.”
Arashi Kana puffed up her face a little, “Makoto, I told to just call me ‘Kana’.”
“Ah, sorry,” Makoto smiled and patted her head.
Haru felt like now he knew how the others felt when Makoto called him ‘Haru-chan’ and Haru tried to correct him. He looked at Makoto’s fingers among Arashi Kana’s hair and thought, Those fingers were mine.
Makoto caught Haru staring at them. He chuckled, “Haru, Arashi—I mean, Kana-san is my senior in university. She’s maybe a year older than us when it comes to studying in university, but she was actually a year younger than us, because she skipped two class back in high school.”
Arashi Kana shrugged and sighed, like she was saying, Well, if you had to tell him that…
Haru felt itchy all of sudden, so he grunted, “I have to go food shopping” and left before Makoto or Arashi Kana could say anything.
*)*
Later that night, Makoto’s mum was texting Haru, asking him to come for Makoto’s farewell party. Haru came reluctantly like he was forced to, though he knew he was wishing for a chance to talk to Makoto alone.
He arrived fifteen minutes earlier because he was too nervous to be alone at home as he was expecting to talk to Makoto. Haru wouldn’t know what to say or how to apologise. It was never easy to apologise. He climbed up the stairs to the Tachibanas place. He could hear Makoto’s voice somewhere in the distance, probably from the yard just behind the fences.
“… It’s okay, really. I think he’s just upset with me because I didn’t talk much to him lately.”
Haru immediately knew that Makoto was talking about him. For some reason, Haru also knew that Makoto was talking to a certain senior from his new university in Tokyo.
“Ne, Makoto, are you feeling guilty for leaving Haru-kun here?”
Makoto made a long sigh, “We were friends since we were children. I think it won’t be easy. I know it won’t be easy.”
Arashi Kana made a, “Mm hm” agreeing sound.
“But,” Makoto chuckled bitterly. “It’s not like I have another choice. I better move forward for my dream.”
Arashi Kana didn’t reply for a while, before she chuckled, “I thought you had feeling for Haru-kun.”
Haru suddenly felt like he just swallowed an eel.
Makoto answered immediately, “What?”
“Feeling. For Haru-kun. Romantically,” she sounded matter-of-factly, like she was telling Makoto about a subject in university. She didn’t sound stingy or anything, which made Haru sure that she was probably the best friend Makoto could get in Tokyo. Makoto deserved the best people in his life.
Makoto chuckled, “Kana-san, it’s not like that. We were friends since we were very young. We were always together. But…”
Haru froze. He didn’t want to yet wanted to know what was Makoto going to say. But I have a feeling that Haru doesn’t like me like that…
“But I don’t like Haru like that,” said Makoto, chuckling a little. “He’s like a brother to me. Kana-san, you have sisters, right? They’re precious to you, yet you don’t see them as anything but family. Though, Haru isn’t my real family. So maybe we had enough of being close, of feeling like a family. I think we’re drifting apart since the only fight I had with him.”
Haru could hear the sound of rustling and somehow he could imagine Arashi Kana inching closer to Makoto to pat the tall male’s head.
“Makoto…” she said, his lips were against something.
“It’s okay, Kana-san,” Makoto’s voice was a little muffled. “I think he already accept the fact that we’re never going to go back to that time ever again.”
Then Haru heard the unmistaken sound of two lips against each other.
*)*
Haru lied on his bed, repeating the time he was with Makoto alone, the time they fought that summer night.
Makoto had come after him to that hill top, saying that he respected Haru’s wish and wanted Haru found a dream. Haru didn’t want to have a dream, even though he knew he had hurt himself by not having one.
Makoto said Haru was lying, that Haru wanted to find dream too. Makoto wanted Haru to find dream and follow it. He was gripping Haru’s wrist so tightly, adding pain and frustration to Haru’s already messed up mind.
Haru said he was free to decide his life. Haru said he was fine.
But Makoto said Haru wasn’t fine.
Somehow, Makoto knew.
Makoto always knew.
He made Haru realised that everyone was worrying about him, but instead Haru pushed him forward, telling Makoto that he should mind his own business and that Makoto had no right to talk like that because Makoto hadn’t even decide his own future.
Haru remembered how he roughed up Makoto at that moment. He remembered how Makoto’s eyes went large when Haru shouted at him and telling him he was sticking his nose to other people’s business.
Haru remembered how he asked about Makoto’s dream, about how Makoto finally released his wrist, his larger hand and fingers were slipping away from Haru’s thin wrist.
“I have decided,” said Makoto. “I’m… going to a university in Tokyo.”
That was the last thing Haru thought Makoto would say.
Then the firework rose and exploded on the dark night sky as Haru went speechless.
“I meant to tell you sooner, but I just couldn’t find a way to say it,” Makoto mumbled. “I…”
But then Haru ran away, telling Makoto to do as he liked before he could hear what Makoto had to say in the end, at that last time they were together, just the two of them.
Now Haru somehow understood.
When Makoto said that he had decided, that he was going to Tokyo, it was because he met Arashi-san. He felt like he had a future with her. He probably felt like a guilty older brother for leaving his younger sibling alone as he left the town.
‘I mean to tell you sooner,’ Makoto said that time, and Haru now knew what he didn’t say that night. I want you to know that I’ve met someone, Haru.
‘I just couldn’t find way to say it,’ said Makoto that night. And his ‘I…’ that Haru didn’t get to hear the rest was, ‘I don’t know how to tell you that I have found someone. We’ve been together since I could remember, but now I don’t think I can be with you like this anymore.’
That was why Makoto was sending Haru away with Rin to Australia; so that if Haru found his own dream, Makoto wouldn’t feel guilty following his own.
Haru lied alone on the darkness of his bedroom, just like that night when he ran home after his first and last fight with Makoto.
He didn’t know this before, but he wanted Makoto more than as a friend, even a childhood one. He wanted Makoto to always be there in his life, more than swimming, more than everything…
But Makoto didn’t return Haru’s feeling.
Makoto never thought about Haru like that. To him, Haru was just another sibling who somehow was in the same age with him, someone to look for, someone he cared about.
Haru could see Makoto’s face on his head, lighting up under the sparks of firework on the sky. He could’t remember how Makoto smiled. He wanted to remember how Makoto smile.
But the only thing that popped up into his mind was the way Arashi Sana smiled, her long eyelashes, and her impressive height and legs. Haru squeezed his eyes closed. She was so tall and gorgeous, like a model. If she stood next to Makoto with her amazing height, they might as well be walking together on a runway. She was nice too. She must be listening to Makoto’s worry ever since they met, ever since Makoto planned to study in Tokyo. And Makoto could open up his heart to her, so it’s okay, right?
Haru desperately tried to wipe his tears before they hit his pillow but he sobbed harder than he wanted to be.
It hurt.
It hurt so much.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could hear Makoto saying, ‘Ne, Haru-chan, when you realised that you love me, that is when everything was already too late.’
Tomorrow, Makoto left to Tokyo with Arashi-san.
And Haru didn’t think he could face Makoto ever again without crying for his own stupidity.
A lifetime of being by his side and Haru realised he loved Makoto only by the time that he already had someone else.
So that was the story of how Haru and Makoto were driving apart.