Chapter Text
George was so excited to spend his winter break with Lewis, until he got the last message he wanted to receive.
hey beautiful
i’m so sorry but i won’t be back for christmas
i promise to make it worth your while
love you forever
George almost crumbled at his feet upon receiving those messages, knowing Christmas was the next day.
He had been looking forward to it so much, buying all the necessary Christmas decorations and the ingredients. He was thinking about decorating them together and how they would crack so many jokes that his cheeks hurt for days to come. Or how they would make the kitchen so messy that they’ll be cleaning it through New Years’ Day. No matter what it was, it would be so worth it.
Now, he couldn’t get any of that.
And he knew it sounds selfish. But he was always selfish about Lewis. No matter how much he controlled it, some possessive side of him always comes out when Lewis is with someone else, no matter how platonic he knows it is. He won’t do anything to the person, but Lewis knows he is burning his back with the way George stares at his interactions with others.
Hell, sometimes he is jealous of other F1 drivers, even though half of them are straight and another half have partners. It isn’t logical, but his feelings towards Lewis have never been.
It wasn’t any interesting story, but he finds it interesting how he had looked up to Lewis so much when he was going through his karting days and the lower formulas, then actually came up to F1, and finally got to be Lewis’ teammate. He doesn't think most people would have that type of privilege.
Rather than being any sudden realisation, it was a more friends to best friends to lovers situation. Given that they spent so much time together, instead of wanting to go their separate ways to rest after any given day, they found themselves spending more time with each other. Slowly, this only happened in increasing frequency. Before one knew it, they decided that this wasn’t friend – not even best friend behaviour. With some thinking, they took it a step further – as lovers.
When he announced it to his closest friends on the grid, everyone was looking at him as if it wasn’t an obvious step. Everyone relentlessly teased him, saying:
“You always looked at him with heart eyes.”
“Everyone knew it wasn’t just admiration, it was love.”
“There was something different about you two.”
People generally knew Lewis as someone who does not open up to people easily. This does not mean he could not socialise with people, because he does so very well. Most people not deep in F1 circles very likely knew Lewis, then learnt about F1. This clearly creates a special type of power that only he has, in which he can skip media commitments he finds uncomfortable with, which is also why he is rarely seen in the F1 videos. His presence already creates enough attention, and it is unnecessary to create any more.
No, George is not referring to that type of opening up. It’s more of the truly getting to know someone type of opening up. That is what Lewis rarely does with most people, even some of his teammates, even less so other drivers on the grid. In fact, he was scared because of incidents that have happened in the past, of people misusing his trust. Or maybe that once he got to know people, he placed his whole heart into it, and loved so wholly and deeply. It was something George loved about him, but he knew that if used incorrectly, can be abused.
It took Lewis a few months to even trust him with some more personal information about him, and George understood fully. He knew that once Lewis trusted him more that he would be willing to share. It felt a little like a rollercoaster, the ride up was slow and steady, but once you fall, it goes rapidly.
He would be lying if he said it wasn’t scary, because it was the most terrifying thing he ever had to do. More than any race, even ones that hinged on him winning a championship. Blimey, even emailing Toto Wolff for an opportunity at Mercedes felt less nerve-wrecking. And that would affect his career.
But he knew, this relationship was much more important than anything he had to do. And it would affect his heart.
Matters of the heart are something to be put above everything else.
***
When they both knew this relationship was a true thing, George almost couldn’t believe it for himself. As someone in racing, there is insufficient time to get to know someone before he had to pack up and move to the next city, making it unworthy of other people’s time. That was a true insecurity he had, and he thought: What if I never find love? If I am unworthy for 99% of the population, who am I worthy for?
That is to say, he had given up on love. Sure, he could find it in places if he wanted to, but was there even a point? Might as well use his time in better ways, to improve his times in simulators, to achieve every racers’ dream of being an F1 World Champion one day. Every millisecond could mean the difference between pole and 2nd best in qualifying, or on worse days, 10th and 11th – the difference between a point or none at all. To avoid all the questions he might have been getting about his love life, or – he would only admit this to himself – to stop thinking about the lack of a love life, he drowned himself into anything he could do for the Mercedes team. Simulators, marketing, development; you name it, he probably did it. He constantly asked questions to the team members about what could he help. At first they smiled at him and pointed to places they wanted his input on.
Unfortunately, eventually, they caught on and definitely got suspicious. He knew enough to see the looks on their faces, but because they can’t exactly ask about his personal life, they did not say a word.
***
Luckily, Lewis made him come out this career driven situation, what he called being career crazy. George denied all of it, of course. He was definitely someone who noticed. Sometimes, he would have eye bags coming to track for a practice day, and it was obvious. Lewis noted:
“You know George, even at my peak, I didn’t work myself to death. I recognised it wasn’t healthy that way. Also, we have a third driver for a reason.”
He wanted to retort, saying that he didn’t need to work that hard because he was already winning World Championships, but as much as he wanted to say that, he knew it wouldn’t be right either. That would discredit the hard work he had to do before coming to F1, and the work he did while in F1.
And the thing is, when you find someone to make better use of your time, you don’t exactly want to work anymore. That isn’t to say he didn’t work, but basically only did the work that he was called in for. Everyone gave him a sly smile after they confirmed their relationship, as if they could see through George. Maybe they knew something he didn’t know at that time.
***
That brought him to revealing his relationship to the world. At that time, no one even knew George had a liking towards guys. He knew, deep down, but it was so suppressed until Lewis, and he made all the butterflies erupt again.
Lewis made it especially clear that, their relationship was on their own terms. So, they decide when they want the relationship to be made public, not the media.
They knew they needed their time first before sharing it with the world. So, they did. They went on dates that spanned till 3am on days they did not have any commitments and laughed until their cheeks burned. Yet, it felt as if no time passed at all.
All of this was done in private, making sure no one took pictures of them. They had their ways of doing it, but the fact it was done was important to them.
And when they finally announced it on social media, news spread faster than wildfire. They were lucky, because they expected it and they were ready for what the world would throw at them.
George once said:
“It’s you and me, that’s my whole world.”
It’s still true till this day.