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Growing up in the desert had its perks. Clarke never had to worry about pesky things like snow and vitamin D deficiency, and physical activity was incredibly enjoyable when it was so dry that sweat was never a problem. It was easy to find beauty in the spiny plants, expansive sky, and array of unique rock formations. Everything was spread out and open, but there was never a feeling of isolation because the community was so friendly and inclusive. The first day she left New Mexico for the less warm, less dry, and all around less beautiful east coast she began regretting her decision to enroll in a college so far away. It was too different. During the numerous visits and tours Clarke had fallen in love with the campus and all the academia associated with it. This was a great university. Actually living here was different than the brief honeymoons that were her previous visits. There was no sand, not enough warmth, and not enough space for the swarms of generally unfriendly people.
Despite this, she had stayed. In time, she found comfort in the city and began to appreciate the blunt honesty of the people; even made a few friends. Even though she knew all the best opportunities for her field were on the east coast, she always imagined going back west after graduation because she just couldn’t get stuck here. Every summer Clarke still flew back to her home, because it depressed her to spend those long hot days anywhere else. Every day she called her parents, and every day she missed the house she grew up in.
Junior year she met Bellamy. He was too old for her, but the more time they spent together, the less she cared. Everything else about him was perfect. The older she got, the less impact five years would have anyway. Around fall semester finals they started dating. Late night study sessions wired on energy drinks and the occasional Jägerbomb were bound to lead somewhere, and that they did. At two in the morning, when nothing good was supposed to happen, Bellamy fell gracelessly on top of Clarke while reaching over the pile of discarded textbooks for his third red bull. They laughed together about the awkward situation, bodies closer than they’d ever been. Entangled on a pile of notes they shared their first kiss.
From that point on they were inseparable. The teasing of their friends died down quickly once it was accepted they weren’t a temporary couple. Summer was the hardest, because as much as she loved Bellamy’s company she couldn’t stay away from the her faraway home. Instead of pining for her, he visited every month. Clarke protested him throwing away all that money, but he insisted she was worth it; instead of arguing she decided to guarantee that statement.
Her parents loved Bellamy. He won them over immediately with his smarts, ambition, and his clear love for Clarke. If anybody was good enough for their daughter, it was him. Even that didn’t allow them a room together; not that the closed doors and thick walls ever kept them apart. Every night Clarke would sneak across the hall and silently climb into bed with him, wrapping herself in his waiting arms. They were so warm; so comforting. Each morning she would kiss him goodbye and sneak back to her own room before her parents rose for the day. What Clarke didn’t know was that her parents always heard her. Every morning they woke to her soft feet on the wood floor outside their room. They were touched by her attempt to keep them happily ignorant, but that didn’t stop the worry. Every time they checked Bellamy’s room for signs of sexual encounters and found none, they fell even deeper in love with their daughter’s boyfriend.
The truth is, they were having sex. They just didn’t broadcast it to her parents. To be honest, Clarke did initiate multiple times those nights; Bellamy always refused to partake when her parents were even in the house, let alone on the other side of the far wall. To him it was more about respect than the fear of getting caught. Though she would always feel a tinge of frustration at the rejection, it was part of what she loved about him. Besides, her parents gave them plenty of time during the day being gone for work.
When they returned to campus, Clarke realized the crushing truth that though she was technically a senior that year, she would not have enough credits to graduate on time. To make matters worse, a failing grade in one of her mandatory courses meant she was forced to drop it and try again next year. Everything considered, it would be another year. Bellamy would be gone, and she would be left behind. Left behind. Each time she remembered that fact it came crashing down all over again.
Bellamy did his best to comfort her. It was truly the sweetest thing ever, to witness his adorable gestures of notes and chocolates and surprise dates. Though they were wonderful, it only made her remember how he would be gone soon. What a failure she was. Most people finished a bachelor’s degree in four years, and because of her bad planning and idiocy she needed five.
The idea began to sink in eventually, after weeks of discussions with Bellamy about the future and plenty of calming massages from his expert hands. Nothing was certain; he was already searching for a job after graduation but there was no way to guarantee exactly where that would be. He could end up anywhere in the country. Clarke was torn between hoping he got a job nearby, and wishing he would find one closer to New Mexico. It was ridiculous, really, but if Bellamy was there then she had another, better excuse to move back.
The excuse never came. Bellamy found a job on the east coast, much to his relief. Clarke couldn’t help but be disappointed, but kept up the facade of being happy and proud of him. It wasn’t that she wasn’t proud--she was, incredibly--but now her own graduation became a dark cloud looming over her head. Now their relationship depended on her own choices after college, and that was just too much pressure. During the academic year they would be just over an hour away, which was wonderful, but after that there were no guarantees. It terrified her. The last thing she wanted was to lose the most perfect relationship of her life due to circumstance; at the same time she couldn’t let it impact her career decisions too drastically.
Bellamy could tell there was something wrong. Clarke never said anything, but over the years he had learned how to read her better than anyone else. He did his best to reassure her frequently, and let her know how much he loved her. They would stay together, there was no doubt in his mind. When he graduated she was a mess of conflicting emotions, and when they had to spend the entire summer apart Clarke did the unthinkable and left her family and the desert a whole month early to see him again. They spent every weekend together going on dates, enjoying spontaneous excursions, and lounging around the house. During the week Clarke enjoyed spoiling him with a homecooked meal when he got home from work, and they would finish each day falling asleep in eachother’s arms.
Too soon, the academic year started. It was harder being away from Bellamy; it wasn’t the same having classes without him around. They used to eat together, study together, and spend nearly every free moment together, but now Clarke had to worry about whether or not she could even call him during the week. In an attempt to make up for lost time, she visited nearly every weekend. If she couldn’t make it up to his apartment, he would do his best to visit her instead. It wasn’t a perfect system, but it was all they had.
The lost time still wore down on Clarke. She missed Bellamy. If she didn’t find a job in his city then that pain of longing in her chest would become permanent. The same dilemma kept coming up in her thoughts: either try to find a job near Bellamy to continue their relationship, or do the extensive, unbiased job hunt that he had done without ruling anything out based on location. She hadn’t even started looking for her job after graduation yet, and it was already stressing her out.
When she voiced her concerns, Bellamy was perfect. He understood, and wanted her to be happy and without regrets. Most importantly, he didn’t want her to give up a great opportunity for his sake and end up resenting him for it later. Somehow, he was still convinced that either way everything would work out in their favor. When she became frustrated and told him she didn’t want to live on the east coast, he fell silent. She never loved it like she loved the desert. It didn’t have that beauty or character or home atmosphere, even after over four years. After painful silence, Bellamy pointed out how she had never explored New England further than campus and his apartment; sadness saturated his voice. Clarke remained unconvinced that venturing out would make any difference.
Leaves started changing colors, and the absence of Bellamy that was once so painful became a routine; the pattern made her numb to its effects. Still, they both cherished those days spent together, and cursed those claimed by long assignments and unrelenting deadlines. Months into his job, and Bellamy finally had a small stock of days to take off before the year was done. When he told Clarke this, his voice was bright with excitement.
They planned a long weekend to take together, though only Bellamy knew exactly where they were going and what they were doing; he was firmly withholding all information from Clarke. It was a surprise. She would just have to wait until the day came.
In the meantime, they spoke more about the future. Bellamy found it difficult to understand why Clarke was so against staying on this side of the country; in an attempt to help him grasp her aversion, all of his repetitive questions were answered to the best of her ability. Perhaps she had been overly conditioned by her childhood, but the vastness of the desert was comforting. Summer was much more pleasant, and winter was less abrasive. The harsh city could never offer the warmth and comfort of community and nature. New and innovative culture was overrated. The beauty was missing; the magic was gone. The only magic Clarke found here was through him, and there was a chance that could be enough to make her stay.
A chance was all he needed.
That morning, the one Clarke had anticipated for weeks now with a nervous excitement, she was greeted in bed by a giddy Bellamy laying beside her. It was a welcome surprise. She had been packed for days, so within an hour they were on the road. The drive was long, but Bellamy stayed behind the wheel the entire time, still not willing to disclose his plans. As the road and trees and valleys flew by, Clarke realized what he had meant when he said she had barely seen New England. The sights now, just from the window of their car racing by, were very different from campus and the city.
The leaves were beautiful. She fell asleep at some point, forced to close her eyes from the motion sickness caused by staring at the trees as they whizzed by. Just when she had gotten comfortable the car stopped and Bellamy gently woke her. He was very happy. Even in her groggy state, she could see the light dancing in his eyes. Looking around, she understood why. When had they transitioned from farms and flat forest to the seas of color between rolling mountains surrounded by peaks and valleys, sliced by rolling rivers? It must have happened when she was asleep, but Clarke wished she had been conscious when they passed whatever threshold held this place.
It was beautiful. For the first time on this half of the country she found its nature beautiful. Bellamy softly pulled her out of a trance when he inquired about her thoughts; her response to his surprise. Those eyes were full of a hopeful worry, but she answered with a broad smile and assured him it was wonderful. Magical.
As it turned out, he had the entire weekend planned with hikes and campfires and various delicious foods. Activities filled their days, and in the evening the leisure began. Nothing compared to falling asleep beneath the canopy of trees, watching the stars sparkling in the night sky as Bellamy’s body warmed the space beside her. It was all perfect, and Clarke already knew it would end too soon.
After the second day they decided to try the old shower located in the neighboring campsite. It was a long walk that early in the morning, but Clarke was looking forward to washing off two days of sweat and grime. The shower was less than warm, but they shared heat by pressing their bodies together beneath the strong stream of water. She watched him in awe as he held her close, hair now dripping wet with little rivers pouring down his gorgeous face. Even with the hard water stinging his eyes he held that deep gaze with Clarke, and before she knew it they were kissing; and groping one another like savage beasts. The need to touch every inch of him was insatiable. Cold water unable to penetrate the fire coursing through her veins, she pulled Bellamy in for a violent kiss, then slowly fell to her knees. His pleasure was hers.
Nobody else was around, thankfully, because by the time they were finished their clothes were soaked and the realization came that the towels were forgotten in the tent. Their site was a mile away; they ran it clumsily, carrying their drenched clothes and laughing hysterically the whole way. Once they were safe and dry in the tent, Bellamy prevented Clarke from putting anything on just yet. He pushed her onto her back, a playful grin dancing across his face. She exhaled deeply and let her eyes roll back as he kissed a line all the way down to between her legs, filling her entire body with tingly warmth as he returned the favor of pleasure.
It didn’t take long. Clarke told him he was magical, because he was, and before she had time to come down from that high he pulled out a ring.
As the wheels turned in her head, realization dawned on her. This was a proposal, and it could mean the rest of her life. Before he even said the words, all their conversations replayed in her head, a million thoughts bombarding her from every angle, circling around her skull in a nauseating loop until her eyes became blurred and dizzy; suddenly it all became clear.
The only answer was yes.