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Nothing good ever happens when Sohee's feeling that itch.
It's a discomfort that simmers deep in his bones, and, while it's not quite like the overwhelming ache he'd experienced for most of his childhood, it's distracting and annoying enough that it leaves Sohee wanting to shout or tear himself out of his skin. Whichever one comes first.
Sohee's restless on his bed, the blue comforter digging into his stomach -- digging into his chest -- and he turns, blinking at the lightbulb on the ceiling. It's bright, stinging his eyeballs almost immediately, making them water.
The photo on the nightstand catches his attention, showcasing him and Seunghan hugging, bright smiles on both their faces with the elementary school building right behind them. Sohee kept it solely for nostalgic purposes -- because he treasures every moment spent with his best friend, despite how he may have looked back then -- but now the sight of it has Sohee all choked up.
He flips the framed photo upside down, that itch exacerbating. He's wearing his biggest, comfiest shirt but it feels like his chest is closing in on him, about to crush his ribs to smithereens.
And then Sohee sees himself on the mirrored closet doors.
He's never particularly liked mirrors, especially before. They'd amplify his insecurities for the world to see, reflect off softness where there shouldn't be, remind him that he didn't look the way he felt. Even after the surgery, it took some time before Sohee felt comfortable enough to have a mirror in his bedroom.
And now, even with Sohee appearing as close to perfect as he could wish for at this point in time, his gaze still searches relentlessly for the little details that set him apart. Make him feel a little less like an average sixteen (almost seventeen) year old boy.
Sohee lists them off the top of his head before he can even stop himself. He's not that tall. His Adam's apple isn't noticeable enough. His voice isn't deep enough -- even with the testosterone. His features aren't sharp either, not like Seunghan's. He's small and frail and while most people will look at him and won't think twice about him being a guy, once they start to interact with him they'll begin to see through the cracks.
Before Sohee can get caught up in the downward spiral thoughts and feelings like these leave him in -- because nothing nice ever happens when Sohee's feeling that itch -- his phone trills next to him.
He blinks, startling out of the cobwebs of his self-doubt. He grabs the device, reading the message that pops up on the screen.
- seunghanni
i wanna come over
can i :3
There's no greeting; no introduction. It's very much like how Seunghan had stumbled his way into Sohee's life in kindergarten -- literally -- narrowly knocking Sohee over as he grappled onto the swings next to him on the playground.
Seunghan never said 'hi' or anything, just swung and swung, rambling about his toy dinosaur collection he had at his house. Then he asked if Sohee wanted to see it, even when he knew nothing about him, not even his name. And Sohee, while he thought Seunghan talked a little too much, liked that Seunghan was around because it meant he wouldn't be alone, as he already found it difficult to make friends.
It didn't take long for Sohee to realize Seunghan's eagerness to befriend him stemmed from the fact that he too was kind of an outcast, his lack of social awareness causing others to steer clear of him. And when Sohee did, they stuck together ever since, just clicking instantly.
And although Seunghan has a habit of showing up at the most unexpected moments, Sohee appreciates it greatly. Because when Seunghan's around, the itch doesn't burn as much.
- sohee 💛
what? no ‘goodnight’??
plus isnt it late
- seunghanni
like thats ever stopped me hehe
Seunghan does have a point.
- sohee 💛
fine.
its saturday tmrw. dont forget to bring some extra clothes along
i dont have any more spare shirts to lend you
- seunghanni
aaahh thank you bro 🥺
see you soon
love you 💛💛
Sohee rolls his eyes, raking his fingers through his short hair. He's brought back to that time in 5th grade where he absolutely hated his hair touching his cheeks, his disgruntled demeanor catching Seunghan's attention immediately.
"What's wrong?" He'd asked, leaning over the desk. Their shoulders brushed, and even that had Sohee over the edge.
"Nothing," Sohee had replied, pushing his then shoulder-length hair away from his eyes, only for the strands to frame his features once more.
Seunghan just looked at him right then, before zipping open his pencil case and taking out a pair of scissors. "I know how to cut hair. You know how my sister has bangs now? I did that for her."
Sohee had known it was probably a bad idea, but he felt like he could trust Seunghan at that moment.
So at lunch, they snuck into the boys bathrooms (Seunghan making so much noise with his footsteps that Sohee was afraid they'd get caught) and then Seunghan cut Sohee's hair in one of the stalls, transforming it into some kind of lopsided pixie cut. It wasn't good, people had given Sohee weird looks for it and his mother had been mortified, but Sohee felt better than he had in ages.
The memory vanishes just as voices echo up front, a particular one making its way through the corridor. Sohee doesn't even have to look to know it's Seunghan, the guy an absolute beast on his bicycle even when he lives many blocks away, especially when it comes to sleeping over at Sohee's house.
There's laughter too, these ones coming from Sohee's parents, as they simply adore Seunghan and find his joy and zest for life refreshing.
"He's good for you, you know?" Sohee's mother told her son the previous summer. They were at Seunghan's house, Mr. Hong hosting some barbecue while a bunch of people Sohee didn't know talked to and socialized with each other. Seunghan was playing with Sheila, the family's pet poodle in the yard, shirt sticking to his skin from the water his sister had sprayed on him with the hose, and he was giggling, all bright and excited and happy.
Sohee had just cleared his throat and looked at his mum, pretending he didn't know what she was talking about. "What?"
"He balances you out. You two get along well because you ground him and he makes you believe there's still good left in the world," the woman replied, her smile a little too sentimental. A little too knowing.
"There's still some dinner left. We just have to reheat it," Sohee's father says, his voice erasing the memory, and Sohee knows he just wants to take that opportunity to chat extensively with Seunghan about things guys are supposedly interested in -- like sports.
"Honey, relax," Sohee hears his mum say right then. "Summer just started, and you're already acting like those clingy in-laws."
Sohee pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration, wanting to interfere but kinda too lazy to.
"It's okay, I don't mind. But I already ate dinner," Seunghan quickly explains, ever so polite. Sohee bets he isn't even looking them in the eye. Either he's the shyest, quietest person ever, or he's a flaming ball of energy, sprinting about as he never runs out of topics to discuss.
Sohee tries not to think too much about the fact that Seunghan almost exclusively acts the second way around him.
A new text enters Sohee's phone that second, igniting the screen.
- anton
hey sohee :)
um goodnight
how's summer so far?
Sohee finds himself smiling at the awkwardness Anton Lee just oozes through his messages, but then it's mixed with something tight and heavy that lingers at the base of Sohee's throat -- like a lump but not quite. It borders on nauseating, which makes things a whole lot worse since Anton's only a friend Sohee met a year ago, but the lines have never been so blurred.
- sohee ✌🏻
heyy anton :)
why are u up so late
dont u usually sleep around this time?
- anton
yeah i know
i just
wanted to ask you something
The bedroom door bursts open right then. Seunghan barrels through, tosses his bag aside and latches onto Sohee.
"Missed you so much," Seunghan mutters into Sohee's neck, his arms snug around him. He smells of both Axe body spray and sweat, and Sohee scrunches his nose in mock disgust.
"Ew, get off me," he says, trying to push the taller off. It's a hard feat, Seunghan sticking to him like a starfish, but when he finally does, the guy rolls around his bed all dramatically, a huge pout on his face.
"You're so mean," Seunghan complains, now pouting at the ceiling.
"Go take a shower. You reek," Sohee says, and he can't help it, his eyes rake over Seunghan's form at that moment. He's dressed in shorts and a yellow hoodie that definitely belonged to Sohee at some point, because 'sometimes my clothes don't feel right, Sohee, and yours are just super soft, so'.
On his feet are kitten shaped house slippers that Sohee's parents themselves picked out for him. When Seunghan's soft brown eyes catch Sohee staring, Sohee grabs a slipper and throws it at the door to distract the taller. And himself.
His mind's racing when Seunghan quirks a brow, his playful exterior dissolving into something else entirely.
Sohee's phone beeps with a new message. He snatches it, slicing their eye contact in half. "Just go shower, Seunghan."
"Then I'll get to cuddle you?" Seunghan asks, sounding way too close. Sohee knows if he just says the word Seunghan will back off, but he'll be damned if he makes Seunghan feel odd too for being so affectionate. His discomfort is his experience anyway, just the ebb and flow of his life.
"Sure," Sohee replies a bit offhandedly as he scans Anton's texts.
- anton
theres this movie playing tomorrow
remember when we were talking about it after our last band practice?
i'll be there at like, 3
i got tickets for us :)
- anton
seunghan can come too if he wants
The nausea's back. But this time around, there's also guilt.
"Is that Anton? The Anton you tutored in math that one time?" Seunghan suddenly asks, side pressed up against Sohee's, face now just centimeters away. His hair tickles Sohee's cheek and it makes Sohee want to bash his head against a wall.
Instead he falls backwards, socked feet attempting to kick Seunghan away, again. "Yes, it's that Anton. Now go shower. Please."
"I didn't know you guys had each other's numbers," Seunghan replies, grabbing the shorter's ankles. His tone sounds almost accusatory, if not for the dejection now etched on his features. Like he's sad Sohee didn't tell him about this.
Seunghan's always been overly expressive with his emotions, almost to an alarming degree -- something other kids used to make fun of when they were younger 'cause they were assholes. But not Sohee. Never Sohee.
Sohee sits back up, pretending not to notice that his and the taller's faces are inches apart. That his legs are currently encircling Seunghan's hips, Seunghan's hands holding them in place.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. He kinda just asked for it, and I gave it to him," Sohee explains, eyes locked with his friend's.
Seunghan exhales, letting him go. The place he touched Sohee still burns. "You don't need to apologize, Sohee. I... I know I can be a bit intense at times, but I was only being... curious."
Sohee stills, while Seunghan rubs his nose, strands of his dark hair falling into his eyes. "...Curious? What do you mean?"
Seunghan rubs his cheek this time around, then slides off the bed, movements off-kilter and robotic. Sohee's well aware he only gets like this when he wants to desperately say something, but can't.
"I'm going to take a shower now," Seunghan states, before grabbing his bag and heading out.
He doesn't sound mad or upset, but why does Sohee feel like they've just gotten in a fight?
It bothers Sohee even more because they've never really 'fought' throughout the many years they've been best friends for. Yes, there were times they let immaturity take over and got into some petty arguments that never lasted more than a few hours at most, but this... this feels different.
- anton
okayy you arent replying so you probably fell asleep
i'll wait for your response
goodnight sohee
Sohee reads Anton's texts over and over again for a few minutes, trying to think of a suitable response when the door opens slowly, quiet footsteps sauntering in over the carpet.
It's Seunghan, the guy tugging at his earlobe as he smiles sheepishly at Sohee, shirtless. "Forgot to bring a shirt."
Sohee should be annoyed. Seunghan's done this so many times now that it's like a running gag at this point. But now... his eyes just observe Seunghan's upper body, trailing all over his torso and arms. And he's athletic, all broad-shouldered and toned. He plays football, and the results show.
"Sohee?" Seunghan asks, voice worming its way into Sohee's thoughts.
Sohee blinks, and Seunghan is still shirtless, his fucking Kuromi pyjama pants looking so out of place on his body.
Sohee convinces himself it's only envy when he tosses his phone aside and rummages through his closet for something appropriate. "I swear you do this on purpose."
Once he yanks out a deep purple sweater (since it gets pretty cold around here at night), he nearly jumps out of his skin when Seunghan appears right in front of him -- still shirtless.
And, it shouldn't be a big deal. Sohee's seen Seunghan shirtless more times than he can count, and the guy himself saw him in multiple sports bras before the surgery happened, then like once after. Sohee doesn't think about it much past that.
Seunghan rubs his arms, biceps clenching. "Ahh, it's freezing..." he laments, acting like it hurts.
Sohee shoves the sweater straight into his face, earning a strangled yelp of surprise. "So put it on."
Seunghan stumbles more on his feet before landing in his default standing position: his full weight on his right leg while his left knee bends a little. Sohee used to mention how weird he stood until sixth grade when Seunghan went with his parents to get assessed and found out there'd been an actual reason for it all.
Seunghan notices him staring while he pulls on his sweater. On instinct, he stands a little straighter, and Sohee quickly makes the move of patting his chest to distract him.
"Go lie on the bed. It's only 11:45PM. We can listen to some music if you want," Sohee begins, acutely aware of Seunghan's eyes on him. Of course, he's known the guy for so long so he should be used to his extreme gazes by now, but all he feels at that moment is the urge to hide away, his pulse speeding like crazy. It's agonizing. "Or... or we could just go to sleep."
"Did you just stutter?" Seunghan says, sounding this close to laughing.
Sohee shoots him an unimpressed look, pinching his side.
"Ow!"
Sohee tries not to laugh as he switches off the light, not even surprised when Seunghan immediately sprints for the bed and clicks on the small lamp on the nightstand. He's always been iffy about total darkness.
Sohee then ambles his way over, Seunghan's eyes dark as they peer at him, features illuminated by the warm amber glow of the lamp. "Stop staring."
Seunghan just stretches out his hands like a baby wanting to be held, and Sohee obliges, thinking the guy's planning to squish him into a hug like always. At least those thoughts about his body have no place in his head when Seunghan's right there beside him, reminding him that he's very loved -- no matter how he looks like.
But then Seunghan abruptly tugs Sohee close, causing the shorter to trip on his feet. He yells and falls, right into Seunghan's arms, chests colliding, noses brushing -- lips touching.
Sohee's eyes grow wide, and so does Seunghan's, and hell, why can Sohee feel the slight tremble of the taller's admittedly soft lips -- taste the toothpaste he also uses? His heart ricochets like wild, threatening to burst through his ribcage.
Sohee quickly frees himself, while Seunghan just lies there, eyes jerking between him and the ceiling.
"It was an accident, yeah?" Sohee can still feel Seunghan's lips pressed against his -- that little tremor. It drives him insane. "Plus, it's not the first time we kissed, so. R-Remember the party I had on my eighth birthday? The Princess and the Frog themed one. You dressed like a frog and I kissed you to turn you into a prince, remember?"
Sohee's rambling and he's pretty sure Seunghan knows it as well. And that party isn't a good reference point. For one, it was a cheek kiss. And second of all, Seunghan had teared up seconds after saying it was his first time being invited to a birthday party, which made all the other kids uncomfortable. Sohee had gotten him some ice cream to calm him down afterwards, but this isn't a matter ice cream can solve.
"I -- I guess," Seunghan stammers, braving a glance Sohee's way before staring someplace else again. "I didn't mean to pull you so hard."
"It's fine," Sohee waves him off, rubbing the back of his hair. It's not in fact fine, but Sohee's thought too much today for his liking, and he doesn't want his brain to explode. "Now scoot over."
Seunghan blinks, seeming almost shaken up. "Huh?"
Somehow, that kind of pisses Sohee off.
"We kissed. S'no big deal," he exhales, slipping beneath the comforter and facing Seunghan squarely. "We're best friends, so it doesn't matter."
Seunghan is staring, and Sohee holds it, refusing to back down. Because if he does, then he'd have to admit that... kiss meant something a lot more than he thought it did.
But Seunghan makes it difficult, and it's worse because he isn't even trying to. Amber spills into his irises like liquid gold, reminding Sohee of quiet summers spent at Seunghan's grandparents' home in Ilsan when they were younger, the sunset tipping over their backs as they pedalled their bikes down the dirt path.
Seunghan's eyes are pretty. Seunghan's eyes have always been pretty, a lovely caramel brown that just gets lovelier the more you stare at it.
Sohee's pulse quickens when Seunghan gulps, chewing his lip. He hates how unsure the older looks, hates how awkward everything's become.
So he grabs Seunghan's arm and tosses it over his waist, just like Seunghan always does when they sleep on the same bed. This time however, Seunghan's jaw slackens with palpable shock.
Sohee playfully punches his chest. "Stop looking at me like that. It's kinda triggering me."
"Shit, sorry," Seunghan says, immediately schooling his expression into something that's supposed to look more casual but isn't. And Sohee can't help it – he chuckles, the tension in his shoulders easing away a bit.
"Stop laughing at me..." Seunghan whines.
Sohee just shakes his head, shifting closer to the taller. He smells like Sohee's shampoo, like Sohee's body wash, like Sohee's clothes. Just -- Sohee. And Sohee would be lying if he said he didn't like it. "Oh, Hannie. You should stop being so easy to tease first."
Seunghan's grip tightens around Sohee, and fuck, Sohee's breath hitches noticeably. It's loud enough that he wonders if Seunghan heard it, but the taller just pulls him closer, burying his face in his hair.
"Is this okay?" Seunghan questions, voice soft.
Sohee's brought back to last December when he finally got top surgery. They'd planned it ahead of time, waited until exams were over. Seunghan had cried before the operation like Sohee had just gotten a heart attack or something and wouldn't make it, and after Sohee came back home, Seunghan started sobbing again. Sohee got both annoyed and amused, and once more, only got Seunghan to cheer up by taking him to his favourite ice cream shop a few weeks later to share some chocolate chip ice cream, his go-to.
Seunghan had been so careful with him for months afterwards. "Is this okay?" He'd always ask whenever they touched in any way. "Are you alright?" Or, "Is this uncomfortable? Tell me and I'll stop."
"Yes, it's fine," Sohee replies, sounding a lot more breathless than he'd anticipated.
Seunghan's palm is now below his shirt, his touch heating Sohee's back. Sohee's breathing cuts against the dip of the taller's collarbone, and he blinks, wanting his heart to calm the fuck down as Seunghan traces imaginary shapes over the bumps of his spine.
Seunghan doesn't seem to notice. He just breathes Sohee in, legs curling around the shorter.
"What did you and Anton...talk about?" He asks all of a sudden, voice trailing off at the end.
"Nothing that important," Sohee says, not knowing why he's trying to make it a non-issue. "He said something about this movie he was going to see tomorrow. Bought tickets and all."
"Are you going with him?" Seunghan asks, straight to the point like always. He has a way of being blunt without being mean at times, which rubs some people the wrong way.
Sohee plays with the hem of Seunghan's (his) sweater. "I don't know. I'll decide tomorrow."
"Oh."
This has Sohee squinting in confusion. "Oh?"
Seunghan breaks away, and it has Sohee nearly objecting until Seunghan leans in, something feathery soft brushing his cheek that second. His lips.
"Goodnight, Sohee," Seunghan says like he hadn't just kissed Sohee, but he also sounds unsure, like maybe it wasn't okay.
Sohee wants to tell him that yeah, maybe it wasn't, but his heart's thumping in his ears, drowning out the cicadas outside the window.
Seunghan looks down, untangles his arms, and the stupidest thought enters Sohee's head. Like he's on autopilot, his shaking fingers grip Seunghan's face -- Seunghan's handsome face -- and then he's shifting closer... and closer.
Seunghan's eyes become as wide as saucers, reflecting off Sohee's equally alarmed features. This is new territory. He really should stop because he has a feeling Seunghan wouldn't, but Sohee decides to throw caution to the wind right then.
His lips meet Seunghan's slowly, faintly, and it's almost as though he's touching air. Seunghan tenses in his hold, lips cotton soft and fingers fisting Sohee's shirt, and Sohee takes that chance to taste him a little more, wanting his senses to be filled with nothing but Seunghan, Seunghan, Seunghan.
Seunghan inhales sharply, and then he's reciprocating, kissing back hard enough that their teeth knock together a little and the heat scorching Sohee's insides threatens to burn his entire being to ashes.
What are we doing what are we doing what are we doing repeats relentlessly in Sohee's head when Seunghan pulls back for some oxygen just to kiss him some more. On his lips, the moles on his cheek, the mole right beneath his eye.
Sohee can barely breathe when Seunghan's warm hands slide under his shirt, cradling his stomach. His mouth returns to Sohee's, tender and unhurried like he's savouring the taste of him. And Sohee isn't any better, because he has his fingers in Seunghan's hair, gently tugging on the strands.
"Is... is this okay?" Seunghan asks against the corner of Sohee's lips, like he can't bear to part from the shorter for more than a second. Like Sohee hadn't just stolen his first real kiss. "I'll stop if… if..."
He doesn't get to finish the sentence. Sohee drags him in, and Seunghan immediately melts into his touch, his eyes a stunning amber when they stare at Sohee right then. They hold emotions far too profound for Sohee to comprehend; he doesn't think he's important enough to warrant such adoration.
"We... we should probably go to sleep now," Seunghan mumbles into Sohee's lips, entwining their fingers. "If we don't, I think I might keep kissing you forever."
He's laughing, but it isn't funny. The adoring way he's staring at Sohee isn't funny. Sohee wants to run -- hide away from these feelings -- but he wants Seunghan more.
"You're being cheesy," Sohee says, the lump in his throat hardening.
"I'm not," Seunghan states, suddenly sounding a whole lot more serious. Oh god. The lump just grows. "I really mean it."
Sohee kisses Seunghan again -- maybe to get him to shut up, maybe because the dam's burst and now he's realized just how much he craves his best friend after all these years.
Seunghan, like before, moulds into Sohee, thumbs rubbing his cheekbones as his lips slot against his, sweet, careful, kind. Loving.
Seunghan's fingers trace over the outline and curves of Sohee's body like he's a rare gem, something meant to be revered and admired. The comforter around them makes it easier for Sohee to discard his shirt when everything gets a little too hot, and the way Seunghan's gaze travels over his bare chest has his entire body sizzling up.
There's questioning in there too, hidden under all the want, and Sohee just scoots closer to Seunghan.
"I have to be more comfortable being shirtless anyway," he reasons.
Seunghan nods, and then he's pulling off his sweater too, before easing back to Sohee's side, flush against him. It's like second nature at this point. "For solidarity."
Sohee chortles. "That's so stupid."
Seunghan grins, big and goofy. "Anything for you."
Then they're kissing again.
And again.
And again.
At a certain point they can't even be considered kisses anymore. Seunghan just mouths whatever into the curve of Sohee's neck, entire body splayed on top of him as he plays around with his fingers.
"You're suffocating me," Sohee says, but doesn't actually mean it. He's riding off the high being skin to skin with Seunghan gives him. Doesn't want any of this to end.
Seunghan begins to move away -- because sometimes Sohee's sarcasm goes right over his head -- and Sohee holds him in place, patting down his hair.
"I was just kidding," he clarifies.
"Oh." Seunghan looks at him, smiles, and before long, their lips are pressed together again. It's probably past 2AM right now, yet here they are, making out like horndogs, delaying the inevitable.
Seunghan kisses below Sohee's jaw, hands gripping his waist. He's never let go since this whole thing started, and while part of Sohee believes he did this so he won't feel as self-conscious of his exposed chest, the other part revels in it, 'cause it makes him feel wanted in ways he can't fully describe.
Sohee's heart flutters when Seunghan brings his fingers to his lips.
"I love you."
The world halts. Sohee's heart stops. He stiffens, staring down at the boy before him who's still playing about with his hand. Now, however, the taller’s noticeably jittery, palms trembling and eyes darting everywhere but Sohee's face.
"What?" Sohee says, but it's barely a whisper, straining against his throat. His heartbeat is incessant, loud and hard and drowning out nearly everything else.
"I'm sorry," Seunghan blurts, blinking repeatedly. "I'm sorry I made things all awkward and messy. I -- I know the kisses don't mean anything and I should've just kept my mouth shut and -- "
"Seunghan," Sohee exhales, cutting the older's words short. But the guy doesn't look his way, glistening eyes trained on one spot on the bed. Sohee realizes he's crying. "Seunghan... Look at me. Please."
"I'm sorry for fucking things up," Seunghan confesses, chewing his lower lip, squeezing his fists. "I'm sorry for ruining our friendship."
"Seunghan, stop it," Sohee pleads, internally panicking. God, he feels like a massive dick. "You didn't ruin anything."
Seunghan quickly nods, like he's trying to believe Sohee for his sake. "O-Okay."
Sohee hugs him close, stroking his hair. Seunghan instantly sinks into him, head on his heart. "I kissed you because I wanted to, Seunghan. I wanted to kiss you."
Seunghan sniffles. "Okay."
I love you. Sohee swallows thickly when the words echo in his mind. "You'll always be my best friend. Nothing's ever gonna change that."
Seunghan nods once more, slower this time around. "Yeah..."
"Yeah," Sohee repeats, trying to act like the elephant in the room doesn't exist. "We... we should probably go to sleep now."
The words feel like cotton in his mouth, fake and superficial, but Seunghan takes them in stride, sliding off of him. Sohee feels terribly cold at the loss of contact.
Seunghan slips further into the covers, puts some more distance between them, and when he finally speaks, it's to say goodnight. Then he turns, his back facing Sohee this time around.
And, Sohee doesn't know what comes over him then. The Sohee before that had always been terrified of change would've never done this. But Seunghan's confession won't leave his thoughts -- leave his heart -- and the more it lingers, the more his fear thaws away, his long withheld emotions gushing through.
"Wait -- " Sohee grasps Seunghan's arm, the taller boy immediately looking at him. "I... I need to tell you something."
"Is something wrong?" Seunghan asks, and his obliviousness, while cute a lot of the time, almost drives Sohee up the wall at that moment.
Sohee cups his cheek, and Seunghan gets so quiet it's almost comical. Sohee then kisses him again, and Seunghan's instantly so close, chasing his lips when Sohee reluctantly pulls away.
"I love you too, Seunghan," Sohee admits, the taller's heavy gaze making him blush. "I'm sorry I didn't say it back earlier."
Seunghan's eyes well up with tears, which he hurriedly blinks away. But he's also smiling. So wide. "I -- It's my fault too. I shouldn't have sprung it up on you like that."
"I mean," Sohee shrugs, and they both laugh. He wipes a stray tear off Seunghan's cheek, then kisses the spot, feeling the older shiver. "I'm just a little... nervous, I guess. We've spent our whole lives being best friends and all. What if this doesn't work out?"
Seunghan hugs him tight. "No matter what happens, you'll always have me, Sohee."
Sohee's never really cried a lot. He remembers tearing up when Seunghan had showed up in his room the night after his assessment in tears, wondering whether people would treat him worse now that it was certain his brain worked differently. Sohee told him everything was going to be okay and binged Gravity Falls (his favourite show) with him as they ate chocolate chip ice cream until their eyes hurt and their bellies got full. And, Sohee had cried when he came out as trans to his parents on his fourteenth birthday, especially after they just hugged him and told him he was always going to be their lovely son no matter what. Seunghan had rushed over afterwards, and they built a pillow fort and played UNO till the sun set.
And now, Sohee's crying too. "I know."
"I love you so much. You know that, right?" Seunghan confesses, planting a tender kiss on Sohee's forehead. "In like, every way."
"Of course." And Sohee means it. "And I love you too, so much. In like, every way."
Seunghan kisses his lips and begins pecking him all over his face, which Sohee grimaces at and tries to tickle the taller to escape from. Then they're giggling like little kids into each other, and Seunghan wishes Sohee goodnight again, before falling asleep in his arms, perfectly content this time around.
Sohee spends the night without much worries for once.
* * *
Morning arrives with birds chirping loudly outside the bedroom window.
Sohee awakes to Seunghan just staring at him, and he quickly slips under the comforter, embarrassed to no end.
"Why were you watching me like that?" He complains, voice muffled as he tries to fix the bed-head he's positive he has at the moment. "That's so creepy."
"What? It's not my first time watching you sleep," Seunghan admits from above, and Sohee groans.
"Oh my god!"
Seunghan crawls into the space, beaming like a cheshire cat, and Sohee slips right back out, only for Seunghan to hug him before Sohee can even take two steps out of the bed.
"Morning, Sohee," Seunghan purrs, pecking his neck. Sohee dislikes how much he likes it.
"No kisses this morning," Sohee starts. "Go brush your teeth first. Then shower."
Seunghan pouts, but listens, grabbing his bag and heading out before long.
Once he's gone, Sohee finds his phone on the nightstand, and goes to his and Anton's last messages. Anton's posted something new, a good morning message that adds a little more to Sohee's guilt.
- anton
good morning sohee :)
how are you?
are you going to the movies?
- sohee✌🏻
good morning anton
m doing ok
i think i am
Anton replies almost instantly.
- anton
awesome!
Sohee wonders what's worse: concealing his intentions by saying no outright or going and letting Anton know there’s nothing there for him. They both suck, but Sohee's finally tired of hiding away.
- sohee ✌🏻
is it alright if seunghan tags along?
- anton
um
yeah okay
of course he can :)
- sohee ✌🏻
nice
see you later
- anton
yep
Seunghan shows up right then, smelling of apples and peach -- of Sohee -- and just like that Sohee's reminded of everything that happened between them last night. Of their connection. With Seunghan, everything just... falls into place. And while it maybe would've been nice to date a guy who knew him as Sohee without everything else attached to it, Sohee knows Anton deserves someone who loves him the very same way.
"Is that Anton?" Seunghan questions, already stealing a shirt from Sohee's closet to wear.
Sohee places the phone on the bed, a bit upset. "Yeah."
Seunghan, being immensely empathetic, frowns too. "Did something happen?"
Sohee shakes his head. "It's nothing. We're going to the movies in the afternoon after all. M'gonna go shower."
Seunghan stares at him for a moment, and before Sohee knows what's happening, the guy pecks his mouth before hurrying out the door.
Sohee can't believe it. This guy...
Once he's done showering and brushing his teeth, Sohee dresses up in a typical baggy shirt, jean shorts and sneakers, before tugging a beanie over his hair.
At the dining table is Seunghan, Sohee's mum adding more eggs into his plate as he eats, cheeks puffed up. It's adorable, and Sohee wants to kiss him again badly.
Once Seunghan sees him, he waves him over all excitedly. "Sohee, hi!"
"Morning, baby," Mrs. Lee grins, rubbing Sohee's head like it's a crystal ball. She laughs at the glare he shoots her. "Go sit with Seunghan. I'll give you your breakfast in a sec."
Seunghan grins at Sohee once he does this, their knees bumping beneath the table. Sohee can't help but grin too.
They eat, trying to keep their gazes as nonchalant as possible especially when Mrs. Lee glances at them ever so often, and once breakfast is done, they race for the bike shed, kissing again before grabbing their bicycles.
"Where to?" Seunghan asks once they're settled on their bikes, because he trusts Sohee the most in the world.
"Memories Lake," Sohee replies, peering at the bright blue sky. It's so clear, free of any clouds. Sohee feels like everything's going to be alright. "We first went there during summer when we were thirteen. You tripped off the pier 'cause of a fucking bee, but I think that's when I fell for you."
"Okay -- brutal," Seunghan winces, but when he smiles, it's as dazzling as the sun. And it's all for Sohee.
Seunghan holds out his hand, and Sohee takes it, entwining their fingers. Pink spreads across both their cheeks like newly bloomed roses in spring.
"We'll get some ice cream on the way. Chocolate chip, your favourite," Sohee tells Seunghan. "Deal?"
Seunghan excitedly nods, his grin growing even wider. "Deal."
Then they start pedalling down the road, eager to get to their destination and hearts aflame with something brilliant and beautiful -- because this is a new start for the both of them, and they're more than happy to face it. Together.