Chapter Text
Katsuki sighed as he walked into Class 1-B, it had been almost three full weeks since his transfer and in that time? Almost none of his new classmates spoke with him all that much, it wasn’t that they fully hated him per say but he had obviously never made a good impression on them. It also definitely didn’t help that they were all aware of what happened between him and Deku… Yeah, that definitely didn’t help at all.
He didn’t really mind all that much though, he didn’t need all those god damn extras bothering him all the time. He just needed to focus on getting his act together, he couldn’t believe that the Principal hadn’t expelled him, but he just knew it was god damn Deku’s fault… Why in the world she stuck up for him he’d never know…
Over the last three weeks he had been feeling rather strange… Well, that wasn’t the best way to put it… He had just been feeling like absolute shit. It kept replaying in his mind over and over and over again. The fear in Deku’s eyes, the annoyance and sadness and anger on his… no, on her face when she told the class about her attempts…
How could he have been so fucking stupid? That was a question that stayed ever present in his mind as he walked back to the dorms the moment he was free for the evening. How could he have treated her that way?
The whole class knew, sure, but they didn’t know the extent of how bad it got… They didn’t know how Katsuki and his god damn minions would hunt Deku down as soon as classes were released, usually after giving the nerd a head start, and when they finally caught him? Dammit, her , they would kick the shit out of her until she puked… They didn’t know how regular of an occurrence that was… They didn’t know about the scars that littered Deku’s back, caused by heated explosions launched at point blank range just for sick fucking kicks.
Katsuki was a pride-filled boy, always had been, but lately? All he could feel when he saw himself was absolute disgust…
He flopped down onto his bed with a groan, his room was barren and uninteresting, he hadn’t ever really cared much for decorating. He couldn’t stop the thoughts that were constantly racing in his head as of late… He couldn’t stop thinking about how Deku must have felt, this isolation? He felt empty after just three weeks… Deku had to deal with this isolation, and far worse, for an entire fucking decade.
If there was one solace that he had during this time? It had been Shitty Hair… A week after he had been transferred the dumbass texted him out of the blue, he could still remember it perfectly ‘You ok?’, that was all it said and Katsuki had no interest in answering. But the next day he texted him again… and then the next day and the next and the next… Katsuki finally caved yesterday, he’d never admit it out loud but god damn did he miss that stupid asshole… Speaking of, he heard his phone go off as soon as Shitty Hair came to mind…
He lazily dug his phone out of his pocket, looking at the message with a bored and lazy expression plastered on his face.
Shitty Hair: Yo, Bakugo? How are you doing?
He sent him the same message yesterday too…
Bakugo: How do you think, dumbass
Shitty Hair: That bad?
Bakugo: It’s what I fucking deserve anyway
Shitty Hair: Honestly, I can’t even really argue with you there
Shitty Hair: I’ll be completely honest with you, you already know my history with bullies
Shitty Hair: When we found out that you bullied Mido? That shit hurt man… a lot
Shitty Hair: I wanted to let you just sulk by yourself
He swallowed nervously, but dammit his fingers were not trembling when he typed his reply!
Bakugo: Then why didn’t you?
Shitty Hair: 2 reasons
Shitty Hair: 1 - I don’t think you’re that person anymore, or at least not that extreme… and honestly, just abandoning you wouldn’t do any good, you’d have no reason to change then, you know?
Bakugo: And reason 2?
Shitty Hair: Mido, she told me not to tell you but if I had to guess you already figured
Shitty Hair: She practically begged us to not just completely isolate you, she’s not really ready to talk with you herself but she doesn’t want you to suffer alone
Fuck… FUCK!!! How could he have ever thought she was incapable of being a goddamn hero?!
Bakugo: Figures that nerd would say some stupid shit like that
Shitty Hair: I know you didn’t ask but I also know you want to know, she’s doing well
Shitty Hair: She started uh… whatever it’s called, hormone something? Just the other day and we finally got her moved over to the girls dorms
Shitty Hair: She’s smiling a lot more now that she can be herself
Shitty Hair: She was kinda awkward about changing into her hero costume for a bit I think but I’m pretty sure Mina dragged her into the girl’s locker room and now she’s handling that well, or so I hear
Bakugo: Whatever
He threw his phone to the ground, he just wanted to go the fuck to sleep already… Even if he was already dreading what was awaiting him…
He had been having the same dream for a week now… Ever since he had to talk to that stupid mutt hero about his fears. It always went the same exact way… He was trapped in his own body, he tried to scream or stop himself but he was too fucking weak… He was too fucking pathetic… All he could do was watch helplessly as he said it.
“ If you want to be a Hero so bad? Then take a swan dive off the roof and pray for a quirk in your next life!! ” his body would cackle, paying no mind to the distraught look on Deku’s face
He would keep trying to move, struggling to take control back of his own body but it was fucking useless… He was a prisoner in his own flesh and all he could do was watch as he left the school… But he never made it far… Deku’s body would always land right in front of him as he was leaving through the front door.
The body was mangled, blood splattering all over the ground from the impact. He knew it wasn’t real, but unfortunately he had seen enough brutal fucking injuries that he could envision a pretty god damn realistic corpse… Her eyes were always empty, lifeless, grayed out as if he had finally killed her drive to succeed. It was as if she was already dead before throwing herself off the roof… As if he killed her spirit and the husk of her body just finally gave out…
It was the same every night… He’d snap awake as soon as he saw her face, in the dead of night… After the seventh time it happened? He finally didn’t even bother pretending that he wasn’t crying…
—
Two months went by in a blur… It was more of the same. Wake up, go to class, talk to the mutt, kick ass at his internship, sleep, nightmare… Wake up, go to class, talk to the mutt, kick ass at his internship, sleep, nightmare… Over and over again. Though he supposed a few things had started to change… Shitty Hair’s Shitty Doppelganger started talking to him and even though he didn’t show it? He was grateful to get some actual fucking verbal communication with any one of these ass clowns in 1-B…
Even better than that, a few other students in 1-A had finally texted him again… Dunce Face, Tape Arms and finally Raccoon Eyes all had at least exchanged a message or two with him, of course it wasn’t all that often… But progress was progress.
Raccoon Eyes in particular had only messaged him a few times, they were short and stern, far different from her usual obnoxious typos. Katsuki was an asshole but he wasn’t an idiot, even just from the little bit Shitty Hair had told him? He could tell Raccoon Eyes had sort of taken Izumi under her wing, trying to teach her all that stupid girl bullshit, so it made sense that she’d still hate him.
Most of the other extras in 1-A still avoided him like the plague and a select few were even more bold. Even after two months Ears and Half-n-Half would scowl and glare at him whenever they passed him in the hall, admittedly though they weren’t the worst… Eye Bags snickering at how alone he was was the most infuriating bullshit he’d ever had to deal with. But he didn’t say shit…
Progress was slow going… It would be unrealistic to expect things to return to normal so quickly, not after everything he had done. The school still wouldn’t let him talk to the nerd either, and he had only caught a couple glimpses of her in the hallway or in the occasional bit of Hero News when she kicked ass at her internship. She seemed happy…
She looked different too… Not very different, it had only been two months after all, but the beginnings of change were there if you knew her as well as Katsuki did. Her hair was longer, she looked softer and her stupidly huge fucking eyes looked even bigger now.
In a weird way he was glad that he still wasn’t allowed to talk to her, there was so much crap he needed to say to her but he wouldn’t even know where to begin… But he could tell the mutt was getting close to ok-ing it… He was real fucking proud when Katsuki finally stopped calling her Deku, from what he saw online she had even changed her Hero name to Dekiru after she came out, so it’s not like there was any reason to call her Deku ever again.
Of course he only called her Izumi mentally… He had started doing that just to stop his dumbass from misgendering her in his head. But when he would finally get to talk to her again? He planned to only call her nerd or Midoriya, he didn’t have the fucking right to call her by her actual name after all, they weren’t fucking friends, he didn’t deserve that right and if he even tried to say he was her friend then he assumed Icy-Hot would freeze his fucking balls off.
He flopped down into his bed again after another long day of training, Shitty Doppelganger’s stupid metal ass could hit him really god damn hard, but of course he won in the end. Not that he felt much of anything from that win.
He turned his phone back on to check his texts before he went to sleep but he froze at what he saw… Only one message was waiting for him…
Nerd: Hey Kacchan
He grit his teeth hard , why the fuck was the nerd messaging him now?
Bakugo: What?
Nerd: I… Honestly I don’t really know
Nerd: I guess I just kind of felt the need to message you
Nerd: I honestly can’t remember a time in my life where I’ve gone this long without talking to you
Bakugo: Well, now you fucking talked to me
Bakugo: Happy?
Nerd: Are you doing ok? I know a lot of your classmates in 1-B are nice but…
Bakugo: But what?
Nerd: You’re also an asshole a lot of the time, Kacchan
That message… genuinely caught him off guard… Not that it was unwarranted of course…
Bakugo: What about it? I don’t give a fuck about those loser extras
Nerd: Right, well if you’re angry like this then you’re probably doing pretty well at least
Bakugo: How the fuck would you know?
Nerd: Because we’ve known each other our entire lives Kacchan, you’re practically family
Family?... Maybe that was the best way to describe their relationship… He was to Izumi as the hag was to him… Loud, abusive, annoying, constantly pissed and always ready to berate her… But no matter what she does? He’s still a person that she’s close to. Yeah… That was pretty fitting when he thought about it.
Only unlike with the hag, no one would give a fuck if she just never talked to him ever again. So why?
Bakugo: Listen, what the fuck do you want from me?
Nerd: I don’t know, honestly
Nerd: A part of me feels like I should hate you, but I just can’t bring myself to that level
Nerd: I’m taking it day by day I guess, and today? I guess I just want to make sure that you’re ok
God fucking dammit… This shit would be so much easier to deal with if she just fucking hated his guts… Why the fuck was she still so nice to him? That same guilt, regret, anger, rage… it all boiled in his guts until he wanted to fucking puke his brains out. He felt like he was grinding his teeth to dust.
Bakugo: I’m fine
Nerd: Good, I’m glad to hear it
Nerd: Well… goodbye for now, Kacchan
He didn’t respond, of course he didn’t fucking respond, instead he blew up his god damn phone with a popping explosion! He threw the mangled plastic and electronics onto the ground, his breathing was uneven but he didn’t fucking care.
He was doing ok, he was starting to get a little better, but then that dumbass comes around and treats him like a normal fucking person? She should be pissed off at him! She should want him to suffer all the bullshit he made her suffer! He fucking tortured her for years and she thought a class transfer and some stupid fucking detention was good enough justice for her?!
Who was he kidding? HE was the reason why she thought so little of her own worth!! It was his own fucking fault that she seemed to think she didn’t deserve any real justice!!
The worst part of it all was that he knew, he KNEW, that she wasn’t tormenting him like this on purpose… That’s what made it torture… She was the kindest fucking person on the planet and he almost killed her…
He set off another explosion, destroying his desk instantly with a thundering BOOM!!! Some stupid fucking extra asked if he was ok from the hallway, he just yelled at them to fuck off. He slammed his face into his pillow and screamed … He practically screamed until he passed out, like an angrier version of crying oneself to sleep…
Progress was slow going… It would be unrealistic to expect things to return to normal so quickly, not after everything he had done. But each day was still an improvement… Each day he could at least put one foot forward if nothing else, because Katsuki was many things, but he wasn’t a quitter.