Chapter Text
Sirius Black is, according to many, unpredictable. He has always felt that life was too short to just aimlessly breeze through it. So yes, he will jump onto the tables and burst into songs for the sole reason of being bored. He will say something unexpected just to see the arguments that it causes. He is wholly unshakeable in his need to “spice life up a bit.”
But Merlin.
Sirius wishes that anything having to do with Remus Lupin would have clarity. He’s sick of the haziness. The feeling of his heart beating out of his chest is nothing but nauseating, and considering he’s constantly around said “issue” definitely does not help either.
Usually, he has the true heart of a lion, so much so that his entire family hates him for it. Yet, seeing his friend smiling because of a stupid joke he made would create more fear than even his darling mother could cause.
Ignore it. Ignore it. Ignore it.
Sirius spends most of his time chanting to try to convince himself that if he gives the problem no mind it will just go away. That Remus’ lovely brown eyes would not have as much sparkle to them if he just-
“I mean it's mental! Right, Pads?” James' loud exclamation abruptly cuts off Sirius’ train of thought.
“Hm?” Sirius hums as his eyes trail lazily to his best friend, trying his best to seem like he was not just thinking-completely platonically-about his friend’s honey golden eyes.
“Are you going deaf, Pads? I was talking about the absurd fact that Professor Brighton gave me a ‘Needs Improvement’ mark on my bloody werewolf essay!” James huffs as he slams back on his bed, causing papers on the bedside table to fall to the floor.
“What?” Peter finally tunes into the conversation, scrambling from his bed. “Give it here.”
James sighs and holds the stack of parchment up in the air, not bothering to sit up. Peter snatches it quickly and rakes his eyes over the scrawling words for a few moments. “Well, mate,” He finally speaks, “you did put that ‘a werewolf needs cozy oversized sweaters to maintain human composure.’”
“But they do! Look at Moony!”
“Prongs,” Remus doesn’t even bother to move his eyes from his book, “my love of sweaters stem from the fact that they are one of the only materials that don’t feel like a million little needles are pricking my skin when I wear them. Not because I’m a werewolf.”
“Well, how was I supposed to know that?” James mumbles with an embarrassed pink tint on his cheeks.
“Prongs, how the hell did you manage to do so poorly on a subject you spend direct time with once a month?” Sirius raises an eyebrow.
“Oh, please.” James rolls his eyes, “I’m sure you didn’t do much better.”
“Hardly, I received an outstanding, thank you very much.” The room is suddenly silent. Sirius watches as his friends stare at him with differing levels of shock. “Well, damn. Is it really that hard to believe?” He laughs awkwardly.
“Well, pads, it's just,” Remus clears his throat, “You never seem to really care about doing well in defense against the dark arts.”
Shit. Sirius panics internally. Play it cool. “ Oh,” He pulls at a few strands of hair, “guess it’s just easier when you have a lot of personal experience with a werewolf yourself.” His voice cracks on the last word. That was not cool, you moron!
“Clearly not.” Peter snickers, smacking James in the head with his essay, causing the bespectacled boy to whine.
“Anyway,” Remus ignores his other two roommates, “Well done, Pads. You did such a good job.”
Sirius breaks into a coughing fit, covering his face with his hand in an effort to hide the rising blush in his cheeks.
“Oi! You better not be getting sick, Pads. Not even a broken bone will get you out of the match on Friday.” James smiles cheekily, but his eyes trace Sirius intently, searching for something. He looks away quickly.
“Shut it you twat.” Sirius throws back with no real bite in his tone. He turns his head to see Remus staring at the floor intently, as if the wooden panels would answer whatever burning questions are on his mind. “A penny for your thoughts, Moons?"
“Am I really that predictable?” Remus asks with furrowed brows. Sirius frowns.
“Predictability is not a bad thing, Moony.” He stands up hastily. “I personally love that it is easy to know what you do and what your reactions will be. Without you we’d all go completely mental, yeah?”
Remus smiles slightly, his face brightening up in an instant which definitely doesn’t make Sirius insides all fuzzy in the slightest.
“Mm, he’s right,” Peter says as he opens a pack of honeydukes chocolate and throws some at Remus, “without you, Moony, I’d be forced to handle these two idiots on my own.”
“Wha-”
“Hey!”
James and Sirius cry out simultaneously, earning a shit-eating grin from Peter.
Remus chuckles lightly, “Right you are there, Wormtail. I would never do that to you, though, don’t worry.” He opens the chocolate wrapper with a wink.
“Oh, I am an idiot, huh?” Sirius abruptly runs across the room towards Remus’ bed, throwing himself on top of the older boy. “Well, in that case i’ll just stay right here until you apologize, then,”
Remus groans in pain, “Padfoot please-”
Sirius sits up, straddling the other. Which was not good to think too long about, thank you. “Uh-uh. That is not an apology, Remus Lupin.”
“Sirius if you don’t-”
“What was that? I’m sorry, I thought I was hearing someone apologize but I guess I wasn..!”
Remus was quick to grab Sirius by the hips in an attempt to throw him off balance, but Sirius just grabs his arms in retaliation.
“Not so confident now, huh?” Remus lets out a low grunt as he flips the other on his back, managing to pin him by his arms.
Sirius huffs with indignation, squirming in the tight grip, “not fair, you have superhuman strength!”
Remus laughs lightly, “you think you’d have remembered that after your perfect mark. Serves you-” Sirius' head snaps to look at the other as he stops squirming. Remus’ eyes bore into his intently, and suddenly Sirius feels very aware of all of the places his body is connected with the other
The taller boy shakes his head, swiftly letting go of Sirius’ arms. “Uh, serves you right. Can’t have that Black ego go unchecked, right?”
Sirius scoffs, “Please, if anything you should be checking the Potter ego instead.”
James' face gets covered in mock-offense. “I will have you know that many say my ego is reasonable for my level of awesomeness.”
“Your mum doesn’t count as ‘many’, Prongs.” Peter snorts, causing James to throw a shoe at him, which he catches easily.
“I still don’t understand why you won’t try out for the quidditch team, Pete, you’d be a right amazing keeper.” James begrudgingly admits to the other’s great catch.
“You know I’m not into sports, Prongs. That’s you and Sirius’ thing. I’m content just watching you. Besides,” The boy stretches out lazily, “I much prefer the herbology club’s fascinating topics anyway.”
“More like fascinating gossip.” Remus mumbles, making Peter roll his eyes.
“You’re just jealous I know everything about all the girl’s crushes, Moony.” Peter smirks as James laughs.
“I can assure you, I’m not.”
James stands up suddenly, “well I don’t know about you lot, but I could definitely go for a spot of tea, hmm?”
“Oh yes please.” Sirius groans, pushing himself up from Remus’ bed. “That double hour of Defense against the Dark Arts has made me famished.”
“Famished, Pads?” James presses his lips together to keep from laughing.
“Hey,” Sirius smacks him on the shoulder, “just because some of us didn’t grow up getting lectured for not using proper pureblood vocabulary doesn’t mean that others of us didn’t.” He pouts
Remus rolls his eyes. “Less talking, more walking, yeah?” He grabs Sirius by the shoulders and steers him towards the door.
“Alright, alright I’m going.”
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Something is going on with Sirius.
James has known him since they were freshly eleven years old. After five years, being attuned with his best friend's mood comes naturally. So the moment that James realized Sirius was spacing out more than usual and being abnormally quiet, He just knew something was up.
Now, it’s understandable that sometimes people simply don’t want to talk about their feelings, but that’s not how it is with his best friend. James and Sirius have always been as close as brothers, they tell each other every waking thought which is why the whole situation seems puzzling.
As he turns the corner of the hall after dinner, James suddenly collides with another person, one that he has always done his best to avoid at all costs.
Regulus Black.
The subject of Regulus Black has always been taboo for James. Having a best mate that physically flinches when you mention his younger brother’s name will do that. Despite the apparent resentment that Sirius always tries to convey when his name is mentioned, it’s clear that his best friend deeply misses his brother. Sirius always casts longing glances at the slytherin table whenever Regulus is talking to his group of friends. Yet, he always tries to act as if Regulus is the bane of his existence.
The younger Black brother’s eyes widen at the sudden collision for a split second before he relaxes his face into his usual disinterest.
“Potter.” His French accent is thick as he narrows his eyes at James with disdain.
“Oh, Regulus.” James pushes his glasses back up his nose and smirks, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”
“You ran into me, idiot.” Regulus pushes his curly hair away from his face and rolls his eyes with a sigh. “Move, Potter. I am in no mood to deal with you at the moment.”
“Aww, don’t be like that. I didn’t mean to run into you, you know?” James leans against the wall next to him casually and folds his arms. “And besides, shouldn't you be apologizing to me? You took that corner a bit too fast. Need to be on the lookout for bystanders, Reggie.”
The younger black brother adjusts his green outer robe and scoffs, “Do not call me that, Potter. And I am in a rush, which is why I turned the corner quickly. Although, I don’t need to explain myself to you.”As Regulus turns to continue walking James finds himself scurrying after him unknowingly.
“Wait, Regulus!” He grabs the other’s wrist which stops Regulus in his tracks.
James watches as Regulus’ eyes trek over his hand for a moment, before he rips it out abruptly and holds it to his chest with a blank expression. “Do not touch me, Potter. I am not one of your little lap dogs.”
The irony in the statement would almost amuse James if he didn’t feel so concerned about the reaction the younger Black brother gave. It was eerily similar to how Sirius was for the first few months after running away, panic masked with nothingness. He frowns and stares at the other as sincerely as he can. “I’m sorry about that, Regulus. You don’t deserve to be touched when you don’t want to.”
Regulus does not react to the apology, he just continues to stare at James for a moment before he shakes his head and puts his hand back down at his side. “What do you want, potter?”
“Oh, Right!” James brightens up slightly, “I was wondering if you know what’s going on with Sirius.”
Regulus stares at him, unimpressed. “...do I know what’s going on with my brother, that I have not spoken to in three months?”
“Right, well,” James scratches his neck and scrunches his face in embarrassment, “didn’t think that one through, I suppose.”
Something almost like amusement passes through Regulus’ features, but it is gone as soon as it comes, “if you are asking me, I assume that you must be truly desperate.”
James groans and rubs a hand down his face “He just won’t talk to me. It’s driving me mad! He’s just so quiet and spacey.”
“Well, is it something to do with that Lupin boy?” Regulus cocks his head to the side, “he has had some of the uh…the uhm… c'est quoi ce putain de mot- ” (what is the fucking word-)
James feels his mouth go dry suddenly and makes a mental note to drink some water before bed.
“Ah, issues!” The younger boy finally says, “he has had some issues with the Lupin boy last year, oui?”
“Yes he…” James trails off and cocks his head to the side. “He did, wait, how did you know that?”
“Potter, if you forgot I have known Sirius my whole life. I am well aware when he is upset about something, even if I don’t care about the cause of it.”
James watches as Regulus’ eyes look at the wall with a hint of something in them that James can’t place. He lets the younger boy stare off for a moment before continuing, “Well, Reginald, you would be correct about that.”
“Yes, well I assume it has to do-” Regulus cuts himself off and snaps his head towards James “what did you call me?”
“Oh, well I assume since I’m not allowed to call you Reggie that I would call you something else instead.” James grins. “Reginald just seems like it fits you, you know something uppity and all that.”
“Up..Uppity?” The words seem to form awkwardly in his mouth, his accent making them sound just the slightest bit jumbled. The younger grimaces and scrunches his nose. “ comment quelqu'un d'aussi mignon peut-il être si stupide?” (How can someone so cute be so stupid?)
James gapes at him, trying to see if he can understand the words, but Sirius rarely talks in french as it is. “Wait, did you just call me stupid?”
“Why do you feel the need to give nicknames to everyone around you, Potter?” Regulus brushes his hair back.
James notes that Regulus ignored his question, but he lets it slide. “Oh! Well, I just find it to make a relationship with someone feel more..erm… personal, I guess?”
“I see,” Regulus boredly searches the walls, “and would you say that calling Lupin ‘Moony’ even despite his monthly issue is something personal, Potter?”
James freezes. His eyes widen behind his glasses as he goes silent, not trusting himself to speak and possibly make it worse.
Regulus looks at him oddly, “what? Did you think you guys were getting away with keeping it a secret?” His eyebrows shoot up to his hair in shock, “you do realize that you publicly call him ‘Moony’ and he disappears once a month around the full moon, right? I mean it is honestly amazing that-”
James wastes no time in pushing Regulus against the wall harshly, his free hand going to his robe pocket where his wand was and resting it there. He feels slightly manic when he stares directly into the other’s eyes. “Regulus. Listen to me.” He leans closer. “If there is anyone else that knows about Remus you’ll tell me. And you will not lie.”
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Regulus is going to die.
Here he is with James Potter holding him hostage against the wall like something from his deepest fantasy and he can’t seem to do anything but stare at the other’s dark brown eyes that have never looked so threatening.
It definitely should not be as attractive as it is.
“Tell. Me. Black.” James spits out and okay, that’s enough.
“No one but me seems to notice the connections but if you keep doing what you’re doing they will.” Regulus cuts back with just as much venom. “Now, let go.”
James scoffs, “you’re going to sit there and tell me that not even your little friends know? Please, I might not be top of the class but I’m not stupid, Regulus.”
Regulus tries to squirm out of James’ grasp, his heart racing a little too fast for his comfort. “I can assure you that they do not, Potter. Now let go!” Regulus' voice raises as he speaks, feeling truly trapped.
It’s as if a switch is flipped in James. He lets go of Regulus abruptly and jumps back like he burned himself. Regulus tries not to let his face show concern when James' chest starts to rise and fall at a rapid rate.
“Oh, I’m…I’m sorry. I don’t know what-”James shakes his head, as if trying to clear it, “that was too far I don’t know what came over me.”
Regulus keeps his expression blank, but internally he is frowning. “You were concerned about a good friend of yours Potter, people have done worse for less.”
“But I don’t-” James looks away as he grimaces, “nevermind that, I just want to know that Remus is safe. He…erm, had some issues with some others figuring it out last year.”
Regulus nods, “I am assuming it has something to do with Snape, yes? He seemed very oddly interested in Lupin last year, only to be in the hospital wing one day and never spoke of it again.”
James grimaces again and scratches his neck, “yeah, let’s just say that he might’ve been involved in Pads and Moony not talking to each other for most of the year.”
Regulus stays silent for a moment until his mind reaches a conclusion. “... quel idiot.”
James’ laugh startles Regulus slightly. “I’d have to agree with you on that one, Reggie.”
Regulus raises an eyebrow at the other, “you understood that?”
James just chuckles and pushes his glasses back up his face, “well yes, I mean, it isn’t exactly difficult when the word is basically the same in english, yeah?”
Regulus just stares at James incredulously, eyebrows furrowed. He hadn’t considered that honestly, perhaps he needs to be more careful speaking french around those he assumes don’t know it. The younger Black is at a loss for words, which is definitely because he doesn’t know where to take the conversation from here. Not at all because everytime James pushes his glasses up his face it makes him want to sink to his-
“Well,” James cocks his head to the side in question, “you wanna help me or not, Reginald?”
“...for the love of Merlin just call me by my name, Potter.” Regulus mumbles with much less confidence and attitude than he had hoped for.
“So no Reggie, no Reginald.” James murmurs to himself. He seems to get lost in thought for a moment, scouring his brain for what is probably another stupid name. “Oh!” Regulus watches as his face is suddenly covered with delight, smiling with obnoxiously perfect teeth. “ Estrella!”
Regulus breaks into a coughing fit.
James is at his side in moments, hands hovering as if they don’t know what to do until they decide to rub his back in a gentle manner that is nothing if not the display of having the loving hands of a mother do the same for him in his childhood.
“Was that,” Regulus coughs again, “was that Spanish, J- Potter?”
James doesn’t seem to notice his slip up, thank Merlin. “Mm, you and your lot aren’t the only pureblood family that originates from a different country than England, Estrella.” James chuckles. And that nickname has to stop now or Regulus might actually faint.
His point is almost proven when Regulus feels his vision getting blurred around the edges, his heart rate increasing rapidly, and not because he was so close to James. He looks up at the other and blinks slowly. “Potter…you might want to…”
James' eyes widen quickly.
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When you live with people for a long period of time, you tend to get to know all of their little quirks. For example, Remus has to have his bed ready to sleep in before he takes a shower, Peter spends at least twenty minutes a day reading up on plant growth magazines, and Sirius has to start his day with a Queen record on and end it with Bowie.
But you also get to know major stuff, stuff that might be embarrassing or difficult to tell. Remus has his “furry little problem”, Peter gets awful amounts of homesickness that he almost can’t handle, and Sirius…
Sirius has an issue with fainting. Not many know it, because if he feels even the slightest bit off, he runs to a secluded area to deal with it (“dealing with it” being faceful of whatever ground he’s on at the moment more often than not.) Even James had no idea of it until their third year when they all had gone to hogsmeade for the first time and Sirius had gone paler than usual and had promptly fell to the stone ground like a ragdoll, causing the other three to go into a massive panic until voice-of-reason Remus screamed at Peter to go get Filch.
So, James now can tell the signs quite easily. Confused speech, glossy eyes, maybe even trembling in the arms and hands. All of which seem to be happening to the younger Black brother at this very moment.
In no time James wraps his arms around the shorter boy’s shoulders and slowly guides him to the floor. He puts his bag under his legs quickly.
“How do you..uh..” Regulus tries his hardest to get a sentence out, but it doesn’t quite happen.
James shushes him lowly, taking off his red Gryffindor prefect robe and balling it up to stick under his head. “I’ve done it a million times for your brother. You’re in good hands, I promise.”
Regulus just hums and suddenly his face goes slack, his eyes closing abruptly. James casts a quick timer spell and simply sits and waits.
After about a minute and a half, Regulus groans and his eyes blink open blearily. James stops the timer and worries at his lower lip in apprehension. “Minute and thirty three seconds.” Regulus finally opens his eyes fully and groans in response, starting to sit up. James’ hands are behind his back in seconds.
“That…” Regulus looks up at James with a soft expression, one he had never seen on the black haired boy's face before. “Thank you.”
“Anytime, Estrella .” The two stare at each other in silence, James feeling rather weird. Until he finally can’t handle it. “Here, let’s get you up, yeah?”
As soon as Regulus is on his feet and steady he looks at James and turns a bright red. James is shocked to see yet another unknown emotion on the other before he abruptly bolts in the direction of the slytherin common room.
So that’s Regulus then. Huh.