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It had been a month since Aziraphale left.
It had been a month since they kissed.
It had been a month since Crowley drove away.
A month since a black hole opened up in Crowley’s world and took his ability to feel.
Crowley hadn’t moved in his Bentley since, he doesn’t even know where he’s at. He’s been staring at the same tree since he stopped. He thinks he’s in a mountain. Or a forest? Or he could be on top of a volcano right now.
He felt like he should be doing something, surely this can’t be the end? Surely this isn’t the fate of their relationship with the angel.
With his angel.
With Aziraphale.
The first 24 hours of their separation, it took everything in Crowley to not go back and beg Aziraphale to be with him again.
Crowley’s a demon and yet this is the first time he has understood what real demons are. From the demons in his head telling him to fuck it and sacrifice everything just so he could once again feel the warmth of the only creature in the world that he wants to be with.
Funny how that works. One creature in the world you want to be with and they don’t even want you back.
Crowley wonders if Aziraphale is okay, if he needs help and if he would accept Crowley’s if they offered. Crowley would. Offer help. Aziraphale could drown him in holy water and the demon would come back just to help the angel if they ever need it.
It doesn’t matter now, Crowley knows. Aziraphale is probably happy now, in heaven, in his paradise.
Crowley’s paradise was Aziraphale’s bookshop. Aziraphale himself. Conversations with Aziraphale. Touching Aziraphale.
Crowley could live on the angel’s smile alone. His voice when he talked about literally anything. An angel at his deepest core, even when he shouldn’t be. Crowley still thinks Aziraphale deserves more than what anything heaven can offer—anything that God herself can offer.
Maybe that’s it, the reason why Crowley isn’t in their life anymore. What could he ever offer Aziraphale? If he could go back, what could he have done differently?
Aziraphale has sense. That’s why the kiss didn’t work. An act of desperation and Aziraphale probably felt it echo in his chest.
How pathetic.
How utterly disgusting.
Someone like Crowley could never be with someone like Aziraphale. They were as similar as they were different. A demon and an angel, someone with hope and someone without, someone good and someone bad.
Time stood still for the demon. He isn’t sure if it's real or not. Maybe he really did stop time again, maybe it’s only been a few seconds since everything happened.
Aziraphale leaving was like Falling all over again, except worse. At least when he Fell, he didn’t feel so alone. They were lost and confused, sure, they also had to hear the other fallen angels suffer through getting disowned by God but at least they could focus on that. They weren’t the only one suffering.
Now, though. He can’t say the same. Gabriel and Beelzebub went off together. Is it possible Crowley and Aziraphale really did force something that shouldn’t have been together in the first place?
Maybe this is an addition to Crowley’s suffering because he had never done anything right—he was bad at being an angel, he was bad at being a demon.
Maybe Crowley is nothing. Maybe they’re actually the mistake that’s supposed to disappear. Not the world. Not humanity.
In the end, it doesn’t matter. Crowley is of no use now. Not in heaven, not in hell, and certainly not in Aziraphale’s bookshop.