Chapter Text
“Why didn’t you tell me about the break up?” Ada asked, waiting for Anaïs to say something after being quiet for most of the day.
“I don’t know, I just… I didn’t want to bother anyone. All of you were studying for the upcoming exams so I didn’t want to worry you guys during these weeks.”
“Yeah but you’re our friend, exams can be retaken anyways.” Anaïs laughed softly, shaking her head.
“Sure thing, I’d like to see you explaining to your dad why you failed your french text over some stupid teenage break up that isn’t even yours.”
“First of all, it’s not stupid if it affects you, that should be more than enough and I’m sure Mila would have come up with some of her ideas to help me, that’s her thing anyways.”
“Are you doing okay by the way? If you feel like talking about it, we can maybe grab some coffee after class?” Ada spoke again, worried about her friend while both girls stopped walking when they reached their lockers. She hadn’t had a good sleep for days, Ada could definitely tell. She was in a similar situation not long ago anyways.
“I don’t know, Ada. I don’t really kn–”
“Anaïs, we have to talk.”
The brunette turned around to hear the voice of the person who interrupted her to see Bobbie was just standing there, looking at her like a lost puppy and Anaïs suddenly felt sick, memories hit her making her vision blurry for a second. She couldn’t do this. Not right now. Bobbie was not the kind of drug she needed today.
“I’ll leave you two, then” Ada whispered, making a face while closing her locker. “Call me later?” Anaïs nodded, sighing to face Bobbie again.
“We don’t, actually.” She said sharply. “I’m gonna be late and I need to use the bathroom.” The brunette started to walk away, trying to force herself to not say anything else.
Bobbie stayed still, playing nervously with her gray hoodie sleeves watching the other girl get almost lost in the hallway. That wasn’t the kind of answer she was expecting. Was it really worth it to follow Anaïs around hoping that she would listen to her for more than a minute? She wasn’t sure but things couldn’t get any worse between them, right?
“Yeah, they couldn’t.” She thought to herself.
“Anaïs, wait! Fuck!”
“Bobbie just drop it, leave me alone” She replied, moving much faster among the rest of the students.
Anaïs got to the bathroom as quickly as she could not even turning around once to know if Bobbie was still following her around. She just hopping from one of the bathroom cubicle to be free so she could hide from the other girl but unfortunately for her, none of them were and the shorter girl was not planning on giving up so easily.
“Anaïs…”
“Please, stop saying my name.”
Bobbie blinked a few times because that was the only thing her body allowed her to do. The words wouldn't come out of her mouth so the blonde could only stare at her in silence, seeing how Anaïs’ eyes were starting to tear up. She just wanted to reach for her hand, to tell her that she was willing to sacrifice everything if that meant seeing her smile one more time but she couldn’t say it. This language was unknown to her.
She was so useless.
So meaningless.
She just wasn’t good enough for her and she knew it. She was fully aware of it.
But oh God, Bobbie loved her so much it was starting to sound ridiculous even in her mind.
“We need to talk…I need to talk. Why did you give the camera to Hanne? That’s basically the same thing as confessing.”
Anaïs turned her back to look at her, her expression suddenly changing into a mad one.
“Bobbie you’re bones” The blonde girl thought. Not really a good way to start a conversation if she was thinking about apologizing and taking the blame.
She was trying.
“Maybe you should try harder.”
“Don’t you fucking dare tell me what I’m supposed to do or not” Anaïs’ eyes widen in disbelief and anger after hearing Bobbie’s words.
“I’ve been… I’ve been through hell but why the fuck would you even care? Huh? You’re just worried about you and your troubles. Do you even care about us? Was this even real for you?”
No words.
No answer.
Time seemed to be frozen.
Anaïs was starting to lose it and Bobbie just wanted to perish.
“You’re just gonna stay silent?” The brunette asked again but nothing happened. “Right, that’s what I thought.”
“Did you pity me? Is that why you did all of this? Oh! Poor boring Anaïs who never had her first anything, poor boring Anaïs who is just too good to everyone but no one can notice that she has actual feelings as well. You know what? Fuck you, Bobbie.”
“That’s not true, you’re being unfair right now…”
“How exactly am I being unfair right now?” She spilled, her right eyebrow rising.”Please, enlighten me.”
“This was real” Bobbie moved her hands desperately. “Is real but you’re the one who broke up with me in the first place.”
“Of course I broke up with you! I couldn’t… I can’t act like nothing happened, you almost killed Hanne!”
“Yeah, you went too far right there.”
The two girls who were inside the bathroom cubicles finally got out, giving them weird looks while exiting the place and Anaïs wished she was dead at that very same moment. If Hanne didn’t know about the accident she was gonna hear about it soon.
“Yeah, fine. Whatever.” Anaïs turned her back to Bobbie again.
“Fuck this, Anaïs, you just don’t wanna listen.” Bobbie approached the bathroom’s door until Anaïs decided to speak again.
And everything just broke.
Maybe some broken pieces couldn’t be put back together.
“Yeah, just run away like you always do, that’s the only thing you’ve learnt from your mother.”
“What did you just say?” The blonde stopped abruptly, turning around to find Anaïs with her arms crossed.
“You heard me.”
“You know what? If you care so fucking much about Hanne why didn’t you tell her it was me? Why not fucking confess then? Tell me, c’mon just answer me for once. Just go with it and tell her that it was me.”
And this time Anaïs was the one who didn't give an answer. They were completely alone in the bathroom now and even if classes were about to start at any moment, none of them seemed to care about that matter. It was the time for talking even if that meant destroying everything they had built together the past weeks.
“Answer.” Bobbie asked again.
“Stop.”
“Anaïs Davis, answer the fucking question.”
“Everybody is gonna hear us and I’m late for class.” She tried to stop the conversation but it was too late for that
“There’s nobody here? Fuck this.” Bobbie grabbed one of Anaïs’s hands, as gently as she could, pulling her inside one of the bathrooms.
“Better now?” She asked the girl unironically.
“Bobbie, please.”
“I just can’t understand what you want from me. Why do you have to make everything so complicated? You said you can’t keep doing this anymore but you haven’t done anything to change this whole situation with Hanne. Why?”
“Because…Because I fucking love you, Bobbie. That’s why. It is because I’m in love with you and I can’t stop thinking about how much I miss you and that feeling makes me hate you. God, you’re just too blind to see what’s around you.”
“And I hate myself because I can’t stop loving you.” Anaïs said, pushing Bobbie as far as she could while tears were running down her face. “You kept dragging me into your mess but I didn’t even care, I was willing to make it my mess as well if that meant being around you just for one more second. You made everything look so easy that I saw my beginning and my ending with you at the same time.”
“God, what do I even know about love other than it ruins people? It ruined my parents and no one needs to tell me because I know I’m ruined too.”
And that was the thing about love and hate, both are just such a thin and weak thread that could be so easily destroyed or so easily fixed that it felt ridiculous. Was destiny even real? That was Anaïs’ question. How could you have both feelings living inside of you just like that? Anaïs and Bobbie were just foolish and insignificant toys for the Gods, for the Universe, for whatever forces were up there somewhere, The Moirai were laughing at them constantly, their pain or love they had for each other did not matter to anyone but them and they couldn’t even express it, not properly at least, so what was the reason behind this?
Life was about giving and taking and it felt like a nightmare of which they couldn’t find a way to wake up.
“Oh stresskip” Bobbie whispered, caressing Anaïs’ check who was now looking at the floor, too afraid of her own feelings and too afraid of facing the other girl. “You’re so dumb.” But even if the brunette was scared, she knew Bobbie was waiting for her.
She gets it now. Love it’s stupid, it’s full nonsense but at least it’s whatever they want it to be.
It’s a million heartbeats pounding on your chest with just one look, with just one touch, with just one simple word. It’s the beginning of the world and it’s the very same apocalypse at the same time but it’s theirs. Sometimes a safe place meant to be held by your significant other even if it was just for a second.
And damn, if heaven felt like any of that, they were turning themselves into believers.
“I love you too.” Bobbie stated as clear as she could, intertwining their fingers together while the brunette rubbed the blonde’s back. “I love you, Anaïs and I’m sorry I didn’t learn to say it until now but I do, I really do.”
And that was not the better way to make things work out again, Anaïs knew but she was just too exhausted so she didn’t even let that thought cross her mind because she was already kissing Bobbie and it felt so messy at the beginning that they couldn’t help but laugh, it's just like they have forgotten how it felt to be kissed by each other but as soon as Bobbie made their noses rush, all the memories hit again. The puzzle seemed complete again.
“This is stupid” Both of them thought in their heads but maybe it was supposed to be that way.
What the fuck did they know about love?
What did they know about hate?
Nothing really.
Bobbie leaned into Anaïs again, smiling as warmly as she could between kisses but the other girl didn’t care about that right now, she just needed Bobbie to keep doing whatever she was doing with her braids because her body felt warm again, her body felt safe and that was enough for her right now.
They’ll deal with Hanne later.
Now they were just too busy to think about anything else.
I’ll sacrifice your for.
I’ll even do wrong for you.
Oh, baby.
“You’re so so so pretty.”
“Oh please, just shut up and kiss me.”