Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I’ll bet he’s out running, that idiot. Mochi thought, walking towards the practice field. It was close to six, time for dinner. Practice had ended at two, since it was a Saturday, and he’d not seen his roommate since right after that. It was dinnertime, and he was going to make sure Eijun ate and rested if it was the last thing he did.

Looking over the practice field, he saw Eijun turning the corner, headed for another lap. He ran down the stairs and stood in the middle of the path. At least he’s not dragging that tire around...thank god for small favors. Eijun ran up to him and stepped to the side, going around.

“Oi! Sawamura, stop! Don’t make me chase your ass—you know I’ll catch you, and then you’ll have to pay.” Eijun stopped and stood still, hands on knees as he caught his breath.

“What did you want, Kuramochi-senpai? I was just running a little.”

“Idiot, you’ve been running since the end of practice. It’s dinnertime, let’s go eat. And then you and I have a date with the Smash Brothers.”

“But Kuramochi-senpai, I was going to…”

“Well now you’re not. Now you’re going to do what I say, and stay in and play some games with me, got it?” Kuramochi leaned in threateningly.

Eijun sighed, resigned to his fate. “Yes, senpai, I’ve got it.”

Together they walked to the cafeteria. Eijun was more subdued than Mochi was used to; he knew what was bothering him, it was bothering all of them. That loss to Inashiro was eating him up, he was busy blaming himself, trying to put it behind, trying to get stronger. They were all suffering; the loss itself was bad enough, but they’d also lost the sempai, their mentors, friends and even, in Mochi’s case, their boyfriends. Eijun knew, they all knew, that a baseball was more than one pitch, that the whole team was to blame, but it was still hard to believe. Mochi knew about Eijun’s past, knew he was used to losing games, but also knew Eijun couldn’t stand the idea of being the one whose fault it was, he didn’t want to be the person to blame for the loss. Moreover, he was blaming himself for everything, for the loss, for the Senpai, for the breaking of the dream and the team.

However, Mochi was not having any of that tonight. He was determined to get Eijun’s mind out of that rut, get him to not blame himself, at least for one evening. That was the plan, and Mochi was always good at following plans.

He led Eijun through the line, making sure the boy grabbed plenty of food; he knew he’d been skipping meals and eating less than he should. Following him to a table, they sat with Haruichi and Furuya, greeting their teammates. After a few minutes, Miyuki joined them, and the talk became general, no one saying anything of importance, but each gaining some comfort in the presence of the others. It seemed that there was something going on between the captain and Eijun, something unspoken that colored their words. Mochi couldn’t quite tease it out, so he left it. For now.

After dinner, he led Eijun back to the room, getting out the Nintendo and setting up Super Smash Bros. for them to play.

"Can you grab us a couple of bottles of water, Sawamura?" Mochi asked, as he scrolled through the start menu.

"Of course, Mochi-senpai." Eijun responded promptly, trying to at least appear to be his usual self, trying not to worry his roommate.

He went over to the fridge to get the water, pulling out the last two bottles. "We're going to need to restock..." He went still. Behind the water bottles, tucked into the back corner of the fridge where it'd been overlooked, was a package of pudding. Masuko-senpai's pudding. The senpai who were gone, who were gone because of Eijun, it was all Eijun's fault that they were gone, the senpai had to go because I couldn't play, because of me, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, I'm not good enough, I'm no good, it's all my fault...Eijun spiraled, thoughts piling and pushing, dark and painful and devastating. He felt his lungs seize up, his heart raced, and he was unable to breathe. Panic attack. Perfect, I can't even control my body, I can't stay here, I need to go, I need to...

Mochi heard Eijun stop in the middle of his sentence and waited for him to continue. When he didn't, he spun around to check on the boy. "Oi, 'mura, what's taking you so long?" He saw the boy frozen, staring into the refrigerator, "What? Is there a dead body in there?" He joked as he got up to see what Eijun was staring at.

"'Mura? What are you looking at?" He ducked his head to look into the fridge, and saw the pudding in the back corner. "Aw, man. Masuko's going to miss that." Mochi turned to face Eijun, and finally realized that there was something wrong with him. He dropped down onto the floor beside him, watching carefully.

"Sawamura. Eijun. What's wrong?" Eijun didn't respond, turning his head to look at Mochi, eyes wide. He noticed that his breathing was rapid, uneven, and that he seemed to be lost. Panic attack, I'll bet. Poor kid, he's still blaming himself, I bet that pudding set him off.

"Panic attack, huh? Ok, here's what we're going to do. You're going to breathe with me, can you understand me?" Eijun nodded slightly. "Alright, breathe in, 2, 3...out, 2, 3...in..." Mochi laid his hand on Eijun's back, monitoring his breathing. "You're doing so well, this is good." Eijun was trying to breathe correctly, and it was getting better quickly. Good, it's not a bad attack, I should be better in just a few minutes.

Eventually, Eijun's breathing evened out and the attack passed. He turned to thank Mochi, when he noticed the worry and concern in his senpai's eyes. "I'm sorry, Mochi. I don't...I didn't mean for that to happen. Thank you for your help."

"Hush, you idiot. Of course, you didn't mean for that to happen, no one ever does. But we do need to talk about why it happened. Eijun, I know you’re having a hard time believing this, but none of this is your fault. We all played a bad game; it takes more than one person to lose a game, more than one bad pitch. And that's what you did—you threw one bad pitch. It's not your fault. The senpai are gone, but that's what happens, and it's not your fault."

Eijun broke. He couldn't help it, he felt so guilty, so destroyed by what had happened; he knew that Mochi had every right to blame him, and yet he didn't.

Mochi watched the boy break, and couldn't stand to watch it. He pulled him into his lap, this boy who'd tried so hard, who'd bent under the pressure of carrying a high school team when he didn't really understand what that meant. He felt his own cheeks growing wet, the loss of the senpai, and especially the loss of his boyfriend, hitting him as well. Together they wept, finding comfort and solace in each other's company.

As his tears began to slow, Eijun realized he was exhausted, the running and extra training he'd been doing was catching up to him. Mochi took one look at his tired eyes, and revised the plans for the evening. "Come on, Eijun, let's go lay on your bed and watch a movie."

Eijun nodded, meekly agreeing with anything Mochi wanted him to do. Tucking Eijun into bed, he put "Spirited Away" in the Nintendo and started the movie, climbing into the bed with Eijun, tucking himself behind the boy, snuggling them together.

"It's all right, Eijun. We'll be alright." He ran his fingers soothingly through Eijun’s hair.

"Thank you Mochi-senpai, you’re a good roommate." Eijun snuggled into Mochi, seeking warmth and comfort.

"Hush, you, don’t think this is going to become a habit." Mochi grabbed him in a chokehold, but it was gentle, and felt more like a hug to Eijun. Patting Mochi's arm, Eijun sleepily replied.

"I'm still glad you're here. You can snuggle with me whenever you want." His eyes closed and he started to drift off, just barely hearing Mochi's choked reply.

"Oi, brat...why do you think I'd want to..." followed by a softly spoken "thank you" as he felt his roommate burrow closer, snuggling up and sinking into sleep himself.

As time went on, Mochi didn't exactly make a habit of sleeping with Eijun, but once every couple of weeks he'd find himself crawling into the bottom bunk, movie playing and warm arms waiting.

Chapter Text

Eijun expected a lot of things when he went to Seido, he expected to be challenged both physically and mentally, he expected to learn new things about baseball, to learn to control his pitches and maybe even learn to bat, he expected to be knocked down and rebuilt, turned into a better, more stable player.

What he'd not expected, though, was to become used to, even dependent on, cuddling.

He found himself in a couple of situations: Firstly, and most importantly, he and Kazuya had started sleeping, in the most innocent usage of that term, together whenever they could. Secondly, ever since that night in late summer when he and Kuramochi found themselves curling up to sleep together after an evening of tears and grief, they would find themselves watching a movie and falling asleep in the same bed a couple of times a month. This usually happened when Kazuya had a reason to sleep alone and Ryou was not available.

This was one of those nights. Kazuya was plotting the play calling for their game the next day and had some homework to do, so he was sleeping separately. Ryou had graduated, was off at university and Mochi only saw him on weekends. Eijun walked into their room to see Mochi curled up on his bed, Miyazaki movie playing on the television. That was the signal that his roommate was feeling lonely, and although he knew he'd never ask, and would move to the top bunk if requested, Mochi wanted to snuggle. Eijun grinned to himself; he'd never tell Mochi, but he had meant every word he'd uttered half asleep the first time, he was happy to cuddle with him whenever he wanted to do so. It was nice, Eijun thought, to have another warm body close. He changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed, spooning up behind the shorter boy, watching the movie over his shoulder. Without a word, they nestled together, falling to sleep shortly after they both got comfortable.

The clock reading 12:30, Kazuya finished his studies and rubbed his face. He was tired, his eyes were dried out and burned from studying, his brain was fried and he wanted some sleep. He also knew he didn't want to sleep by himself, that he'd rather be snuggling up with Eijun. Surprisingly, for such a noisy person, he became a place of calm for Kazuya when they slept together, granting him the most peaceful sleep he'd had for years, the warmth and stillness seeping into his bones, into his heart. He'd become quite addicted to it, and hated it when the situation dictated that they sleep apart. Tonight, he knew he'd not get any rest alone, so he decided to slip into Eijun's bed. He had the key to Eijun’s room, so he wouldn't disturb anybody. Mind made up, he slipped on some shoes and left, closing the door softly behind himself.

Stepping inside the room, he saw Howl's Moving Castle playing on the television, and no one in Mochi's bed. Looking around, he saw Mochi sleeping in Eijun's bed...but where was Eijun? Moving closer, he saw the top of Eijun's head tucked into Mochi's back, and he sucked in a breath, startled. Eijun's head lifted, and by the dim light of the movie, he saw the glimmer in his eye and the smile of welcome on his face.

Eijun patted the mattress behind himself, and Kazuya grinned. What had he thought was going on? He knew Eijun loved him, and that Mochi was in deep with Ryou. Apparently, though, he wasn't the only one who enjoyed snuggling. Shrugging out of his shirt and slipping on the sleep pants he stole from Eijun's drawer, he slid into place behind Eijun. He tucked his glasses into the slats above Eijun's bed and wrapped his arms around his boy, nuzzling into his back. Eijun turned his head and grinned, whispering, “I’m so glad you could make it." "Me too." Kazuya whispered back, diving in for a quick kiss. Mochi stirred a little, but didn't wake, and the pair settled down to sleep. Kazuya had one thought before drifting off.

Things were going to be interesting in the morning....

Chapter Text

Kazuya was trying to relax, lying on his bed reading a manga that he’d borrowed from Eijun. He’d never had time for such things before, but now that he was retired, he found he needed something to occupy himself with when he wasn’t busy studying. Maybe it would be more accurate to say he was trying to read; his mind didn’t seem to want to settle.

He missed Eijun.

The team had gone away for a training camp—really just a long weekend in the mountains, with lots of hills to run up, and a few other teams to practice against. It was skirting the ‘no matches’ rule by being completely informal, and the Baseball Federation sent an observer every year to make sure that they stayed within the limits. This was the first year that Seido had gone since Kazuya started there, the invitation having been extended due to their Koshien win.

This was the first time they’d really been apart for any length of time since they’d started dating, and he was—not surprisingly—not okay with it. He’d come to terms with the fact that he really disliked not being able to gauge his boy’s condition whenever the urge hit, and he’d not heard from him since Eijun darted out of his room the previous morning with a startled yelp and a quick kiss as he realized the time. It wasn’t unexpected that there wouldn’t be any cell service, and they’d discussed it beforehand.

It was fine.

He was fine.

He opened his laptop and logged into Skype, on the off chance that Eijun would find a computer to use, leaving it open on his desk where he could see it. Knowing there wasn’t much else he could do, he settled back to read, when he heard a knock at the door.

“It’s unlocked, come on in!” He called from his bed, having heard the door to the room next to his slam and knowing who is was. The door opened and Mochi walked in, with a wide grin in place.

“Yo, Kazuya. Whatchu doing?” He strolled over to the bed and plopped down, looking over Kazuya’s shoulder. “Really? Reading manga?”

“It’s a respectable form of literature, if you must know.” Kazuya responded with a smirk. “Why are you here lounging on my bed, Mochi? Something I can do for you?”

“What? What kind of sad existence do you lead where a guy can’t pay a friendly visit to his neighbor? I was just wondering where Eijun was. I thought we could watch a movie or something.” Mochi colored slightly, sitting up. Oh? Oh...I see.

Kazuya set down the book and turned towards Mochi, squinting as he processed what Mochi didn’t say. “He’s away at the training camp, remember? Not back until Tuesday.”

“Oh. Yeah, I forgot. Never mind, I’ll leave you to your manga. We can watch something another time.” Mochi got up and headed towards the door.

“Wait.” Kazuya got off the bed. “If you want to watch a movie, I don’t mind.” He thought he’d deciphered Mochi’s code, and knew what he really wanted. Thinking back, he remembered him saying he’d planned to go see Ryou this weekend, something must have happened to make that fall through. “But can we watch it in here? Or bring my laptop to yours? I’m hoping to hear from Ei tonight, I haven’t heard from him since he left.” You’ve done so much for me, the least I can do is be there for you when you need me.

Mochi’s eyes lit up. “You really don’t mind?”

“Naw, I know how it is. Sometimes it’s lonely by yourself.” Kazuya was pretty sure they weren’t talking about watching movies any more.

“Kayayaya! You’re not wrong! Go ahead and bring your laptop—that way we can leave it free in case the idiot figures out how to Skype. We can watch on my TV. Oh, and bring your own pillow.”

“Of course! You think I want to use your pillow? You’ve probably drooled all over it. I might get rabies or something.” He grabbed his stuff and headed for the door, Mochi following as they bickered.

“If anyone’s going to give you rabies from drooling, it’s Bakamura. He’s the biggest drooler there is.”

“I know, right?” Kazuya grinned. “It’s really cute.”

Mochi made choking sounds. “Oh, now that’s just gross.” Kazuya busted out laughing at the face Mochi was making, following him into his room. He set the laptop on Mochi’s desk facing the bed and sat down.

“What are we watching?”

“What do you feel like?” Mochi asked. Kazuya knew that they usually watched Miyazaki movies when Mochi was feeling down and wanted to snuggle.

“Do you have Kiki? I haven’t seen that in forever.”

Mochi grinned, looking relieved. “I sure do, let me grab it.” Did he really think I didn’t know what it was he wanted?

Slipping his pillow behind his head, Kazuya lay down in the bed and propped himself on the wall so he could see the television. Mochi turned on the movie and climbed into the bed in front of Kazuya, sliding down enough that he didn’t block his view.

“Is this ok?” Mochi asked quietly. Kazuya could see he wasn’t relaxed, and that wasn’t what he wanted.

“It’s fine.” He responded just as quietly. “It’s kinda weird without Eijun here, huh?”

“It is.” Mochi rolled over to face Kazuya. “If you don’t want—”

Kazuya cut him off. “No, I do. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts, either. I haven’t heard from Eijun since yesterday morning when they left, and I know he’s alright and they probably don’t have cell signal, but I still—”

“I know; I get you. You and I both know he loves you, but sometimes things get stuck in your brain and you just can’t get them out. I understand that.” Mochi blinked a few times, and Kazuya thought he saw moisture in the corner of his eyes. “Believe me, do I ever understand that.” he said in an undertone.

“Mochi.” Kazuya’s hand reached out, touched his shoulder. Mochi smiled weakly and rolled over, facing the television.

“Let’s watch the movie.”

Sighing, Kazuya turned his attention to the movie, but not before throwing an arm around Mochi and bringing him closer for a proper spooning. He felt Mochi’s shoulders shaking, and knew he was crying, but he didn’t know what he should do. He lay there, feeling impotent, wondering how he could help this boy who’d done so much for him. He knew how Eijun would handle it, but he wasn’t Eijun, the relationship between himself and Mochi was different.

Shrugging mentally, he did the only thing he knew to do.

He tightened his hold, slipping one arm under Mochi’s head, and covered them both up with blankets. Resting his head on Mochi’s, he whispered in his ear.

“I’ll help you bury the body.”

Omake

The next morning, Kazuya grabbed his laptop as he got ready to return to his room. Looking at the screen, he noticed the Skype icon was blinking.

Ei: I’m so sorry; I just got my turn at the computer.

Ei: Kazu? Are you there?

Ei: Wait a minute, where are you? Is that Mochi-senpai’s room?

Ei: Oh how cute, I see you over there cuddling.

            Eijun wants to be there in the snuggle pile.

Ei: I hope you sleep well, senpai. I miss you, and I’ll be back soon.

Ei: I love you.

            Eijun has left the chat

Chapter Text

Kazuya yawned as he rolled over, snuggling into his bedmate. Mochi was still asleep; he’d finally fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of the movie, exhausted from the tears and whatever it was that was troubling him.

Kazuya was determined to figure out exactly what it was that was going on with him.

Knowing that Mochi wasn’t going to talk to him voluntarily, he considered his options and gathered what he’d need to get the information he wanted. Then he waited.

Mochi woke slowly, blinking, eyes swollen from tears. He looked around and saw Kazuya sitting at the desk, working on his laptop. Sitting up, he rubbed his face. “Morning, Kaz.”

“Morning, Mochi.” Kazuya looked up at his friend and smiled. “Feeling better?”

Mochi’s face dropped a little, but he plastered a smile on his face. “Kayaya! I’m fine.”

“I see.” Kazuya sighed, wishing his friend would be more forthcoming. “Well, get dressed, we’re going to the gym. Eijun’s not here to run with, and we both need to stay in shape.”

“Breakfast first?” Mochi asked.

“Nah. Breakfast after. And then we’re going to go somewhere to talk, and you’re going to tell me precisely what’s going on.” Kazuya smirked.

“I told you, nothing’s wrong. Really.”

“You’re sticking to that story?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I guess I’ll leave you alone after breakfast then, I chatted a little with Ryou this morning, and I’m supposed to call him at noon to catch up.”

“YOU DID WHAT?” Mochi tried to be pissed, but he knew his friend and he knew how tenacious he could be. “You wouldn’t.”

“If you won’t talk to me, yes, I would.”

“You’re not my captain anymore, it won’t affect the team, remember?”

“Now who’s the idiot? What does that have to do with anything? I’m your friend, Mochi, and I care about you more than your worth to the team.”

Mochi subsided, grumbling. “Eijun’s going to be so mad at you for this.”

Kazuya laughed, clear and honest. “Are you planning to tattle? I think he’ll be proud of me. He’s always trying to get me to be involved, take more care of people and stuff outside of baseball. Do you really think he’ll be mad?”

“No, probably not, but he’s an idiot.” Mochi continued to complain. “He had the bad taste to fall for you, didn’t he?”

“He did. And I don’t know why, but I’m not sorry. Now quit trying to change the subject—will you talk, or do I need to speak to Ryou?”

“You know I will, bastard.” He complained as he got up to find his clothes. “And you also know that he’s going to be asking me what you wanted. Manipulative asshole.” The insults didn’t contain any heat, they actually sounded more relieved than anything.

Handing Mochi his shirt, Kazuya responded as expected. “Thank you.” Mochi glared. “Really, though, you’re the one who keeps harping on communication.” Kazuya glanced at his laptop, at the picture of his boy grinning at him from his background. “And I understand how important that is. You should remember something Ei told me shortly after we started dating that’s stuck with me. ‘It’s not a bad thing to need reassurance and it’s not weakness to ask where you stand’. Talk to me, Mochi, and then talk to him. I get that it’s hard, but it’s necessary.”

Mochi pulled on his shirt, blinking the tears that threatened back. Sighing, he capitulated. “You’re never going to let this go, are you? Eijun’s ruined you. He’s made you soft.”

“No, I don’t think so. He’s made me stronger. More flexible, not so brittle. I can bend now, and I can reach out to those I care about. I care about you, Mochi.”

“Let’s go workout, have breakfast, and then I’ll tell you everything. Happy?”

“Not until you are, but that’s a start.”

Together they walked out of the room, and if Mochi was walking closer than usual, Kazuya didn’t mention it.

Nor did he respond to the shoulder bump or the whispered “Thank You.”

That was what friends were for.