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It was Friday night, usually I would be in bed already considering it’s one thirty in the morning. But teenage normalcy has finally gotten to me, so I guess I’m going out. I haven’t gone out a single night at this point in my sophomore year of college. People are always talking about “enjoying your teenage years'' or “how much fun” being nineteen was going to be. But up until now, I haven’t really done anything noteworthy. Unless you count pulling a few all-nighters to cram for finals as “fun” I’m pretty sure I’m the most boring teenage girl of this generation.
Tonight that all changes. Just because I don’t go out doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t have friends, I have Ari, who I’ve known since 6th grade and practically do everything with. Then there’s Nick, who I met in our senior year of high school and became best friends with pretty much instantly. And then there's Nick's triplet brothers, Matt and Chris.
I’m really not sure if we consider ourselves friends, but they just always seem to be around. I joke with Nick all the time that the three of them could be the next Jonas Brothers, but it always offends them, insisting that they will not tolerate the slander of being compared to a boy band.
The three of them are already kinda famous though, they have a YouTube channel with a pretty big fan base. I’ve seen a few of their videos and I’ll admit, they’re pretty hilarious.
And tonight we’re all hanging out. It would be the five of us; me, Ari, Nick, Matt, and Chris. Supposedly, there’s a clearing right next to Fort Dickerson’s Quarry that has a great view of the city at night. Now I know that sneaking to some random forest in the middle of the night is the plot of several horror movies. But I’m way past due for a little time to unwind, I’m sure we all are. So for that reason I’m currently changing from my pajamas into some oversized cargo jeans and a cropped tank top. As I brush the tangles out of my wavy brown hair, my phone buzzes from the counter, indicating that Ari has texted me. The plan is for me to pick up Ari, then for us to meet up with the others at the Quarry. I click on the notification and furrow my brows in confusion,
Ari: hey i’m running kinda late so if it’s ok with u i’ll just drive myself and meet you guys there a little later :)
A few seconds later another message pops up,
Ari: it should be fine tho, lmk if you need anything. love you!
To me it sounds like a waste of gas, but this sort of last minute change of plans is a common occurrence with Ari, so I’m not too concerned. I reply,
Evelyn: yeah that’s fine, love you too!
Then finish getting ready by brushing my teeth and rolling on some deodorant.
I leave my room, and grab my favorite black zip-up hoodie, slipping it on over my outfit before making my way downstairs as quietly as I can. My parents aren’t home, and probably won’t be until Sunday afternoon. But that doesn’t ease the panic rising in my chest as I cautiously make my way to the front door. After double checking that I have my phone, keys, and wallet, I slip on my shoes and head out the door, locking it behind me.
Heading to my car, I unlock the door to my 2016 Mazda and hop in the driver's seat. As the engine roars to life, my playlist automatically starts, and
“Pink + White” by Frank Ocean comes on. I don’t sing along like I usually do as I pull out of my driveway onto the road.
My heart is still beating erratically in my chest as my headlights bear into the darkness of the night. It’s about an eight minute drive from here to the clearing, so as I turn onto the main road, my mind wanders elsewhere. What are we even going to do there? Are they going to get drunk? Or high? Or both?? But come to think of it, I’ve never seen Nick touch a drop of alcohol, and he definitely doesn’t do drugs, so I’m assuming his brothers don’t either. But if there’s nothing to worry about then why do I feel like puking?
As the anxious thoughts continue to cloud my mind, I force myself to take deep breaths. Inhaling for four seconds, holding for another four, and finally exhaling for the last four seconds. It’s a technique my therapist taught me a few years back when I was diagnosed with anxiety. I was reluctant to use it at first, but after a while it became necessary to avoid panic attacks. A few rounds of breathing manages to calm my heartrate back to normal as I refocus on the road ahead of me.
The ring of my phone makes me jump slightly in my seat. Jeez, what is wrong with me tonight, it’s like my senses have been dialed to eleven. I check the caller ID and see that it’s Ari. I answer the call while connecting my phone to bluetooth.
“Hello?” I ask as I start to pull into the parking lot of the quarry.
“Hey are you on your way yet?”
“Yeah I actually just pulled in” I say as I spot the triplets’ white minivan in the corner of the lot.
“Ok awesome, I’m probably gonna stop by McDonald’s on my way there, will you do me a favor and ask what all the boys want when you catch up to them? Nick isn’t answering his phone.”
“Yeah sure, as long as I don’t run into a serial killer on the path in the woods.” I joke, although part of me is still thankful I have a can of pepper spray on my keychain.
“You’re a comedian babes, truly. But seriously, be careful and don’t die please. This is like, you’re first official night out and I don’t wanna ruin it.”
“I solemnly swear that I will not get murdered tonight Ari.” I reply with a smile while pulling into the spot next to the minivan. “Alright I’m gonna try and find this place. Don’t forget my large fry and sweet tea!” I add, although I know she’d never forget the only thing I ever order from our favorite fast food place.
We say our goodbyes and hang up as I shift the car into park and turn off the engine. I flip down the visor to check my reflection one last time, and in a split second decision, I reach into my center console and dig out a tube of lipgloss. Ari made me stash it for “emergencies only” claiming that “every girl should have an emergency car lipgloss. I don’t wear makeup often, so the gloss feels sticky and weird on my lips as I put it on. After running my hands through my hair a few times, I figure it’s time to stop stalling. With a deep breath, I flip the visor back up and step out of the car.
The gravel from the lot crunches under my feet as I start to walk towards the trails adjacent to the quarry. I have to use my phone for light as I slowly find my way onto a dirt pathway, leading up to what I assume is the clearing.
The chirp of crickets is the only thing disrupting the silence of the night other than my footsteps on the dirt trail. I continue to trek up the wooded path, until a glimmer in the corner of my eye stops me in my tracks. I turn to face the quarry that has now come into view, and realize the way the moonlight reflects on the small ripples of the surface makes the water look as if it’s full of diamonds.
I’m snapped out of my trance by a burst of laughter coming from up the trail. My heart rate spikes, only slowing down to realize it’s probably just one of the triplets. I exhale a deep breath for what feels like the hundredth time tonight and trudge forward towards the sounds of laughter and conversation up ahead.
I finally see the light of an impressively tall bonfire through a break in the trees, and sigh in relief. Taylor Swift fills the forest from a speaker. I chuckle lightly to myself, definitely Nick’s doing. Upon getting closer I spot Nick’s bleached blonde hair, he’s pointing his phone at Matt and Chris, who seem to be having a heated conversation. It’s only when all three of them break into laughter that I realize they must be messing with each other.
Matt is the first to notice me while I make my way towards them. But strangely, he doesn’t say a word as his eyes meet mine. He just sort of stands there with the linger of a smile gracing his features. Nick follows his gaze and a huge grin lights up his face as he waves and excitedly calls out my name. It’s only then that Matt turns his head back towards his brothers, and the dazed look in his eyes vanishes. I jog the rest of the way over to Nick and give him a big hug while he pockets his phone.
“Holy shit Evelyn is finally out of the house, I can’t fucking believe it!” Nick says excitedly while rocking me back and forth, making me laugh as I hug him back.
“I know right, we need to document this moment to put in the history books.” Chris says with a smile, heading over to a big red cooler that I hadn’t seemed to notice before.
I get a little weary thinking of what could be in said cooler as I start to ease away from Nick. But to my content, Chris opens it to reveal the thing stocked full of Pepsi and energy drinks. I feel a rush of relief, concluding that getting drunk is not on the agenda tonight. Maybe I’m being a wuss, but I’m genuinely grateful that these guys aren’t prone to illegal substances like most of the kids I go to school with are.
“Oh yeah before I forget, what do you guys want from Mcdonalds? Ari’s making a stop on her way here.” I say, taking out my phone and pulling up Ari’s contact. Nick and Chris tell me their orders while I type out a new text to Ari. Once they’re done, I look up at Matt to see what he wants, but to my surprise, he’s already looking at me as we make eye contact.
“Matt! Did you hear her?” Nick laughs while lightly hitting him on the arm.
“Huh?” he says, snapping out of his trance. Weird, that’s the second time he’s done that tonight. I wonder if there’s something on my face
“What do you want from Mcdonald’s you goof?” Chris says before taking a sip of his drink.
“Oh uh, just fries I guess, since we already have drinks up here and stuff.” He says while shoving his hands in the pockets of his cargo pants somewhat nervously. I then realize that they look vaguely similar to mine.
Chris then walks over to a black backpack and starts to rummage through it, pulling out an expensive looking camera. I already know all about their channel, so I’m not surprised when he starts recording all three of us, joking around and talking.
“We need about ten more minutes of usable footage if we wanna make this vlog.” Chris says, pausing to fiddle with the settings.
“Nick, can you do that thing where you say something so stupid that Matt bursts out laughing?” he states like it’s the obvious answer.
I let out a chuckle as Nick and Matt both roll their eyes at a grinning Chris.
“Content doesn’t just fall out of the sky you know.” he adds, eyeing Nick with a mocking gaze.
Eventually Chris’ stupidity ends up making me, Nick, and Matt laugh uncontrollably. Chris doesn’t seem to mind though, happily recording his brothers with a satisfied smile on his face.
For a while they just mess around, filming what they can to put into their next video. But after a while, things start to calm down. Nick begs for someone to come with him to the lookout point to take some pictures. And eventually Chris agrees, leaving me and Matt by ourselves.
I make my way over to the fire and sit down in one of the blue camp chairs set up around it. Matt seems reluctant, but eventually follows my lead, taking the seat next to mine. For a while it’s so awkward that I feel the urge to throw myself into the bonfire. We both stare at the smoke drifting into the sky for what seems like eternity before he finally decides to break the silence,
“So how’s your first night out?” He asks, taking a weary glance in my direction.
I let out an amused huff, finding it funny considering he couldn’t take his eyes off me earlier.
“Yeah, it’s cool to see you guys film. I’ve only ever hung out with Nick, so I’ve never really seen how you guys do it.” I say, fidgeting a little with the sleeve of my hoodie.
“Yeah, we’ve been putting a lot more effort into our videos recently. Our manager thinks we might go on tour some day, so recently we’ve been trying to reach a bigger audience.”
“Wow, a tour sounds awesome. I can’t imagine being in front of that many people so many times.” I say in astonishment, my anxiety could never.
“Honestly, I don’t know if I can either.” He admits slowly, turning to face the fire again.
“What do you mean by that?” I ask curiously, softening my expression.
“I don’t know, it’s stupid…” he mumbles.
“I don’t think it’s stupid” I say honestly, “Being in front of crowds is fucking terrifying, I hate it.”
“That’s the thing,” he says, “I wouldn’t hate it, I love our fans so much and it makes me so happy to know that one day I would be able to interact with them on that level. It’s just…” He pauses, kicking a patch of dirt with the bottom of his shoe.
“You can tell me you know. I like listening, and I promise I’m not the judgemental type.” I say, trying my best to be supportive.
He thinks for a moment before replying. “I guess sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling, almost like I can’t breathe. It usually only happens when I’m really stressed, but I’m scared that if I went onto a stage in front of a bunch of people, it might trigger it.” He admits with a sigh, running a hand through his hair before resting it in a fist on his knee.
“You have no idea how much I understand that.” I say, gently placing my hand on his arm.
He takes in a deep breath and looks over to where my hand is placed. I’m quick to pull it away, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” I start before he interrupts me,
“No, no. It’s okay,” He says, slowly reaching over to place his hand on top of mine.
“It’s nice to have someone to talk to that isn’t one of my brothers.” He says with a small laugh.
For a few seconds I just look at him with my eyes wide, my heart starting to beat faster as the top of my hand tingles with heat from where he’s touching me.
I think he notices I’m getting nervous, because he slowly moves his hand away, but continues to smile as he settles back into his seat.
“So, what do you wanna do until Nick and Chris get back?” He asks, seemingly unfazed by what just happened.
“Oh um…” I turn back to face the fire in my chair. I think for a moment before something comes to mind.
“Did you guys get enough footage for your video?” I ask,
“Hm, I think we might still need a few minutes,” He admits, running his hand over his jaw in contemplation.
“I could…help you guys film a little?” I suggest, “I mean, only if you want me to, of course.” I add quickly.
He looks at me with a gentle smile and says,
“That’d be great, come on I’ll show you how to use the camera.”
He hops up out of his camping chair and heads over to grab the camera. I stand as well, walking over to him as he adjusts the settings.
“I’ve never really taken a video on anything other than my phone.” I admit with a small laugh,
“That’s okay, I can teach you. It’s actually pretty easy.” He says, stepping closer.
He hands me the camera, then walks around to stand next to me, he points at something in the distance and starts to explain how to angle it correctly. But even with his instruction, my hands are too shaky, making the image on the screen all blurry and unfocused.
He then moves his body to stand right behind me. He’s standing so close that the feeling of his chest brushing against my back sends shivers down my spine.
He places his hands on top of mine, adjusting them to hold the camera properly. I try to focus on the small screen, but fail as I feel him lower his head, shifting his lips right next to my ear.
“Just keep it right here, then use this dial to focus the lens on what you want to film, okay?” He whispers while placing his finger on the dial, demonstrating how to use it.
His breath tickles my cheek, which is now turning a bright shade of pink as I try to stay focused on keeping the camera straight. A task which is proving to be very difficult thanks to my heart, that seems to be beating so fast I’m surprised he can’t feel it. But the feeling that comes with my racing heart isn’t anxiety like it so often is. It’s something else, something unexpected, but not unwelcome. It’s a feeling that has flutters trailing through my stomach down to my toes. In an instant I’m aware of every nerve in my body, it feels like I’m buzzing with energy, but weighed down by my muscles all at the same time.
I suck in a sharp breath as I feel my fingertips graze my temple, ever so gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
It seems like I’m not the only one distracted as I feel his heated gaze on me. I don’t dare meet his eyes as his two fingers then trail down my neck, only to rest right above my pulse.
“Jesus,” He breathes out, “your heart’s beating so fast,” he whispers in a deep voice, making my breath hitch, “Am I making you nervous?”
I let out a shaky breath before I answered, “Maybe, I-I’m not sure” My voice comes out shakey as I continue to look at the small screen on the camera. I can barely make out the treeline I’m supposed to be filming as my chest rises and falls with deep but shaky breaths.
Finally, I build up the courage to lower the camera, and slowly turn my head to meet his soft blue eyes. I find myself getting lost in the beauty of them, mesmerized as the flames from the fire flicker in the reflection of his irises. Most people compare blue eyes to the ocean, but his only seem to remind me of staring up at a clear blue sky.
His gaze slowly drifts down to my lips as his hand comes up to rest softly on my cheek. My eyes fall closed, waiting to feel his lips on mine, when all of a sudden we hear a loud voice shout from the woods,
“Where are you guys?”
Matt and I startle, quickly backing away from each other as Nick’s voice approaches,
“Oh there you are, we couldn’t see you guys on the other side of the fire.” Chris says as he and Nick make their way over to us.
Matt holds my gaze for what seems like a lot longer than the few seconds it actually is, before slowly turning away and jogging over to his brothers.
I realize I need a moment to collect myself, so I head over to the cooler and grab a can of Pepsi. I crack it open and take a big swig before slowing down my breathing, trying desperately to calm my racing heart. When I finally feel like I’m not going to puke, I walk over to where the boys are.
I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and see Ari’s name flash on the screen with a new text message. She says she just parked and is heading our way with “a shit ton of McDonalds'' with three smirking emojis.
“You guys hungry?” I ask, getting a few groans of appreciation after I tell them food is on the way.
After we rearrange the camp chairs to a smaller circle next to the fire so that we can all see each other, we hear a voice from the trail yell,
“You will not believe how long it takes McDonalds to make a fucking McFlurry.” Ari huffs out as she makes her way over to us.
I jump up and run over, swallowing her in a big hug as Chris takes a couple bags out of her hands.
“Are you having fun babes?” She asks excitedly while hugging me back.
“I am.” I say with a big smile. “Even more so now that you’re here.” I add as she pulls back and smiles at me, seeming proud that I’ve been having a good time.
We walk back over to the circle of chairs as Chris and Ari start to unpack and hand out everyone’s food. My mouth is watering as she hands me my fries. But when she looks up at my face, she pauses, her eyebrows drawing together in concern.
“Evelyn did you get sunburnt?” she asks, emphasizing the last word like it’s the plague.
My hand shoots up to my face, only to discover it still warm and most likely red from earlier
“Oh, um I guess maybe I did?” I grit out, my eyes shooting over to Matt as I see him trying to cover his laughter with the back of his hand.
“Evelyn I’ve told you this like a million times, SPF goes on everyday, even if it’s not sunny out!” Ari scolds me, sounding like a disappointed mother.
I groan and bring my knees up, burying my face in them, knowing damn well that UV rays had nothing to do with the blush on my face.
Eventually after about five minutes of lecturing me about the importance of sunscreen and risks of skin cancer, which the boys all seem to find hilarious, Ari finally calms down and we all start to eat. Nick reaches down to grab the camera and a confused look crosses his face before he says,
“Did you guys leave the camera recording by accident?” he asks while pressing a few buttons.
“Oh yeah sorry about that,” Matt waves off like it’s no big deal,
“Okay well the battery is dead now idiot.” Nick states while rolling his eyes.
“There should be an extra battery in my bag.” Chris says through a mouthfull of fries. But as Nick goes to rummage through Chris’ backpack, a thought occurs to me.
No,
No, it wouldn’t have recorded it.
Right?
I could’ve sworn it wasn’t actually recording when Matt was showing me how to use it.
Yeah. Of course it wasn’t recording, we had turned it off. Yeah, that’s what happened.
~~~
After a few rounds of kiss marry kill, consisting solely of inanimate objects for some reason, and a couple rant sessions (courtesy of Nick and Ari) we’re all full from Mcdonald’s and pretty tired considering it’s four in the morning. I’m starting to nod off in my camp chair when Ari suggests we start to clean up and head out for the night. I couldn’t agree more, but my eyelids have already fallen closed as I hear the shuffling of everyone starting to pack up.
Suddenly, I wake up to Ari patting my shoulder, her phone screen lighting up her face. I mumble something incoherent as I begin to regain consciousness. I look around only to see that the bonfire has been put out and all our stuff has been moved, presumably to the boy’s car.
“Hey babes, you’re too tired to drive and I don’t have time to take you all the way home before my parents get up. So the guys are offering to take you home, is that okay with you?” She asks in her signature soothing mom-like voice.
I groan and stretch my arms up above my head, trying to process things.
“What about my car?” I ask tiredly, my eyes still refusing to fully open.
“It’ll be fine, I can drive you back out here later today to come pick it up.” She says while rubbing my back.
“Yeah…yeah that sounds like a good plan.” I admit in between yawns.
I then see Matt come up to me and lean down so I can see his face.
“Come on, I’ll carry you to the car.” he says softly while holding out his hand.
I nod, yawning again as he helps me to my feet. I sway a little as I stand, but he steadies me as he crouches down and sweeps me into the air, carrying me bridal style. When he said he’d carry me, I was thinking something along the lines of a piggy back ride, but I’m not complaining.
I’m a little self conscious at first, thinking I might be too heavy. But he lifts me like I weigh nothing, and doesn’t even seem to be exerting himself as he starts to gently carry me down the dirt path to the car.
As I rest my face on his chest, I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Why does he smell so nice? It’s not cologne, more like a nice bodywash and shampoo. But it fits him perfectly, not too strong, just fresh and comforting.
As we make our way back into the parking lot, I see Chris and Nick leaning against the minivan. Nick looks up at us with curiosity, meanwhile Chris is just smirking and shaking his head a little.
Matt somehow manages to get the car keys out of his pocket with me still in his arms, and tosses them to Chris, who unlocks the car. Once the back door is open, Matt slowly lets me down, and I let him help ease me into the back. Nick hops in the seat across from me while Chris rounds the car to the passenger side. I remember Nick telling me a while ago that they all have assigned seats in the car, which I think is both ridiculous and adorable.
I look out the window at the perfect full moon pinned in the night sky. And for some reason, Matt’s heated gaze when he was about to kiss me is the last thing I think of as I drift off into a deep sleep.