Work Text:
You shuffle in your bed, trying to get closer to your boyfriend to cuddle up just to be met with an already cold and empty other side. Eyes fluttering open slowly, mind still sluggish from just waking up you sit up and take in the situation, pulling the blanket over you as soon as it fell off as the chill in the room made you shiver instantly.
Putting two and two together you looked at the wide-open balcony door, which you were sure you closed before going to sleep. Worry seeping onto your face you slowly unwrapped yourself from your cozy confinement, making your way over. When your feet met the cold ground you regretted not wearing socks to bed but you still put one foot in front of the other.
As you near the balcony you could make out Dazais' form leaning onto the railing, seemingly lost in thought, his expression emotionless.Your heart sank when you saw his eyes completely devoid of any light.
“Osamu?” - No reaction.
You’ve seen him like this before, when he opened up and told you stories about his time in the Port Mafia.
Swallowing down the lump in your throat you kept up your pace towards him, the way he doesn’t even register you or just doesn’t have the energy to look your way only makes the feeling in your gut get worse by the second.
Taking a deep breath you continue your pace towards him, only stopping when you’re close enough to hug him from behind, hands wrapping around his torso and head buried in his back. There’s not a single noise escaping any one of you, only the chilly wind of the night quietly drifting around you, giving a stark contrast to the heat your bodies were producing.
“‘Samu”, there is a great sense of relief when you feel him stir against you, answering with an unusually quiet, “Hm?”
“I’d miss you, you know?”, you squeeze him tighter, not being able to see the small genuine smile forming on his face as he places one of his hands atop of yours.
It took a few seconds before you were able to hear his response, “I know, belladonna. I know."
Both of you remained in this position for a few more moments before he continued, catching you off guard, “You know, I’ve spent most of my life trying to find a way to end it all. But-”, Dazai suddenly loosens your hands around him to gain space to turn around, leaving a kiss on your hand before he carries on, “you made me realize that a life with you in it might be worth living.”
Your eyes widened, completely taken off-guard by his words, as they were glued to his brown ones finally filled with that certain kind of spark you were hoping to rekindle. These words aren’t easily said and you knew exactly what they meant.
But Dazai doesn’t stop there, drawing you in closer, hands on your waist as your body’s now resting against his, “I want to wake up tomorrow and every other day to see your beautiful sleeping face, drool, bedhead and everything.”
“Hey-”, your playful shove against his torso was met with one of his signature smirks as he held your hand in his.
“And I want to make the coffee just the way you like to see your face light up when you drink it,” he pulls you even closer.
“I want to make you smile, no matter how stupid I have to make myself look,” he leans down towards you.
“I want to have flour wars in the kitchen while baking just to end up distracted and burn it,” his other hand reaches out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear before locking his eyes onto yours.
“Doing all those little things with you makes the ache inside of me bearable, even insignificant at times. I realized I want to live with you.”
While you were looking into his eyes, your own getting teary from his honest words Dazai let out a small chuckle that seemed almost timid before continuing, “And it scares the shit out of me.”
The tears in your eyes are threatening to spill as you see his vulnerable and open state in front of you but your mouth is curved upwards, the feeling of happiness in your chest so overwhelming, all that worry from before is being pushed aside.
Before you’re able to say anything you feel his lips on your own and close your eyes. This felt different than usual. Not that Dazai wasn’t sweet with his kisses from time to time, it felt so vulnerable, the slight tremble coming from him not something you were used to from your usually composed and suave boyfriend.
Silent tears fall from your eyes, giving the kiss a slight salty taste as you both break apart. He wipes them away as he’s holding your face in his hand, leaning his forehead against yours while locking his eyes with yours again.
With a slightly broken voice you whisper, “I love you too, you know?”
The edges of his mouth curl upwards as he caresses your cheeks with his hands, “I know.”
You both stay there for what feels like eternity but when the first rays of sunshine begin shining through the buildings you decide to at least try and get a bit of sleep before you give Kunikida a heart attack by both falling asleep at work.