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“I have seven dates on Christmas Eve,” said Hanto.
Renn made a mental note that Hanto would probably be late for Christmas dinner the following day and might have a hangover too. It would be best to keep his food warm until then, and make sure there was something he could eat that would be gentle on his stomach if he needed it. Miso soup would be perfect. It was full of electrolytes.
“Seven?” said Saki. “How does that work? Is each date half an hour long?”
“No, it’s a date for the whole evening! I don’t know what to do!” Hanto wailed. “They’re all paying me!”
“Wow! You’re an escort?” she said. Hiroto choked on his coffee, and Renn went to hand him a packet of tissues and refresh his cup.
“Ani!” said Miu, glowering at Hiroto and thumping him hard on the back as he coughed. She really could have been a little gentler with him.
“No! Yes! I don’t know! I work for this agency, and lonely people pay me to go to parties and stuff and pretend I’m their boyfriend,” Hanto said. “But we have to schedule the bookings ourselves, and I messed up.”
Renn should have known something like this was going to happen one day. He’d tried to tactfully stress the importance of using a pen and paper diary when you had as many part-time jobs as Hanto did. Hanto never listened, and after ten years, Renn had pretty much given up any hope that he ever would.
Bomper said, “I hope you’re paying tax on this, bom bom!”
“Why do people pay you to pretend to be their boyfriend?” Gunpei asked.
Hanto pouted and said, “Because they’re lonely and can’t get a date, obviously!”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Saki said. “Maybe your client would’ve met the love of their life at that party, but now no one will approach them cuz it looks like they’re taken.”
“Yeah, that’s true … but I need the money!” Hanto said.
Renn felt like the parent whose adult child was living at home with no hope of ever getting married or finding a stable job. In a way, he was. The other Go-ongers still called him “Mother,” and not much had changed in the last 15 years except that they now operated out of an office instead of a bus.
“This is serious. If I lose my job, I’ll have nowhere to go,” said Hanto.
“You could just sleep here,” Saki said.
“No, he can’t. It’s licensed for business use only, not residential. I’d have to take him down to the station,” said Gunpei. He petted Hanto on the shoulder, “Don’t worry. At least you’ll have a roof over your head.”
Hanto wailed. Renn thought it was time to step in, “I’m sure we can think of a solution. Should we eat?” he said. People tended to think better when they had eaten something, and he really liked making omelettes.
Sousuke walked in at that moment, late, as he often was. He threw the door open with an almighty thud and sent Hanto, who’d been standing in front of it, sprawling. Sousuke reached a hand to help him and said “Hey! What’s up?”
Miu said, “Well, Hanto works for an escort agency –”
“I said! I only pretend to be people’s boyfriends!” Hanto said. He looked as if he were on the way to his grandma’s funeral followed by a root canal at the dentist.
“And he’s arranged seven dates for Christmas Eve and now he’s going to get fired,” she continued.
Sousuke blinked, then said “There are seven of us! We could each go on a date with one person and then Hanto won’t lose his job! Mach full force!”
Hanto’s expression brightened at once, “Really? You would do that?” he said.
“No! No way! I won’t pretend to be Hanto. For one thing, I’m not a guy!” Miu said.
“I didn’t actually tell them I was a guy,” said Hanto.
“Do we get paid for this?” Saki asked.
“Yes. They give me the cash afterwards,” said Hanto.
“And what happens if they don’t pay?” she said.
“I’ll arrest them,” said Gunpei.
“Then, I’m up for it! Smile, smile!”
The others didn’t look convinced, until Bomper stepped in - “Sousuke, everyone, you have to save Hanto, bom bom!” And that was that. None of them could really say no to Bomper.
“I’m sure we can figure something out,” said Renn, and went to get a pen and paper.
It wasn’t an ideal situation. He’d had plans of his own for Christmas Eve, but he’d have to reschedule. Right now, the Go-ongers needed him.
***
“What do you do for a living, Hanto?”
“I’m a … private detective,” said Renn. That had been the Go-ongers’ cover story for long enough and it was probably safer than telling the truth.
His client, Sayuri, was 27 years of age and had a good job as a PA; but her mother was nagging her for grandchildren and Sayuri would never hear the end of it if she didn’t bring a boyfriend home soon. That was where “Hanto” came in. Renn had called her before he arrived so they could agree on a cover story. It was probably better not to trust anything the actual Hanto had told him.
Sayuri’s brother was middle school aged. That was a pretty big age gap for siblings, but he was a cute kid and was watching Renn attentively, “Do you investigate murders?” he asked.
“Not really. The police do that. We mostly find lost pets,” said Renn. He’d once met the owner of the Narumi Detective Agency, and she’d told him they took a lot of pet cases to pay the bills. Maybe the Go-ongers should really become private detectives. At least they would have more money coming in.
“Have you seen a dead body?”
“No. But I investigated a suspected terrorist incident,” Ren said. It wasn’t a total lie. He was just grateful that they had Hiroto back.
“Wow! Did they blow up the –”
Sayuri’s father interrupted, “That’s enough, Daita!” He turned to Renn, “How long have you been going out with my daughter?”
“Six weeks,” Renn said.
“And what are your … intentions?”
“Now, Dad. Leave him alone!” said Sayuri. “Like he said, it’s only been six weeks. Right, Hanto?” She put her arms around him and snuggled him. Renn tried his best to smile. She was a nice girl and all but this could get very awkward, fast.
Before anything else could happen, a piercing noise sounded. Renn thought it was an emergency alert, but then realised it was the smoke alarm. Sure enough, the kitchen door opened, and clouds of smoke began to fill the room. Sayuri’s mother appeared, “Sayuri, dear, could you give me a hand? I may have taken my eyes off the stove …”
“Oh, Mom!” Sayuri got to her feet. So did Renn. He would much rather help out in the kitchen than sit with her family any longer.
“Do you have any eggs?” he asked.
His heroic intervention seemed to get the questions to back off a little, although Sayuri's father glowered at him and muttered whenever he thought Renn wasn't looking. Renn made his excuses to leave after dinner, and Sayuri accompanied him outside. She handed him an envelope full of cash and said that she’d like to hire him again as her date for a friend’s wedding in January.
“I can’t, sorry,” he said. “I won’t be working at the agency any more.” If she called and asked for Hanto, she’d get the real one, and Renn didn’t want to get him into trouble.
“Oh! Because you have a job as a detective, right?”
“Just correct!” he said.
She hesitated for a moment and then said “It’s a shame, you know? You’re pretty cute.”
Well, that was nice, but Renn was already kind of spoken for. In fact, he had someone to meet right about now. He hoped she would find a way to break the news to her parents that she and “Hanto” were no longer together.
He was a little early to the spot in the park where he’d arranged to meet. It took him a while to go through the stream of messages and missed calls he’d had from the other Go-ongers. No one seemed to know exactly what had happened except that Sousuke was now in a cell at the police station. Gunpei was trying to take care of it. Renn didn’t how you could get into trouble involving a car tyre and a bucket of paint, but if anyone could, it would be Sousuke. They’d all have to go over to the station soon and try to bail him out, but before that -
“Hey.”
Hiroto had arrived. Renn got up, smiling at him, “Hi. How did your date go?”
“It was an office party. Quite boring … but I got 18 people’s business cards,” said Hiroto.
Renn tried to ignore the brief, unwelcome sensation of jealousy, “I’m sorry about this. I really wanted to spend Christmas Eve with you.”
“I know you did. We all agreed to help. I’m here now, aren’t I? If you feel bad, you can take me to dinner next year.”
Renn took Hiroto’s hand, and they walked along the path, “Next year, Saki will blow up the street or something,” he said. It was probably true. Trouble never seemed to be far away when the Go-ongers were around.
“You worry too much. Mother,” said Hiroto.
“Dad,” said Renn.
Hiroto kissed him, right in the middle of the park – although no one else was around at this time. When they stopped, Renn said, “… Was that because you hate it when we call you Dad?”
“Of course,” said Hiroto, but he pulled Renn close and kissed him again anyway.