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Hot tea isn't meant to be gulped down but that's how Henry was drinking it. Anything, just to feel something.
He's been detached from reality for days now. Or at least he thinks only days, but he isn't so sure anymore.
In the aftermath of his life falling apart, once again, he'd been sent away as if he was a stain that could be simply erased.
His relationship with Alex, his heart, exposed. The whole world peered into the deepest crevices of his mind and did not like what they saw. He spent days relaying every word from the emails he could remember and imagines it being picked apart. By the media, and by his family. The thought has him gripping at his hair, panic overtaking him. A carefully curated image of a man shattered in one painful swoop.
It's been like this for days, alternating between feeling numb and absolute agony.
The last time he saw Alex was at the lakehouse in Texas. At times Henry tries to dissociate and imagine himself there again, but it always ends the same. He tries to imagine how different things could have gone if he hadn't left. Instead, he's heartbroken and alone.
Would Alex have wanted to face this together? He isn't sure anymore. He knows the impact a scandal like this will have on Ellen’s presidency and Alex’s future career.
Henry was sent off to not interfere with the plan devised before he had even woken up. The basic summary was deny, deny, deny. Deny that the emails were real, deny that Henry was in any way not straight. Worst of all, deny the immense love and feelings the two shared. Henry hadn't allowed Alex to say it but it doesn't make it any less real. The love was there and obvious in every little thing they did or said. To pretend their love was all a farce and that the words were all invented as a creative hoax, well he wasn't sure how realistic that claim would be. But no one had come for him yet so he imagined that some version of a plan had worked.
The mug in his hands is as empty as his heart feels. Being completely locked up, alone, in his misery is truly the worst-case scenario. His pain is like a festering wound that just keeps getting worse and he can't escape it. No treatment and no distractions, just his thoughts.
He was spending his sentence in an old vacation home of his family. A place that once reminded him of the simpler times, when everyone was happy and alive, was now his prison.
He ponders what life will have in store for him when he returns. He assumes they will find him a nice young woman to marry, maybe finally force him to enlist. He will be kept away from the media and public appearances until they are sure the new armor he's built is stronger than the last. He will live out the rest of his life in quiet misery, maybe even learn to not entertain thoughts of what could have been anymore.
Right now that's all he can think about, and all these thoughts center around the man he lost. The man he cruelly walked away from, breaking his own heart in the process. Henry had been in too deep for years but he was sure he wasn't engrained in Alex's soul the way he was in his. Henry had foolishly gotten too close to the flames and now he was left charred.
The floor feels so cold beneath him, and he isn't sure when he sat down. The mug is still clenched between his hands, so hard he isn't sure how it isn't broken. Broken like Henry, broken like his heart, his future, everything. It all feels like too much right now. This oppressive feeling that's always haunted him is now crushing him, finally. That might have been the plan from the beginning.
Will he just simply waste away here? Will they never let him leave and he will die in this house alone and forgotten?
Bea had protested to the plan but she had been threatened and told that they were not afraid to use her past against her if she interfered. And that was Henry's fault too, wasn't it? Not only had he revealed all his secrets, but the secrets of his family. Those were not even really his to tell but now he had told the world. The world knew of Bea's pain and struggles but through Henry's words, not her own.
Henry wasn't sure if he would survive this. How could he? Now he has to live with it all forever, a pain that never goes away.
Alex must be facing this much better. He'd always been stronger than him, more effortless. He'd struggle, sure, but he'd bounce back. He'd find a way to take advantage of the situation and turn it all around. Henry wasn't strong enough, he was a coward. He might be braver if he had Alex by his side, but he left.
He doesn't want to die here but he will, he thinks.
Somewhere out there Alex will move on. He will find a way to come out of this scandal on top. He will reach all his goals, and rise above even that. He will find a new love, a love so grand he won't even remember what he ever saw in Henry. Henry will just be a small blip in the rich full life of Alexander Claremont-Diaz. Somewhere else far away from him, Henry will simply be a ghost of himself, whether alive or living.
Henry almost hopes he never has to leave this place, maybe not even leave this kitchen. That way he never again has to face Alex. He isn’t sure how he would even react to seeing Alex in the flesh again, knowing he can’t have him. Knowing that everyone around him would know just how desperately in love Henry was with him. He would probably have a breakdown and have to be taken away by Shaan.
Shaan hadn't even been allowed to come with him. Henry supposed there was worry Shaan might also interfere with this plan. The guards he had been given were obviously given strict orders to do the bare minimum of interacting with Henry.
Henry fears he's losing his mind. His thoughts are racing so fast and his eyes are unfocused. He catches a glimpse of the mug on the floor and is confused until he once again feels his hands gripping the sides of his head. He doesn't know what day it is, he doesn't know what to do, what's going on, where he is. Is he even real anymore? Is anything? He tries to pull himself out of his state but it's so hard when he's so isolated.
He distantly hears shouting, he thinks. Is it him? He puts a hand over his mouth but it isn't moving. His eyebrows furrow in confusion. What's going on and is someone here to hurt him? He thinks perhaps he should get up but he can't find it in himself to care enough.
The door opens so hard it hits against the wall. Henry accepts his fate, whatever it is and just stays put, his head down facing the floor.
Suddenly warm hands cover his and pull them out of his hair. He looks up and thinks to himself that he's truly lost it. He's hallucinating now because there's no way Alex is here. He ruined things with Alex, he wouldn’t be here.
Hands are rubbing at his face now, wiping away tears he didn't know he was shedding. Alex looks so concerned, and he's touching him so tenderly he can't take it. He wants this so badly so he just falls into him. He no longer has any strength left in him and the world fades to black.
—----
Alex is fucking pissed.
First of all, the love of his life had run away before he could finish telling him how much he truly, deeply loved him.
Then, before he could enact a plan to either get him back or get some semblance of closure, all their very personal emails had been leaked. He knew Henry was somewhere out there, as crushed as he was with no way to reach him.
The palace had tried to put out a statement claiming it was all lies but Alex was not going along with that plan. He wished he could have talked to Henry before making his speech but all attempts got him nowhere. Alex hadn't mentioned that they had broken up but he had mentioned that he loved him. He was hoping that Henry would see it and eventually contact him but he still hadn't. Henry hadn't even been seen publically since the news broke.
Alex felt like he was losing it. Life was going by in a blur. Weeks passed and his mom won the election. He had spent that night with his back against the wall in the hallway, alone. He was happy for her and still cheered and celebrated with everyone else but it felt so hollow. All he could think was about how much better it would feel if Henry was by his side.
He wasn't sure if he would have been able to convince him that they really could work, but Alex didn't even get to try. Already the media had picked up on Henry's absence in Alex's life and now the headlines were full of how the “Waterloo Letters” scandal tore the two apart. Their supporters were outraged and giving the monarchy hell but it seems the plan was to pretend Henry didn't exist anymore.
When he was finally contacted in the middle of the night by a frantic Bea he knew what needed to be done and he was on a flight immediately. Alex cannot believe how cruel the Queen was being to Henry to not only try and hide him, literally no longer figuratively, from the world but also his sister. Bea wasn’t able to go herself as she had strict eyes on her.
Alex's heart shattered when he finally got through the door and saw Henry crumpled on the floor. The man usually so meticulously upkept now looked a mess. He had dark bags under his red tear-stained eyes, and his hair was unruly. The clothes he was wearing were wrinkled and looked like he had been in them for days. He was scruffy and just looked so damn pitiful.
Alex all but threw himself down in front of him, grabbing his hands to keep them from pulling out more of his beautiful hair. He was still so goddamned beautiful to him, even in this poor state. Alex tried to speak and get through to Henry but his eyes looked so far away and he wouldn't come back to him. Finally, Henry leaned forward and collapsed into his arms. Alex had carried him to bed which is where they still were now. Henry had been asleep for almost 11 hours, as he had probably been getting even less sleep than Alex. At least Alex had people around him to support him through these trying times.
Alex had tried to get some sleep but he needed to be there for Henry when he woke up. He wasn't sure if it was wrong of him to be lying in bed with his arms wrapped around him, but nothing else felt right. He wanted Henry to know, even in his unconscious state, that he wasn't alone anymore. It was also just so good to be with him again. Alex had missed him so much it had been unbearable. He hoped Henry would still have him, and wanted to fight for them. He already had so many people on his side he just needs to see that. Henry was so brave he just needed to be pushed sometimes to let that part of him shine.
Alex had been greeted at the airport by Shaan who had also been let in on Henry's whereabouts. He was the one who convinced the guards stationed at the house to just let it happen, and that they couldn't lock Henry up forever.
Alex can't believe that they essentially had Henry locked up like he was a criminal, as if loving him was something he needed to repent for. He wishes he could have gotten ahold of him sooner, but at least he's here now.
He felt Henry start to stir. Alex sat up bracing himself on the arm that snaked behind Henry's neck. Looking down at the man he loves for the first time in weeks.
They held eye contact for a long movement before Henry quickly shot up. “What are you doing here?”
Alex feels a bit miffed by the greeting but considering the state Henry was in feels he should let it slide. “I've been trying to contact you for a while with no luck. I came as soon as I knew where to go.”
“I had no idea.” Henry still looks a bit dazed but better than he was when Alex found him.
“I figured.” Alex encouraged Henry to lie back down next to him. “They tried to deny our emails but I basically just didn't let them. Hope that's okay.” Alex felt a bit sheepish now that he was telling him but figured it was best to get it out there.
“Oh.” Henry was shocked. In his pain, he hadn’t considered that Alex would do that.
“I know, my bad. I would have preferred talking to you first but as I said I had no way to and I just couldn't let them do that to you.” Alex feels guilty now. Maybe Henry did prefer the plan set in place and Alex had ruined it. Alex had gone ahead and done what he thought was right but maybe he had done the wrong thing.
Before he could continue rambling any apologies Henry stopped him. “No, it's fine. I'm not upset just surprised. I thought you would take the chance to pretend it wasn't real.”
Now Alex was offended again. “Are you kidding me? There's no way I could pretend it wasn't real.” He brushed his hand through Henry's hair pushing it away from his eyes. It had gotten much longer in such a short amount of time, he noted.
“I had this grand plan to storm Kensington and try and get you back but the leak happened before I got the chance.”
Henry's eyes widened. “Really?”
Alex laughed a little. “Yeah. I love you and wasn't about to just let you go that easily.”
Before he can even think it through Henry responds, “I love you too.” He means it, he really means it. More than he knows anything else he knows that he loves Alex. Even in his deepest despair, it was the only thing he was sure of.
Too suddenly Alex pulls away. “Ok, so why the hell did you leave me then? Do you know how badly that hurt me to have you just run off on me because I told you how I feel?”
“I thought it was the right thing to do, I figured you'd just move on.” Henry feels embarrassed now.
“You thought I would just move on? It was okay to just rip my heart out because you decided I would get over it?” Alex is angry that Henry for some reason decided that he knew what was best for them.
“I know I'm a coward. I've been building this image of a perfect Prince my entire life and I didn't want to hurt you by trying to fit you into it. It thought there was no room for you and that you would always have to be kept away.”
“Henry, you're not a coward. That's not what I was saying. Don't just decide how I feel.”
“I'm sorry.” Henry feels ashamed. He once again wonders why he ever thought pushing Alex away was the right thing to do. “But I see now that I can't live without you. I detest the way that I had to find that out but I'm not ashamed of loving you. I feel horrible that people have read and surely scrutinized our words but not that they know I love you.”
“Baby, I can't live without you either.” Henry melts at the word baby like he always does. He feels so much better, and clearer now that he's able to talk about this all with Alex.
“You know we have a ton of supporters.”
Henry is very surprised by this, he hadn't even let himself imagine that.
“There's been dozens of protests throughout England in support and people wanting to hear from you. A lot of queer people and supporters were touched by the stuff in our emails.”
Henry suddenly remembers something important. “How did the election go?”
“Great, my mom won!” Alex laughs a little. “Why? Did you doubt her?”
Henry rolls his eyes but also feels relief. “ I was worried we might have bollocksed that up.”
“I was too, at first. But once people found out Richard's who tried to sabotage her campaign with the emails that turned a lot of people against him.”
“Wait, what?” Henry was once again shocked.
“Wow, I did not realize just how much they’ve been keeping you in the dark.”
“I haven't really had anyone talk to me since I got here.”
This once again breaks Alex's heart and he pulls Henry tightly into his arms. “No wonder you were in such bad shape when I got here, Hen.”
“I already feel better.” Henry truly does feel better wrapped in his lover's arms. “But I think all of this will be something we need to heal from for a long time.”
“Yeah, it is.” Alex looks into his eyes. “We will face it together. You and me.”
Henry smiles before nuzzling into Alex's chest letting out a muffled, “You and me.”