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Sam Winchester was completely exhausted by the day both physically and emotionally, but he had one more thing to do. One more stop to make. He turns to his brother and Jack.
“I have to go find Eileen.”
Dean understands right away. “We’ll take baby, she’ll be faster.”
“Are you sure? You guys can head on home if you want.”
“Don’t be silly, Sammy. We have to check on Eileen.”
Jack cocks his head once as if searching for something. “I can take you there faster.”
“You know where she is?”
He nods. Of course, he does, the kid is God now. Sam chastises himself to get with the program already.
Jack puts a hand on each of their shoulders and after a sharp tugging sensation in his stomach, they are whisked away to presumably where Eileen is. He looks around while distractedly listening to Dean complain.
“Jack! Next time warn us before you do that.”
“Sorry, Dean. I got excited. I can fly better and faster now.”
“Well, that’s one thing Chuck is useful for, I guess.”
He jogs ahead on the road with Jack and Dean following him.
“And discern souls,” Jack says solemnly.
He has to get back to Jack on that. The kid had talked something about seeing Dean’s soul before. Sam kept quiet because he didn’t want to intrude too soon and because it certainly wasn’t the right time.
“What is this business about souls?”
His brother on the other hand couldn’t do tact even if it punched him in the face. He remembers her car was a little ahead, so he walks in said direction with smaller steps.
“It’s a little hard to explain but essentially, I can see souls with greater quality now.”
He thought his brother would ask about his own soul but he didn’t. He seems to have lost interest in the conversation because he changes the topic.
“Are you sure you brought us to the right place?” Dean asks looking around.
“Of course,” the boy says calmly.
That’s when he sees her searching for her phone which is in his hand.
All the women he loved before, even the ones he imagined a future with, they didn't know him. Not the complete Sam Winchester. He fooled himself into thinking that it wasn't necessary for them to see the hunter side of him. That it was a part of him he could shed off whenever he wanted. He was lying to himself because he knows now that he can't do that. He knows he can't just discard the hunter in him as if it didn't shape his entire life. His thoughts, his reactions, his morals, his insecurities and even his dreams. He wanted to be a lawyer not because he was interested in law but because in his mind, that was an acceptable replacement to hunting. Helping people, families just without all the trauma hunting generally gifts people with. He probably would have made a great lawyer but a lot of people could be great lawyers. Not everyone could be a great hunter like him. Like a Winchester. And Eileen has helped him see that. She gave him the courage to dream of a future that involves hunting where he doesn't have to be alone. Even if they aren't completely happy, he was able to imagine a future where he wouldn't be alone. Where he would be with her. Someone he definitely does not deserve. Someone who told him she would come back to him even after what Chuck put her through, because of him. He knows now, looking at her desperately searching for her phone, probably to call him. He knows that she is the one. The love of his life. The woman he would never give up on. The woman he would fight God for. He can't help his relieved smile.
Dean puts a hand on his shoulder, points to a nearby diner and says, "we'll be waiting there."
Jack is protesting but dean drags him away with promises of nougat. He turns toward Eileen again, who didn't notice him.
He walks over to her and tenderly puts a hand on the back of her head, slightly dishevelling her hair. She stills but he knows she understood that it's him. He does this often, petting her hair. He likes it. The touch helps calm his heart and reassure himself that she is with him and he absolutely loves the smile she gives him whenever he does that. She turns and gives him the exact same smile but it's a little watery, a lot more beautiful. He feels like he falls a little more in love with her every time she gives him this smile. The purest, most beautiful one.
He breathes "Eileen." He knows she read it.
"Sam." She looks him over for injuries. "I couldn't find my phone and I had no way to contact you. Just moments before, I held it in my hand. I was talking to you and suddenly I don't have it and I know something happened. " She is both signing and speaking messily but Sam understood every word. She chokes losing her train of words. "You're okay, " She says slowly, signing at the same time, a little slower now.
It surprises him that she was worried for him, even though it shouldn’t have. He never even thought of that. He was too busy worrying about her and thinking of ways to make Chuck bring her back that he didn't even realise she would be worried for him too. It was truly an astonishing but amazing thought. He never had anyone worry about him other than his brother and Cas. His brother because it's his duty and Cas because... well because anything important to his brother is important to Cas and the angel had become Sam's best friend over the years. Having a woman worry about his fate is a feeling he doesn't want to forget. He feels extremely grateful.
"I'm fine," He signs, "I'm okay."
He takes her face into his hands and presses their lips together. He can feel the tension leave his frame. He is not a man of words but he knows it's important to let your partner know how you feel about them. He pours all his feelings and all his love into the kiss. She clings onto him with the same intensity and he feels peace wash over him. It starts to feel real now. She is okay. Eileen is okay. She is real and with him. He needs to breathe unfortunately, so, he breaks the kiss and releases a sigh. He still needs the reassurance so he brings their foreheads together. They stay like that until both of them calm down.
She pulls away first and signs "what happened?"
And so, he tells her the whole story. "Your best friend's son is now God?" She looks flabbergasted.
He smiles and signs "yeah."
"But he'll still be living with you guys?"
Sam laughs. "Believe it or not, Dean was the one who managed to convince him"
She raises an eyebrow. "Makes sense," Eileen shrugs and it's his turn to raise a brow.
"No offense, Sam. I know Cas is your best friend but he certainly means more to your brother and he gave his life for Dean. He probably feels it's his duty to care for the boy. "
He frowns. "Dean isn't just doing this for duty. "
Her eyes widen "I didn't mean it that way. Despite his grumpy ruse, I could tell how much he cared about Jack. I remember how he absolutely avoided Jack while always keeping the pantry stocked with the kid's favourite foods. "
Sam gives a fond smile on his brother's behalf. "You know, I didn't notice it, at first. I was terrified Cas would snap at Dean or worse, leave us again for avoiding Jack like the plague. I actually pleaded with Cas to give him time. Cas was the one who pointed it out to me and told me Dean did care and that he was just being too stubborn to accept it. "
She gives him a smile. "They both had a completely different language, didn't they? "
His smile vanishes at the past tense. It didn't truly sink in that Cas is gone. Sam tamped it down in order to save the world. He kept saying I'll deal with it later. After Chuck. After getting Jack home. After finding Eileen. After. After. After. He knows it'll all come crashing down on him. He can tell Dean is doing the same. But he also knows Dean's fallout will be worse than him and he should be strong for both Dean and Jack. He can't grieve yet. That thought brings fresh tears that he pushes back. Not now. Not the time. This is the time to ask Eileen to come home. He'll deal with it... After.
She picks up on his mood and is likely thinking the same thing. He is hesitant to bring up the topic. The last time she told him she needed time. What if that didn't change? She kissed him like she didn't want to part with him but is that really what it was? He gathers all of his courage and asks her.
"Will you come back to the bunker with me? "
Her face falls and dread seeps through him, drenching him in its glory.
"Sam, I-I can't, not yet. "
Can't, that single word is bouncing around in his head. He completely read it wrong, didn't he? Of course, this would happen to him. With his luck in women how did he expect any other outcome? He feels numb. The world has gone out of focus. He can vaguely hear something but it doesn't feel important. He feels someone shake him and it brings him back into the world. He can feel Eileen's finger digging into his shoulders and her desperately shaking him. She looks over his face, eyes flying all over his face only to settle back onto his eyes.
"Are you okay? "
He doesn't have the strength to answer, so, he nods his head.
She reached for his face and starts... rubbing his cheek? Oh. She's wiping his tears, he realizes. He's crying. She kisses his cheek softly, so softly as if he is fragile. Maybe he is.
"I don't want to break up" She enunciates clearly staring deep into his eyes and signs the same for good measure.
Some of the fog in his brain clears. "Oh." He says dumbly.
She gives a small smile. "Now can I tell you why I can't come home with you right away? "
Home. Frankly, Sam himself hadn't thought of the bunker as home when they first moved in but with every memory shared, every loved one lost and every win team free will had secured over the years, the place had slowly wormed its way into his heart. He realised that in a way it was home to him now. Eileen had only lived in the bunker for a couple of months but she had loved it there with all the hunter related stuff finally within arm’s reach. He feels her words envelop him like a warm blanket. Maybe she did have a good reason and maybe he shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.
He gestures for her to go on.
"Remember that I told you I'm hunting with someone this past month?"
Sam nods a yes.
"They are kids, Sam. Teenagers. Three of them. Two boys and one girl. Parents all killed by a werewolf pack. They were all family friends who met up for one of their parents twenty years anniversary in a guest house in the middle of nowhere. They saw the werewolves but hid themselves well enough, thanks to recent pop fiction. I helped them hunt the pack but they don't want to stop. They don't want to go back to school. They want to keep hunting. They are only seventeen, Sam " Her voice cracks. She cares about these kids. She is a kind soul. She, of course, wants the best for them but that’s not always what the kids themselves want.
"I tried to stop them and when I failed, I started hunting with them, making sure they don't die. I don't know how to convince them. "
He hears the desperation in her voice and thinks for a minute. He decides to give her the harsh truth. He signs "I think they are past the point of no return. " Her face is covered in sadness but she looks like she already knew this. "But we can help them. We can make sure they don't die trying to hunt with half assed knowledge. Bring them to the bunker. They can learn a lot. " The more words come out of his mouth the more he likes this idea. He felt like he had a purpose back when he led the hunters from the apocalypse world. Maybe it wasn't a failure? Maybe he can help young hunters or even just hunters who are not perfect with lore- because let's face it who is- maybe he can help them. Dean and himself are the best people to be doing this. Maybe there can be something more to this after all.
Eileen hesitates. "You told me Dean didn't love it as much when those other hunters came. Would he be okay with this? "
He chuckles. "Dean is incapable of turning away kids in need. I will ask him. But you can still bring them there, we can search for a different solution while teaching them some lore and how to handle weapons. "
She gives him a wide smile. The smiles somehow shrinks a little and she looks uncertain. "When I come back, will we- can we? " She struggles to finish her thought and he realizes she is asking him if they would still be a couple when she comes back. It's actually a little reassuring to know she has the same insecurities.
He takes her hand in his. "When you come back, will you let me take you out on a date? "
She blushes prettily before saying. "I would love that. "
Eileen isn't someone who blushes often but when she does, it takes over her whole face and she looks so beautiful that his heart sings with joy for being able to make her blush.
"Would you like to have lunch before you go? "
She sighs. "They disappeared on me and I started driving back to the bunker. They will be so confused. I have to check on them and it's better if I leave as soon as possible. "
He can't lie, he is a little disappointed. But when he sees his sadness mirrored in her eyes, he knows they will be okay. She will find the kids and come back to him. He believes it now, that she will be back. He didn't have that confidence before, but now... Now he wants to believe it. So, he does. He chooses to believe that Eileen will find her way back to him. He'll deal with his insecurities but despite everything, he will believe in her words. This thought settles his heart.
When he looks at her, he smiles sincerely and says "Alright. But please, message me when you find them and keep me updated. "
She doesn't answer, just pulls him into a much longer, more passionate and frankly not appropriate in public kiss. He takes it all in. The feel of her lips, her smell, her body against his and memorizes it all. Soon, he tells himself. Soon, she will be back with you again. After a few of these kisses (read: a lot), they reluctantly pull away. He kisses her forehead one last time and watches as she drives away.
He walks back to the diner to his brother and their sort of adopted son. They notice right away that Eileen isn't with him. Dean tenses but Sam smiles trying to convey that it's fine. Jack looks somewhere at his chest and gives him a big smile.
"Eileen was with a few kids before disappearing. She went to find them. Apparently, they are newbies and don't want to give up on hunting, so she wants to make sure they don't die. "
Dean nods.
"I told her to bring them to the bunker when she is able to convince them. " He eyes Dean, "but if it's uncomfortable, then-"
"It's alright. The bunker helped us when we were in a tough spot. And many others. Maybe it'll be what the kids need. "
He didn't expect his brother to agree without a single argument, but he is grateful. Dean is still eyeing him doubtfully. "But Eileen is coming back? " He asks.
Sam gives his brother a real smile. "Yes."