Chapter Text
It started just before October. Skipper called his team for a sudden top secret meeting.
“I trust you know why I called you all here.” Their leader said and waited for them to state so. “You know, right?”
“You want to book tickets for the Lunacorn Ice Skating Show in advance?”
Rico uttered a few incoherent words and threw up an ice cone.
“No, and maybe. I mean, we can go for ice cones later. Focus. Kowalski?”
“Hm, is it because of the mating season that is near and you’d decided that Private was ready for ‘the talk’?”
“Yes–. Wait, no! You’re way off, Kowalski. I called you all here because something is going on behind the scenes. Our food supply is getting shorter and shorter. I think it might be the work of mole people, but we can’t be sure yet”.
“Do mole people eat fish?” asked a confused Private and Skipper laughed lightly.
“Sweet, naive Private. They don’t eat fish; bastards only feed on the fear of their enemies. They use it for bribery. Other creatures can appreciate fish”.
“Oh, right…” said Private, not convinced.
“Skipper, I’m sure there must be another explanation” Kowalski tried to reason with their paranoid leader “besides it being the work of the mole people.”
“Okay wise guy, give me some options then.”
“The best option is to check whether something or someone has shorted our food supply. I believe that we all remember that time when that diabolical machine recommended only one fish for our entire team”.
“And someone ate it without sharing” Private looked at Rico disapprovingly and he just shrugged his flippers.
“Okay, team. Operation: Mole Theft Stoppage starts now. Go, go, go!"
Kowalski just sighed briefly and went after others.
They reached the office without a problem. Alice was busy cleaning the elephant’s habitat. The task that required enough time for them to roam free. Kowalski booted the zookeeper's old computer and found the food reports. Meanwhile, Private and Rico busied themselves with the box of “lost and found” items. Rico found a lollipop and ate it without hesitation. Private was quite angry that he didn’t share.
“What did you find, soldier?” asked the impatient commander. “Any emails from the underground magistrate?”
“It’s somewhat illogical, but the reports state that the food ratio was doubled, because the mating season is nearby. Plus, the only thing in this woman’s mailbox is spam”.
“Mating season shmison. That’s impossible… Or it’s our zookeeper. That women might not be the best at math. We need to check how many fish we receive. Have you got any statistics on the number of fish that we got before, Kowalski?”
“Is the sun a star?” said Kowalski teasingly, which resulted in confused expressions on his teammates. “Yes. It is. And I have the statistics”.
“All this talking about food made me a little hungry.” Private confessed.
“Hm. Let’s get some cones. We can’t continue with our mission until evening, anyway”.
“Hurray” responded Private.
Rico also seemed happy with this turn of events. Kowalski’s mind was occupied by the number of hypothesis on the food situation.
Kowalski ended up not ordering anything, because he couldn’t decide. Private and Skipper got themselves one scoop each. Rico, however, chose five different flavors.
“Isn’t it too much?” asked surprised Kowalski.
“Kowalski, we’re talking about Rico here” responded Skipper. “You shouldn’t be so surprised that he eats this much. Just don’t come to me with stomach pain later, soldier”.
“Yes, Skipper” saluted Rico with his other flipper holding ice cream of his height.
“Do you need any help with it?” asked Kowalski, worried that at any moment scoops may end up as a colorful blob on the grass.
He received a short incoherent statement in response. “Don’t worry, I won’t take your ice cream”.
Another mix-up of words and sounds.
“Oh. Thanks for offering, but I’m fine. I didn’t want them that much anyway” answered Kowalski, even more confused. “Is everything okay, Rico? You hate to share”.
“Maybe he rethought his past actions and wants to be more like Prince Sharesalot” interjected Private with a satisfied tone. “In fact, in episode 12–”.
“Private, we’re still on the mission. It’s just a minor break” Skipper quickly stopped his recap of the episode. “We need to keep our eyes and ears open”.
“So I can’t watch the new Lunicorn episode, when we get back home…?”
“... Don’t give me sad eyes, Private. You have my permission. After all, I need to keep my crew morale high”.
Kowalski rolled his eyes at Skipper's favoritism and looked at Rico knowingly. He smiled in return and Kowalski for a moment felt warm inside his stomach. Weird.
Private got to watch his favorite show, and after that the time had come for their feeding. Penguins went outside and Alice shortly after stopped at their habitat with a bucket of fresh fish. She first threw fish at them, to keep them busy while she left the rest in the metal bowl at their habitat. Then she would wonder, what in her life led her to the situation where she had to deal daily with the smell of disgusting slippery fish and these weird fish-eating dodgers. But after a minute she would go to the next habitat (otter’s to be specific) and keep doing it anyway. This time the penguins didn’t catch the fish when she threw it at them. They haven’t eaten it excitingly either, when it landed across from them. That was weird weird. Were they sick or something?
“Why did she stop?” Skipper asked Kowalski.
“She seems confused, that we’re not eating and just stand there without movement, sir. I recommend Delta Tango Maneuver”.
“Rico,” Leader stopped Rico who was close to devouring the fish. “Delta Tango Maneuver. You, Kowalski.”
At their commander’s order penguins started the fake-fight. Both tossing the other around while angrily snarling. This snatched Alice out of her astonishment.
“Oh, right. Mating season” she shrugged her shoulders, the last ounces of her concern disappearing and she went to finish her job. Kowalski jumped away from Rico. Other penguin seemed weirdly smug.
“How did this woman get a job here?” sighed Skipper. “She couldn’t even recognize that they were fighting and not dancing”.
“They seemed to be really close, though,” chuckled Private. “Kowalski, you don’t need to be so–.”
“Let’s see how many fish we got” interjected an embarrassed Kowalski and took out his abacus to begin his calculations. “Hm, the number seems to be right. There’s no problem with our food ratio”.
“Weird, so Alice isn’t one of the mole people, huh. So… The thief would have to steal our food from the storage. Were we hacked?”
“No, Skipper. Our system is in perfect condition. The thief would have to know a password”.
The password being Marlene, was left unsaid.
“Team. We need to rename this operation,” Skipper said in a serious tone.
“Thank tuna” thought Kowalski, before Skipper continued his statement.
“It’s Operation: Lemur Theft Stoppage now”.
“Not this again” sighed Kowalski in his head.
Skipper called his team for a special top secret late-night meeting. This time it wasn't as unexpected, considering the fact that they still haven't explained the food situation at the penguin habitat. Nevertheless, other penguins would prefer to go to sleep.
Their commander pulled out the first of the slides. From the presentation that he shouldn’t have time to prepare, so it might be that it was one of his scenarios.
“As we know, our number one enemy at the zoo are lemurs” he pointed at a rather unpleasant drawing of the trio. “Especially Ringtail.”
“I’m sorry to interrupt boss, but I don't understand why we should suspect the lemurs,” said Private, who was the one to give others the benefit of the doubt. “They only took things from us they were interested in like our telly or Rico's romantic board game. We know they hate fish and the smell of them.”
“That's a fair point Private, but you forget one thing. Ringtail is one spiteful bastard. Kowalski, remind me please of his latest mean action.”
“After we politely asked them to turn down the ‘yapping of the sea cow’, he sent Hans a postcard that read ‘Many kisses, xoxo Skipper-– your friend’. We still aren't sure how he did that, but even this week Hans has sent you a reply inviting you to the ‘frenemy' type of dinner. With a basket of sweets’”.
Rico pulled out the basket to better illustrate Kowalski's point. The contents of it were already eaten.
“So overall they have reasons for this evil act, but there’s a problem with their supposed methods,” their commander showed them a slide showcasing the door to the storage and its security panel. “They would've to learn the password, unlikely, but not impossible. Our only option is to…?”
This time he'd also looked at his team expectantly.
“Ask them nicely about it?”
“Kaboom?”
“Surveillance the room…?”
“Bingo Kowalski. Good to have you back on the side of logic.” Kowalski barely kept himself from doing an eye roll. “We’ll take shifts and watch our storage. Not even an ant can pass through, understand?!”
“Yes, sir” the entire team responded.
Skipper and Private were the first on the guard duty (due to the flip of the coin). The next morning, they had bloody red eyes and moved a bit slower than normal during their morning training. Otherwise, the day passed with no incidents. It was Rico's and Kowalski’s turn next.
“You’ll have to stay here until morning, understand?” Their leader reminded them with a stern tone. “If it's lemurs, then I want you to show them no mercy, Rico.”
Their bomb expert responded with an evil laugh. After this reassurance, Skipper left them alone to do their guard duty. Kowalski hadn't spent much one-on-one time with other penguins, but it was even rarer for him to be alone with Rico. It made him weirdly nervous.
“So… Rico. Have you read anything interesting lately?”
Rico just turned his head slightly.
“Oh, right. Me neither… Do you agree with the chef's theory that it's the work of the lemurs?”
He responded with his usual gibberish.
“I don't have a better hypothesis at this moment either, but I made a simple analysis… I can let you onto it if you would like to hear it”.
His teammate encouraged him to continue.
“Fish theft started happening just recently. The fish that went missing is the one that we stored in the password locked room. One that only our team uses. No food was stolen during the previous night. My conclusion is…”
Rico stared at him expectantly. That made it harder for the scientist to gather his thoughts.
“No, ugh. I cannot focus. Maybe we should kill some time by playing cards”.
The other penguin uttered a few words with a sly smile and blush formed near Kowalski's beak.
“Rico! I won't play by the North Arctic rules!”
They ended up playing for a few hours. This gave Kowalski enough stimulation to prevent his falling asleep. But it was very late and games became stale. Rico noticed it and hasn't failed to mention it.
“You asleep?”
“No, Rico. I ain't. Trust me”.
But his teammate didn't seem to be convinced due to his sleepy tone and increasing yawning.
“I keep watch. You sleep”.
It was sweet of Rico, but Kowalski wasn't the one to ignore their leader’s orders (mostly). He tried to explain so, but then Rico offered him his arm and shortly after he drifted away.
He was woken up by the blasting sound of alarm and Skipper's shout. Not that unusual of a sight. They immediately formed a line before their leader.
“They’ve robbed us in broad daylight! They've taken our means of survival. They know it means war! Rico, prepare protocol The Final Day!”
Before Rico threw up a big bomb Kowalski stopped him and turned to Skipper.
“How many fish went missing, Skipper?”
“Only three, but it's all about principle, soldier. It starts with three and before you know it you end up being left on the altar the day of the ceremony and Denmark public enemy numero uno”.
“Do we have the time to unpack all of that?” Asked the concerned Private, but he was ignored.
“I suggest we question lemurs and check their habitat before we make any rash decisions”.
“I'm not sure if I should listen to you considering that the crime happened under your watch, but okay. Let's have it your way”.
“Let me get this straight,” said Maurice after they placed him in the quickly made interrogation room. “You suspect us of theft?”
“Fish theft” clarified Skipper quickly. “You need to know that in Denmark the punishment for fish theft is firing squad”.
“Right… Skipper, why would we need your fish? I'm not sure if we can even eat fish without getting sick.”
“I'm the one asking questions, smart guy”.
The next one to be interrogated was Mort. Kowalski focused the flashlight on his face.
“Can you provide an alibi for the previous night, Mort?” asked Kowalski.
“I know nothing about Alice's pie, but I bet it was delicious. Did you eat any?”.
“I refuse to dignify this suspect with a response,” scientist threw flashlight away.
“Okay, I get that you're supposed to be the detective, but what's with Rico's costume?” inquired Julien. “Is he an office worker?”
“He's your lawyer. You know, the defender, like during Jiggles case”.
“During what now?”
Private sighed but quickly pulled himself together.
“We suspect you of stealing our fish. Do you confess to the crime?”
“Depends what makes you leave quicker.” stated lemur absentmindedly. “I got pilates in an hour”.
After they ended their questioning and the search of lemur's habitat even Skipper admitted they weren't the culprit this time.
“Skipper I hate to say this but there might be another suspect, who would know the password” Kowalski stated, while looking at his notepad. “One who actually eats fish”.
“Be careful what you say now, Kowalski” Skipper responded warningly. “One wrong word and I may challenge you to the mackerel fencing over the lady's honour”.
“Right, sorry”.
Private and Kowalski were chosen to take the next guard shift. Scientist regretted bringing up Marlene.
One more episode of Lunacorns and he might actually get more depraved than before. But Private asked with his sweet eyes and got what he wanted easily. The base of the penguins were quiet except for the quiet soundings from the TV. But then there was a noise. Some figure crossed the air just before his eyes and disappeared.
“Private” he blurred out quietly. “Private!”
“I know that it's an exceptional episode, but we don't need to wake others, Kowalski,” he said, not looking away from the TV.
The movement of something happened again, and he was sure now that they had a company. He turned off the TV with a nearby remote control. This captured Private’s attention and from his expression it was clear he noticed something was off.
“Should we wake up others?” he asked, getting closer to Kowalski. “It may be dangerous”.
Scientist struggled to decide whether they should keep the guard or wake up the rest of the crew. Private, tired of his indecisiveness, got away from the door, sliding closer to their benches.
“We have an intruder!”
Everything that followed happened quickly. The crew stormed the storage and when they opened it they found someone, alright. But it was no one else then–.
“Rico?!” confused Skipper shouted while looking at the bomb's expert. “You were the mole spy?!”
Penguin in question was as confused as Skipper. He realised he was holding a pike perch in his flippers. He didn't remember snatching it or getting out of his bed. So he explained so, incoherently.
“Kowalski?” the leader hoped for some explanation.
“Sleep-eating. The rare penguin condition that happens before the mating season. Penguin who sleep-eats does so unconsciously. We have our thief”.
They found the thief alright and Skipper gave Kowalski an order to keep his watch on him. Scientist wondered how Rico caught the condition. It implied that he wanted to become more attractive to his mate.
“Does Ms. Perky even care about Rico's appearance?” Asked Private, his attention on Rico who tried to convince Skipper to increase his food ratio.
“I’m not sure…”