Chapter Text
When you arrived at your shared apartment that night - after your long shift at work - you had a bright hope in your eyes that maybe your girlfriend was there, waiting for you to come home, you always did that for her. But of course she wasn't there again like she had been for the past few months. Natasha is a superhero, obviously she was doing what they do, but she's your girlfriend too, isn't she? So why doesn't she act like it? - you thought.
In the first year of your relationship, Natasha was the most caring person you could ask for. You'd wake up next to her everyday, she would kiss your entire face telling how much she loved you, she would take days off to be next to you all day. And when she had to go to missions, she would apologize a thousand times saying that she doesn't want to be far from you. Now, she just leave a text to you. 'Went on a mission. Don't know how long it will take.' — she typed the same words everytime, you guess she probably just has the message copied already. There wasn't 'I love you' or 'I miss you' in the message, nothing that would show a little affection for you, was she tired of you?
You were standing in the middle of the living room, looking at the picture in the white wall of you and Natasha at a park near your apartment. That was the last time you and her hang out together. The last time she said she loved you, the last time you remember looking at her beautiful eyes and think 'how did I get so lucky?'. In that time, you wouldn't think your relationship would need a heal to get in just days after that photo.
Now, you just sit in the bed in the dark of your bedroom wondering if it's time. You didn't want to have the talk with her, because you knew she wouldn't know what to say to you. And if she did, maybe you weren't ready to hear what she has to say to you. Natasha could be mean if she wanted too, so mean.
Then, you heard the key on the door, your girlfriend was finally home. You took a glance on the digital clock next to your bed - 1:15AM. Natasha was earlier than the other days this week, was she finally going back to your 'normal girlfriend'? The heavy steps of her boots made all your thoughts go away. You took a long breath before she entered the dark room.
"Oh, did I wake you up?" She whispered with frowned eyebrows, seeing your form curled up in your own arms wanting it to be hers, not yours.
You signed before taking your eyes of the floor and look at her. She was still wearing her black suit, you'd always make compliments of it in the past when she'd go to work before you. You remember her face going as red as her hair when you'd say that things to her. "We need to talk."
You didn't miss how her body flinch when you said that words. She knew what you were talking about. "Right now? It's a little late, you know." Natasha almost run over to the closet, open the drawers looking for her some clothes.
"I know. But you always get home later than this all the other days, it won't bother you being awake a little more." You say dryly. She stops before looking at her feet, thinking about the next thing she would say to you, what she needs to say to you?
Natasha turns around. "Okay. What do you want to talk about...?" She tries to stay normal, walking towards you. You still had a cold look on your face, she had never seen you like this.
"Do you still love me?" That caught her of guard. She still loves you. Of course she does, doesn't she? Natasha opens her mouth, being amazed by your question. "Yeah... yes, I do love you, Y/n. I've never stoped loving you."
You bite the inside of your cheek, that was the first time in months that she had said that she loved you, but you are hating the moment. "So why don't you show it?"
"...What do you mean? I don't understand." She shakes her head taking a step closer to you. Natasha cross her arms underneath her breasts, waiting for you to continue what's in your head.
"I know you don't." You obviously knew it. She wasn't around. She wasn't the one who could stay with you on your most heartbreaking days, the one who reassure how important you are, the one who could say that everything was going to be okay. She didn't know it. "You are never around to know if I feel loved by you or not."
"What? Of course I'm around! I still live in here, I lay next to you everyday, Y/n." She has an annoyed face now, like you were taking her precious time and saying stupid things in to her eyes.
"Oh, really? So when was the last time you hugged me? Kissed me? Held my hand? Said you loved me?" You started lift your fingers for every word tha came out of your mouth. "You are never around me, Natasha! You are always working until it's late enough for me to be awake so you can come home! And I know it because Wanda told me that you all are dismissed much more earlier than this." You take a breath waiting for her to continue with the words. You weren't even thinking at that moment, just saying what's in your head.
"Just because I work harder and more than everyone else it doesn't mean that I don't love or care for you!" Her voice starts to be louder by now. "You have to understand that the world doesn't envolves around you, Y/n. That I will stop working because you need me by your side everytime!"
"Well, guess what, Natasha? I actually got used to not have you by my side for the last few months, because you don't try hard to make this relationship works!" You got up at now. She takes a step back making room for you, so you could scream at her annoyed face. "I wait for you everyday! You know you are all I have and the only thing that matters to me. So it would be really nice of you if you do the same for me."
She stays quiet. Looking at your dark eyes by now, seeing how you are really trying to not cry over the argument. Natasha sighs, her hand going to her hair massaging it, trying to think what she could say to you. "Say something, Natasha. Do something!"
"What do you want me to say? That I'm going to quit my job, stop being a super hero just because you want me twenty-four hours per day with you?!" Her hands form fists going to the side of her body, controlling her anger towards you.
"Maybe some days off won't kill you! Risk being by my side, Natasha." You shout at her, her eyes closed hard while her head going low. "Choose something!"
"You are being unbelievable right now."
"Me? Just because I want my girlfriend to spend time with me after months of not caring about our relationship?" Natasha's hands go to her face, massaging her temples trying to be calm, almost being impossible at this point.
She grows before walking past you and heading towards the bedroom door. You only start following her when she is already going down the stairs. Your heart was racing, was she really leaving you? Was her job more important than you? Of course it was. She was years working in there before meeting you. She loved everyone on the team and mostly being a super hero. You weren't the one who could make her risk her job for someone.
Natasha takes her keys before turning around and going to the main door. She still doesn't turned around to see if you were following her, because she knew you were doing it. Your girlfriend opens the door slightly, taking a deep breath. Her head turns to the side with closed eyes, maybe regretting all of it. The argument, not being around you, not being a caring person for you. "Don't stay up waiting for me." And then, she left. You don't know how much time you spend looking at the door, would she come back to you? You didn't know. But you knew you had lost the love of your life, because Natasha was selfish enough to not change for others, even if it means she would lose someone.