Chapter Text
The world revolves around soulmates, or that’s what everyone thinks.
This phenomenon — to Rin — is strange, because Rin has never considered actually caring about it, despite the obsession everyone around him has to this event. He’d sit in class only to hear students whispering about it behind him. He’d finish soccer practice only to see people talk about it in the locker room. He’d walk home only to pass people discussing it as if their life depended on it.
But there’s one thing for certain, perhaps another reason why Rin would never think about soulmates: nobody speaks about soulmates as much as Bachira Meguru does.
“Rin-chan!” Bachira is chasing after him, running down the slope of the hill they have to walk past to get to their houses. Bachira’s run is too fast, unbalanced. He can tumble forward with just one wrong step, and it always made Rin realise he feared something.
Despite the lack of caution, Bachira made it besides the walking Rin, following his pace of speed for a few seconds. His body bends forward, his head tilts forward, and brown-yellow hair sways down by the earth’s internal gravity and the winter wind around them.
Rin had never gone out to find Bachira. Why would he want to reach out for someone annoying like him? Yet somehow, in some miracle, Bachira would somehow manage to find him, wherever he’d be.
“Rin-chan! Guess what?” Bachira asks with his stretched smile and childish voice too bright to be ignored.
“What do you want?”
“I was in the bathroom, looking at the mirror, right? And then, I saw I was suddenly tall! Like as tall as Reo! I think it's almost as tall as you too!”
“I don’t care.”
“Aww, but Rin-chan!” Bachira pouts, one side of the cheek hollowing with air. Rin stares at him for a few seconds, before changing focus back to the dull concrete pathway. Bachira’s eyes yet somehow flare into his vision. “What if you tell me about yours instead? What does your soulmate look like?”
“No.”
“Huff. Party pooper.” Bachira crosses his arms.
The first time Rin shooed Bachira away was a year ago. Rin remembers the moment almost vividly.
It was late; six at night, going home. Rin had to catch up on school work because he didn’t do half of his assignments for a course he took. Rin doesn’t know where he came from, or why he’s outside late at night, but Bachira discovered Rin walking home alone, and joined him with the reason that they’re going the same direction.
It was difficult to get Bachira away from him. No matter how many times he’d tell him to stop bothering him, no matter how many times he’d insult his hair, Bachira would always cling onto him.
A normal person would fear, a normal person would avoid someone as unpredictable as him. But, Rin was never afraid— he was never worried; never anxious of Bachira’s existence. Not when Bachira would always wear a smile and don a uniform that belonged to a school that’s just two blocks away.
Bachira would find Rin at least once a week ever since then. And Rin would be expecting Bachira’s appearance at least once a week as well.
Anger turned into irritation. Irritation turned into ease— Bachira grew on Rin in the way he thought wasn’t possible; he talked, and talked, and talked about the same thing over and over. One step turned to ten. Ten steps turned to hundreds.
Soulmates. Bachira would fight the world to find his soulmate. And Rin, until this day, does not understand his thinking.
But Rin never found himself separating from him. Bachira never does, even when Rin would not respond, as if Bachira knew Rin was listening. And he’s not wrong; Rin is listening.
The only thing that separated them was a glassy streetlight that branched into three different directions. Whenever they arrive under the light, Rin would head straight from the streetlight. Bachira would head right.
They don’t meet again for the night, unless Bachira texts him. (Bachira begged Rin to add his phone number while he was texting his other friends on the way home.)
The last time Rin shooed Bachira away was a few months ago. Rin could care less about Bachira’s presence anymore. If he wants to exist by Rin’s side, then he can. If he doesn’t want to, then so be it.
This thing they have between them is already beyond what Rin has done with anyone outside of his family.
“It’s almost New Year’s,” Bachira speaks out upon the dim, elbows high and hands behind his head.
Rin sighs. “I know.”
“My mom said I cried because I saw what my soulmate’s eyes looked like in the mirror twelve years ago.”
Rin flicks his eyes at him. “Twelve?”
“Well, almost twelve. In five days, it’ll be twelve years,” Bachira hums.
“The first of January?” Rin whispers, but Bachira seems to hear it.
“Yeah! Exactly! And I heard if you don’t find your soulmate in twelve years, you’ll lose your chance to be with your soulmate forever. Is that true, Rin-chan?” Bachira’s smile doesn’t fade, yet the sun that was once above his head has set under his heart.
Rin takes no effort to answer. He only lets the wind respond.
“Actually, you seem like the type who wouldn’t know anything about soulmates,” Bachira guesses, finger poking his own cheek. “But if it is true, then I need to find them. At least know who they are.”
You already have so many people you can trust. Why find another?
Silence falters over them, and slowly does their footsteps descend to their ears.
The world behind them fades away. They stop under a familiar overhead streetlight, lucid yellow coating their hair with golden glitter. In front of them, a crosswalk is occupied with cars passing by. And beside them, a red light stands out from the rest of the winter blues. People gather around them, and eventually, a couple of people turn into a crowd.
That crowd dissipates after the red light turns green and the cars stop its race. Rin expects Bachira to wave goodbye and go the opposite direction. But he strides forwards.
Rin finds himself calling. “Bob cut.”
Bachira stops, turning back. “Huh?”
A beat, and Rin lets himself speak. “Wrong way.”
“Oh!” Bachira walks back to Rin, and Rin only looks at him with a plain expression. Not that he’s hiding anything; there is nothing to express about. “I thought you'd just let me get lost like that. But I guess you really didn’t!” Bachira jokingly punches him in the shoulder and grins. “Thanks, Rin-chan! See you when I see you!”
Bachira goes to the right from where the streetlight is facing. He skips away, vanishing into the crowd of variants.
Rin watches, and eventually he heads forward.
The world revolves around soulmates, or that’s what everyone thinks. And yet, nobody speaks about soulmates as much as Bachira Meguru does.
Rin learned the existence of soulmates eleven years ago, right after New Year’s.
It was the weekend; Rin didn’t have elementary school during this time, of course. He would spend his days and nights with his family, usually trailing around his brother, joining whatever activity he’d do.
They were outside in the snow for too long. They built snowmen, had snow fights, even threw snowballs at strangers on accident. Fortunately, they came back with no injuries, no frostbites, no new fears. But they returned with little to no energy— well, Rin had almost no energy, forcing his brother, Sae to carry him back home.
By that time, it was too late in the day for them to have breakfast, yet too early in the day for them to have lunch. They ate Rin’s favourite; ochazuke, and — as trade — were told to shower because they hadn’t for the day. Rin and Sae finished showering minutes later, and their mother was in the other room to get some extra towels to dry off their hair.
They stood on a stepping stool in front of the bathroom sink, Rin one step higher than Sae. They brushed their teeth while staring at the mirror, for too long. Rin’s eyes began to burn.
He blinked, and all the sudden, the bangs of his hair were seen tied up, and the ends of his hair were almost like little spikes. Immediately, it reminded him of his brother. “Nii-chan!”
“Hm?”
“I have your hair, Nii-chan!” Rin pointed at his reflection in the mirror, smiling wide.
“What are you saying?” Sae asked, spitting out the excess toothpaste in his mouth.
“Look!” Rin grazed his palm against the peaks of his hair. The mirror showed that he’s touching his new hairstyle he discovered on himself. His hand was instead met with the cool. Yet, Rin continued to believe. “It’s like your hair, Nii-chan!”
But then, a blink, and his hair returned to normal. “Huh? It’s gone…”
“Your hair is flat and long, Rin.” Sae placed his and Rin’s toothbrush on the empty cup. And then he snatched a band from the side of the counter and lifted the bangs of Rin’s hair. “If you want your hair to look like mine, you have to tie it up a bit.”
Rin glanced at the mirror again, seeing his long fringe pushed back and forehead exposed. Indeed, his hair looked almost the same as what he saw before, but to Rin, almost is not one-hundred percent.
“But that’s boring, Nii-chan! And I swear it was like yours just a few seconds ago. I swear!”
Sae let go of his bangs in easy surrender, rolling his eyes. “Sure.”
Soft footsteps sounded against wood. Rin perked up from his small dejection, only to grin when his mother entered his peripheral view from turning back.
“Mama!”
His mother walked up to them. She handed Sae his towel for him to dry himself. She then dried Rin’s hair. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
“I had Nii-chan’s hair for a moment! I saw it in the mirror!”
“Oh, you did?” She asked, surprised.
Rin nodded with confidence. Sae sighed, tired.
Their mother laughed, her grouped fingers covering her mouth a little. The cackles vanished after seconds, yet the smile stayed still. “That wasn’t your hair, sweetheart.” She ruffled Rin’s hair with the towel. “That was your soulmate’s.”
“Huh? Soul… mate?” Rin tried to pronounce. His mother nodded. “What is that?”
“Soulmates can mean a lot of things for different people. But to put it simply, they’re the person only you can trust the most.”
“More than mama?” She nodded. “More than papa?” She nodded again. “More than Nii-chan?”
“Mhm.”
“Is it like mama and papa?” He asked.
“Yes. Almost like that. But you guys don’t have to fall in love with your soulmate; they can just be your friend, a person to talk to, a person you can relate to...”
“So that was my soulmate’s hair? Why?”
“It’s like a game, Rin. They’re a clue of what your soulmate looks like right now. Eventually, you’ll get more clues, like their eye shape, eye colour, height, and more. They only appear in reflections. Reflections are places where you can see yourself. But these clues only appear in quick flashes, so they disappear in seconds.”
“Since my hair is like Nii-chan’s, then what if my soulmate is Nii-chan?” Rin asked.
His mother chuckled. “It’s not impossible, but your Nii-chan already has his own clue.”
“What’s his clue?”
“I don’t know.” His mother faced him. “What was it, Sae?”
“Ugh.” Sae grunted, wiping away the water on his mouth as he looked away from them. “Pink eyes. Very pink eyes.”
“So your eyes turn pink? That’s so cool! I want Nii-chan’s soulmate!”
“What if you guys have no chemistry?” Sae asked, closing his eyes. “Besides, his eyes looked scary. Like a demon. You’ll be pissing before you can even talk to him.”
“Language, Sae.”
Rin pouted. “I don’t pee my pants anymore! I’m an adult!”
Sae stared at him knowingly. “You’re five; barely an adult.”
“But Nii-chan is an adult!”
“What? I’m not an adult either.”
“So you still pee your pants? Eww!”
“No, you idiot—”
“Stop fighting, you two.”
The Itoshi banter continued despite the order for them to stop. It moved onto different topics, such as who made their bed better, who could draw a better circle, who would be taller in the future and more. Their mother left them alone after being ignored several times.
It only ended at lunch because they were mutually tired, thirsty, and starving. Rin came to the dining room with a crying stomach.
In a blink of an eye, it’s already eight hours after lunch. Rin was in his room, playing with a robot action figure that was closest to his bed. As the figure fell from his hand, three knocks reverberated from the door.
“Can I come in?” It was the voice of his mother. Rin shouted a yes, before picking up the action figure and placing it back to the side table.
The door swung open. His mother stepped in, and immediately shut the door. Rin gave her a curious look, tilting his head a bit to the side as she headed to his bed and crouched to reach his height.
“Rin, about the soulmates thing,” his mother started in a whisper, as if she was about to tell him a secret.
“The reflection you saw in the mirror; your soulmate’s hair and such— it will forever disappear after twelve years. And after that, it’d be too late to find them. You guys will live completely separate lives, and you will never cross paths with them ever again,” she warned, and it sounded more like she feared it more than Rin did. “So please, with this time, try to find them. Don’t get too distracted from your studies though.”
“‘Kay. But, what if I don’t find them in twelve years?”
She stared off into the distance, before shrugging. “Well, as long as they have someone, nothing extremely bad will happen. Not to them, not to you.”
“So why do soulmates exist if they don't do anything?”
“Well, for me, it’s for safety and reassurance. As long as you are with your soulmate, you know you will be safe forever.” She gave him two gentle pats on the head. “Once you grow up, you’ll understand. By then, you’ll be old enough to form your own opinion about this.”
That opinion Rin was supposed to develop over the years of discovering, learning, and searching all on his own, had stayed the same. Instead, the question Rin started with— the question he asked his mother, had evolved into something more specific, something more new, something more. From something that can be answered in a second of thought, to something not even the people in his vicinity can answer if it’s to save their life.
But that’s too much. Asking too much would lose him. Thus, Rin decided on something simple:
What is the purpose of soulmates if it doesn’t truly affect anyone?
New Year’s is in five days; it’s almost the end of those eleven years. And once it is twelve years, the chance to find his soulmate is over.
The bathroom light above Rin flickers. The humidity of the room pierces into his skin. Rin wants to laugh at himself, but he can't. Looking back at it now, the hair he saw in the mirror eleven years ago looked nothing like Sae’s.
Rin turns the tap on and lets the water flow down into the sink. The sound of pure running liquid bleeds into his ears.
Only two things are stuck in his head: Bachira Meguru, and endless frustration.
“Stupid bob cut.” Rin sprays water into his face, the sudden cold shedding his skin into paper thin lines. Bachira won’t shut up about that stupid soulmates thing, as if that’s the only thing he can talk about.
Aww, come on, Rin-chan! What if you tell me about yours instead? What does your soulmate look like?
A breath. Rin grips against the edges of the sink, cold porcelain stinging his skin. Rin, with much weight, moves his head up to see himself in the mirror. He expected horror— expected something that wouldn’t belong to him. But instead, he is met with himself.
Rin hasn’t looked at himself in the mirror. He refuses. If there was a mirror in front of him, he’d look away and pretend there wasn’t. Simple as that.
But now that he is looking at himself, admiring himself, carefully examining every inch of his body from up to down, nothing has changed. He is just him. He is still him; an exact duplicate of Rin, staring back at him, his face completely soaked with water, bangs nearly wet from the aftermath.
That is until he blinks.
His eyes were suddenly large, round. It looked precious and curious, everlasting wonder racing through the colours of blue. would’ve looked inhumane and horrifying to Rin, if he wasn’t accustomed to the horrors he has watched from movies and films.
Another blink, and he sees his old plain boring eyes again.
Rin exhales, and it’s abnormal.
His reason for ignoring the existence of soulmates not only rests due to the uselessness of it, but because he knows the identity of his soulmate. And he knows his soulmate also knows the identity of his soulmate. And they both knew this a long time ago, before Rin could even reach eleven years old.
He just doesn't want to meet him again, or talk to him at all. He can’t. Not when it hasn’t changed his life. Not when they have completely separate ideas on life.