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Chapter Text

Beetee tells us the plan. He wants me and Joanna to take the coil of wire and bring it through the jungle down to the water at the centre of the arena. He wants Peeta and Finnick to stay and protect him. I look at Peeta. There is no way I am letting him out of my sight.

“I’m not leaving without Peeta,” I say firmly. “Finnick can go with Joanna and we’ll stay here to protect you.”

Beetee and Finnick try to argue but I’m not budging. “I thought you said time was running out!”

Begrudgingly Joanna pulls Finnick along with her and they head down the slope with the roll of wire.

“This isn't ideal, you know that, Katniss,” Beetee says. “I’m going to need some help. Peeta, do you have a knife?”

Peeta pulls his knife out in response.

“Great, come here and help me. You keep watch, Katniss. Have your bow ready.”

I take out an arrow and keep it against my bowstring, ready to be pulled at the slightest sign of danger. Peeta and Beetee have stopped moving around behind me and I steal a glance behind me. They are sitting on the ground huddled with their heads together and the leftover wire that Beetee had unraveled before wrapping the tree.

Turning back towards the center of the arena I watch as the wire Finnick and Joanna are pulling tugs regularly, probably as they unravel the coil. The insects in the next wedge start making their clicking noises. It's a stark reminder that there isn't much time before the lightning comes. Hopefully we'll be far away from here by then. Suddenly, the wire leading to Finnick and Joanna goes slack. Does that mean someone cut the wire? Shit. But a faint wince behind me distracts me.

“Peeta! What happened.” I abandon my post to see what made him make that noise.

“It's alright, we just got a bit sliced on the wire that's all” Peeta says with an unsteady voice. He stands up and turns toward me, cradling his arm.

I see blood on Beetee behind him. But before I can ask about it Beetee cuts me off.

“I just got some of Peeta's blood on me,” he gestures to Peeta. “Maybe you should find something to dress that wound. I'll finish up here.”

As I pull Peeta's arm toward me I can't help but gasp. There is a lot of blood and the gash seems deep. I don't understand how the wire could have done something like this.

But I don't have time to dwell on it, pulling Peeta with me I go find a tree with some thick moss on it. I carefully lay some moss on Peeta's wound, and wrap a slice of leaf around his arm to try and stop the bleeding. Right as we're finishing up I hear the unmistakable sound of something approaching. I quickly pickup my bow and point an arrow at the sound.

Finnick emerges from the wood below supporting an injured Joanna. She has a large bite mark on her shoulder.

“Enobaria,” Finnick says, answering our looks of horror. “Can you help her, Katniss?”

I'm almost reluctant to help Joanna at this point. Surely this alliance is coming to an end soon. But if I refuse now we'll have to start fighting here and the clicking insects, that have now gotten almost unbearably loud, remind me that we need to get away from here before the lightning strikes. I put my bow down and start gathering more moss and longer vines. The placement of that bite is going to be awkward to cover with improvised medical equipment.

“What happened?” I ask.

“They cut the wire and ambushed us,” Finnick said. “I think I hurt Brutus pretty badly, but I didn't hear a cannon. Enobaria got away but she's also injured.”

Joanna seems really weak and is barely sitting upright as I try to wrap vines around her torso. It would be so easy to strangle her right now. But Finnick is right next to Peeta, with his trident, so it's not a good idea—yet. I notice that Joanna's forearm is wrapped in moss, similar to the wrap I did for Peeta a moment ago. I'm certain she didn't have that wound when she left with the wire. Finnick must have wrapped it for her before they set back up towards us. I'm about to ask Finnick about it when a loud thud comes from up higher where Beetee is still doing something with his wires.

“Peeta and I will check it out. Stay with Joanna,” Finnick says to me, as if I can really do anything else, currently supporting all her upper body weight, as I try to place the moss over her wound. At that moment I notice that Finnick’s forearm matches Joanna's. But the boys have disappeared up the hill before I can make sense of what that means.

Before I can react, Joanna has pounced on me, tackling me to the ground. My face gets smashed into the soil as she sits on top of me pinning me down. I try to thrash around to no avail. Joanna must have been faking how injured she was earlier. And now she's going to kill me. And I let Peeta leave with Finnick. Is Finnick already killing Peeta? Did I already fail my mission?

My scream for Peeta is muffled by the soft ground. I feel a sharp pain in my arm as Joanna starts slicing me up. She seems to want to play with my death. She's digging around in my arm and then she smears blood all over me.

“Stay still!” She whispers in my ear and then jumps off me. “One bite wasn't enough, Enobaria? You just had to come back for more?”

I hear their footsteps moving away from me. What just happened? A feeling of terror comes crashing over me when I notice that the insect noises are dying down. The lightning is going to hit the tree in a matter of minutes. We are all entirely too close to it, and Peeta, if he's still alive, is almost next to it.

Joanna and Enobaria’s fight is getting loud and I hear Finnick calling out for his friend. I pull myself up and run towards where Beetee was and where I'm hoping to find Peeta still alive.

I find them all the way by the force field. The relief I feel when I see Peeta washes over me like a bucket of warm water and I need to focus to stop my knees from buckling under me. But my ease is short lived as I notice how much blood he's covered in. Peeta is hunched over Beetee trying to mop up his blood. It seems to be oozing out of his forearm.

“We need to get out of here, the lightning is about to start!”

“Help me carry him?” Peeta says, standing up at my command.

I almost refuse but something stops me. Something about Beetee's forearm, I need more time to think. I take a position next to Peeta and we each pull under one of his shoulders. As we start to drag him, I notice the knife Peeta leant him. It's slightly charred and the end of the wire has been wrapped around it.

I notice an anomaly in the forcefield. What had Beetee called them? Chinks in the armour. Had he tried to throw the knife into the forcefield? Everyone's bloody forearms. Suddenly it all clicked.

The sound of a cannon. The insects have completely stopped, leaving behind an eerie silence that somehow feels loud. The lightning is about to hit any second now.

“Peeta, pull him as far away as you can!”

“What are you going to do?”

I give him a kiss. “Trust me.”

He nods and starts dragging Beetee with a lot of difficulty. I grab the knife and unravel the wire, refastening it to one of my arrows.

Finnick and Joanna come running, Enobaria must be the one the cannon sounded for. They see what's happening and help Peeta pull Beetee further off. I look at the forcefield, finding one of the ‘chinks’ and let my arrow fly into it. The arrow disappears into nothingness, flying behind the forcefield now, pulling the wire through with it.

“Katniss, RUN!” Finnick yells.

I feel all the hair on my body rise with static and bolt towards my allies. We're still closer than we should be to the tree but we can only hope that we're far enough to survive. I throw myself at Peeta when I reach them. When the lightning strikes we all get blasted off our feet. I cling to Peeta and I feel his arms around me as the whole arena erupts into bright light and debris starts raining down on us.

Chapter Text

There is yelling. Or is it pleading? My head is pounding as I'm slowly coming back to consciousness. I realise that the pleading voice is Finnick's. When I open my eyes, Peeta's worried face is the first thing I see. 

“Thank goodness, Katniss, you're awake!” He turns and calls behind him. “She's awake!”

“I told you she was fine, will you lie down now? You are in way worse condition than she is.” Haymitch comes into my field of view. He pushes me back down as I try to sit up. “That doesn't mean that you are going anywhere, you did get hit in the head quite hard. He only wins because he died two days ago.”

I don't take my eyes off Peeta as he crosses the room and sits down on a bed, the reminder about how close he came to dying unsettles me. A nurse I do not recognize immediately starts hooking him up to some IV tubes and some kind of monitor. I suddenly become aware that I have lines in my arms as well. 

I start to pay attention to the world around me and come to the conclusion that we must be in some sort of hovercraft based on the movement of the entire room. 

“Where are we? What happened?” I still don't take my eyes off Peeta. He's alive! We're out of the Arena and Peeta is here!

“Good job figuring out the plan sweetheart! If you hadn't shot that arrow into the dome, we wouldn't have been able to evacuate you from the Quell.” Haymitch gives me the thumbs up but I don't find the idea that there was a plot behind my back to be very comforting. 

“That was always the plan! To get you out. Half the victors were in on it. This is the revolution!” someone else says. 

Finally ripping my eyes from Peeta, I turn to the man speaking. It's Plutarch Heavensby. Maybe whatever debris knocked me out in the Arena has also made me start hallucinating. None of this makes sense. My head feels like it's full of fluff and my stomach is all in knots because I still can't help but feel like I've been betrayed. 

“Can you just leave me behind?” Finnick's voice croaks from the floor. “I'll give myself up to Snow. Make a deal so he leaves Annie alone.”

“That's stupid! Then he'll kill her for sure,” Haymitch says. “As long as you are out of his clutches, he'll keep her alive, as bait.”

The look of pure anguish on Finnick's face at these words cuts me in the gut. He looks up at me with pleading eyes. I rip my eyes away and look back at Peeta. How would I feel if the Capitol had him?

“We've only been flying 10 minutes, we could beat Snow's men there if we turn around now,” Johanna says.

Johanna, I now notice, is sitting on yet another bed in the corner of the room, hooked up to an IV and monitor like Peeta and I are. Across from her Beetee is lying on a bed still passed out. 

“No can do, we have to go straight to District 13” Plutarch Heavensby says. “We're carrying precious cargo. The Mockingjay herself!” He gestures to me.

Oh no! Things are starting to make sense but none of it good. Discomfort is giving way to anger now. I turn to Haymitch. 

“You told me District 13 didn't exist!”

“I lied.” He looks me straight in the eyes, not flinching under my glare. 

I realise there is something else he's lied about. I look around. Finnick is looking at me pleadingly and Johanna is glaring at me with a look of contempt. If someone is going to be honest with me, it will be her.

“Johanna? What was the plan in the Arena?” I ask her.

“Keep you alive until Beetee could break the Arena so you could be rescued,” she says simply. 

“And Peeta?”

“It was made clear that you wouldn't ally with us without him. So we needed to keep him around. But the real target was you.”

If I could shoot arrows out of my eyes Haymitch would be double pierced right now. He had a different plan from the one he'd agreed to with me and there is no remorse in his eyes. 

I'm sick of having choices made for me. Sick of everyone knowing what's going on except me. Having to figure things out and made to feel dumb. Haymitch can kick a goose.

My eyes find Peeta again but he's looking at Finnick on the floor who has now started crying silently. Finnick is mouthing something under his breath as he rocks back and forth. His lips quivering. Those lips that breathed life back into Peeta only hours ago. If there were no Finnick, there would be no Peeta. It doesn't matter why he did it, I know what it means to owe someone. And for once I want to make a decision for myself.

“Turn the craft around,” I say quietly. 

“Not happening darling,” Plutarch says. “You are too important.”

“Why?”

“You are the Mockingjay, the face of the revolution.”

“Did anyone think to consult me on that?” I say with venom. 

“Don't worry, we'll hash out the details once we get to District 13. I've sent instructions to get Annie if there is a possibility.” Plutarch makes calming hand gestures that are just making me angrier. 

“So we're supposed to leave a fellow Victor to the mercy of President Snow and the Capitol and trust a District that has left us to fend for ourselves for the better part of a century?” It’s Peeta who is speaking now. “How likely are they to attempt to help Annie? If we hadn't been with Katniss, how many of us would you have left in the Arena? How's Chaff?”

“Chaff was dying. He knew the risks,” Haymitch says sadly.

“Annie didn't choose any of this.” Finnick sobs uncontrollably.

“Neither did any of us, really. Let us decide what we are willing to fight for,” Peeta argues. 

“Turn the craft around,” I say seriously.

“Let’s discuss this,” Plutarch tries to plead.

“Not happening. If you want our continued support, you will help us get Annie, immediately,”  Johanna says as she pulls out her wires and gets up. I decide to follow suit.

“Fine!” Says Plutarch, shaking his head and storming out of the room.

Finnick is looking up at us in disbelief.

“You saved Peeta,” I say to get him to stop. “Now go make sure Plutarch is actually turning this craft around. Johanna and I will get ready to help when we get to District 4.”

“You need to rest,” Haymitch interjects. 

I shoot him an angry look and then walk up to Peeta to inspect his condition. He's getting ready to stand up again but I stop him.

“We'll be fine without you, you need more time to recover,” I reassure him.

“I don't want to let you out of my sight,” he says, lifting his hand to cup my face. “When you got hit in the head, it scared me. Are you sure you're alright?”

“Common, lovebirds, we don't have all day,” Johanna says behind me.

I take his hand and pry it from my face, giving it a couple of kisses before setting it down.

“I've had worse. We'll be back soon.” Then I turn around and accompany Johanna out of the room.

When we get out into the corridor we slow down, not knowing where to go from here. 

“What's the next step in your brilliant plan, sweetheart?” Haymitch has followed us.

“Weapons,” I say looking at Johanna for backup.

“And do you know where to find them?” Haymitch says taunting me.

“No, but this place can't be that big.”

“This looks like the right place.” Johanna has stopped outside a door marked ‘Munitions’.

The door won't open when I try it, Johanna gives it a kick but nothing happens. 

“This is why no one lets you make the plans,” Haymitch says, waving a little card around. “You need an access key.”

Before I can start threatening him to let us have the card he's swiped it against a little box next to the door. The door slides open.

“If you're going through with this stupid plan then you need all the help you can get.”

Inside there are racks of guns, boxes of explosives and some tactical gear. I see a basket of the same type of night-vision goggles that I had in the first arena.

“How long until we reach 4? It will probably still be dark, right?” I pull the basket down and hand a pair to Johanna.

“We should be there in 40 minutes,” Finnick says as he comes up behind us. “Plutarch is giving us 15 minutes once we're there, there aren't many fighters on the crew and he's not letting us use them so it's all on us.”

“It's also important that no one sees us and gets the message out to Snow,” Haymitch says, handing grenades to each of us. “If they have a craft in the area use these to neutralize them, focusing on parts that are likely to be used for communication.”

I grab a satchel and stash about half a dozen of the little grenades in there after Haymitch explains how to activate them. There is no bow and arrows in here but I grab a rifle and some knives.

“Luckily the Victor's Village is up on the cliff by the ocean and there is a handy little field behind a copse of trees where we can hide the craft when we go in.”

Because all the victor’s houses have the same design, it's easy for Finnick to describe to us a game plan of how to approach the house he lives in with Annie. Because Annie has never met me before it's decided that I take the outside of the building.

“There doesn't seem to be a hovercraft in the area but we can see a Peacekeeper vehicle outside your house, it looks like a van to take Annie into custody,” Plurarch informs us as we approach our destination. He then hands each of us a small cuff that we can use to communicate with each other. He shows us how to send a recording by pressing one button and listen to a recieved message by pressing another. “If this light is red there is a message, you can either read it on the small screen or listen if you are in a safe location. Remember, fifteen minutes and then we leave.”

As we land Peeta comes hobbling to the entrance.

“You are NOT coming with us!” I say.

“I need to at least see you, I can't just lie in bed not knowing what's going on.”

Plutarch hands him a spare communication cuff. “I'll go back to the cockpit, you message me when you see them returning.”

Peeta's hand finds mine right before I turn to leave. I give him an encouraging squeeze before I let go and run out into the night.

Johanna, Haymitch and I follow Finnick through some trees and we reach a row of yards belonging to houses that are all identical to mine back in the Victor's Village in District 12. We crouch down and sneak to the third house. We can see Peacekeeper activity through the windows. It sounds like they are trashing the place. While this is concerning behavior it might be a blessing because they'll be less likely to hear us coming.

Finnick and Haymitch go into the yard to go in through the back door. Johanna and I sneak along the side of the house to reach the front. Johanna stops at the front steps while I sneak forward to the Peacekeeper van that we knew would be there. 

It's empty. There are three seats in the front of the van and the back has benches along the walls that could fit a few people but they are probably only planning on putting Annie back there, perhaps with one guard. There are probably no more than four Peacekeepers in the house. They probably don't see Annie as a big threat.

I carefully reach into the front of the car and put a small explosive on the console. It shouldn't make too much noise or start a fire, but it will make the car useless and break their communications tech that's on board. I set the explosive and run back towards the shadow of the house. 

When I hear the small boom of the explosive, I make a short message on my cuff telling everyone that the vehicle has been neutralized. I spare the van one last glance before making my way up into the house, it only has a tiny plume of smoke coming out of the driver side window, but it's hard to make out in the darkness.

Inside the house everything is a mess, I see Johanna in the doorway of the kitchen and follow her there. Finnick and Haymitch are laying down an unconscious Peacekeeper, the room has unmistakable signs of a scuffle. 

“What's going on?” Johanna asks in a whisper. “Where is Annie?”

“According to this guy here, they are searching for her,” Haymitch says. “And if he was telling the truth, there are two other guys here.”

“It sounds plausible based on the seats in their vehicle,” I say.

“So what do we do? Do we wait for them to find her and then jump them or do we jump them as they are looking?” Haymitch asks.

“I say we just go for it,” Johanna says, twirling some knives.

“Finnick, where would Annie hide?” I ask.

Finnick is looking very distraught. He's looking down at the Peacekeeper and I notice that he isn't breathing. Finnick didn't just knock him out in their fight, he seems to have strangled him to death.

“Finnick!” I whisper-yell as I walk right up to his face.

“Huh,” he grunts as he looks at me and seems to be trying to process my question. 

I notice a light on my cuff and I quickly play the message. It's from Peeta.

“I think I see someone in the trees, and I don't think it's a Peacekeeper.”

Finnick's eyes snap up. “Annie!”

“Shut up!” Haymitch growls but it's too late. We hear the noises from upstairs halt and voices talking. Then the unmistakable sound of boots hurrying down the stairs.

“Run!” Haymitch says and they all bolt for the back door.

Although Haymitch has a slight head start, the three of us quickly overtake him. We can hear yelling behind us. 

“Finnick go find Annie!” Johanna pants and puts her hand out to me so I slow down with her. 

Once Haymitch reaches us she pulls us down between the yard walls of the first two houses. When the Peacekeepers come running by she throws two knives at them. She misses the first who keeps running in the same direction as Finnick, but the second falls down yelling. The knife hit him in the shoulder but I see that he's pulling his rifle up with difficulty. I lunge towards him pushing the nose of the gun to the side right as I hear it go off.

I hear a grunt behind me and my heart sinks. Johanna is there in a flash. She pulls the knife out of the Peacekeeper’s shoulder and slits his throat. I turn around and find Haymitch hunched over holding his hand to his face.

“I just got scraped by the bullet, I'll be fine.” He starts running and we follow.

“Run for the craft, we'll find Finnick,” Johanna says.

We all run through the trees back the way we came.  When we get to the field Haymitch does as Johanna said as we look around in the tree line. It stretches out in a large semicircle. About twenty paces away from us we see the remaining Peacekeeper crouching holding his rifle, his white outfit not doing anything to camouflage him against the trees in the dark. He seems to have seen something himself though because he looks like he's getting ready to aim his gun. Sure enough further down Finnick and Annie are emerging from the trees. The Peacekeeper is too far away for us to reach in time, I reach for my bow but remember I only have a rifle on me, pulling it out, hoping I remember how to use it.

“Hey! Over here!” An all too familiar voice calls from the entrance of the hovercraft. 

It's like time stands still as I see the Peacekeeper turn and point the rifle straight at Peeta. I vaguely register that I'm screamingas I pull the trigger over and over again.

“He's dead, he's dead, and you are out of bullets.” Johanna’s voice finally registers in my head. She pulls my arm and we run into the hovercraft.

I hear Peeta telling Plutarch to take off and I turn to him. He gives me a relieved smile and opens his arms for an embrace. I lunge at him and shove him hard.

Chapter Text

It's Haymitch that pulls me away from Peeta so I can't attack him again.

“Easy there, he's still fragile.” He's trying to hold me with only one hand, as his other one is holding onto the side of his face.

I spin around as I yank myself free. For a brief moment Haymitch loses his balance and his hand moves away from his face. I catch a glimpse of the bloody gash on his cheekbone.

Suddenly I'm hearing that gunshot and my heart is dropping into my stomach again because I know Haymitch has been hit. Peeta is hitting the forcefield and my knees give away as I see his lifeless body in front of me. I clap my hands over my ears because it's so loud. Rue is falling to the ground with a spear in her guts. I vaguely realise the noise is me, screaming. Prim is walking up to the stage in the District 12 square, her shirt sticking out in the back like a duck tail. I register someone injecting my arm with something. The world starts fading to black as I see my father getting engulfed in a fiery explosion.

I wake up back in the same bed as earlier. I look around. Beetee is still unconscious in the corner and Johanna is sleeping on the bed across from him. Next to her, Haymitch is sprawled on the bed, a bandage now wrapped over the side of his face. Finnick and Annie are squished together sleeping soundly on one bed next to me. Finally my eyes find the only other eyes that are open in this room, eyes I've been avoiding as he bores them into me. The fear and pain in Peeta's eyes is something I never want to be the cause of again.

Carefully, I get up and tiptoe over to Peeta's bedside.

“I'm sorry,” I whisper.

Peeta's eyes go wide. “That sedative they gave you is still in your system, huh?”

Annoyance bubbles up in me. “Yeah, but it's wearing off fast so don't push it.”

Peeta laughs softly. The sound calms down any irritation I might have had.

“I'm sorry, I scared you,” he says, and I reach out to grab his hand.

“How long have I been out?” I ask, deciding that a change of topic was easier than continuing to think of how often Peeta almost died in the past three days alone.

“Only about two hours or so. I stopped them from giving you another stronger sedative that could have kept you out for days.”

“Thanks. But, two hours, you didn't sleep at all in that time?”

“I tried, but after your scare earlier, your screaming, I kept getting nightmares so I decided to just watch you. That was relaxing enough.”

I feel guilt over being the reason he hasn't had proper rest. I'm pretty certain that I won't be able to sleep either, for worrying about him, so what I do next is also a bit selfish.

“Scoot over,” I say.

Peeta raises his eyebrows but does as I ask. We cringe at the creaking noise the bed makes as I pull myself into it and settle myself with my head on Peeta's chest. He places an arm around me and buries his face in my hair.

We lay there for a while, our breaths slowing down in sync. I start thinking maybe Peeta has fallen asleep but then he breaks the silence.

“I can't believe we both made it out. Again.” He strokes my hair. “All thanks to you.”

I don't know how to respond. I'm also relieved we got out, but I don't think I can take the credit for keeping him alive.

“I can hear your thoughts racing. I know you'll say you didn't do it alone. But without you there is no way I would have made it out of either one of those arenas.”

“I still don't really understand why they wanted to get me out of the Arena,” I voice what's been bothering me.

“Like Plutarch said, they want you to lead the revolution.”

“But what does that mean? Do they want me to fight?”

“I'm assuming they'll want you to rally people with speeches.”

I scoff. “I don't think these people are trustworthy. They're idiots if they think anyone would listen to me. YOU should have been the priority out of the arena, you're actually good at public speaking. I'm awful at that kind of stuff.”

Peeta chuckles into my hair. “You still have no idea what effect you have.”

I shake my head. “You're the only one that's ever seen me that way. You're the one that got people to like me.”

Peeta shakes his head again. “I'm nothing without you. I meant what I said on the beach.”

The silence between us is thick as we both think back to our time in the Quell where we tried to convince the other to be the one to leave the arena alive.

“So did I.” My voice is barely a whisper but the squeeze Peeta gives my shoulder tells me he heard me.

It's a full few minutes before Peeta breaks the silence again. “I know it's not fair to hold each other to things we did in front of cameras. And it's also not fair to hold each other to things done when we were staring death in the face. But I just need to know. Was it different, on the beach? That kiss wasn't just for the cameras was it?”

No, that kiss was not just for the cameras. That was the second time I felt that hunger. An all consuming need for more of the boy with the bread. I'm afraid of what that means. Peeta is right that it changes things, staring at death, I was convinced I was going to die in that arena. I didn't think I'd have to deal with the consequences of that kiss. Now I'm expected to untangle the mess of wire that my feelings are and give some sort of answer.

“Peeta,” I say pleadingly. “I don't know what to say.”

“I don't need any promises or have any expectations,” he assures me. “I just need to know whether I'm imagining things that weren't there like in our first games.”

My heart aches for how I accidentally hurt him. He's never lied to me or anyone about his feelings for me. But he's been receiving mixed signals from me from the start. It's not my fault and I know he doesn't resent me for it. But it's not fair to him.

“No, you weren't imagining things, that wasn't just for the camera.” I finally say.

Peeta gives me a kiss on the top of my head. Before we can say anything else Plutarch comes barging into the room.

“Come quick! There is smoke coming from District Twelve.”

Haymitch wakes up with a start, flailing around like he's fending off an attacker, but quickly coming to his senses and springing up. Finnick and Johanna are quick to their feet.

“What do you mean smoke in twelve?” Peeta asks, trying to untangle himself from me.

“We’re approaching it now, the radar shows no other air traffic in the area so it should be safe, but based on the scale of the fire I'd guess firebombs.” Plutarch turns around to lead the group.

I can't get out of the bed because my body has turned to lead. Prim! My mom! Gale! Everyone else in twelve. This has to be my fault. Snow is doing this because of me. I'm tainted and cursed and I wish I had died in the games because then everyone I love would be safe. But I'm not.

My vision is getting darker at the edges and I'm vaguely aware that my breathing has turned very heavy. It's like each breath I take doesn't carry enough oxygen. Maybe I can just die now. That might just be best. Maybe if I stop breathing I can die and everyone else can be safe.

A pair of bright blue eyes find mine and Peeta’s strong hands cup my face. The expression of hurt and worry in his eyes prompts me to focus on him. By the movement of his lips I see that he's talking to me. Concentrating, I manage to tune into the words he's saying and start attempting to process them.

“...they need you to find them. We'll find them together. Stay with me!”

Peeta comes into sharp focus and with a surge of adrenaline I spring myself off the bed and into his arms. He helps me gain my balance and we run off to join the rest of our group.

“It's lucky we had that little detour to District 4, if we hadn't we would have flown the northern route to avoid enemy tracking and we wouldn't have come this close to District 12. Judging by the size of those flames this is recent.” Plutarch is pointing out a window in the control room of the hovercraft as he's explaining.

The sight is horrifying. Smoke and fire so vast it's hard to imagine anything surviving that. Peeta and I instinctively grab hold of each other's hands.

“We're approaching the town. Can any natives give us an idea of where we are?” One of the pilots asks.

Haymitch, Peeta and I quickly move closer to the window to try and see. None of us have ever seen District 12 from the air but we have seen maps. The fire and smoke makes it difficult to distinguish anything.

“That looks like the West mining hub over there.” Peeta points to some large buildings in the distance that are well illuminated by flames. “And there's the river.” He points, it's thankfully starting to dawn now so things are getting visible even if they aren't illuminated by flames. “That means Victors’ Village is over this way–there!”

My eyes snap to where he's pointing and I see it. All those big houses in perfect rows, completely untouched by the fire. I feel an immediate flood of relief. My mother and Prim are most likely safe then. Unless they went somewhere? Were they watching the Quell with the Hawthorns? Did they run out to go help people? My stomach sinks when I realise that there is no chance that my sister or mother would sit still if people were hurt.

“Shit.”

I look where Peeta is looking. He's looking in the direction of the Town Square. But there is no Town Square anymore.

Chapter Text

The entire center of town is levelled by explosions and the merchant houses that are still standing are actively burning as we watch. Peeta starts to sway next to me and I adjust myself so I can give him more support if he falls over. Haymitch notices what I'm doing and moves to Peeta's other side to do the same. All three of us stare at the blaze lost for words or even thoughts.

“There is movement down there!” Johanna points to a spot we are rapidly approaching.

“And there seem to be people in the river,” Finnick adds.

“That's pure spring water, it's really cold and most people in the district can't swim,” I say, worried that those people are condemned.

“There is a group of people at the Slag Heap,” Haymitch says. He's referring to the movement Johanna pointed out. “It looks like they're trapped, the piles of coal are catching fire.”

There is a sizable group there, steep rock cliff behind them, large heaps of coal around them and the fire is spreading from the town towards them. The first piles of old tainted coal already smouldering. What a terrible way to go.

“We need to help them!” Peeta says.

“There is nowhere to land,” Plutarch points out.

“The claw!” Johanna says, the same way we were taken aboard.

“We won't be able to save them all,” Plutarch cautions but tells the pilots to go and hover above the crowd at the Slag Heap.

As we approach I look over to the other side of town, towards the Seam which is also burning. I try to look further towards where my old house would be and the Hawthors’ place. Everything seems to be burning. But there is an area beyond there that seems to be untouched. My meadow. I think I see some movement there. It gives me hope.

“We'll heave as many people on board as we can,” a pilot says, “but when it gets too heavy we have to go somewhere to unload.”

I point the meadow out to the pilots and instruct them to go there. We head to the reception bay where the claw will bring people up. I look at Peeta as we wait for the craft to be in position over the crowd. His face is pale but his expression is determined. Haymitch eyes both of us with worry. I suddenly realise that only Johanna is with us, Plutarch stayed with the pilots and Finnick and Annie disappeared somewhere. Right as the hull opens to let the claw down, Finnick comes running into the room holding nets.

“I found these in storage. I'm going to get anyone who's still alive in the river,” Finnick says.

“That water is freezing!” Haymitch says.

“It can't be worse than the ocean in winter and we swim in that all the time.”

“The current is pretty strong, you might not be able to make it back here,” I point out.

“Then find us at the other end.” Finnick jumps out onto the claw right as it starts descending.

“He's insane,” Johanna says, rolling her eyes. I don't say it but I agree with her.

We can hear the crowd now as there is an open hole in the floor. There is a lot of crying and yelling but there seems to be some hopeful tones to the noise now that a hovercraft has materialised above them. The smell of ash and smoke is overwhelming and I'm struck by how unusually chilly this night is for July.

The first haul of the claw brings 15 people up. Some clinging to the sides by their hands. We scramble to help everyone on board before the claw descends again to get the next load.

The first group consists of all kinds of people, probably just the ones closest to the claw when it came down. Men, women and a few teenagers, all of them with the signature blonde hair and blue eyes of the Merchant class of District 12. By the second load the people on the ground seem to have started organizing and prioritizing different groups. We get two pregnant women holding infants and 15 young children. Luckily we now have many adults to help unload all of the children but the hull quickly gets really loud because of all the crying.

As the claw descends a third time Johanna yells loud enough to shut everyone up.

“Someone lead the children away from here!”

“Follow me!”

To our surprise, Annie is there already holding a small child and gesturing to the group to follow her.

“You, you, you and you, stay here to help us unload people from the claw.” Haymitch says tapping the strongest looking of the men that had arrived with the first load.

“Hey little brother! Glad to see you alive!”

“Banokk!” Peeta's face lights up when he notices his oldest brother. “Are the others down there?”

“I don't know.” Banokk looks miserable. “We got separated, there was so much chaos.”

Peeta gives him an understanding nod and turns to the claw that is now returning with the next load of people, mostly older children and teenagers now.

The claw manages to go down three more times before the pilots close the hatch and fly off towards the meadow. The screams from the people down below when they realize they are being left behind cuts me. We're coming back for you, I promise. I think, trying to ease my guilt.

“Peeta, I think you should get off too,” I tell him as people are deboarding, worried that he's exerting himself too much after everything that's happened and he hasn't even slept.

“I'm not going anywhere without you.” Peeta is right. Nothing good happens when we're separated.

I turn to look at Haymitch and Johanna. The latter's eyes are following someone who's just left the craft. I turn and see it's Annie carrying two young children.

“Actually, it's probably best if you leave. That way Plutarch has to come back for you and Annie and Finnick,” Johanna says annoyed.

“This is also your side of town, you'll be able to help more here,” Haymitch says.

I grab Peeta's hand and we follow the small crowd out of the craft. As it leaves I'm temporarily stunned by my surroundings. The grass is severely trampled, I've never seen the meadow this way, I look around and notice that the fence had been pulled down. I feel flutterings of hope when I realise that there are clear signs of a crowd walking out and into the forest. My forest. Gale’s forest. Maybe my family is with them.

I relay this information to Peeta.

“Do you think we should go after them?” Peeta asks.

“Probably, but we should wait for more people from the Slag Heap,” I say. “We have no idea how long of a head start they have.”

Annie and a few of the other women have managed to get all the children to sit down in a huddle for warmth and she's telling them a story. I see why Finnick would love someone this pure.

Finnick. I suddenly remember what he went to do. He went to the river. The other end of the river comes out a bit above the meadow.

“Peeta, we need to go find Finnick.”

We gather a small group of strong looking people and I lead them to where the river flows through a grate under the fence. There are about half a dozen bodies there already, people that drowned trying to escape the flames. I steel myself, trying not to focus on them except to reassure myself that they aren't Prim or my mother.

The flowing water isn't particularly large, in fact some would just call it a stream. It's fed by springs coming up in near the mountains and it's where the entire district gets its water from whether or not they have plumbing. The water must have flowed there for quite a while because the riverbed is quite deep even though it's not very wide. It's the kind of river that can have a mean undertow and every few years someone drowns in it, children and adults alike.

I worry about Finnick. He's used to the ocean. What could he do in a river like this? I stick my hand in the water and almost recoil from the cold temperature. It's barely a few degrees above freezing. How can anyone survive this?

It's many mminutes later that we start hearing distant coughing and splashing sounds. We look up stream and see an odd mass come hurtling down the stream. It takes a moment to realize what we're looking at. Finnick is at the front springing up out of the water periodically, in a way that reminds me of a description of dolphins. In each hand he's holding the ends of large nets that are fanning out on either side of him. People are hanging on to these nets, pulled up towards the surface by Finnick's manic upwards motion.

We wave him down and he collapsed onto the bank at our feet. We take the nets from him and pull all the people on land as well. They are all shivering and we quickly try to strip them of their wet clothes.

“Maybe we should start a fire to warm them up,” I say.

Peeta just points to some of the houses in the Seam closest to where we are. They are still smouldering. It's pretty grim but it's the best option we have right now. We organize to have people carried to the nearby ruins sitting people in a way that they can try and get some heat back in their bodies until we can find them dry clothes.

Finnick is surprisingly quick to get his strength back. He didn't seem to have gotten very cold in the water because of how much he was moving. All he does is strip to his underwear and catch his breath a bit before he's back on his feet. When I tell him Annie is in the meadow he loses no time in sprinting over to her.

“Are we all just going to ignore that we've got a half-naked Finnick Odair running around?” Peeta whispers to me.

“Gotta do something to boost morale, what better way to make people forget that they just lost their homes,” I answer.

The Hovercraft is back and we go to greet the new wave of people. Refugees—I realise suddenly that that's what we all are. When the hovercraft leaves again we try to organize the group. It's getting more and more difficult as people are finding their loved ones and neighbors and not listening to someone trying to shout over a crowd.

In the end we manage to get the crowd's attention when Finnick hoists Peeta up onto his shoulders so Peeta's voice carries well over the crowd. He asks anyone with layers of clothing to spare to help the group of people on the brink of hypothermia and we organize for groups to huddle together to conserve warmth.

The Hovercraft makes three more trips to the Slag Heap before landing in the meadow for the final time. All in all it saved over two hundred people. Plutarch calls me, Peeta and Finnick onboard.

“We are running low on fuel so this hovercraft won't make it to Thirteen without a refill. Good news is that I made contact with Command in District 13 and they are sending aid now. I think we should have enough fuel to do another fly around the district in search of any survivors but it would be easier if we had some natives to help guide us around.”

“Before you go,” I say. “We need some containers so we can get water to the people out there, some of them are severely dehydrated. Also, we need blankets and clothes to help people keep warm. And there are clear signs that a group of people have gone into the forest. The fence had been pulled down.”

“Do you think anyone could find them?” Haymitch asks.

“I mean such a big group shouldn't be too difficult to track although I don't know how easy tracking is for people who aren't used to it,” I say. “I don't think Peeta and I can go though, he's still hurt.”

“How about Peeta and Haymitch stay here and you go with me and Johanna. We can use those communication devices like in District 4,” Finnick suggests.

I look at Peeta.

“It's the right thing to do. Peeta is best at visualising the town from above and you know the woods the best,” Haymitch says. “I'll make sure he gets back to you.”

“I'm holding you to that!” I say.

We are quick to gather supplies and leave the craft. After we get some people mobilized to take care of distributing water and blankets, we head off with a small group of people into the woods. I make my first stop at the hollowed out tree where I keep my bow. I take it and check the nearby tree where Gale keeps his. It's gone. Relief washes over me. He got out and he wouldn't have gone without my mother and sister.

This reinvigorates me and walking through my old hunting grounds feels like a warm hug after all the death and destruction I just witnessed. We follow the obvious path where hundreds of footsteps went ahead of us. About twenty minutes into our hike we come across a small group of people trying to keep a growling wild dog away by brandishing a stick.

I lose no time in sending an arrow through the hound's head, right as it lunges towards the group. We find that it's a small family, young parents holding two young children and they'd gotten separated from the rest of the big group because the mother had a wounded leg. We send a couple of people from our little party to accompany the family back down to the meadow, when the District 13 aid arrives they'll be able to get medical attention.

We come upon a few more people in difficult predicaments, about to succumb to their wounds and being stalked by predators. We help them as best we can and bring them with us as we approach our target. I realise by the direction we're going in that we're heading to my lake. Gale must have decided it was the safest place and I have to agree.

It's a relief when we finally start seeing large groups of people, huddling together, tending to each other's wounds. I can't help myself. I break out into a run and weave my way up towards the house by the lake.

“Gale!” I see him standing there talking with some people.

He turns around and just has time to recognize me before I barrel into his arms. “Catnip,” he says into my hair. “You're alive!”

I break away. “My family?”

“They're ok! I got them out before the bombs started. They're tending to wounds in the house.”

I don't wait for him to finish, I just run off and into the house. Prim’s long blonde braid is the first thing I see. She's finishing off a bandage on an old man.

“Prim!”

She jumps up and into my arms without delay. The smell of her hair feels like home. I look up and see a relieved smile on my mother's face that I return easily.

Chapter Text

My family quickly goes back to helping the wounded and I stumble back outside. The adrenaline I've been running on for the past few hours seems to be dwindling. I join Gale, Finnick and Johanna at a fire nearby. Finnick is telling Gale about how we got here and that help is on its way from District 13.

“Do you have a count on how many people are here?” Johanna asks, looking around at the very large groups around.

“We're working on it, but we're well over 500,” Gale informs us.

“There are a couple hundred down in the meadow as well,” I say. “And Haymitch and Peeta are flying around trying to find any survivors in the district.”

There's a weird look on Gale's face when I mention Peeta. I decide to ignore this. “That reminds me, I should let them know we've found you.”

I take my communication cuff and send a message to Peeta. I get a response immediately asking me to push all the buttons on the cuff simultaneously. Weird instructions, but I do. I don't get any other response from Peeta and I'm starting to wonder what to do when the hovercraft suddenly materializes above us and lands close by. Haymitch comes running out calling for us to send my mother in.

I follow them into the hovercraft and ask where Peeta is. 

“Med-room,” Haymitch says leading us all towards the room we had been in on the way from the Capitol. 

Fear threatens to freeze me to the spot. What could have happened to him? I should never have left him behind. Nothing good ever happens when we're separated. I force myself to keep walking, following the group into the little ward. All the beds are occupied now. There are also people lying on blankets on the floor. Most of the new occupants have burns of varying severity. The one nurse that came with us from the Capitol has her hands full with a patient who has massive burns down their side.

I pull my eyes away trying not to show how disgusted I am. I don't like looking at injuries and burns are my least liked type of injury. I try to look around for Peeta. He's not on any of the beds. I'm about to scan over the people lying on blankets when I spot him standing next to one of the beds in the corner. 

The relief coursing through me at the realization that he's not one of the injured is short lived when I see a new mark on his face. It's red as if he's recently been hit. I tense up, ready to attack whoever is responsible. My eyes trail down to see who's hand he's holding and I immediately know how he got his injury.

His witch of a mother is lying in the bed, looking even more hag-like than usual with half her hair singed off and covered in soot. She has a sizable burn on her leg. The woman is howling obscenities and both Peeta and Banokk are tending to her despite many insults being hurled their way. The only thing keeping me from going up to her and smothering her is the knowledge that she's probably already in immense pain, judging by the size of her injury. It would be a shame to cut her suffering short by ending her life now.

I look back at Peeta's face and feel an ache of sadness. I knew nothing good happens when Peeta and I are separated. 

I steel myself and go up to Peeta, deciding to help him and not let him out of my sight again. His mother is by far the loudest person in the room, making it difficult to concentrate. But when her insults turn towards me, Peeta finds a syringe by the bed I had been sleeping in earlier and shoots it straight into his mother's arm without hesitation.

“Don't think we don't all know this is your fault, trouble making Seem brat…” She trails off as she falls into a deep slumber.

“What did you give her?” Banokk asks.

“It's what they wanted to knock Katniss out with earlier, they said it would keep her out for days. I don't know how long it will work on mother, she's quite a bit bigger than Katniss, but at least there will be some peace to work around here until she wakes up.”

We turn around and start helping with the other patients. My mother barks orders and we do our best to follow them. I refuse to leave Peeta's side, the warmth radiating from his body reassuring me as we bump shoulders while we work. I slowly feel the exhaustion creeping in, this night has been way too long.

It's a relief when a team of people covered head to toe in some kind of protective gear come rushing in. District 13 has arrived. They quickly take all the most injured people and carry them to another craft. 

I find myself being herded along with Peeta and the other victors by Plutarch and a large man in a protective suit. They bring us into a small room inside the other craft. 

“My name is Commander Boggs,” says the man from District 13. “I'm sorry about your district. We'll be heading to Thirteen soon and more crafts are on their way to bring more survivors. Is there anyone out there with any kind of authority or oversight?”

“Gale is the one who lead the group here to the lake and they're doing a headcount,” I say. “I don't know whether the Mayor or anyone made it in the group down in the meadow.”

“I didn't see him,” Haymitch says. “But that group seemed to organize itself pretty well.”

Commander Boggs asks to be introduced to Gale and he leaves a few of his men behind with him. By the time we return to the hovercraft it's ready to take off.

“Annie is still in the meadow.” Finnick jumps up to a window looking worried. Boggs turns to him.

“Don't worry Mr. Odair, she'll be picked up by the next hovercraft.” Boggs turns to the rest of us. “Now, as you've noticed all of us from 13 are wearing protective gear, this is for all our protection, we haven't been exposed to the same pathogens as the other districts for many decades. We will be taking samples from all of you and making an inoculation for our residents and you will get inoculated against any diseases that are exclusive to us. This will mean that all of you will be quarantined for a couple of days. This time will not go to waste, we will be gathering information about everyone assigning living quarters and finding everyone a place within our ranks. All refugees will get District 13 citizenship.”

I have a hard time following what Commander Boggs says as he drones on. The reality of the destruction of my district is hitting me. I had never intended on returning to it, but I wanted it to live on. But now there is nothing left. A fraction of the population survives and they will be absorbed into District 13. And it's all my fault. Peeta's mother's words ring in my ears. She's right. If I had just eaten those berries a year ago none of this would have happened. If I hadn't fired that arrow into the dome (was that really only hours ago?) then president Snow wouldn't have retaliated by destroying everyone who had ever known me. I should have seen it coming. Why didn't I think of what Snow might do to punish me for leaving the arena? I got distracted going to District 4 instead of coming to save my family.

“Katniss! Are you alright?” Peeta asks.

I realise I'm hyperventilating. “I should have known! If we hadn't done a detour to District 4, we could have saved more of them!” I manage to choke out.

“If we hadn't made the detour to District 4, our route to District 13 would have taken us further north and we wouldn't have seen the destruction in Twelve at all. We wouldn't have been able to save any of the people who were still in the District, and who knows how long until we discovered the refugees in the woods? You saved a lot of lives tonight,” Plutarch says reassuringly.

“But if I'd thought to demand we go straight to Twelve to save them! We could have gotten people out before the bombs!” I plead.

“Impossible,” Commander Boggs says matter-of-factly. “Even if you could have convinced the crew to go to Twelve instead of Thirteen, there is no way a hovercraft like this would have arrived before Capitol bombers. Those are jets that can reach across the country in half an hour.”

“I asked one of the survivors from the Slag Heap how long since the bombing had stopped when we came along,” Haymitch chimes in. “We were there mere minutes after the bombing ceased. If we had been there earlier, we wouldn't have been able to do anything and we might even have been noticed by the Capitol.”

“You did good, Katniss.” Peeta grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.

I feel slightly better, although I'm still sure I messed up somewhere. The more I think about it, I keep coming back to the moment I spit out those berries in the first games. But looking into Peeta's eyes I can't help but feel my breathing even out again.

We arrive in District 13 in a surprisingly short amount of time. Before going to the quarantine area where we will spend the next few days, we are to get looked over by a doctor. Peeta insists that I go first. I, again, don't want to be separated from him but we are informed by guards in full protective gear that we are to go in one by one.

“I'll see you right on the other side!” Peeta says and gives me a tight hug.

The doctor goes through a checklist, checking my vitals and responses to being prodded, and takes a sample of my blood.

“You have some minor signs of a concussion, there is nothing we can do about it, though, so you can go into the general quarantine. I will book you in for a follow-up in 5 days to see if you still have lingering effects.”

I'm pointed through another door at the back of the room and I go through it. I'm in a large room, big enough for several sporting events, but it's been filled with foldable cots and floor mattresses. This room has clearly hastily been put together to quarantine our large group. 

I don't know exactly where to go so I just sit down on the floor next to the door. When the door finally opens it's not Peeta that comes through, it's Finnick.

“What happened? Where is Peeta?” In an instant I'm back in a panic. This can't keep happening. “I shouldn't have let them separate us!”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Finnick sits down next to me. “He's fine, I swear. They just want to run a couple of additional tests on his heart. They didn't have the equipment here so he'll be right back when they are done.”

My breathing is coming out in big gasps that are almost sobs. It takes every bit of energy I have left to tame my breath. 

“It's ok,” Finnick says. “I'm worried about Annie too. Not as much as if we'd left her in District 4, but it's scary when so much is going on and you care.” 

Finnick is silent for a moment. I'm still battling my breathing. But when he speaks again his voice is soft.

“I'm sorry for mis-judging you.”

His apology catches me off guard. “For what?”

“I thought–well–many people thought that in your first games–the being in love thing was an act on your part,” Finnick rambles. “But I was wrong.”

“It was an act,” I say. “In the games. All I was thinking was how I could get us home.”

“But it's obvious how much you care about him.”

“I feel responsible for him,” I say. “It's like you said in the arena. No one is a victor by chance except for Peeta. What you meant was that none of us are very good people, but he is! He's too kind for this world and I can't shake this feeling that someone wants to take him and break him, and I need to protect him.”

“I'm not saying in what way you love him. But it's clear that you do.”

“Did you know right away, with Annie, that you loved her?”

Finnick shakes his head. “No, she crept up on me.”

I nod, then look down into my lap, having too many confusing feelings and thoughts to find something to say. Thankfully I'm spared from needing to by the arrival of Johanna through the door.

Chapter Text

Quarantine in District 13 is chaotic and dull at the same time. The knowledge that there are tons and tons of rock above, separating me from fresh air is driving me to near madness. And if that wasn’t enough, all 1500 survivors from district 12, who aren’t in acute need of hospital attention, are locked in this same room with us. It’s large and we all fit well enough, but the fluorescent lights and the sickly blue walls are not helping the atmosphere of grief and trauma. 

I can’t stand to look the residents of District 12 in the eye. So many people were lost. They are missing most of their friends and often their entire families. Thanks to Gale, most of my friends from the Hob made it out, so did my family and Gale’s so I don’t know how to face them with my meagre losses in comparison. My only close friend that’s missing is Madge. 

Somehow, Peeta is keeping busy—drawing a map of district 12 from memory, with the help of the other survivors and together they are compiling a list of all the residents of 12 alive and missing. It’s grueling work, but we don’t have access to any records of the population, and if we don’t make the list now, those names will be lost forever. On the list of the missing are Peeta’s father and one of his brothers Rye. 

I have the constant urge to run away and hide in a deep dark corner. But there is nowhere to go, so I alternate pacing along the far wall and burrowing into my bedroll. 

“You’re not to blame for this, brainless,” a voice says from a few sleeping-spots over, as I’m trying to hide in my bed again. 

I turn to glare at Johanna who is lying on top of her own bedroll staring at the ceiling. 

“Snow ordered those bombings, and anything you think you may have done to make him do that was probably his fault in the first place,” she says.

“I didn’t have to blow out the dome on the arena,” I say, baffled. 

“You wanted to stay alive—and save your loverboy. What you did was a natural response to being put in those circumstances. Caged animals will usually take any opportunity to escape.”

“I could have just played the game,” I say, knowing deep down that if I knew of any other way out other than playing by the rules, I would have taken it. 

“I said it was a natural response, not the only response,” Johanna said. “Districts 1 and 2 in the Arena chose to play by the rules, that’s what they thought was best for them, it’s also natural in those circumstances.”

“But if I’d also chosen to play by the rules, Snow wouldn’t have bombed my district.” My voice is close to breaking. 

“Snow also chose to put you in that arena. It always leads back to him–his fault.” Johanna staring into my eyes meaningfully. I can’t remember when she sat up and came closer to me. 

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“He knew who you are. He should have known this was a likely outcome. He didn’t bomb 12 just because of you. He did it to try and scare the other districts from rebelling.”

I stare at her. 

“I just found out that 7 wasn’t bombed, neither was 4 or 3 even though all of us were clearly in on the plot. 12 was the cheapest way to send that message after he lost control of the Quarter Quell.”

“Even if that were true, everyone is going to think it’s because of me.”

“Do you care what everyone thinks?” Johanna asks. 

“I don’t know.” I say honestly. It’s strange to be having this conversation with Johanna of all people. She’s the last person I’d expect to try and cheer me up. “Why are you even doing this? I didn’t think you liked me.”

Johanna smirks. “I don’t really, your stupid romantic drama, and your defender-of-the-helpless act is all a bit gag worthy to be honest. Although I can’t help but respect the way you fought for us to go save Annie, even though you didn’t even know her. And I’m sick of seeing you pacing around, it’s stressing me out.”

I study Johanna’s face and can’t help but remember her ranting in the Arena, telling Snow and the Capitol off. And how she said she had no one left that she loved. What had happened?

“I don’t deserve to grieve next to all of them. Most of the people I care about made it out alive. And they’ve lost so much.” I don’t know why I’m opening up to Johanna about this but the words just pour out. “And no matter what you say, I still think if I’d have just eaten those berries and made Peeta the victor a year ago, everything would be better.”

“This revolution was going to happen with or without you, it just might have happened a little differently at a slightly different time. 12 might have become collateral damage regardless. And from  what I’ve seen of Peeta, he wouldn’t have survived being a victor without you.”

I can’t help but feel a heat creeping up my neck. Did Johanna mean that even last year Peeta cared enough about me that losing me would have messed him up? Because that’s seriously underestimating Peeta. I don’t manage to argue with her about it because she keeps talking. 

“And you are grieving Katniss. Your district, your home, was destroyed. It’s not just about the people you know. It’s not a competition of who’s lost the most and they’re allowed to be sad and no one else.”

I don’t know what to say, so I just burrow back down into my bedroll and pull the covers over my head. A few minutes later, my pillow is soaked through with my tears but I don’t move away. When I finally emerge a couple of hours later, I go straight to Peeta and help him and the others make the map and list of residents of 12. 

—-

A few days later, all the refugees from district 12 have been given citizenship of district 13. Most of the adults have had interviews and aptitude tests that were used to give them a role in the underground society. My mother is given a role as a nurse in the Hospital and Greasy Sae is given a role in the kitchens. All the children get assigned classes to go to school. 

I get assigned a compartment along with my mother and sister and by the second night I’m already missing sleeping in the quarantine hall with everyone else. There was so much panic and grief going around in that huge room that no one really noticed when I woke up from my nightmares. And Peeta always managed to calm me down quickly as he slept on the next bedroll over. Now I’m waking up my sister and mother and their worried looks makes me feel worse. And I miss Peeta’s arms. 

He’s in a compartment with his mother and brother and the thought of him in close quarters with that witch makes me want to break something. But I see him during the day when we follow the schedule that gets printed on our arm every morning. So far we've mostly been alternating between touring the different areas of our “new home” along with the other victors and sitting in on classes about history and warfare.

Five days after we join the general population of District Thirteen I find Peeta at breakfast in the dining hall. Something about him today reminds me of him when we were at school in District 12. Maybe it's because I walk up to him with my breakfast tray from behind? I did used to have to pass his table to get to mine at lunch.

“Have you also been summoned?” Peeta asks as I sit down next to him. 

“What do you mean?”

He gestured to my forearm. I turn it so I can read it properly for the first time today. Sure enough, the first thing on my schedule after breakfast is a new item: COMMAND. 

“Does this mean that they want to go to military command?” We'd been shown this area in one of our tours. “Do you think it's another tour?” I ask, but I already know the answer. We are surely about to find out why District Thirteen went through all the trouble of getting us out of the arena. 

We are soon joined by Johanna, Finnick and Annie, and to my surprise, Gale, all on our way to Command. Haymitch hasn't been seen since we arrived, on account of him needing to sober up somewhere in one of the underground medical wards. Beetee is also somewhere far underground, but I'm told he's in weapon's manufacturing. Something about Beetee being put to work already when he was the most injured of us on the way out of the Arena is making me uneasy. 

When we get to command we are all ushered in by guards and to a long conference table with President Coin sitting at one end with Plutarch Heavensby sitting next to her. 

The room is dim and the only illumination is from a multitude of screens around the room showing maps and lists and the District Thirteen coat of arms. One of the screens is playing a replay of our last night in the arena. 

Annie starts hyperventilating and Finnick steps in to console her. He and Peeta maneuver her so that her back is to that screen and sit down on either side of her. Gale, Johanna and I sit across from them. 

“I thought I made it clear that she would be kept away from this!” Finnick says, glaring at Plutarch. 

Plutarch has the decency to look guilty, but it's President Coin who talks. 

“I'm sorry. We're just here to discuss the next steps. The aftermath of the Quarter Quell has lit a nice flame under the rebellion that had already started before. Now it’s our job to stoke that flame properly so we can take down President Snow and the Capitol’s regime. Each of you will have vital roles to play.”

“I want Annie away from this,” Finnick interrupts.

“Yes, Mr. Odair, I understand,” says President Coin, “But we took a large risk to save Miss Cresta, and she should hear us out.”

My stomach is tightening with every word Coin says.

“That’s not her fault!” Finnick says, “I was the one who begged for her to be saved! Leave her out of it!”

“It’s good to know that we can count on your cooperation, Mr. Odair.” President Coin turns to one of the security personnel in the room. “You can bring Ms. Cresta to her quarters, she can spend the rest of this session in reflection.”

“Reflection” is what the only free period on our schedules, where we don’t have to be anywhere, is called. I see Finnick's worried expression as Annie is escorted out of the room, but he stays put. What the hell do they want with us that makes them need to blackmail Finnick into cooperating?

“Don’t look so grim, we’re not asking that much of you,” Plutarch says, reading our expressions. “All we’re doing is trying to bring down the Capitol and we need some help turning more people to join the rebellion. I’d have thought you would be clamouring to do your part.”

“I would have thought so too,” says Finnick. “Why was Annie even brought in here?”

“A miscalculation,” Plutarch says turning pointedly to President Coin.

“I believed that if she saw what we were dealing with she might want to be involved,” Coin says. “She’s been doing so well with the children in quarantine that I misjudged her condition.”

“So what’s your grand plan for us?” Johanna asks.

“We’re trying to reach a section of the population that still hasn’t chosen a side. We need to convince them to join us,” Plutarch explains. “We’re going to shoot a line of short films, propos, short for propaganda, where we show them why they should join the rebellion.”

Gale speaks up for the first time since we got to command. “How are you going to show them to people? The Capitol controls the televisions.”

“Beetee says he can get us on the air. He’s the one who’s been designing the Capitol’s defences so we believe he knows what he’s talking about,” Coin says.

“So what exactly do you want us to do?” asks Peeta.

“Katniss is already a symbol people look up to. She’s the Mockingjay. All of you are looked up to and will become symbols as well. We have designed a few propos, written some slogans, scripted some fights,” Plutarch smiles, “we’ll make it look like you are in battle and you are asking your fellow citizens to stand beside you and fight back against Snow and the Capitol.”

“So we’re asking people to risk their lives in battle while we’re safe here in a studio?” I say, realising that I’m disappointed that I’m not joining the fight myself.

“Rebellion is dangerous, there is no changing that. And you are much more valuable here than out there.” 

I see Peeta’s jaw clench at Plutarch’s latest remark. I wonder if it’s because he also wants to join the fight or if he’s angry that I do. But something about his posture is making me fixate on him, because I can’t shake the feeling that there is something I’m missing. I’m so engrossed in my thoughts that I almost miss Plutarch continuing to speak, but get jolted out of my thoughts when I hear him talking about mine and Peeta’s relationship. 

“We have to decide what we’re going to do with the pregnancy. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m assuming there is no baby. We could obviously fake a pregnancy on screen, it would do a lot for garnering sympathy to the cause. The star-crossed lovers, fighting for the survival of their family and the coming generations!”

I freeze. 

“That’s obscene!” Peeta protests.

“You were the one who came up with the whole “if it weren’t for the baby!” line,” Plutarch says, looking genuinely confused. “That was brilliant! I thought you would understand.”

“Yes, when I was trying to stop the games! Or at least get them to spare Katniss from needing to go into the arena. If she survived it would be easy enough to fake her losing the pregnancy. I NEVER meant for her to need to pretend for an extended period of time, and leverage it to get people to risk their own lives.”

I feel the weight of being stuck below miles of rock and concrete. I feel like there isn’t enough oxygen in the breaths I’m taking. Before I realise that I’ve stood up I’m starting to make my way toward the door.

“You’ll need to find another Mockingjay,” I manage to gasp before I’m running off without any idea where I’m going to go.