Chapter Text
"Oh come on Penny you're not fooling anyone." Flash said in Peters ear where they were in the hallway with Peter's back pushed up against the wall. Peter had recently learned that Flash would make fun of him no matter what he said so he decided to keep quiet. "What can't hear me you fucking whore." He seethed slamming Peter into the wall once more. "Whatever. Just kill yourself." He said letting go and sending Peter crashing to the floor.
He didn't try to get up but not because he was actually injured more so because he didn't care anymore. Flash had been doing this for months.
Everyone would be better if you did kill yourself. May wouldn't be spending money on you and she could have fun instead of working all the time. And Mr. Stark wouldn't have to pretend to care.
Peter has had these thoughts for a month now and they only kept getting worse.
Peter sat there for a while before heading back to class mumbling some excuse to Ned and his teacher before sitting down.
After class Peter gets a text from Tony
Tony
Hey kid you still coming to the labs today right?
Yeah I am, see you soon Mr. Stark
Truth be told Peter wanted to take a nap (and never wake up) but he can't otherwise people might be suspicious and he's fine so he's gonna act like it. Peter makes his way outside avoiding Flash before finding Happy's car and getting in.
"Hey Peter." The man greets before starting to drive.
If you were dead Happy could stop driving you around all the time. You know he doesn't like it.
Peter sighs out. Everyone would be better off. It sucks. What did he do to deserve this. He tries to be a good person and get good grades and make people proud but all he does is fuck-up. That's all he is just some dumb fuck-up. Everyone he loves dies and he deserves it. He shouldn't be able to feel happy when all he does is make everyone feel miserable.
"Shit, Kid are you okay?" Happy asks and Peter hadn't even realized he was crying a bit. He quickly wiped his tears and smiled.
"Yeah I'm fine." He said and saw they were at the Stark Tower so he quickly rushed out before Happy could say anything else.
Peter went up to the labs just to find Mr. Stark looking at his phone worriedly.
"Happy said you were upset. Are you ok?" He asked.
Peter was starting to hate that question.
"Fine." Peter replied going over to the coding him and Mr. Stark were working on for the new Stark phone.
"You sure?" Tony checked one more time and Peter just nodded his head. Tony didn't know how to get Peter to open up. His way ended up with more walls put up in the past and he didn't want that again. Instead Tony hoped if it was too bad the kid would come to him or May. "If you ever do wanna talk I'm here though." He said before the two got to work on the phone.
~💕~
"Want some food before you head off." Tony offered. "You gotta keep up with that metabolism of yours." He jokes and Peter laughed.
"I'm good Mr. Stark you made me have chips like 15 minutes ago." Peter replies with an eye roll.
"I know just checking." He said before letting Peter swing back to his apartment. May was working the late shift tonight and Tony had offered to let Peter stay in the tower but Peter said he wanted to sleep at the apartment so Tony let it be. The real reason was Peter not wanting to intrude or bother the Avengers more then he had been doing.
Peter went home got in a shower and automatically went to go lie down and went on his phone until it was 12 am and his stomach started growling and he remembered he forgot dinner. But when Peter was walking to the kitchen he thought the hunger felt good. Really good. The feeling of something in his stomach wanting something and not giving in made him feel good. So he went straight back to his room and when his stomach rumbled again he just smiled instead.
He decided to take off his binder that was currently trying to brake his rib and change into a hoodie Mr. Stark had given him. With that he went to bed and didn't eat.
The next morning Peter woke up and was still hungry. He knew May was still asleep and so he smirked and headed out for school. Maybe he eat less and could help May save money while also denying his stomach a meal.
Finally you do something useful for once
That thought made him smile. He was useful.
He met up with Ned and they finished the walk to school getting there before Flash and the rest of his cult that seemed to follow him nowadays (but were nowhere to be seen when he bullied Peter).
First block went by quickly Peters hunger distracting him from the teachers lecture but he prolly knew whatever it was the teacher was saying. In second block Peter took a water break but could barely even get there before he was being slammed into the wall and a ringing started in his ears. How did he not sense Flash.
"Hey Penny. You are a really pretty girl ya know. Too bad you're trying to change. Notice my use of the word trying because you'll never be a boy no matter what." He said before kicking him and leaving.
Peter just sat there letting the thoughts in him get dark before heading back to class the energy before being sucked out of him.
You don't deserve to be happy. Just because you are doing a good thing doesn't make you a good person. You still make everyone unhappy and spend their money and take up space. Much too much space.
Peter was glad Tony hadn't suggested he come to the labs today cause he just wanted to go home. Unfortunately for him when he got home May was already there.
"Hi Petey how was your day." She asks and gives him a hug. When she tried to pull away Peter pulled here back in.
"Not done." He mumbled.
"Is everything ok?" She asked and Peter let go.
"Fine just missed you." He lied quickly.
"Missed you too honey. Also, I have pizza coming for dinner and then Star Wars hooked up to the TV in the living room. Sound good?" She asked and Peter nodded. He needed a movie night with May.
She doesn't want to spend time with you. Why would anyone want to.
The pizza came and since Peter hadn't ate yet he took a piece.
You don't deserve that food.
Peter ate only the one piece and finished the movie with May before thanking her and heading to his room. He shouldn't have ate that pizza what is wrong with him.
You deserve to be punished.
He didn't know how to punish himself and how much so he decided to just not eat any meals or snack tomorrow. He knew it was dangerous and if he told someone he was doing it they would be worried but it's fine. It's his little secret.
Peter got in the shower and then turned it hot but went to far and it started to burn. But like with the hunger Peter liked how it felt. It made him hurt. It reminded him in some twisted way that he was alive. Something he hadn't felt much recently. Something he didn't want to be. Before Peter knew it his arms and legs were turning red from the heat.
He got out of the shower once the burning hot water was out and tried to go to bed but the thoughts wouldn't quiet. After an hour of trying he decided to stop and just go on a quick patrol. He stopped a robbery and two muggings. He then webbed to the top of a bridge and just sat there. He wasn't going to jump off today but he wanted to. It looked pretty up here and it was quite peaceful. That was until Peter heard jets behind him and then a clunk of metal sat next to him.
"Peter." Mr. Stark greeted.
"Tony." Peter was too exhausted to annoy him.
"It's twelve am. What are you doing out?"
"What are you doing up?" Peter questioned back.
"Kid. I'm serious. I was going to bed then I saw the suit was in use and you were hopping around till you just rested here." He explained.
"Couldn't sleep." Peter said with a sigh.
"Does May know you're out" Peter didn't respond "Im gonna take that as a big fat no. C'mon buddy you gotta go home and sleep a bit." Tony said standing.
"It's Saturday tomorrow. I'll be fine." Peter argued.
"I'm not fighting you on this. Home or I'll take the suit at night." Tony said and Peter groaned before getting up. His legs still hurt a bit from the heat earlier.
Tony followed Peter all the way back to the apartment before leaving Peter to sleep. Peter hated that. He hated being monitored then feeling like a problem. Mr. Stark was trying to sleep but had to do all that just because Peter couldn't sit down for five seconds.
Peter felt like crying and started pinching his arm, the pain distracting him from his emotions. Suddenly Peter was exhausted and finally fell asleep.
That weekend Peter remembered his punishment and didn't eat at all. May handed him a granola bar before he headed to the library but he just gave it to a homeless man.
Peter hadn't been on his phone today leaving MJ and Ned confused but he didn't have the energy to hold a conversation. He didn't have the energy to exist anymore, everything felt like a chore, every breathe he took, every thought crossing his mind. It got too much to quick and he wanted it all to stop. He started pinching his arm again. Harder and harder causing visible indents and blood to slip out from under his fingers.
He rolled his sleeves down before reentering the apartment. May was once again at work so Peter cleaned the house before taking a burning shower and napping. What he thought was a nap was just sleeping because when he woke up it was Monday morning. Peter was too exhausted to remember he could eat now and didn't grab breakfast before heading to school.
"Hey Penny. You look like shit. But you also have something different. Slimming your figure a bit? You could use it. Then maybe you could be a good looking girl." Flash greeted.
"Fuck off." Peter mumbled before walking off.
Had he been losing weight. It would make sense two day without food and an enhanced metabolism would do that. Not very much much, a little maybe.
Maybe if he got skinny enough he would be able to wear a t-shirt without his binder and not feel like dying. He needed a break from his binder sometimes so it wouldn't do damage and when that happened he wore sweatshirts even in hot weather. Maybe he could be good-looking if he just tried a little harder. Patrolled a little more and ate a little less. He had seen people that skinny on things like TV and online. He could do it too then right?
In study hall Peter took out his notebook and started writing
Peter's glow-up rules:
1. don't eat unless someone is watching
2. dont worry anyone
3. patrol every day for at least an hour
4. walk when possible
5. dont talk as much you want to be pretty, not annoying
Peter added that last one as he had been insecure over his talking lately. His phone vibrated in his bag and he checked the teacher wasn't looking before taking it out
May
I have to go on a trip this weekend for work and Tony said he would have u at the tower is that ok? Happy would pick up from school 2day
Yeah that sounds fine love you may :)
You're the best. luv u 2
Peter put his phone away and sighed. He was gonna have to eat a lot otherwise the avengers would notice and Peter didn't need that. And Tony always gave him snacks because of his metabolism. Peter breathed in and out before reminding him as long as he followed his rules all would be okay.
When he got to the tower later he took his rules and hid then under some stuff in the drawers in his room Tony always gave him when he stayed at the tower.