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It was every bit what he remembered. The town was sleepy and still, quiet in a way that the city never was even in the early hours of morning. Dawn had barely broken, and there was snow on the ground still. It was perfect for the wedding that his sister had always imagined – the wedding that brought him home in the first place. Liam sighed and closed his eyes for a moment as he rested his forehead against the cool glass of the window while his mother sang along quietly to the Christmas tunes on the radio, having picked him up from the train station. A part of Liam wanted to be back in London, in his cozy and quiet little flat with the loud roommate he'd come to adore. Niall was every bit as charming and friendly as he could be intimidating and forceful on the footie field. Louis would love him; a thought that Liam had several times over and always made him want to wince. “Everyone's so excited to see you,” Karen stated as she turned down the street to Liam's childhood home, glancing over at him as she spoke before focusing on the road once again. “It's been ages.”
“Sorry,” replied Liam with a slight sigh as he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. After a moment, he smiled and reached over to gently squeeze his mother's arm. “I've just been busy. I've missed you lot.”
Karen smiled at that, patting her son's face before placing both hands on the wheel once again. She had missed him dearly, but was also his greatest supporter. London had done him well, she had to admit. He seemed happier than he'd been when he left, even if there was still something there that she wanted to ask about – a sadness that he never did seem to shake off no matter how hard he tried. She did not comment on it, though she did smile sheepishly as she pulled into the driveway behind a car that Liam did not recognize.“Jay and the girls are over.”
Liam's mouth set in a firm line as he nodded, wondering... “Louis isn't with them,” Karen stated, as if she had read her son's thoughts. “Come on. Let's get you inside. I'll do us a fry up.”
“Sure,” replied Liam, exhaling a slow breath as he climbed out of the car. He grabbed his bags out of the backseat before following his mother into the home that he hadn't seen in several years. Liam was barely in the door before he was suddenly tackled by several smaller bodies, all of whom were shouting his name despite adults in the room urging them to be quiet because there were still people sleeping. Liam chuckled and dropped his bags to the floor, wrapping his arms around the Tomlinson girls to hug them in a group hug not dissimilar to one they'd had before Liam had left in the first place. “Hi, princesses.”
“Girls, let him breathe,” Jay stated with an amused smirk as she leaned against the door frame that led from the hall they were in to the kitchen. She stood up straight when the girls finally let Liam go and she quickly walked over to pull him into a hug of her own. “Hello, dear.”
“Lovely to see you again, Jay,” replied Liam, finding that he meant the words more than he thought he would. He sighed softly and ducked his head to rest on her shoulder when she carefully patted the back of it with a nearly inaudible sigh of her own.
She pressed a kiss to the side of his head when he pulled away with a sheepish smile. “Don't be a stranger, sweetheart. We'd like to see you more than just every few years.”
“Yeah. I... yeah.” Liam nodded, swallowing back a promise he was not sure he could keep, though he smiled at her again. “I should take my things upstairs, go bug Ruth.” His mother had already informed him that he was the last of his siblings to show up. Well, Nicola had been in town for a few months for last minute preparations and finishing the buying of the house that she and her husband-to-be were purchasing. Ruth had been in town about two weeks to fulfill some of her duties as Maid of Honor.
Liam had been quite surprised when his sister's fiance had rung him up to ask him to be the Best Man. It wasn't that he was against the wedding or anything; but, he just figured that the man would have wanted his best friend to fill the spot and not his fiancee's brother. He'd been so sincere with the question that Liam hadn't the heart to turn him down, despite having only met the guy once or twice. He was there, in his hometown, three weeks before the wedding so that he could be there for the stag do; and so that he could hopefully get to know the man that was going to marry his sister a bit more, to feel more like he'd done something to earn the honor of standing up there like that.
Liam took his bags up to his childhood bedroom, inhaling sharply after turning on the overhead light to see that it looked exactly as it had when he'd left. There was no dust around the room, though, so it was obvious that his mother was cleaning it, at least. He wondered if there'd ever been any guests that claimed the room for a night or two, or if it had simply sat there waiting for him to come home – something that he was not sure he had intended to do if it weren't for his sister insisting on having her wedding there since she and Derek would be moving there after the honeymoon. They spent most every weekend there, apparently; but, then they lived only a few towns over. Shaking off the thoughts, Liam took his bags over to the bed and dropped them down on top of it before he left the room, shutting out the light after himself.
He then made his way down the hall to Ruth's room and smiled to himself when he saw that his sister was still asleep, despite the Tomlinson girls shouting earlier. He quietly toed out of his shoes and crossed the room to crawl into the bed, careful not to shift her so much so that he could carelessly braid her hair and poke at the side of her face until she woke up – something he'd done in the early morning hours on special days when they were growing up. “Go 'way, Li,” Ruth said with a groan, attempting to burrow under her blankets more. After several moments, she seemed to realize what she'd just said and she immediately threw herself forward to hug Liam, sending them both sprawling onto the floor in a mass of limbs and tangled blankets. “You idiot! You're home. Why didn't you say? I'd have picked you up. Did Mum get you? Fuck, I missed you.”
Liam chuckled and patted the top of her head – or maybe it was her back, it was hard to tell with the awkward angles and twisted blankets – ignoring the way that something (a shoe, probably) was digging into his back. “Wanted it to be a surprise. Nicola doesn't know, either; thinks I won't be here until closer to the wedding.”
“I hate you.”
“Liar.” It was quiet as they stayed there on the floor, Ruth letting him go from the hug to simply lay down next to him staring up at the few remaining glow in the dark stars that were stuck to the ceiling. “Missed you, too.” Liam smiled when Ruth didn't say anything, just simply punched him in the shoulder. It was, above all his hesitations to return, very good to be home.
--
After everyone gathered in the kitchen for a quick breakfast filled with smiles, laughter, and catching up, Liam and Ruth made their way downtown to the small bakery that she knew Nicola would be at. “Harry gives her free coffee every morning,” Ruth explained with a nod and a smile as she walked next to her brother from where they parked the car. “Since the future Mr. Payne – he's taking her name, did I tell you that already? – is at work already. She's going to flip when she sees you.” Ruth was all smiles as she talked, despite the cold biting her face to the point her nose and cheeks were red.
Liam could not help but smile as he listened to her. He knew that Derek was taking Nicola's last name. His sister had never been one for following traditions, so it hadn't been a surprise when he heard that bit of information. The bell above the door chimed when the two of them walked into the bakery. There was a shout from the back about being out in a second while Liam glanced around the familiar bakery. It was different than he remembered, though. The décor had changed, even if the name had stayed the same. “Liam?” he heard someone gasp nearby and he looked to the sound of the voice to see Nicola looking at him incredulously as she set down her cup. “You're early!”
“Hiya, sis,” replied Liam with a smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners as she scrambled up to tug him into a tight hug, nearly knocking the wind out of his chest as she did.
She mumbled things into his shoulder about missing him, about hating him for having gone away for so long, about making him swear to visit more often, and about being so glad that he was there. “Hey,” he said softly as he pulled away enough to look at her. “You're getting married . Of course I'm here.”
“Yeah, I know,” Nicola stated, attempting to pull herself together, smoothing out the front of her skirt. “S'just... It's been a long time. When you left, I kind of thought... well, I kept expecting you to come home.”
Liam worried at his lower lip, then. He had no idea how to tell her he had never intended to stay away. It just grew harder and harder to go back the more time had passed. “Mum's been in a right state these last holidays when you stayed in London instead of coming home,” Ruth stated quietly, nodding a little though she managed a small smile when Nicola reached over to give her wrist a gentle squeeze.
Liam wanted to offer some sort of explanation to them, though the only one he had was not enough; at least, he did not think it was. However, he was saved from having to say anything when Harry came out of the back room, dusting his hands off on the apron he wore. His hair was piled high on top of his head, twisted into a tumbled resemblance of a knot though some pieces still fell out into his face. “Oi, Payno! You're home,” he stated with a lazy grin as he leaned forward, resting his hands flat on the counter while putting his weight on them. “Sight for sore eyes, you are.”
“Hiya, Haz,” replied Liam with a smile and an inaudible sigh. It really was good to see Harry again, who had been one of his closest friends when he'd still been in school. “You still working here, then?”
“Working?” Harry laughed at that, beaming as he straightened up to gesture to the building around them. “I own this place, now, Liam. Which you'd have known if you'd come home more often.”
“Sorry.” Liam winced a bit at yet another apology. Really, there were too many people that he had to apologize to. Just thinking about it made him want to go running back to London, to the flat that he shared with Niall. Niall would simply run a hand through his hair soothingly, saying nothing as they watched television. Maybe he should have brought Niall with him. He almost wondered if it was too late to bring a “plus one” to the wedding. “Kinda hard to get away. I had to fight my boss to get this time off as it is. He was reluctant with the holidays and all.” Liam frowned a bit as he remembered the argument he'd had with his boss before finally telling the man that he could either let Liam go home for a few weeks for his sister's wedding – or he could find Liam's replacement.
It was a crap job in a crap office that Liam wanted nothing to do with – but the pay was good and Liam was good at his job. His boss did not want to have to train anyone else, so Liam got the time off. “Have you seen Zayn yet?” Nicola asked of her brother, reaching out to fuss with his hair and the scarf he had wrapped around his neck, worrying if he was warm enough in the jacket that seemed too thin for the weather, though Liam kept trying to brush her off with quiet insisting that he was fine.
“Nope. Came straight here from the house,” answered Liam with a shake of his head, finally successfully getting Nicola to stop fussing over him though she pouted at it and he just smiled brightly at her. “Ruth said you'd be here, so here we are.”
“Zayn'll kick your ass if you don't go see him next,” Harry commented with an amused smirk at the thought alone. It was the truth, though, and Liam knew Zayn well enough to know that it was. Zayn had taken Liam leaving the hardest – outside of his mother – in the first place. Harry had just made him promise not to forget them, something that Liam knew he could never do even if he tried.
“I'll stop by and see him later. Is he still at home then?”
Liam listened as Harry explained that Zayn was staying at the apartment five blocks from their old school – which, apparently, was where Zayn was working teaching art to rambunctious teenagers. Liam had never exactly pictured Zayn becoming a teacher, but it fit at the same time. He'd have to congratulate his best friend when he saw him. That would happen later, though. For the time being, Liam had some catching up to do with his sisters. So, he sat down with the two of them in the warm and cozy little bakery as snow flurries tumbled down outside.
--
Liam took a deep breath as he stood outside the apartment that Harry said Zayn was renting. He should be home, according to Harry anyway. Seeing Zayn again would be harder than it had been with Harry. Harry, who had simply smiled and eventually tugged him into a lingering hug without letting go for several long minutes. Liam had clung to him like a lifeline once the tension finally left his shoulders and he apologized several times over into Harry's shoulder until Harry shoved him away and told him to stop. Harry had already forgiven him for ditching them, as he made sure to tell Liam. Zayn, however, would be a different story. After running a hand through his hair a few times, Liam finally knocked on the door to the apartment.
He could hear the muffled sounds of a television going, so he at least knew that someone had to be home. Liam waited for several long moments and he almost knocked again but then the door opened to reveal Zayn, who seemed to be in the middle of getting ready to ask what he wanted. Zayn's expression closed off as he stood there, watching Liam for a moment before slamming the door shut in Liam's face. “Guess I deserved that,” Liam mumbled to himself, debating whether or not to leave it be.
However, Zayn made the decision for him when a moment later the door was opening again. “What the fuck , Liam?” Zayn said through clenched teeth, all but glaring at him. “You fall off the face of the earth for years and show up without warning.”
“You knew I'd be back for the wedding,” replied Liam in a small voice, though he sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. “I'm sorry. I just... Didn't know what to say. I meant to call, really I did.”
Zayn's brow rose as he crossed his arms over his chest, quietly encouraging Liam to continue without letting him into the apartment yet. Liam seemed to struggle with what he wanted to say and he bit as his thumbnail for a moment before dropping his hand to his side. “I was really messed up when I left,” Liam said with a slight nod. “Not that it's like... an excuse. But, yeah, you knew that. I wanted to call, but at first things were terrible and I didn't want to admit it. What would I have said anyway? I don't... I just didn't think it was time. Then, more time passed and more time after that; and, in a blink of an eye it felt too late, yunno?”
“Never too late, Liam,” replied Zayn with a heavy sigh as he rubbed his eyes for a moment before stepping aside. He nodded into the apartment for Liam to come in. “Don't think you're forgiven for buggering off completely, Payne. It's just fucking cold.”
“Yeah.” Liam laughed a little anyway, though he knew that things would still be rough between the two of them for a while. Liam had time, however, and he was prepared to take the time to make things at least almost okay again. “I really am sorry, Zayn. I shouldn't have...”
“Damn right.” Zayn could not keep the anger from his features, though he took Liam's coat for him to put on the rack there in the hall. “I wanted so badly to hate you for disappearing like that. You promised.”
“I know. I'm sorry. You're my best friend, Zayn. 'Ve missed you.”
Zayn clenched his jaw at that, physically holding back the words that he wanted to echo back. Liam knew, though; he knew that Zayn had missed him, even if Zayn could not bring himself to admit it just yet. He wasn't ready to just act as though his best friend hadn't moved off to London and never come back or called or written . “Make me tea,” Zayn insisted as he walked over to drop onto the couch, gesturing over to where the kitchen was.
Liam rolled his eyes but made his way to the kitchen, anyway. He fumbled around looking for everything, but several minutes later, he was sitting down next to Zayn while handing him a mug of tea readied to perfection as Zayn liked it while holding on to another one for himself. “Don't remember saying you could have some,” Zayn mumbled as he took a tentative sip of his hot drink, attempting to mask the way his lips twitched up at the corners.
“Too bad,” replied Liam as he did the same, lightly nudging Zayn with his shoulder. “You look good, Zee. Teens not making you wanna yank your hair out then?” Zayn's brow twitched upward slightly, subtly in a way that someone who did not know him might have missed. “Harry told me you were teaching.”
“Yeah, me and...” Zayn trailed off, idly tapping his fingers against the mug cradled in both hands. “I don't think they told you that part, did they?” Zayn watched Liam carefully, frowning a bit at the completely confused expression on Liam's face. Zayn was sure that if Liam did know, he'd have alluded to it already. He was not sure he wanted to be the one to say anything, though. At the same time, someone needed to tell him. Zayn wet his lips idly and sighed a little, nodding once to himself. “Louis. I'm working with Louis at the school.”
Liam tensed next to Zayn on the couch, brow furrowing as he stared down at his own mug of tea instead of at Zayn. Liam was fairly sure his grip on the mug was nearly enough to break it, but he did not lessen it any until Zayn pulled the mug from his hands to set it aside. “He came home, then?” questioned Liam after he cleared his throat a little, attempting to school his expression to one of uncaring even if he knew Zayn would see right through that. If there was one thing that all of their friends and family knew, it was that Liam would never not care when it came to Louis Tomlinson.
“Yeah, about... about a year after you left.” Zayn nodded as he placed his own tea next to Liam's before leaning over to rest his head on Liam's shoulder. He still hadn't forgiven Liam for abandoning him, for never contacting him. That did not mean he did not care. “Sorry. I would have said, but...”
“Y-yeah. No, it's fine. I mean...” Liam exhaled a breath but shifted so that he could wrap his arm around Zayn's shoulder, tugging him into his side like they'd done so many times before. “I know Nicola invited him to the wedding.” She'd told him ages ago that she'd invited Louis. She had not told him whether or not Louis would actually be there, nor did she tell him that Louis had been home instead of out wherever it was his travels had taken him. Liam had stopped keeping track before he'd left himself. “How is he?”
“Not sure I'm the one you should be asking that, mate.” Zayn shook his head a little without lifting it from where it rested on Liam's shoulder, taking comfort in his best friend's presence for the first time in years. It had been easier to pretend that he hadn't missed Liam when Liam wasn't there, and Zayn wanted to hate it and continue to be mad at Liam. It was harder to do the longer they sat there quietly.
--
It was several days later that Liam saw Louis for the first time since coming home. It was like a kick in the stomach to walk into the kitchen and see Louis standing there chatting animatedly with Nicola. His hair was swept up and back off of his forehead, and his smile was every bit as charming as Liam remembered. The relaxed atmosphere shifted to one full of tension when Louis and Nicola slowly became aware that Liam was standing in the doorway. Louis seemed to take in a sharp breath, seeing Liam there and his words died out. “Liam,” he said after a moment.
Liam was not sure if he should smile, return the one-worded greeting, or cry . It was the first time he'd seen Louis in years – since he was eighteen. It seemed like it was only the day before and like it was a million years prior all at once; and, Liam nearly felt sick. There were so many things that Liam wanted to say, but none of them seemed to come out and Liam simply stood there feeling like an idiot. After a few more moments of that, Liam mumbled out an apology before turning and leaving the room, leaving the house. He grabbed his coat from the chair it was draped across as he passed, going out the front door and off the front porch.
He was at the end of the driveway when he heard the front door open and then close, followed by a, “Liam, wait!” that caused his heart to tighten somewhere in his throat. He did just that, though, and turned to watch Louis tugging on his own coat while carefully walking the icy walkway to where Liam stood. “You're back.”
“So are you,” replied Liam with a slight nod, surprised that he managed to get the words out at all.
“Yeah. Have been for a while.” Louis chewed on his lower lip as he rocked back and forth on his feet a couple of times. “You weren't here.”
Liam let out a heavy breath and tilted his head up to look at the grey sky, the clouds rolling overhead, building up to let down a rather massive snowfall if the reports were anything to go by. After closing his eyes and just standing there for a second, Liam lowered his gaze to Louis. “You left first.”
Louis winced at Liam's words, true as they might have been. “I came back. I came back, and you weren't--”
“Fuck you, Louis. I waited. Longer than anyone should have.” Liam's voice was controlled, as controlled as he could manage when all he wanted to do was shake anyway. He didn't want to give away too much, not with how hard he'd struggled to stay afloat. “You broke me. I couldn't stay here anymore; seeing you everywhere, hearing your voice, feeling your touch. You weren't here, and it was killing me.”
“Liam...”
Liam shook his head and took a step backward when Louis reached out toward him. “No. Don't. Please, I can't ...” Liam's voice got stuck in his throat, then, cracking and breaking to a point that he had to stop and take a few deep breaths. “I'm here to support my sister, to be happy for her. Then, I'm going back to London. There's nothing here for me anymore.” Liam shook his head a little, trying to figure out if he believed the words as much as he wanted to.
“Zayn--”
“Can visit me in London.”
“Me.”
Liam clenched his jaw as he watched Louis, unbreakable and unstoppable Louis, look small to the point of trying to seem invisible. “You left.”
Louis seemed to deflate even more at the reminder, wincing as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat while keeping his eyes down on his feet. “I'm sorry. I-I never got the chance to say. I'm sorry, Liam.”
“Me, too.” Liam continued to keep distance between him and Louis, only looking away from him when he saw his mother coming out onto the porch.
“Boys. Food's ready! Let's go,” she called, smiling though it was a bit pinched and cautious, not quite sure what the state of things out there was and obviously worrying about her son.
Without another word, Liam moved around Louis to head back to the house, letting out a breath he had held for several long moments. “I'm not done waiting for you, Liam,” Louis stated quietly when they were both almost at the house.
Liam nearly lost his footing and he turned to look quickly at Louis, who seemed to be acting as though he hadn't said anything. If it wasn't for the look in Louis' eyes, Liam would almost believe it. “I might never come home,” replied Liam, unable to tear his gaze away from Louis even for a moment and unsure if he even spoke loud enough for Louis to hear him.
“I know. It's my turn to wait.”
Neither one moved for several long moments, just watching one another as snow started to flutter from the sky again. Neither one said anything else as they continued into the house, Liam breathing easier when they were bombarded with talking and laughter and cheer – a stark contrast to the coldstillquiet of the outside.
--
“Good to be home?” Derek asked Liam several days later when the two of them were going in for a final fitting of their suits. Derek's was more traditional with a white shirt and pale pink tie, while the other groomsmen would be wearing all black outside the same pale pink tie. Nicola had picked them out, and Liam had to admit that they looked good. His sister had good taste.
He sighed softly at the question as he held his arm out for the person working on their suits to check over. “Yeah,” he answered honestly with a nod. “It's... weird, though.”
“Louis.” Derek did not say it as a question, simply speaking as though he knew what Liam was referring to. Which, to be fair, the man probably did know. He and Liam were not close by any means, but they had been taking the time to get to know one another better since Liam would be his best man in a week's time. Liam had learned quite a bit about Derek, and the more he learned, the more he believed the man was perfect for his sister. “He's the reason you left, isn't he?”
Liam frowned a little, glancing up to the mirrors that reflected himself and the shop around him. There was no one else in the shop past him, Derek, and the man that was instructing Liam how to stand so that he could check that everything fit perfectly. “Yeah.” He was not sure how much of the story Nicola had told Derek, if he knew how Liam and Louis had been LiamandLouis since they were too young to really understand love or relationships. He was not sure if he knew how Liam had planned out his entire future with Louis at his side. He did not know if Derek had been told about the day when Louis had told Liam he was leaving town, and that they should see other people, that it was too much and he needed time. He was not sure if anyone told Derek about how Liam had waited for a year, for two years before he packed up his things and moved to London.
Liam had been in London for five years by that point in time, and he was not sure if he would ever come home. As much as it was nice to see his friends and family, he wasn't sure if it was still home . “I still love him,” Liam admitted several minutes later when it was Derek's turn to be poked and prodded at. “That almost makes it worse. I want to hate him.”
“He was your first love, yeah?” questioned Derek, watching as Liam paced a few times, nodding in answer. “S'hard to forget your first love. It's the one that lingers the most.”
Liam nodded again, running his fingers through his hair. “He told me he wasn't done waiting for me.” Derek's brow rose at that, but he did not say anything, waiting for Liam to say whatever it was that he wanted. Derek was really just there to listen – he figured Liam had enough people trying to tell him what to do about the whole thing. “I don't know what to do.”
Derek sighed softly at that, taking a moment to thank the man that was working on their suits when it was announced that they were done. “Liam, I'm going to give you some advice as a mate, as a brother ,” Derek stated, placing a hand on Liam's shoulder with a slight squeeze. Both of them smiled at the emphasis of the word 'brother', Derek's more shy and Liam's more child-like in its happiness. “Take time. Don't just rush into anything; with the hype of the wedding and seeing him again. Make sure it's what you really want before you hurt both of you again.”
--
Three days before the wedding, all the groomsmen were gathered at one of the local pubs, along with a few of their friends. Niall was even in the bunch, having shown up the day before after Liam begged him to come there, and Nicola had stolen the phone from her brother to order Niall to join them so that she could meet her baby brother's new best friend. She pulled the whole it's my wedding card, and Niall had been unable to say no to that particular line. That was how Liam found himself smiling against the lip of his glass as he watched Niall and Zayn talking down the bar. They were huddled in close together to hear one another over the chatter and loud music all around them. Zayn seemed unable to take his eyes from the charming Irishman that Liam shared a flat with, and even made a comment about how he couldn't complain about being replaced. Liam hadn't expected the two of them to hit it off so well, but he had no complaints, if he was totally honest.
Liam smiled as he looked around at all the happy faces in the pub, especially glad at how thrilled Derek seemed, even through all the teasing about him being a boring married man soon from their friends. It wasn't a crazy night as some stag dos that Liam had heard of, but it was what Derek had wanted. A couple of days hanging out with no one but the lads, going over different memories and just enjoying his time without getting blackout drunk, strippers, or anything like that – even though Nicola had insisted she didn't care if they went all out. Derek hadn't wanted it, and despite a few insisting they should head to the club down the way, everyone seemed to respect that.
“Maybe we'll be attending another stag do soon,” Derek said with a chuckle as he came up next to Liam, nodding down to where Zayn and Niall were while Zayn laughed openly and honestly about something that Niall said. “They seem like they're hitting it off.”
“Yeah,” agreed Liam with a smile that he couldn't quite get rid of. His two best friends seemed to get on rather instantly, and it was something that he really loved. It made him glad that Nicola had convinced him to get Niall down there. “I'm glad, cause like... they're both important to me.”
Derek nodded in understanding, gesturing for the bartender so that he could order some shots. He then handed one to Liam and grinned as he said, “C'mon, Payne. Couple shots aren't gonna kill you. Might take your mind off things.”
“Cheers, then.” Liam shrugged his shoulders and took the glass offered to him, clinking it against Derek's before they both knocked them back. It was then that Liam noticed Louis coming into the pub, brushing the snow off his shoulders and out of his hair while glancing around nervously.
Derek glanced over to see where Liam was looking and he frowned a bit as he said, “I invited him. Hope you don't mind.”
“Course, I don't.” Liam's voice felt thick in his throat and he had to swallow thickly, looking away before Louis caught him staring. “He's your friend, Nicola's too. You shouldn't not invite him to things just because of me.”
When Derek looked ready to argue, Liam simply placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly, silently reassuring him that it really was okay. Liam was not okay; he'd not been okay in years, but that was his secret to keep. He was not going to let anything ruin the happiest days in Nicola and Derek's lives just because he had not been able to get over the man that left him. Derek then went to go mingle with some more of his guests and Liam turned toward the bartender, ordering himself another drink. He was half-way through the glass when he felt someone slip onto the stool next to him.
Liam tensed ever so slightly when he caught scent of the body spray that Louis had always been fond of, the one that Liam had always told him was his favorite because it worked so well for Louis. Liam sighed and downed the rest of his drink before looking over at Louis, who seemed to be watching him warily in turn. “Alright, Liam?” Louis asked after a few moments.
“Sure,” he replied with a nod, pushing aside his glass while shifting enough to try to get comfortable on the very uncomfortable stool he was occupying. “You look good, Lou.” And he did, in a black sweater with a v-neck that showed off some of the ink on his skin that hadn't been there when Louis had left and jeans that were almost too tight – but Liam did not focus much on that. He seemed happy, content though not without an edge of sadness. He'd grown up quite a bit, not looking anywhere near as frail as he had when they were still teenagers before the hair gel and tattoos.
Louis just smiled in response, ordering himself a drink before he turned to look at Liam fully. “So do you,” he commented, but not before he had a pint in his hand, his attention momentarily diverted down the bar to where Niall had his head thrown back in laughter at something Zayn had said while Zayn simply watched with a completely enamored smile. Louis reached over and tapped on one of the black arrows that were inked into his forearm, watching his fingers brush against the skin there afterward before he looked up at Liam again. “Never figured you'd get inked. Or cut your hair. It's... different, but I like it.”
“Me, too.” Liam shrugged his shoulders, attempting to seem completely unfazed by Louis sitting there. He did not want to make a scene, not there and not on Derek's night. He deserved better than that. It was supposed to be a good night. Louis pulled away with a sigh, then, and Liam's breath caught in his chest when he caught sight of something silver around Louis' neck – a necklace that Liam had figured Louis would have been rid of ages ago. Liam could not take his eyes away from it, even when Louis seemed to realize what caught his attention because Louis reached up and grabbed the small, silver football pendant with Louis' old jersey number etched into the back. It had been a gift from Liam for Louis' sixteenth birthday, something that Louis had declared his favorite gift of the year. “You kept it?”
“Never take it off.” Louis' voice was small but honest, his gaze turned to the bar instead of looking at Liam. He could not bring himself to look, to see what expression Liam had on his face. “I didn't care about anything else that year.” Louis had a small smile on his face as he thought back to when he'd gotten the gift from Liam, who'd seemed so shy and wary and like he would run away. Louis remembered, as he sat there idly playing with dent on the bar, the way that Liam's face had lit up after Louis had pressed a kiss to his forehead and insisted the gift was the best. Louis had then made Liam help him put it on, and from then on, the only time Louis took it off was if he was going swimming so that he did not lose it. It had been then that Louis realized that he'd fallen in love with his best friend. Louis had kissed him a few days later at a New Year's Eve party that neither one of them had forgotten.
Liam looked over and watched Louis for several moments before standing up with a slight shake of his head. “I can't do this,” he mumbled, and walked across the room to where Niall and Zayn were. He sat down with them, forcing a smile onto his face that neither one of them believed though they pretended to.
Louis downed the rest of his drink when Zayn shot him a look across the bar, something resembling an apology. With a sigh, Louis got up as well and went to find Derek again, so that he could distract himself with the reason he was there in the first place. He could pretend that Liam was not there, if that was what Liam wanted. Though, he knew that there was no way he'd really be able to ignore Liam, as he was always well aware of where in the room Liam was; and, several times over, Louis swore he could feel Liam's eyes on him. Louis could not bring himself to look back.
--
It was snowing the day of the wedding; a light, fluffy flakes that came tumbling from the sky as if it was created just for the wedding, falling prettily outside the stained glass at the front of the church they were gathering in. Liam went back and forth between his sister and Derek, making sure that they both had everything they needed, taking photos, and insisting that their mother do nothing but sit down and be happy. Liam was sure he'd seen her break down into tears several times, crying something about how her first baby was getting married. Karen Payne was proud of her daughter, and she loved Derek, both things she stated several times over throughout the morning.
The ceremony was simple and beautiful, with candles lit throughout the room and a soft light and Nicola's favorite flowers scattered around. Their closest friends and family were gathered all around, and Liam stood proudly next to Derek, placing a hand on his shoulder with a gentle squeeze when he heard the man inhale sharply as he caught sight of Nicola heading toward him with her father on her arm. It was incredibly beautiful, and Liam could not think of a more perfect ceremony for his sister.
After the ceremony, it was several hours before Liam had much of a chance to talk to either Derek or Nicola. It was Derek who approached him first while Nicola shared a dance with Derek's father, having already danced with her own a while before. “Thank you,” Derek said with a smile from his seat next to Liam as they watched Nicola dance around with a bright smile, her face flushed and eyes practically sparkling. “For standing up there with me today.”
“Of course,” replied Liam with a smile of his own. “Nowhere else I'd rather be on my brother's wedding day.”
Derek smiled a little more at that, silently thanking Liam again with a pat on the back. They'd talked several nights before about how Derek's actual brother had been promised the best man position when they'd been younger, joking about growing old and getting married. When the time came, and Derek's brother was no longer with them, Derek had only felt it right that a brother stand up there – even if blood was not a factor. They'd had a chair left empty for Derek's brother with a single rose on it, something that Nicola had insisted. She'd loved Derek's brother too and they had both felt his absence that day. Liam could see it whenever either of them let themselves have that moment to think that someone was missing. Derek's brother was there in spirit, though, as Nicola reminded them earlier in a soft speech that she'd cried through.
Liam's gaze was turned across the room at the sound of familiar laughter, and saw Louis dancing with one of the kids that was still awake. His tie was undone, hanging loose around his neck and his hair was disheveled as he gave the girl a twirl and she smiled with soft giggles of her own. He looked breathtakingly gorgeous, as Louis had always been known to do; and, Liam had to actually remind himself to breathe after several moments. He could feel eyes on him and turned back to Derek, who had fixed a silent, knowing look in his direction. “I'm going back home tomorrow,” Liam stated. “Niall and I have a train at eight.”
“Are you sure that's what you want?” Derek's voice was not skeptical or attempting to sway him one way or the other. He was just trying to get Liam to think and make sure he was doing what he wanted and not just acting in haste.
Liam sighed and nodded, running a hand through his hair before dropping his arm to his lap. “Yeah, I'm sure.” He nodded several times, even as he looked back over to where Louis was bowing and the girl he'd danced with curtsied before another little girl bounded up and demanded a dance as well. Louis laughed and smiled before swooping the girl up in his arms so that he could twirl around with her as she smiled brightly. “For now, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my night, celebrating you officially joining the family; and, tomorrow I'm going home.”
--
Liam's mother insisted on taking him and Niall to the station the next morning. She fussed over them both, making sure they had coats and had eaten before they left to go catch the train. She was trying not to cry most of the morning, though Liam was aware it was difficult for her, what with having seen off Nicola for her honeymoon the night before and Liam leaving again that day. It left Ruth alone in town, until she went back to her place after the new year. By then, though, Nicola and Derek would be back home. Still, they weren't children anymore, and that was not something any mother ever really got a handle on too easily. At least none of the ones that Liam knew did.
The drive to the station was quiet, save for the gentle Christmas music playing over the speakers; much like the drive to the house had been when Liam had first gotten there. Niall was quietly sipping on a mug of tea in the backseat, while Liam rested his head against the window he was next to in the passenger seat. He remained quiet as he watched the street signs as they passed each intersection and a familiar corner streetlight. Liam had to close his eyes and push back memories of laughter and smiles that he did not want to deal with. Niall, as if sensing his friend's distress chose that moment to reach up and place a hand on the top of the seat back, fingers draping over and curling into the top of Liam's shoulder with a gentle squeeze. “Could do with a nap on the train,” Niall commented, breaking the quiet of the car in a way that caused Liam to laugh softly with a shake of his head, though he did reach up to squeeze Niall's hand gratefully.
“You've only been up an hour,” Liam reminded him, though he did have to agree that sleeping for hours did sound like a brilliant idea.
It was when they were at the train station, having said their good-byes to Karen – who wasn't crying again, Liam, goodness – and waiting to board that Liam sent out the last text message he would send for several days, to a number he was not even sure was in service any longer.
Happy birthday, Louis.
--
Liam sighed as he looked up at the clock on the wall before turning his attention back to the computer in front of him with a scowl. The last hour was the worst, in his opinion; and, it was days like that when Liam realized just how much he hated his job. There was not much else he could do, however; at least nothing that paid well enough to warrant quitting that job. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair several times, wishing that the time would go by faster. He and Niall had plans that evening. It would be the first time they'd gone out since New Years Eve, when Liam had drunkenly told Niall he was ready to start trying to date again. Sober, Liam was not entirely sure he'd meant that so much as he was trying to force himself to forget the blue eyed boy he left back home. Liam hadn't said as much when Niall asked about it. So, they'd made plans to go out, and Niall said he'd help Liam pull.
“I'll be your wingman,” Niall ha insisted with a grin and a nod. “Always. Zayn will be cheering you on via text, too.”
It had made Liam smile, knowing that Niall and Zayn were keeping in contact. He did not know exactly what things were like between the two of them, but he knew they cared about one another and that was enough. Liam was fairly sure they were having regular Skype dates at least once a week, even though they'd not even been back in London very long. Liam had been doing better at keeping in contact with most everyone back home, though; well, everyone besides Louis – who had never responded to the text, if he ever even got it. It was something that Niall had commented on with a smile, glad that Liam was not continuing to shut everyone out.
In what felt like another five hours, Liam found himself at the end of the last one of his shift an he quickly made his way out of the office, rushing past the manager so that he did not get asked to stay like he did quite often. Liam let out a breath he did not realize he had been holding and he loosened the tie he had to wear as he walked toward his car, intending to make it home in as little time as possible. After the day he'd had, Liam could really use a drink.
When he got to the apartment he shared with Niall, his roommate was already there, singing along with the radio while he played Fifa as he waited for Liam to get there. Once he realized that Liam was there, he tossed aside the controller with a grin as he stood up. “C'mon, then, let's get ready and head out,” Niall stated.
“Sure you wanna pass up a Skype date with Zayn?” questioned Liam with an amused smirk that only became more prominent when Niall seemed to stumble over his feet.
“First of all, they're not dates. Secondly, that's tomorrow night. Tonight, we're going out, drinking too much, and hopefully finding you someone to go home with.” Niall nodded and grabbed Liam's forearm only to use it to shove Liam back toward the bedrooms. “Change into something more flattering than that stuff. C'mon, Li. You're the one who said you wanted this.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just...” Liam let out a heavy breath, running his fingers through his hair before nodding once. He really never would get over it if he just stayed hidden away from the world, after all. Even if he decided to not leave with anyone, at least he was trying. That was a big step, in his opinion. “Yeah. Let's do this.”
Niall was much more excited at the idea of a night out than Liam was – though Liam was fairly sure that part of Niall's excitement was exaggerated to make up for the lack of enthusiasm that Niall was aware Liam would have. He was a good friend, really, and sometimes Liam was not sure what he'd done to deserve that.
Not long later, Liam found himself in a club that was too stuffy to really be comfortable with everybody that was squeezing into it. But it was loud and vibrant and made it easy for Liam to just get lost in all of it. He'd already had a couple drinks by the time he spotted Niall again, though his friend did not seem as into the person he was flirting with as Liam had anticipated Niall would. He was always a charmer and easily talked someone into leaving clubs or parties with him. It had always been that way. Niall seemed more distracted than anything that day. Though, Liam was not one to judge considering he was spending more time watching Niall than attempting to meet anyone himself, which had been the whole point of their night out in the first place. Liam was doing horrible with the whole thing, and really he just wanted to go home. “You don't look like you're having much fun, mate,” Liam heard from next to him, and he glanced over to see someone standing next to him. The guy had an amused smirk on his face, and some of the most striking features Liam had ever seen; he almost gave Zayn a run for his money. “Kinda missing the whole point of this place.”
“Yeah,” agreed Liam with a slight laugh and a shrug of his shoulders. “Just... not sure being here is as good an idea as I had thought it was.”
“So, why are you here if you're just going to stand around?” The guy listened quietly as Liam mentioned that it was an attempt to move on from an ex and Liam fidgeted a bit under his gaze. Then, the guy tossed back the rest of his drink and left the glass on the bar. “Come on then. Dance with me.”
“What?” replied Liam with a laugh, though he sat his own drink down as well, without any intention of returning to it.
“Dance with me and we'll be one step closer to that moving on thing.” The man smiled charmingly before leading Liam out onto the dancefloor, tugging Liam close by his belt loops, making Liam stumble a little as he did. They both laughed and the man smiled again. “I'm Dylan.”
“Liam.”
Dylan's smile seemed to brighten a bit more when Liam actually introduced himself, and he took the lead in getting Liam to dance with him. It took longer than it probably should have to get Liam to loosen up and actually start to have fun. However, Liam did not fight it when Dylan pressed even closer to him, eliminating the space between them as they continued to dance, speaking into one another's ears when they had something to say so they would be heard over the music. Liam caught sight of Niall grinning at him with a thumb's up at one point. Liam was not entirely sure what to think about the situation, so he just didn't .
He didn't let himself think about it as he and Dylan continued to stay wrapped up in one another, or as they grabbed some shots from the bar before going back to pressing impossibly close, or as he climbed into a cab after Dylan so that they could head to Dylan's apartment, which was closer. He did not think about how everything just felt all badwrong and when he woke up in an unfamiliar bed early the next morning, it was all Liam could do no to get sick right then and there. As quickly and quietly as he could, Liam had threw on his clothes and left Dylan's apartment to go back home.
Everything after that was a blur to Liam until he was walking in the front door to see Niall still asleep on the couch with his laptop laying haphazardly on the floor from where it seemed to have been knocked off in the middle of the night – whether from on the couch next to Niall or the table, Liam was not quite sure. It was then that Liam rushed to the bathroom, finally letting himself get sick like he'd been holding back since he'd woken up at Dylan's.
After there was nothing left in Liam's stomach for his body to get rid of, Liam splashed cool water on his face several times and rinsed his mouth out with the Scope in the cabinet before he headed out to the main part of the apartment again. Niall was up and making tea and food for the both of them with some paracetamol setting out on the counter. “Alright?” Niall questioned, and Liam was not sure if the look on his face was more concern or guilt. It was definitely a mix of the two.
He thought about lying as he took the tea that Niall offered him. Lying would be easier. It would be the best route to avoiding a conversation he did not really want to have. Lying would allow him to just sit there silently, eat the food that Niall was so thoughtfully making for them, and crawl into his bed to hide away until he had to head into work that afternoon. “No,” he finally answered after taking several small sips of his tea. Not even looking at Niall, he could feel his friend's sympathetic glance in his direction. “I regret everything about last night.”
Niall sighed softly and gently nudged Liam's shoulder. He had thought that Liam really had been ready to get out and move on from the whole Louis thing. Liam had said and Niall had believed... He should have known his friend better than that; but, at the same time, it was Liam's mistake to make. If Niall had doubted him to begin with, they probably would have ended up the same way, if only because Liam would have wanted to prove Niall's doubts wrong. “Go put in Toy Story . I'll bring the food when it's done.”
Liam sighed and simply stood there for a moment before he finally shuffled into the living room. When Niall went in there with two plates piled high with the best foods for a hangover, he found Liam curled up on the couch hiding beneath a blanket, not even watching his favorite movie, something that made Niall frown as he went over. “Sit up, Li,” he stated. Niall waited for him to sit up with a groan before he sat down next to his friend, handing Liam one of the plates.
They ate in silence as they watched the movie, setting aside their plates once they were finished. Then, Niall tugged Liam into his side and snuggled with his friend on their couch. Liam all but fell into the embrace without even attempting to struggle as he might have on any other day. If Niall's shirt got wet where Liam was hiding his face from the silent tears that shook his shoulders, Niall did not say anything. Liam needed to get out everything he'd been holding in since seeing Louis in his family's kitchen all those weeks ago, and Niall was not going to make him feel worse about actually feeling something.
Several hours later, Liam reluctantly moved from the couch so that he could go shower and get ready for work, though he really considered simply calling off – something he had not done in the entirety of the time that he'd worked there. He was sure he looked a little worse for wear by the time he finally left, but at least he was feeling more like himself again. He no longer felt the pang of guilt for what he'd let happen the night before. Or well, he did not let himself dwell on it, anyway. It was hard to forget entirely, but he did not dwell on it as much.
Niall, meanwhile, waited until he was sure that Liam was not going to change his mind and stay home – which would make Niall keel over with a heart attack or something if it had happened. Then, he pulled out his phone and called his most used contact over the previous few weeks. The line only rang a few times before he heard a muffled, tired sounding “`Lo?”
He could not help the chuckle that escaped him at the sound of Zayn's sleep-thick voice. “Sorry to wake you, sunshine,” Niall stated as he shifted around to lay along the couch, reaching up to throw his arm over his eyes with a sigh. “We've got a problem.”
“What's happening?” Niall could hear the sounds of Zayn sitting up in bed and he cleared his throat. He could picture Zayn running a hand over his face a few times in an attempt to make himself wake up more.
“It's Liam.” Niall moved his arm from over his face to simply drape it over his chest, biting his lower lip as Zayn inhaled sharply through his nose on the other end of the call. “I don't know what to do here, mate. I mean, I thought I was doing the right thing because he said he wanted – but then today I watched him fall apart. I've no idea what I'm doing here.”
“Start at the beginning, babe. I've no idea what you're going on about.”
Niall frowned as he listened to the quiet sounds of Zayn moving about his apartment, probably making himself some tea while attempting to push aside the haze of sleep that lingered. “We went out last night. I was just there to make sure that Liam was okay, I wasn't –”
“Babe, the point?” Zayn interrupted, and Niall was pretty sure he could hear a smile in his voice.
“Right, so, he met this guy and he seemed to be enjoying himself – even insisted he was fine to me before they left. This morning, though, he kind of had a breakdown when he got home. I had him put on Toy Story cause that always makes him feel better, but he didn't even watch it until I finished cooking. He was just... laying on the couch hiding under a blanket. He almost didn't go into work.”
Even without seeing Zayn, Niall could picture the crease in his brow, the way that his expression was schooled to not reveal his concern even if there was no one around to hide it from while he put most of his focus on readying his tea but not ignoring what Niall had to tell him. “I don't know what to do,” Niall admitted after a few moments.
“Nothing you can do,” mumbled Zayn with a sigh, taking his tea over to his own couch so that he could curl up on it, keeping his phone pinned to his ear. “Liam doesn't like... handle things. He lets them sit. He insists he's fine and he is until suddenly he's not. It took him three weeks to break down and even so much as cry after Louis left.”
Niall let out a heavy breath, one he'd been holding for a little while without realizing. “I kinda had a feeling it had to do with, well seeing everyone again at the wedding and all that. I just, I don't know how to make this better and I hate seeing him like this. It's Liam . He's sunshine and puppies. I never want to see him cry again.”
“Jesus.” Zayn sighed the word as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd never known how to handle Liam when he got like that, either. He and Harry had tried several times growing up, but nothing ever worked. Louis, though, Louis always strode right in and seemed to know just how to take control of the situation, and in no time at all, they'd have their smiling, happy Liam back. “I don't know what to tell you, babe. I've never been good at handling him like that either; none of us were, 'cept Louis.”
“Oh?”
Zayn nodded, then laughed at himself because Niall couldn't see him. “After Liam's grandfather died, he was surprisingly okay for a long while. We all expected he cried when he was alone, but there was never any evidence – later Liam admitted that he hadn't let himself cry until he just kinda broke one day. He was at Harry's and they'd been goofing around as we do, and then something changed. Harry never did figure out what triggered it, but Liam wasn't smiling anymore and he just kind of cried silently in Harry's bed, ignoring everything and everyone. Made himself sick, a few times. Harry and I tried to handle it, but Liam wasn't any better the next day, so I finally called Louis. I'd never heard Louis so angry but he ripped me a new one for having not called sooner. I'd sworn he'd have come in with his eyes on fire or something; but, he just swept in and pulled Liam into his arms all kindness and careful like. We never heard what he said, but within minutes Liam was smiling again. Not anywhere near like a normal smile, but enough that we knew he'd be okay ; and, Louis did not leave his side the rest of the day. Didn't take much time after that before Liam was mostly back to normal – still mourning, but more Liam-like and not just a shell of himself.”
Niall was silent throughout Zayn's story, simply staring up at the ceiling as he took in the words. It was not entirely helpful, but it was nice to know that someone else was at least as lost and helpless as he was in the situation. “He seemed to be better by the time he left for work,” Niall said slowly after a few moments, though he was not sure how much of it was Liam really feeling better and how much of it was him just shoving it all aside because it was Liam and missing work was not an option for him. “Kinda on auto-pilot, though.”
“It'll be okay, Niall,” Zayn said in response, but it sounded to Niall like he was more trying to convince himself of that. “He'll be okay.”
“I hope so.”
--
The days seemed to blur into one another after that, and Niall spent more time worrying about Liam than anything. Liam got up every day and went to work, but then he'd lay about the apartment not doing anything else until it was time to get up and do it all again. It lasted several days, days in which Niall spent more time on the phone with Zayn with both of them worrying about Liam. One day, though, Niall got up to find Liam singing in the kitchen as he washed the dishes that had slowly been piling up and Niall practically launched himself across the room to throw his arms around Liam and hug him tightly. Liam laughed and smiled at that, setting aside the plate he was drying to wrap his arms around Niall, squeezing him carefully with a hug. “I'm sorry,” Liam stated after a moment, frowning a moment later when Niall punched his shoulder. “Hey.”
“Don't apologize, numpty,” replied Niall with a shake of his head. “`M just glad you're okay.”
Liam smiled one of his famous crinkle-eyed smiles, then, and Niall insisted on helping Liam clean up a bit. Later, when the two of them were out and about doing some shopping for the apartment, Niall snapped a quick selfie of the two of them, which he immediately sent out to Zayn before uploading it to his Instagram. Zayn's response was an immediate one that showed his excitement that their Liam was back to being, well, their Liam.
It was in the days following that Niall noticed Liam glancing at his phone more and more often. He did not know why, and Liam offered no explanation. He always seemed to be contemplating something when he did it, and Niall wanted to know. He hated not knowing what was going on in Liam's head but at the same time he never did bring himself to ask. It wasn't his place to. Things were, for the most part, back to normal even if Liam was still a bit sad.
A month after Christmas, both of them had a day off of work and were sitting around the apartment, playing Fifa and otherwise being completely lazy. Neither one of them was expecting any company, though it was not uncommon for one of their friends to drop by unannounced – usually it was Ashton. “I've got it,” Liam said as he set aside the controller, standing up with a groan.
“Tell whoever it is to piss off,” replied Niall before taking a swig of his beer. “Today is Fifa day.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Liam rolled his eyes with a fond smile as he walked over to the door. He fully intended to tell Ashton to piss off, like Niall had stated. Only when he opened the door, it wasn't Ashton standing there.
Louis stood there, looking incredibly nervous. His face was red from the cold and there was melting snowflakes in his hair, on his coat. Liam had not even realized it had started snowing again. He'd known it had been overcast all day. That wasn't entirely unexpected, after all; not like opening his door to find Louis standing there. Liam was pretty sure his breath was knocked out of his chest at the sight of Louis wearing a coat he was pretty sure was Zayn's and a scarf so ridiculous that it had to have belonged to Harry – silent comfort from their friends that weren't there. “Hi,” Louis said after a few moments. His voice wavered slightly and he cleared his throat. “I thought...”
“You thought?” questioned Liam after it became clear that Louis was not finishing his thought without any prompting. He ignored Niall's shout behind him asking who was at the door.
“I thought, maybe it was time I come after you.” Louis did what he could to appear more confident in his words, as though he wasn't afraid that Liam was going to shut the door in his face and leave him out in the cold. “I almost did, when I came back home and you weren't there. Zayn told me... he told me where you'd gone. I almost came out here right then.”
Liam remained quiet as he stood there, watching Louis for a moment. He thought he heard Niall coming up behind him to see who was at the door. If he did, though, Niall hadn't said anything or announced his presence. “Why didn't you?” There was a sound of a door shutting somewhere behind him, letting Liam know that Niall had figured out who was there and was giving them some space.
“I bought a ticket. I was going to come here and bring you back home, but then I just... What if you said 'no'? What if you didn't want me anymore? What if it was too late?” Louis took a deep, shaky breath then, closing his eyes for a moment before looking back to Liam. “What if you hated me?”
“I could never hate you.” The words came out before Liam could stop them, though he meant it with every fiber of his being. It was Louis. Hating him had never been an option. It may have been easier if he could hate him, but Liam had never been able to feel something anything less than lovewantadore when it came to Louis.
“I know.” Louis did know. He knew deep down that there was not a chance that Liam hated him. That was not something either of them was able to feel for the other. It was simply impossible. It would have been easier for them both if hate had ever been a factor. “I know that, I'm just...” Louis huffed out a breath, mentally scolding himself for not being able to find the words that he wanted to get out. “Please, come home?”
Louis seemed smaller than Liam had ever seen him as he twisted his hands together in front of himself, looking up shyly at Liam through his lashes as if he was afraid to look at Liam straight on. He was terrified of Liam's answer, and he waited with baited breath to know just what Liam was going to say. Liam could see the exact moment that Louis began to wonder if he made a mistake in coming there. His shoulders slumped slightly and there was a slight wince to his features, and that was all it had taken for Liam to pull Louis to him, tilting his face up with the other hand in order to kiss him like he'd wanted to do since Louis walked away from him.
Liam could not find his words, they escaped him as they were known to do when he was with Louis; but, this this he could do. He poured every ounce of emotion that he could into the kiss, smiling against Louis' lips when he felt fingers gripping his hair, tugging him impossibly closer. “Words, Liam,” Louis gasped when he finally broke the kiss, though he refused to move far from Liam. He stayed close enough that their lips still brushed together. “I need you to use your words. Please .”
“Louis...” Liam's brow furrowed a little and he pulled back enough to actually look at Louis again.
“Oi, mate,” Niall said from inside the apartment, making the two of them jump apart before Liam turned around so that they could both look at him. Niall had his arms crossed and a slight glare on his face. “If you even think about telling him to bugger off, I'm kicking your ass outta this apartment. Like hell am I having you mope around here again.”
The absolute bitterness in Niall's tone of voice caused Liam to laugh with a slow smile before he moved farther inside, grabbing Louis' hand to get him to follow. “I wouldn't dream of it,” he stated after the door was shut, effectively cutting out the cold from the outside.
The reaction was immediate. Louis jumped on Liam with a hug, causing him to stumble back several steps before they stumbled the other direction when Niall rushed forward from the other side to initiate a group hug. It was not the way that Louis had thought the conversation with Liam was going to go, but seeing Liam actually smile at him again with those crinkles by his eyes... Well, Louis could not imagine anything better.
--
As much as Louis would have liked to have just packed Liam up and brought him home right then and there, it would take some time for the move to be official. Liam still had to quit his job and find a new one, work out a plan with Niall about how they were going to handle the lease since both of their names were on it, he had to tell his mother he'd be coming home or she'd kill him for having not told her. There was a lot to do, but that did not stop Louis from pouting when Liam saw him off on a train that Sunday. He had to get back home; there were classes to teach the following day, after all.
They stood there with their arms around each other, Louis deciding to wait until the last moment to actually let go and board the train. Things weren't perfect, despite them spending the entire weekend to talk. Neither one expected it to be. But things were good, and that, to Louis, was better than anything. “You're not going to change your mind, are you?” Louis asked softly, idly toying with Harry's ridiculous scarf that Liam had stolen to wear that day.
It was something that Louis had asked a few times that weekend, obviously something he was worried about. He seemed to go back and forth between being worried Liam would change his mind, and thinking that the whole thing was a dream. Instead of answering, Liam pressed a kiss to Louis' forehead, letting them linger there as he fished his phone out of his pocket. Louis' brow furrowed in silent question as he leaned away to watch as Liam moved his thumb over the screen of his phone, and Louis was not entirely sure what was happening. His question was stopped by Liam placing a finger of his free hand against Louis' lips to get him to be quiet. It shocked Louis into silence more than anything as Liam held the phone up to his ear. Louis remained silently confused as he listened to the one side of the conversation that he could actually hear. “Hi, Mum,” Liam stated with a smile, moving his hand from Louis' mouth to let his fingers brush along his jawline. He'd been very touchy with Louis in the short time they'd had together, and Louis could not bring himself to mind. “No, everything's fine. Just called to say 'hi', and to say that, I think it's time to come home.”