Chapter Text
Nyx needed to sneak off from camp and be alone for a while.
She waited until everyone else was either asleep or at least in their tents before sneaking off into the woods. The drow allowed herself to relax once she was alone, no need for sleep, but craving rest anyway.
A few days ago, she had killed Alfira. The urge to kill had been ever-present in her mind, but she just couldn't stop herself this time. She couldn't even remember it, didn't even get to enjoy it.
No, she thought, she couldnt allow herself to think she might have enjoyed it (she knows she would have). There would not be another.
She loved and hated it all at once. The thrill of the kill, beautiful red staining her hands and the grass below. At the same time, she felt vile and unclean. Her wretched hands had taken who knew how many innocent lives before this, she knew. Not because she could remember. It was a gut feeling. She had done this before.
Now she was sure everyone hated her. Or at least were weary of her. They all wanted her stinking guts gone, she just knew it.
A twig snapped and she whipped around, ready to kill whatever was approaching. It was just Astarion, looking startled at her battle-ready stance. She rolled her eyes and relaxed, and he allowed a small smirk to grace his face as he relaxed as well.
"Wh- What are you doing here? Did you f- follow me?" Nyx asked, pursing her lips and crossing her arms.
"Would it be insensitive to say I was following you to see if you would go crazy again?" he asked, grinning. His sharp canines glinted in the moonlight. She couldn't help but stare.
"I- I mean yeah," she shook her head at him, already exasperated, "It's pretty insen- insensitive. Why don't you just leave?"
"Well, you can hardly blame me, can you?" he replied in mock offense, "First you kill that poor squirrel, then you threaten that young woman in the storage room, and now you've actually killed a person? An innocent one, at that?"
"Still not- not sure what that has to do with you," Nyx wanted him to leave. Badly. She itched to tear him apart. She had come out here to be alone, and Astarion was one of the last people she wanted to see right now. He knew how to anger her, badly.
"What it has to do with me? My dear, it has everything to do with me," he replied with a flourish of his hand, "I'm the only other person here who doesn't need to sleep. I can make sure you don't... lose yourself again."
Nyx pursed her lips. She didn't know why in Selûne's name Astarion of all people would volunteer to keep watch over her. He seemed like the type of person who would actively avoid helping anyone else if he didn't get something out of it.
"Why?" she asked simply.
"It's really quite simple, darling," he examined his nails, looking bored with the conversation at hand, "If I make sure you don't kill anyone, then I'm also making sure you don't kill me. I'm not interested in dying before getting this worm out of my head."
Nyx didn't respond at first. It would be nice if someone could watch over her every now and then on these restless nights. It would definitely put her at ease. She just wasn't sure whether she wanted that person to be Astarion.
A trail of ants marched along on the ground beneath her. Entranced, she watched them all walk along in their line.
"No offense, but..." Nyx paused not only for dramatic effect, but also to find the words she was looking for, "I sincerely doubt you could- you could beat m-me if I was actually trying. To kill you."
"Well, ideally I would stop you before it got to that point," he waved his hand around, "I don't know, I could tie your hands or something."
"Kinky!" Nyx responded, looking away from the ants to flash Astarion an excited grin, "You could ask m-me to dinner first."
Astarion barked out a laugh. At his laugh, Nyx brought down her boot to crush the ants. She felt a small satisfaction as she admired her handiwork. A smile crept onto her face.
"Hmm..." Nyx crouched down to get a better look, "Fine. You can han- you can hang around and 'guard' me or whatever. Just don't be irri- annoying."
"And when have I ever been annoying?" Astarion grinned at her. She rolled her eyes and lifted her boot again, killing the remaining ants she could see. Astarion watched apathetically.
After several long minutes of staring at the dead ants, Nyx looked up at Astarion and grinned. He wrinkled his nose in distaste at her unusual behavior.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," she shrugged.
They fell into a silence. Nyx thought back to how everyone had reacted to her admitting the truth to them. Gale, in particular, had been grilling her on why exactly she had done this, and if she would do it again. Astarion had been the only one who didn't immediately turn from her.
She asked, "So you're not afraid of me?"
Astarion barked out a laugh, "What? Afraid of you? My dear, no."
"Everyone else is," Nyx mumbled. She crushed another ant, this time under her pointer finger.
"Do I look like everyone else?" Astarion gestured to himself despite the fact that Nyx wasn't looking at him.
"No..." she looked up at him, "Gale is really afraid of me. Like, really afraid."
"Pardon me for repeating myself, but do I look like Gale?" Astarion wrinkled his nose.
"No," Nyx replied.
"There we go," Astarion waved his hand at her dismissively. Nyx stared at him for a few moments before going back to her ant slaughter.
Maybe this would work out after all.