Work Text:
“What the fuck is this?”
The manilla folder slapped down on the center of Katsuki’s desk had bad timing. For starters, it was Friday, the last day after a long week where he was put on three doubles after taking the prior weekend off to visit his parents before the weather turned nasty. Second, the office coffee machine was out of order, and while its coffee was shit, it was free and better than nothing.
Folders didn’t get handed out for minor, routine shit.
The intern charged with running this week’s office mail shrugged. Of course he didn’t know.
“It was dropped off by the Hero Com—”
“I know where it came from, dipshit. Get lost already.”
So, to say Katsuki was cranky at being assigned a last-minute job was an understatement.
Katsuki slipped his thumb under the official seal and opened the folder. He pulled out a single sheet of paper and felt dread flood his veins.
Three bold letters that he had only seen in his most cryptic of nightmares were printed on the page.
T. S. C.
Still working through the shock, Katsuki punched an extension into his phone that he avoided at all costs.
4…3…7…6…
“Tokyo Hero Commission—”
“I’m not doing it.” Katsuki felt his hand tremble from the crushing grip he had on the folder in his hands.
“Just a moment, Pro Hero: Dynamight.”
There was a click and Katsuki tapped his foot out of time with the horrible elevator music that screeched over the line. He muttered under his breath, unable to get this off his plate fast enough.
“Dynamight! What can we do for you?”
“I’m not doing it.”
A dry chuckle mocked him.
“Ah, I should have known. Of course you would be calling about that. Listen, Dynamight, it’s nothing personal. This is an equal opportunity cause—”
What part of—“I’m not doing it”–were they not getting?
The chuckle faded into a heavy sigh.
“This isn’t negotiable, Bakugou.”
It should be.
“You can’t tell me you think it’s a good idea for me to do this.”
This would be the one time in history that Bakugou Katsuki, Dynamight, ever turned down an assignment.
“Actually, and I’m sure your PR manager would agree, this is a great opportunity to help with your community service initiatives which, according to your log for this year, are not great.”
Katsuki was offended. “Fuck you. I attended that damn charity auction.” He let them sell him off to a gaggle of teenage girls for a karaoke night where he endured being laughed at by his ex-girlfriend when he came home covered in glitter, smelling like soda and cheap perfume, and ears still ringing from shitty pop songs.
“...That was two years ago.”
Was it really? It still haunted him like it happened yesterday.
“So? I did my time.”
“You need to do this.”
Katsuki glanced down at the daunting folder. “No—”
“If it helps, think of this as a special, undercover assignment. Afterward, your name will permanently be removed from the ballot. The alternative is that you can be benched for the remainder of the month.”
His jaw dropped. “You can’t bench me .” Katsuki balked. “I run my own fucking agency. I’m the boss.”
“You’re the boss of your employees, but you are licensed by the commission. We are your boss. You will complete the T. S. C. or your license will be revoked and a temp will head your agency until you’re reinstated in the New Year. So, what will it be?”
Katsuki slammed down the receiver. Pissed.
For 12 years, Katsuki had dodged The Santa Clause. Some asshole thought he was being real witty with that name.
The Santa Clause was a special, secret duty that all heroes agreed to when they were sworn in by the hero commission. Once a year, one hero was selected at random to be Santa from December 1st until Christmas Day. Every day they would send him a task to help spread holiday cheer in the community.
It was supposed to be an anonymous event, but people were going to notice the lack of Dynamight bursting over rooftops and stomping through the streets. Katsuki had never thought that out of all the heroes to be picked, it would ever be him. It was the one raffle he wanted to lose.
He eyed the folder mocking him from the corner of his desk, closed his eyes, and allowed himself exactly thirty seconds to scream into his hands before he took a deep breath, picked it up, and burned it to ash in his trash can.
You better watch out.
You better not cry.
Better not pout,
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming to town!
It was December 2nd. There was a light flurry outside. The streets of Tokyo were decorated with glittering gold lights and green holly leaves. There was an influx of people out and about spreading holiday cheer, and then there was Katsuki, in the middle of it all, dressed as a big, red oaf.
“Ho. Ho. Ho,” he grouched from behind the fake fluffy white beard that made his face sweat despite the frosty chill as he stood on the street corner, ringing a cowbell to the tone of a death bell.
His Christmas cheer wasn’t very infectious. Little kids ran up to him in glee with dripping noses and wide eyes until his scowl had their parents ushering them away as soon as the street light turned green. Smiles turned into frowns as Katsuki passed along greetings of grunts and growls while stomping through the streets.
He crushed candy canes when he went to hand them out and yelled at kids who weren’t listening to their parents. A little boy tripped in front of him, and Katsuki helped him up by grabbing the back of his collar and snapping, “Watch where you’re going!” Someone asked him when the holiday parade was and Katsuki said, “How the hell should I know?”
It didn’t take long to catch on that Santa was in a very bad mood this year.
“You need to do something about this.”
Katsuki was finally back in his office, dabbing his temple with a handkerchief at the end of a very long day. He had to watch a store get robbed twenty feet away from him and let some rookie hotshot take all the credit for a capture he could have stopped even faster. But he was Santa this year, and Santa was a different kind of hero.
He survived the first week, but he didn’t know how he was going to survive three more like this.
“I put on the red suit. What more do you want from me?!” Katsuki snapped, pacing his office.
A staticky voice responded over his phone speaker. “It’s not just enough to dress like Santa. You need to act like him, too.”
The sun had set and Katsuki peered down at the city full of tinsel-wrapped street poles and rainbow-lit trees. Katsuki hadn’t been a jolly soul for Christmas even when he was a kid. He threw snowballs at the festive displays and singed off Santa’s beard when he asked him if he’d been naughty or nice.
“Have you read the headlines?”
“What do I care about a bunch of nosy nobodies?”
Of course he did. Katsuki pouted.
“What’s wrong with Santa? Santa or The Grinch? Tokyo’s Santa accused of verbal assault and mishandling of children—”
“That’s a lie! I stopped a kid from running into traffic. No one writes these kinds of headlines when Dynamight is on the street!” Katsuki barked.
“Yes, well…You’re Santa for the next three weeks, not Dynamight.” Katsuki felt his face grow red and wiped his palms on the red velvet covering his legs. “Santa doesn’t do those kinds of things. Fix it.”
The line went dead and Katsuki growled, turning to kick his trash can over. He stared at the crumpled papers now littering his floor.
“Dammit.”
…He's making a list,
And checking it twice,
Gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town!
Play nice.
Katsuki punched a pillow into the oversized red suit because the cookie-munching present bearer wasn’t a fit 31-year-old man with a cinched waistline. He tightened the black belt over his coat to keep everything in place.
If he didn’t get his shit together, then Christmas would be ruined and it would be all his fault.
What a joke.
Today, he was assigned to assist at a charity toy drive in the town square. He didn’t know what was helpful about standing on the sidewalk, waving at everyone who came to drop off gifts, but to inspire his holiday cheer, the Hero Commission provided him with a script this time.
It consisted of a single line.
“Ho Ho Ho! Happy Holidays,” Katsuki said as nicely as he could and yet still managed to sound like gnarled sandpaper on metal. He waved his arm, directing people toward the big red toy bins and tried—very hard—not to glare at everyone with murderous intent.
“Look, Sanji. It’s Santa. Do you want to get your picture with him?” a woman asked her son.
What a pain. Katsuki sighed, getting ready to assume position for a photo.
The boy, who couldn’t be more than 6, looked up at Katsuki with his big neon green eyes and shook his head. “No, Santa is a big meanie this year.”
Katsuki froze with his knee already half-bent toward the pavement.
“He made both Yue and Sae cry when they tried to say hi to him.”
“Oh, maybe Santa was just having a bad day.”
A bad month, more like.
That wasn’t the only negative comment he received for the day.
Kids, the little boogers, had a tendency to speak whatever was on their minds with as little tact as possible.
“I’m not going to leave any cookies out.”
“Can we block off the fireplace so Santa can’t come this year?”
“Santa hates me and he’s just going to give me coal.”
There wasn’t anyone running up to hug his legs or tug on his belt; kids didn’t shout and cheer from a distance; no one asked for a picture or waved a crumpled list of barely legible wishes in his face. When they saw him, kids turned their eyes away, ducking their heads and scurrying past with a cold shoulder.
It was exactly what he wanted, so why did that make him feel so shitty?
A wet ball of white powder exploded against the back of his head. Cold clumps of snow fell down the gaps in his jacket and melted against his back. Just like that, the thought of being nicer was gone—evaporated by the rage boiling under his skin.
Katsuki whipped around.
“WHO THE FU—?!” The curse died on his lips, coming face to face with a chapped nose set between two amber eyes, rosy pink cheeks, and a brazen grin.
“Looks like Santa is on the naughty list this year with that kind of language…” Ochako teased. She clasped her hands behind her back, pointing with her eyes. Katsuki followed her gaze, hissing behind clenched teeth as two kids ducked behind a brick wall, barely tall enough to conceal them.
He cleared his throat, brushing off the back of his head with his black mitten. “Uravity.” Katsuki attempted to recover his failed graces. “What a surprise!” He tried to disguise his voice, smoothing out the rough edges and dropping a timber or two. He couldn’t tell if it was working, but Ochako didn’t need to know it was him parading around in this monkey suit.
It really was a surprise to see her. After graduation, Ochako had taken a position in Osaka to be closer to her family. They crossed paths occasionally when a big enough threat called them both to action, but otherwise…Katsuki kept his pining at a respectable distance, quietly stalking her social media and lurking in the group chat whenever her name popped up.
Last he knew, she had recently separated from her ‘hometown sweetheart’ that she had reconnected with and had married before Katsuki even had the chance to figure out what to do with the knot she had his feelings tied up in back in high school.
He checked her hands for a toy and, seeing nothing, arched the white caterpillar glued above his eye. “Are you here for the toy drive?” he asked.
The smile was still plastered on her face as she shook her head and pointed toward the red sleigh on display. He thought the bins of gifts connected to the back of the sleigh were just for show. The mechanical reindeer in the front were just a fancy prop. Right?
“There are an awful lot of toys to carry this year,” Ochako commented. “It’ll be a lot easier to take off if they don’t weigh so much.”
“...Take off?”
“Didn’t they tell you?”
No one mentioned anything about a takeoff .
“Every year, Santa flies off with all the donated gifts to bring them back to his workshop”—that meant his office—“to wrap and get ready to deliver! It’s a lot of fun for the kids.”
He looked at the sleigh, wondering how he was supposed to fly that contraption. He didn’t even have a driver's license. “Yeah. It’s a real chariot of cheer.”
It wasn’t even funny, but Ochako turned her head, sputtering into the open space beside her. It was good to see her crappy sense of humor didn’t change. She stood beside him, waving along with him as people came to drop off their donations, and made him feel extra self-conscious about his ‘cheerful’ greetings.
He really had to try now. It was bad enough he was making the kids miserable, but how disappointed would she be if he pulled off this scratchy cotton beard to reveal that he was just a nasty Grinch underneath?
“It seems kind of strange that they called you all the way out here just to lighten my load,” Katsuki remarked after another family passed them. “Doesn’t Osaka need you there to help out with their Santa this year?”
“Shh,” Ochako hushed him as another group approached. As far as the kids were supposed to know, there was only one Santa. “I actually already had plans to come up this way. My family wanted to celebrate the New Year in Tokyo so they’ll manage without me. Plus, crime in Tokyo is a little higher this time of year, isn’t it?”
He grunted. It was at its worst, and Katsuki hated every second that he couldn’t be out there bagging the bad guys and spreading real Christmas cheer by putting them behind bars.
He should say something Santa-like to throw her off his trail.
“Yeah. The city is full of Naughty people.”
Not that. That was lame.
“You would know best,” Ochako agreed. She pressed her lips, rocking on her heels as the crowd thinned and she started to hum a tune. “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…” she sang quietly between them. “He knows if you’ve been bad or good…”
Ochako nudged his arm, leaning into his space.
“So, tell me Santa, have I been naughty or nice this year?”
The answer was obvious, wasn’t it? She was Uravity.
“Nice.”
“Are you sure about that?” When he nodded, Ochako bit her lip and curled her fingers around the crook of his elbow. “Does that mean Santa will bring me a special gift this year, too?”
Katsuki felt his mouth go dry and his mittens filled with sweat. Something far from innocent twinkled in the amber of Ochako’s irises.
Before he could work out if Ochako was really flirting with him or not, a worker came over, clapping his hands. “Alright, it looks like that’s all for today! Good job, everyone. It’s time for Santa to board the sleigh!”
Large nets were stretched over each bin to keep the presents secure while Katsuki maneuvered himself into the seat of the sleigh. There was a control panel on the mantle and one of the assistants gave him a crash course on how to operate it. He was instructed to make a large loop around the city before disappearing into the distant mountains. From there, someone would flag him down to escort him through a passage under the city where he could return the sleigh and deliver the gifts to the Hero Commission’s basement.
Straight forward enough.
Katsuki grabbed the fake reins and flipped the switches to activate all of his mecha reindeer. They shook their heads and started to tap their metallic hooves on the gravel.
“Ready?” the assistant asked.
“Ready.”
The assistant tapped the side of the sleigh. “Don’t forget your holiday cheer as you take off…the kids are watching.”
Holiday cheer. Katsuki rolled his eyes. Got it.
Ochako walked over, brushing her glowing pink fingertips against each bucket, negating the extra weight on the back of his sleigh. Just before he took off, he scanned the distant crowd, glanced at the attendants, and took one last look at Ochako, who smiled and waved at him.
He pushed the button to activate Santa’s Sleigh. The reindeer took a running start, pulling him along until the jets in their hooves propelled them into the air. The sleigh lifted and Katsuki’s stomach did somersaults.
Holiday cheer. Right.
He raised his hand high and yelled over the wind in his ears.
“HO HO HO, AND MERRY—” There was a clink and shift in the gears just before the rockets kicked in. His voice echoed over the tree tops and into the distance “—FUCKIN’ CHRISTMAS.”
…He sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.
He knows if you've been bad or good,
So be good for goodness sake!
That wasn’t the last time that Katsuki bumped into Ochako. He caught sight of her at a cafe, nursing a hot chocolate between her hands, watching through the window as the wind blew the sparkling snow flurries through the streets. For just twenty minutes, he wished that he could take this ridiculous sweat suit off and ask her more about what she was doing here and how things had been. He never had the opportunity, though.
Not when he saw her across the street, covering his patrol route, nor when she was hanging ornaments at the temple, and certainly not when she took down that bank robber.
It was the weekend before Christmas and Katsuki was in the final stretch. He made his last mall appearance, sitting on the velvet throne. The lines to visit him weren’t as long as he had seen them in years past, but the moderate turnout proved that Katsuki had started to do better about redeeming himself in the public eye.
He was gentler with the kids—handing out candy when they approached him—and rather than snapping, he just tolerated their hooting and hollering. When some scrappy punks thought they were tough shit for throwing a snowball at him, he retaliated by starting a game with them. When it was done, he gave them money for hot chocolate to warm up.
The headlines caught on, and Katsuki trudged through the busiest day of having small, boney butts cut off the circulation in his thigh…
An ‘elf’ that Katsuki dubbed ‘Buddy’ sat on a stool beside his chair with a paper and pen in hand.
“What would you like for Christmas this year?” Katsuki recited through the lines he memorized. Buddy scratched down their name and whatever they asked for before Katsuki stared into the lens of a camera for the trillionth time to have his picture taken.
The next kid took his place, and then the next one took hers, and so on and so forth.
“Ho Ho, Merry Christmas, young man—” Katsuki paused, arm outstretched as he greeted the next child to walk across the candy cane forest. He had short brown hair that stuck up in the back, large amber eyes, and the ruddiest cheeks that Katsuki couldn’t ever mistake. Reflexively, Katsuki’s gaze darted to the crowd, searching out the woman with matching rose-colored cheeks.
There she was, standing next to the railing, grinning as her son—who Katsuki had only seen baby pictures of in the group chat—walked up to sit in his lap.
Katsuki cleared his throat, trying to remember his lines.
“Have you been naughty or nice this year?”
The boy—Katsuki tried to remember his name: Keon, Keni, Kyuu or something like that—scoffed. “Shouldn’t you already know that?”
He wasn’t the first to challenge Katsuki with that question.
“I do,” Katsuki replied without missing a beat. “But I want to hear what you think of your behavior this year.”
The boy’s eyes darted to his mother and he plastered a smile too sweet to be real on his face. “I’ve been the best this year,” he said.
“Ho ho…Well then, why don’t you tell me your name and what you’d like for Christmas this year?”
“My name is Kyou.” He tapped his chin. “I want a remote-controlled airplane, new ice skates, and…” Kyou turned to face Katsuki with a cold stare and covered his mouth with a hand as he whispered in Katsuki’s ear. “For you to stay away from my momma.”
“Hah?” Katsuki shot the boy a look. “I—”
This kid was, what, five or six? Did he even know what he was saying?
“Photo time!”
Katsuki turned his head toward the camera, stunned, while Kyou grinned widely on his lap. Without dropping his smile, he hissed through his teeth, blindsiding Katsuki worse than the flash.
“I know the song. If you even think about kissing momma this year, I’ll show you just how naughty I can be.”
Kyou sealed his threat by shoving the heel of his palm directly into Katsuki’s crotch as he hopped off his lap, leaving Katsuki with a throbbing vein in his neck as he resisted the urge to shout. Kyou ran toward Ochako with wide arms.
“Momma, did you see that? I met Santa!” he exclaimed, taking her hand.
“You did, didn’t you? Let's go get your pictures.” As Ochako led her son over to pay for their session, she flashed Katsuki a small smile. She winked, and Katsuki barely registered the next small child crawling into his lap.
His mind reeled.
What the hell just happened?
…Oh! You better watch out!
You better not cry.
Better not pout,
I'm telling you why.
The final week before Christmas was the most demanding yet. On top of his public appearances during the day, his evenings were spent in his overly crammed office that was now filled with boxes, tissue paper, wrapping paper, ribbons, and one extremely obnoxious list of names and addresses. He couldn’t believe no one was assigned to help him as he wrapped over 1000 gifts.
One more day of this and Katsuki still hadn’t figured out how to ask Ochako out for a coffee. They hadn’t talked in so long. Was it weird if he reached out? What was he even going to say?
Katsuki picked up his tea, groaning as the stupid little tea tag kept tickling his nose when he went to take a sip. He flicked it out of the way, noticing a line of words on the back.
Curious, he picked it up and turned it over.
One who brings happiness to others will find it.
“Who the fuck put this fortune cookie bullshit in my tea?” he grunted, yanking the tag off and crunching it in his fist. That kind of sappy hallmark feelgood would be in spirit with this season.
His leg started to jitter as he scrolled through the directory of addresses. His eyes landed on Ochako’s temporary residence.
This was insane, but he had to drop off a present for her son, so why not put himself out there. If nothing came of it, then no big deal. He would just continue to not talk to her. That was fine. He survived this long.
Katsuki scratched her address onto a scrap piece of paper and balled it up with the tag in his hand, grasping his resolve.
Christmas Eve came in a blink.
Before Katsuki knew it, he was back in that red and gold mechanical contraption. There was no Uravity to help him lug around totes of toys tonight, so Katsuki had to systematically plan the best route to deliver a bunch of presents to each sector at once before making a return trip for more.
It added to the holiday magic, or so he was told, but the effort only contributed to Katsuki’s growing headache. He bundled up warm and set off, slipping through windows and back doors left unlocked.
Katsuki didn’t usually have a sweet tooth, but he worked up an appetite after skipping dinner and staying up into the wee hours of the night. He’d shove handfuls of cookies into his mouth as he left, skipping the milk because who knew how long that had been sitting out. His favorite houses were the ones where the adults got it and left him a shot of liquor. His least favorite were the ones where the kids had super sensitive quirks that sent them racing to catch him in the act. Katsuki found himself clawing his way up ice-covered rooftops split seconds before shouts of ‘Santa came, Santa came!’ echoed up to where he lay panting.
At 2 in the morning, Katsuki had made 5 round trips, delivered 1,159 presents, and had two left in his sleigh. He pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket, staring down at the address. His last stop for the night.
Katsuki scaled the apartment reserved for traveling heroes and found the unlocked window in the living room. He ducked inside, taking relief from the bitter cold that chapped the exposed apples of his cheeks and numbed his nose.
Warm rainbow-colored lights were strung across the ceiling, illuminating the room where a stocking hung—already stuffed with candy and small toys—beside an artificial tree with white lights and a big star on top. Katsuki found a tray of chocolate chip cookies sitting on the coffee table. He snatched one on his way over to the tree.
Katsuki put the moderately sized box containing Kyou’s airplane beside a small stack of gifts. He took a bite of the cookie and paused, noting the presence of cinnamon and a kick of spice—was that cayenne and a hint of citrus?
It was good.
He took another bite, pulling a small gift from his pocket and tried to find a place that would differentiate it from Kyou’s pile.
“Is that for me?”
Katsuki nearly jumped out of his skin. He spun around, caught red-handed with crumbs on his fake beard and slapped a hand over his racing heart.
Busted.
“Jesus—”
Ochako leaned against the archway. Her face was too freshly painted for a woman who should have been sleeping. She gave him a hooded stare through eyes highlighted by glittering red eyeshadow and a smoky contour. The ends of her chestnut hair were curled against her rosy cheeks. A sheer red robe with a fluffy white hem draped off her shoulders, and when she uncrossed her arms, Katsuki’s eyes nearly fell out of his head. All she had on to keep her modest underneath was a red ribbon that hung over her shoulders—wrapped around her breasts and dipped between her legs. A big, silky bow was tied tight at her sternum.
“—Christ.”
Ochako ran her tongue over ruby-painted lips before sinking her teeth into the plump flesh.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
Katsuki tugged off the cotton beard and big red hat, letting his flushed face breathe. His straw-colored hair stuck wildly in all directions, bangs matted to his forehead with sweat, and he quickly wiped it away with his sleeve.
“What the hell?” Katsuki’s voice cracked. “What would you have done if it wasn’t me?”
“I knew it was you.” Ochako giggled prettier than any holy bells he heard all season.
“How?”
Ochako stared and Katsuki rolled his eyes. Fair.
“So…?” She glanced at the gift in his hands.
Katsuki shrugged. “I don’t know. After this stunt, I think I need to move you onto the naughty list.”
Ochako whispered a silent ‘oh’ and Katsuki found himself following every shape her lips made. Her shoulders slumped and the red mesh slid down her arms. Ochako shrugged it off slowly, extending her arm out to drop it on the arm of the couch.
She tugged on the edge of the ribbon end.
“I guess Santa doesn’t want to open his gift this year?”
Katsuki was speechless. It was 2:30 in the morning. He was dressed in a big red suit, sweating down to his toes as he tried to figure out if he accidentally passed out in the sleigh and was having a very good, very lucid dream.
“It’s been a long night,” Ochako cooed. “Santa could use a break.”
Katsuki allowed his eyes to wander up Ochako’s form one more time.
“Or…” When he didn’t reply, Ochako slowly brought her arms to cover herself, averting her gaze toward the Christmas lights. “Maybe I completely missed the mark here and we can both pretend this didn’t happen.”
“Your kid threatened to break my chestnuts if I kissed you,” Katsuki blurted out.
Ochako stared at him, then slapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself from waking the house with her chortle.
“Your what?”
Katsuki nearly turned purple and Ochako soothed her giggles with a hushed apology.
“So…” Ochako glanced between him and her robe. She shrugged. “Which list are you on tonight?”
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Santa Claus is coming to town.