Chapter Text
Alex is watching his parents in the kitchen. He can’t help but smile at the little discussions they’re having about the Christmas Eve dinner that they are putting together. The sound of clattering dishes sounds from the dining room, followed by his sister’s voice swearing. He knows that he should probably go check on her, help her even, but he can’t stop looking at his parents.
When he looks at them, he sees happiness. Pure happiness that has conquered everything that they have gone through and fought for. Alex can only dream that one day he will find someone that he’ll have such a special and beautiful bond with. He can only hope that one day he will find someone that he can laugh and argue with the way his parents do.
‘Alexander!’ June’s voice calls from the dining room. ‘Your phone’s ringing!’
He makes his way to the dining room, grabbing his phone from the side table. He frowns as he looks at the unknown number, before picking up.
‘This is Alex.’
There’s a silence and Alex looks at his phone to make sure that the person hasn’t hung up on him.
‘Hello?’
‘Alex?’ a voice with a familiar British accent says his name from the other side of the line, sounding distressed.
The note of distress in Henry’s voice alarms Alex, putting him on edge.
‘Henry? What is going on? Why are you calling me from a different number?’
‘My phone was hacked a while ago. My grandpa made me get a new phone, but that’s not why I’m calling. I’m so incredibly sorry to call you on this evening, considering that it’s Christmas Eve and I’m sure you are with your family right now to have dinner–’
‘Henry,’ Alex interrupts his friend. ‘Where are you?’
Alex is turned in his seat, ready to get up and go at any moment.
‘I’m kind of– I’m in a bit of trouble.’
Alex stands up, ignoring June’s curious look that follows him across the room into the hallway. He grabs his jacket off the coatrack when Henry tells him that his car has broken down and public transport isn’t running at the moment because of Christmas Eve and the next uber will be available in 2 hours time.
‘Where are you, Henry?’ Alex repeats his question.
Alex clutches his car keys in his hand and he struggles to find the sleeve of his jacket to put his arm through. June is leaning against the doorpost, watching the chaos that is Alex trying to do different things at the same time unfold; her eyebrows raised in silent amusement before she finally decides to help him put his jacket on. She hands him his glasses and he thanks her with a kiss on her cheek.
Henry gives him the directions as Alex rushes through the dining room towards the kitchen. He tells his parents he’s got something he needs to take care of and he will be back as soon as possible. But before he can hear the questions that his parents are firing at him, he is already walking out the door.
He swears underneath his breath when he sees the snow falling from the sky, a layer of white already painting the sidewalks, and he almost slips down the porch stairs.
‘Don’t leave. Don’t even move. I’m coming to pick you up right now,’ he says as he jumps in the car, connecting his phone to Bluetooth as soon as he starts the engine.
Henry’s voice is small when he responds to him. ‘Thank you.’
‘Do you need me to stay on the phone with you?’
It’s late, icy cold and it’s dark outside considering it’s the winter season. The snow is making it harder to see out the front window and Alex makes a note to thank June for handing him his glasses before storming out of the house.
Henry’s all by himself with his broken down car. Alex trusts Henry to not get himself in trouble, but he doesn’t trust trouble not to find Henry.
‘No, that’s okay. I will be okay.’
‘I’ll be there as soon as possible. Be safe, okay?’
‘Thank you, Alexander.’
His stomach makes a somersault at hearing his full first name roll off Henry's lips again. It’s been a while since he heard his name roll off Henry’s lips in his English accent, but it still has as big of an effect on him as it used to do back then.
The call disconnects and Alex turns the car around the corner, trying his best to maintain the speed limit. He clenches and unclenches his jaw, the gears of his mind finally kicking in to think about his actions and the situation that he is about to throw himself into.
Henry called him.
Henry.
Henry, who is one of Alex’s closest friends. Henry, who knows him better than any other person in his life. Henry, who used to call him at absurd times to ask about Alex’s day or talk about his. Henry, who kissed him at the fundraiser party of Pez’s organization. Henry, who has been ghosting him ever since then. Henry, who he hasn’t spoken to in three entire months.
Henry, who has been on his mind every single fucking day since that kiss.
Fucking Henry.
Alex’s grip on the steering wheel tightens, his knuckles turning white. The kiss that made him realize that he wasn’t just into women, but also into men. His “awakening” as Nora calls it.
He remembers everything about that one moment between the two of them in such vivid colors and details.
He remembers the soft drizzle of rain falling down on them. The noise of people enjoying themselves while the fundraiser party continued inside. He remembers how soft Henry’s lips were. How his heart was beating so fast that he thought it would beat out of his chest at any moment. He remembers how Henry’s hands felt in his hair. He remembers the way Henry’s cheeks were flushed and how his mouth opened in a silent ‘o’ when they broke apart.
He hates how much he liked being kissed by Henry. He hates how much he’d still want to be kissed by Henry, even now after not having spoken to him for three months.
The streets are white and slippery from the falling snow, which is why it takes Alex longer than it usually would to find the street that Henry gave him. He can see Henry’s hunched figure standing next to his car. Alex parks right behind it and steps out of the car, immediately losing his footing on the slippery floor. He curses but manages to catch himself on his car door.
‘Alex?’ Henry’s voice calls out to him.
‘Yes, it’s me. Are you okay?’
Alex walks over to him, his arms a little outstretched to keep his balance. The faint glow of the streetlight illuminates Henry’s face and for a moment Alex stops short in his step.
He had forgotten just how handsome Henry is. How big of an effect just the sight of him has on Alex. There’s snow clinging to his hair and the shoulders of his jacket and Alex wipes away some of them sticking to his own face.
‘I’m okay,’ Henry says. ‘Thank you so much for coming.’
He can hear the tremble in Henry’s voice and he takes in a sharp breath when he stands in front of him. Alex slips his hands in his pockets, trying to shield them from the cold winter air.
‘Why did you call me?’ Alex asks the question that has been at the front of his mind the entire drive. ‘You could have called anyone you know. So why did you call me?’
He wishes the streetlight was brighter so he could properly see Henry’s face. It frustrates him that he can’t read the emotions on his face, the way he had learned the past years of them being friends.
‘I–’ Henry’s voice catches and he clears his throat once. ‘I didn’t know who else to call. You were the first person that I thought of. There’s no one else that I can call.’
‘So you called me because I was the only choice.’
Alex realizes how snappy he sounds, but he can’t help himself. He has always been the person to wear his heart on his sleeve. The person who’d always tell someone the truth. It has gotten him in quite some trouble, but his mother always told him that it was a wonderful trait to have. It’s always best to be honest, no matter what.
He knows his remark has hit home because Henry’s looking down and Alex can see him fidgeting with his signet ring. It’s a habit that, Alex has learned, gives away his nervousness.
‘I know that you’re probably angry and–’
‘I’m not angry,’ Alex interrupts him, ignoring how rude he might come across. ‘I’m just–’ he takes a deep breath. ‘I’m disappointed. I’m hurt, Henry.’
Henry flinches and closes his eyes. ‘That’s worse, Alex. God, that’s so much worse.’
Alex throws his hands up in the air. ‘I’m not sure what you expected from me. In case you have forgotten, you kissed me and then you completely fucking ignored me, Henry. For three months.’
Alex didn’t mean to get any closer to Henry, but he can’t help but be pulled in by his presence. When Henry looks up, they are so close that he can almost feel Henry’s breath on his face as he blows out a deep breath.
‘I called you, you didn’t answer. I texted you, you never replied. I came by your place and you left me standing outside for an hour.’
‘Yet you still came.’
It sounds like Henry was saying that more to himself than to Alex, but he replied nonetheless. ‘You called.’
Alex wants to sound unbothered. He wants to be able to hide what he really feels, to protect his own heart from any other heartbreak. But he can’t hide the hurt in his voice when he speaks.
‘I thought we were friends. I thought what we had meant as much to you as it did to me.’
‘What we have means everything to me,’ Henry says, an urgency in his voice that Alex hasn’t heard before, like he needs Alex to know this. ‘You mean everything to me, Alexander.’
‘Then why did you disappear on me?’ Alex tries to swallow the lump in his throat, but he fails miserably. ‘Why did you leave me, Henry?’
‘I was scared,’ Henry whispers, his short breaths coming out in little puffs of smoke in the cold air. ‘I was so scared after I kissed you. I was afraid I was going to lose you. That I was going to lose what we had. So I pushed you away, because I thought it might be less painful if I did it myself. If I was the one to break my own heart before you could. It was selfish, I realize that, and I’m so sorry Alex.’
Alex’s eyes take in Henry’s face in the dim light. The set of his jaw, the worried furrow of his eyebrows and the way his hand is half reaching for Alex’s. He closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath as he tries to take in Henry’s words. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to say.
He feels cold fingers slip in between his, squeezing his hands softly and a little hesitantly. Alex doesn’t know a lot but what he does know is that he wants to be near Henry and he curses his traitorous heart for it.
He opens his eyes and Henry’s eyes search his face and he swallows. One of Henry’s hands reaches up, hanging in the air for a moment to see if Alex might move away from his touch. But when he doesn’t, he rests his hand on Alex's neck, his thumb on his cheek.
‘I know there’s not enough words in the world to make up for what I have done,’ Henry whispers, his worried frown deepening. ‘But I just need you to know how sorry I am, Alexander, and that I will do anything to make it up to you.’
Alex nods once. Accepting the fact that he doesn’t have the words to respond right now. Alexander Gabriel Claremont-Diaz, speechless. He’s thankful that Henry doesn’t pressure him into giving him a response right this second. He gives Alex a sad smile, his thumb stroking his cheek once before letting his hand drop again.
‘Just–’ he takes in a deep, shuddering breath. ‘Just don’t leave again, okay?’
‘I won’t,’ Henry assures him, another squeeze of his hand. ‘I promise that.’
This close to Henry he notices the dark circles under his eyes, the red tip of his nose and the slightly blue color of Henry’s lips. Snow has piled itself up in Henry’s hair and clings to his lashes. The cold of his fingers seeps into Alex’s hand and he sees Henry is trying his best not to show the shivers wrecking through his body.
‘You’re freezing,’ Alex observes when Henry’s teeth start to chatter. ‘Let’s get you in the car and warm you up.’
He reluctantly lets go of Henry’s hand and gestures to his own car. Henry picks up a plastic bag that had been next to his car. Alex wants to tell him to be careful when Henry’s feet almost slip out from underneath him as he walks past him. Alex catches him and Henry mumbles a soft thank you, before Alex guides him to his car with a gentle hand on his back.
He wipes the snow off Henry’s jacket and his hair. He takes the sleeve of his sweater in his hand to gently clean the flakes off Henry’s face. Henry thanks him when Alex opens the door of the passenger seat, closing it when Henry’s gotten inside.
He shakes his shoulders, rolling his neck as he tries to get the tension to leave his body. Henry’s not dressed for the winter with just his winter jacket on. No scarf, no hat, no gloves. Henry would never leave the house without those if he’d be going somewhere.
‘Where were you going?’ Alex asks when he gets back in the car, turning on the engine and the heating.
Henry holds his hands up in front of the heater and nods to the bag. ‘I was just on my way home from the store.’
Alex raises his eyebrows at his friend when he sees the bottle of wine. ‘I thought you might have been on your way somewhere for Christmas Eve?’
Henry shakes his head, color flushing back into his complexion as a blush spreads itself across his cheeks.
‘You really mean to spend the Holidays on your own?’ Alex asks, a little incredulous.
Henry shrugs.
‘Mum’s not in the country,’ he mumbles. ‘Beatrice is visiting some of her old friends from rehab this year. It’s part of her journey to becoming a mental health coach. Grandpa is–’ he sighs. ‘He’s not an option. So I decided that flying back to England would be a waste of time and money.’
Alex knows about Henry’s father and his tragic passing. He knows Henry well enough to see what kind of effect it still has on him on a daily basis. In the slight hunch of his shoulders when he thinks no one is looking. Or in the tremble of his left hand, where he wears his father’s signet ring instead of his own. Or in the way he bites down on his lower lip to hide the little trembles, like he is doing right now.
Alex looks down at Henry’s hands, his right hand is twirling the signet ring on his left pinky finger around and around and around– until he puts his own hand on top of Henry’s. When he looks up, Henry is looking at him and he can see the slight furrow between his eyebrows in the faint glow of the streetlight.
‘How about,’ Alex says, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips, ‘you come home with me and have some dinner with my family?’
He watches Henry clench and unclench his jaw, uncertainty painting the lines in his face. Alex has to keep himself from running his thumb over the frown on his forehead, instead he squeezes Henry’s hand once.
‘No one should spend the Holidays by themselves. I don’t want you to spend this evening by yourself. Come home with me, have some dinner. We even have a spare guest room, if you want to stay the night. I’m sure that one of my Christmas pajamas will suit you just fine,’ he jokes and it startles a soft laugh out of Henry. ‘And if you want to go home, just say the word and I will drop you off; whenever you want to.’
‘I would like that,’ Henry says, giving Alex a soft smile.
Alex smiles back at him as he puts his car in the first gear. He doesn’t know what they are or what they will be but they’d talk about that another day.
Right now they are just Alex and Henry and that is enough for Alex.