Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
Relationship:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:
2023-12-19
Words:
952
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
7
Hits:
175

oh, what a christmas to have the blues

Summary:

For Sunoo, the 25th of December only means remembering that time he almost gave his heart away to Jay.

Work Text:

EXT. BEACH — MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

 

Sunoo does a lot of things with Jongseong, as he is never not with the latter. The list starts during their preschool years – from going to their little academy together to going home after hours of fun in the playground – up to this very moment: of them sitting on the seashore so late at night, finding comfort in each other’s presence while the world, those around them, slowly begins to rest from their Christmas cheers.

 

It’s Sunoo’s most favorite thing. He revels in the quietness, loving it more because of the soft sound the waves make as they gently creep towards the sand. To where they are.

 

SUNOO (CONT’D)

You asked me ages ago if teenagers, like ourselves, are capable of loving.

 

Jongseong turns his attention to Sunoo who drops his gaze, suddenly immersed with how the handful of sand leisurely falls from his hand. Jongseong knows Sunoo’s avoidance is intentional – though he keeps it to himself. 

 

Instead, he lets him talk.

 

SUNOO

Of knowing the difference between love and infatuation. Of knowing and being sure it is love. (Beat) Curious ka pa rin ba? May sagot na ‘ko sayo, Jong.

 

Finally, Sunoo looks back at him and smiles. Jongseong’s eyebrows instantly meet, confused as to why Sunoo doesn't actually seem happy – for his oh so beautiful smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

JONGSEONG

(shrugging)

I think we still can’t, you know? Masyado pa tayong bata. (Beat) Pero ikaw ba, anong nasa isip mo?

 

SUNOO (CONT’D)

Yes. (Beat) Yes, we can — and I’m certain because that’s how I feel about you: love. Treacherous yet genuine.

 

Sunoo starts crying, however he doesn’t make a move to brush his tears away — rather, he lets them stream down on his face.

 

SUNOO

It’s the kind of love that has settled with time. Cautiously, bit by bit, through the years — it’s beyond platonic. Beyond friendship.

 

Jongseong stays silent, only looking. Observing. Sunoo cries harder, allowing his overwhelming emotions take over him as he speaks from his heart.

 

SUNOO (CONT’D)

My love for you has a home, burrowing deeper within me. I’m sorry I cannot hide it anymore. It’s too much, and I can’t contain what is too much. Do forgive me, Jongseong.

 

Jongseong lifts a hand, wanting to wipe Sunoo’s tear-stained cheeks, then stops and drops his hand. 

 

SUNOO

Forgive me for loving you for half of my life, for loving you too long — too long to remember when it started, too long to stop it now. Forgive me that I love you, in secret but never in doubt.

 

Sunoo finishes, his hand finding its way to Jongseong’s – holding it tightly as if to ground himself.

 

SUNOO (V.0.)

And those are everything I didn’t say. 

Instead, I. . .

 

Sunoo dusts off the remaining sand from his hand before poking Jongseong’s nose using his pinky finger. Jongseong’s nose immediately scrunched from the touch.

 

SUNOO

The answer’s yes, Jong – and I’m certain.

 

JONGSEONG

That’s it? You won’t explain yourself? 

 

Sunoo stands up, offering a hand to Jongseong who simply looks up to him — waiting. Sunoo shakes his head and laughs, short and a bit forced.

 

SUNOO

You already know I won’t.

 

***

 

Sunoo starts walking away, his hand clutching on where his heart is. Jongseong doesn’t follow — only watching his best friend get farther away, taking his warmth with him.

 

JONGSEONG (V.O.)

Of course I know.

 

Sunoo bears love, Jongseong is sure — indubitably. It’s the type of love that makes itself known by its tenderness, its distinctiveness. He can feel it in anything Sunoo does, coming in many forms — most of them are connected by an invisible string, tied to Jongseong.

 

Jongseong feels love in the way Sunoo wakes him up in the morning, whispering harmless threats in his ear using a honeyed tone. He feels it in the way Sunoo holds him, close and tight but never suffocating. 

 

Jongseong sees love every time Sunoo points at one little bright star and gently says, “that’s you, Jong-ie.” He sees it every time Sunoo looks at him — eyes wide, pupils dilated. He sees it in every breath Sunoo hitches when they’re together, specifically when Jongseong is within his space.

 

Jongseong knows it’s love.

A love that is more.

 

BEGIN FLASHBACK.

 

SUNOO

The answer’s yes, Jong – and I’m certain.

 

JONGSEONG (V.O.)

I see it.

 

Love is there, right there, in Sunoo’s eyes: crystal clear, full of sincerity — and that terrifies him. A lot. It is something more, something he can’t give back.

 

He gulps before speaking.

 

JONGSEONG

That’s it? You won’t explain yourself? 

 

Jongseong waits, despite being one hundred percent sure that Sunoo won’t actually explain himself — he won’t and he can’t. 

 

Whatever it is, Jongseong knows that it’s Sunoo’s most fragile thing; one that cannot be put out into the universe nonchalantly, without care. 

 

His heart.

 

JONGSEONG (V.0.) (CONT’D)

Sunoo is in love with me.

 

Jongseong feels his fingers twitch. Sunoo quickly catches it before Jongseong turns it into a knuckle, noting the dreadful look on his best friend’s features.

 

JONGSEONG (V.0.)

But I’m not, and I don’t want to.

 

If the heart is Sunoo’s most fragile thing, then to Jongseong it is Sunoo himself. He refuses to break something — someone — delicate, someone which took him years and years and years to know. To memorize. 

 

Especially not on Christmas. Jongseong would rather play dumb, become a foolish person than taint what he has with Sunoo — his sweetest thing, his safe haven.

 

END FLASHBACK. 

 

SUNOO (CONT’D)

(looking back, shouting)

Hindi ka pa matutulog?

 

(Beat)

 

SUNOO

Iiwan na kita.

 

Jongseong nods in recognition.

 

JONGSEONG

Go. It’s okay.

Merry Christmas, Sunny.



From afar, Sunoo smiles weakly, his heart breaking.

 

SUNOO

Merry Christmas, Jay.