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He had everything I’d ever wanted; A raging storm cast as a partly cloudy forecast running into my island hometown with no set warning whatsoever. The face of selfishness wasn't spread across his face, but something in me wanted to assimilate the boy into my assumption that every person will truly alienate me into weirdness. I should've kept that thought; I needed to, or else none of this would've happened between the two of us. I could´ve been alone with nothing but myself to worry about. Oh, and that big sister of mine tormenting me for her own leisure time, but that's a whole ´nother thing to overcome or push back; I just wish that I wasn't so sensitive and hungry for a purpose. Maybe all of this could´ve been nothing more than a nightmare. My longing for a friend would be cured, even if that individual secretly hated my guts. Artificial, sure, but sometimes the premonition was hidden by ecstasy.
The course of my life was flipped towards a direction I never even fathomed for myself; Jealous and a need to be above everyone else in Every. Single. Aspect. It was all his fault. You should've just stayed back at that purple-toned academy you came from. That previous shy, feeble boy inside of me trembled to be saved; Not by you, but by the new and novel me. My fresh hivemind sought to become greater and more formidable against the strong peers back at my own school. It was amazing; I finally had a definite goal of my own that drove me to greater heights. Reading and hearing my name, ¨Kieran¨, deemed as a champion made me feel like the harsh, dehumanizing efforts of mine were fulfilled. All those nights of training and allowing the thoughts to burn through my skull; Scarfing down protein bars that never even bulked my skinny body up in any way; Yelling at my elder sister to ¨lose it¨ when she told me to take a break. It hurted. It hurts so, so much. Perhaps I was too harsh and brash, but it was necessary to succeed. If rest was an occurrence, I would hear nothing but her true chortles of poison attack me as I huffed out exhaustion of prolonged fear. Relaxation seemed necessary for my body to have the paradise it so needed, but I needed to destroy you. You who so came into my already vulnerable life uncalled for. Maybe my sister thought so too with those glaring yellow eyes of hers meeting your brown once you stepped on the pavement leading to my small, unknown town. Each and every clack of your sienna-colored school shoes nearing the both of us expressed a welcoming of positive intent. Part of me still wanted to believe that so-called intent of yours was ill, but oh, that smile. That smile that was beamed at me despite me hiding behind my sister for cover out of shyness. My crippling social anxiety never aided the want I had for a friend, but somehow you - you of all people brought out a hand to bring me out. The touch of your slightly-tanned skinned palm against my ivory pale was more than just a simple experience. You looked back at me with solace and understanding, like I was even worthy of such a thing. Brown scleras were always normal and ordinary; Almost everybody had them unlike my yellow that I shared with my elder sister Carmine. Yours were oddly different though; They shone a light that mimicked the moon illuminating its rays across the starry night sky; A time I found beautiful in the comfort of my own home out of the window. However, you shared traits of the sun dawning against a horizon of cities. Sonnets of a new day sung from your glints of content to the world. I called you ECLIPSE in my mind from your interestingly contrasting self. The wailing child stuck in my rib cage of oblivion halted to take a gander at this new sight. I was careful not to get my eyes burned though however, as it would sheath away my ability to become independent. Each blurry scene was stellar despite me putting up a failed exterior wall to not get attached to you. All my tries were futile, as like all the other times I cried out to be someone of resistance. My irises were set ablaze from the trust I gave you.
Those brown, chestnut strands of hair occasionally flowing by the direction of wind which guided us to each signboard we were assigned to read together by the string of fate; I still wonder to this day if those gusts were warning me of your lies. It’s not like I would choose to notice though; My sight was already fixated on how you effortlessly overcame every obstacle that stood in your way. To me, it was more than just magical. Just from about an hour, you automatically became a person I looked up to. I didn’t know if I truly wanted to be you or by your side, but either feeling seemed amazing for a future. As I thought about that carefully in the dimly lit dorm room of mine, the presentiment of my crush on you was swatted away.
“I know I like him… but pursuing that desire would only break me even more. Besides, he probably doesn’t even like me back anyway; Definitely not now from how I’ve pushed him out of my life. All of this is so stupid and useless…”
These dumb reflections should go away with some training… or maybe some battling to better my skills to beat him… Florian.
Once you arrive here at my school, Blueberry Academy, soon my ache to utterly wreck you into bits for taking everything I’ve ever liked and wanted will be completed. Winning over you in a seemingly pointless six on six Pokemon match would be all that would fuel my goal to soar to even greater heights. Those times you’ve supposedly succeeded over me with your little “main character” luck will be nothing but a mere forgotten memory.
A memory of excitement and childish wonder that I truly enjoyed in the spur of the moment with you.
I’d like to go back and have fun with you again just like any two teenage boys would. A lie was definitely made when I muttered “I don’t miss you” under my breath upon seeing that new exchange student in our white, button up school uniform.
“So it really is you Florian. Geez, you haven’t changed at all.” I mumbled while peering out of the League Club’s window to watch as each step you took changed the trajectory of my territory.
Soon enough, I’ll make you pay for what you gaslighted me for. I’ll become just like you, no, even better than you could ever dream to be. Cherish those friendships and companions; Maybe if you really cared, you’d save me from this black hole I’ve submerged myself in until I take my last inhale of air for good. Until that ticking time-bomb detonates to shut up my raging thoughts for you,
I’ll wait. I’ll wait with a tinge of rosiness on the peaks of my cheeks as you near that Championship match of mine.