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The winter air chilled Shoto straight to the bone. He rushed through the streets, his cloak drawn tight around him and his hood pulled low over his eyes. A small smile pulled at his lips as the tavern came into view. The simple wooden carving of a foaming mug of ale swung lazily back and forth, piles of snow falling with each movement.
Shoto dodged the falling snow and stepped inside. Warmth flooded his senses and Shoto closed his eyes as he took a moment to bask in it. The tavern was nearly empty, unsurprising as it was the middle of the day, but Shoto didn’t dare take his hood down. He moved silently to his table, secluded in the back with only a small lantern to provide any light. Only then did he finally remove his cloak, keeping it nearby in case of a rushed departure.
A gasp to his right caused him to smile as a short man rushed up to his table. Even in winter, Izuku’s face was littered with freckles, his whole body was covered in them during the summer months, his smile was wide and his green eyes shone like green sapphires.
“Shoto, it’s been so long! I was worried you’d forgotten your way!”
“Never, I have just been busy.”
“Of course, how are your siblings? Your mother?”
“Doing well, thank you.”
“Of course. Anything to drink? Are you eating?”
“I’ll take my usual, I can’t stay long.”
Midoriya chuckled. “You never can. One of these days you’re going to have to stay for mama’s roasted goose legs. The king himself couldn’t find anything better!”
“You sound very sure of yourself.”
“Of course I am, my mama makes the best food across the land.”
Shoto pursed his lips. He’s had Inko’s cooking a handful of times and she was no novice but the king would find it easy to find it better. His father was always on the hunt for the best of everything.
“Well maybe then I should try and convince him to stop by.”
Izuku’s eyes widened as he stared at Shoto’s blank face, only relaxing when Shoto smiled softly. Izuku burst out giggling and he covered his mouth as a blush spread across his cheeks.
“I see you consider yourself a comedian,” Izuku said, still giggling.
“I try.”
“I won’t keep you waiting on your drink, Shoto, I’ll be right back!”
Izuku scurried off and Shoto watched him go, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. His chest suddenly felt lighter, as it always did whenever he was around Izuku. How nice it would be to live such a simple life with people who truly cared for him. Shoto was sure his mother and siblings loved him, but it was hard to believe it when there was a long list of people who would easily drive a knife into his back for even the chance of claiming the crown for themselves.
Izuku wasn’t like that, he didn’t have ulterior motives, and his heart was proudly on his sleeve. Hell, he wasn’t even aware that he spoke to a prince on a semi-regular basis. Though Shoto had snuck out of the palace and visited the tavern numerous times he still knew next to nothing about Izuku and that was a shame. Shoto intended to change that.
“Your usual,” Izuku sang, setting the tankard on the table.
He stepped back, giving Shoto his usual preferred peace, but Shoto’s hand shot out and his fingers encircled Izuku’s wrist.
“Wait!” Shoto cried, much too loud for how close they were.
Shoto let go quickly and both of them blushed, Shoto’s more subtle while Izuku’s entire face lit up. They stared silently at each other until Shoto cleared his throat.
“My apologies, please, will you join me?”
Izuku sputtered, his face growing a darker shade of red before he mechanically sat down. Shoto took a sip.
“It’s good, as always.”
“That’s good to hear!”
Izuku giggled nervously and his eyes never stayed in one place for very long as his fingers tapped against the table.
“Are you uncomfortable? You are not required to stay if you do not want to.”
“No! No, I want to stay!” Izuku said quickly. “Sorry, that was loud.”
“I do not mind. I feel as though your loudness may compliment my silence.”
Izuku smiled as his eyes flittered between Shoto and his lap. Shoto softened but quickly straightened up, clearing his throat and gaining Izuku’s attention.
“I was wondering if I might accompany you and your mother on Yuletide? You’ve been talking about the feast you and your mother prepare for so long and all the decorations you put up.”
“Oh that would be wonderful but…”
“But?”
“I’m afraid we won’t be having a Yuletide feast this year.”
“Did something happen? Is everything ok?”
Izuku brightened up, his smile so wide as he took Shoto’s hands within his own. It took every ounce of concentration to focus on Izuku’s words and not how nice it was to be holding Izuku’s hands. They were calloused and scared from years of hard work but they were still so slender and beautiful. Shoto wished he could bring one of them to his lips and press a tender kiss upon them.
“Yes, everything is wonderful! We’ve been asked by the royal chefs to help prepare for the king’s feast! Isn’t that exciting? Our food will be eaten by the king! You work at the palace correct? Maybe you can give me and Mama a tour, or maybe you could show me the gardens or some of your favorite places to relax in the palace or…”
Shoto paled and his grasp went limp in Izuku’s hands. It suddenly became difficult to swallow and even more difficult to focus on Izuku’s words. This couldn’t be real. He knew the royal chefs and he knew his father even better. Neither one of them tried anything new, ever, what was the reason that they suddenly allowed newcomers to the kitchens? Especially someone as common as Inko and Izuku. Shoto might have had a soft spot for this tavern but this was not the epitome of class and good standing.
“Shoto? Are you ok? You’re looking a little green?” Izuku asked, squeezing Shoto’s hands as a way to bring him back to reality.
“Y-yes. Yes, I’m fine.”
Shoto stood suddenly, grabbing his cloak and placing a few golden coins on the table.
“Thank you for the drink, I best be going.”
“So soon?”
“Yes.”
Shoto spun on his heel and rushed out of the tavern, not giving Izuku the chance to stop him.
XXX
There were many libraries inside the palace walls, but none of them compared to Fuyumi’s personal collection. That was how he landed himself pacing between her shelves after sunset. His feet were on the move yet he was as silent as a mouse. He grabbed books but then quickly put them away. His mind was racing far too fast for reading.
Shoto paused and inhaled a deep breath. Closing his eyes, he counted. First to fifty, then a hundred, then two hundred. He counted until the world seemed to no longer be pressing down upon him. Shoto started towards the door but paused and grabbed a book, a book of fairytales that Fuyumi had kept.
She used to read it to him and Natsuo before bed, they would all curl up next to her once their nurses had finally nodded off. Their father had banned those types of books as he didn’t want his children’s heads filled with nonsense he used to shout. But Fuyumi, the perceived good child, could get away with a lot. Her being a girl and thus not “useful” until she was of age to be married also certainly helped.
Shoto tucked the book under his arm and his hand was on the doorknob when a cough made him jump. Turning and hiding the book behind his back he saw Fuyumi staring at him.
“Sho, you know you’re not in trouble,” Fuyumi said softly.
Shoto relaxed and let his arms rest at his side. Fuyumi was in her nightgown and dressing robe. Her slippered feet were silent as she walked back towards her bed, gesturing for Shoto to follow her. He did reluctantly and sat at the edge of her bed, his gaze on the book in his lap.
“Which one is that?” Fuyumi asked, moving to sit next to him. She glanced at the cover and smiled. “I remember reading that to you when you were little.”
“We used to hide underneath the covers and you would do all these little voices for the characters.”
“Of course, they wouldn’t all sound the same, that’s preposterous!”
Shoto gave a small half smile but it slipped just as quickly.
“Why were you looking for a book of fairytales?”
“I wasn’t looking for it, I truly wasn’t looking for anything in the library.”
“And yet here you are.”
“Here I am.”
Fuyumi waited for Shoto to continue but he held his tongue. He knew Fuyumi wouldn’t gossip, he wasn’t even sure she had anyone to gossip with, but his wariness lingered. His father’s poisonous words ran deep within his soul. Infecting every thought and every action. Weakening and isolating Shoto to the point where he was unsure of who he could and could not trust. It was a tiring existence. Yet, his heart had one solace, but even that was being threatened due to the circumstances of his birth and his title. A birth he did not ask for and a title he would happily give up.
“I’ve been keeping a secret,” He admitted.
“Is it the fact that you are constantly sneaking out of the palace?”
Shoto’s gaze whipped to Fuymui’s, but she only laughed.
“Sho, you don’t honestly think nobody had noticed you, have you?”
“Does everybody know?”
“Father doesn’t.”
Shoto crumpled in relief. “Yes, that secret. I’ve been sneaking out.”
“Is it to see a boy,” Fuyumi teased, nudging his shoulder with her own.
“How did you know that, have you been following me?”
“Are you serious? You’ve been sneaking out to see a boy!”
Fuyumi jumped up and rushed over to one of the walls Shoto knew was a secret passage. Wariness crept up behind him but it was replaced with embarrassment and dread as Fuyumi pushed on the stone to open the passage and stepped inside. She turned slightly and looked at Shoto.
“Stay there, I’m grabbing Natsuo and Touya!”
“No don’t-”
But the wall closed behind her and Shoto numbly sat back down on the bed. Apparently, she did have people to gossip with. Ten minutes later, Shoto heard the wall move again but he didn’t move from his position, lying on the bed while his legs dangled off the side.
“So our little baby brother has a crush,” Touya teased.
“I hope the gods strike you down for your arrogance,” Shoto grumbled.
“Insults are not your strong suit, brother, stick to book learning.”
“Stop it you two,” Fuyumi admonished. “We’re here to support Shoto, if you can’t do that you can leave.”
“Wonderful, I’ll be going!”
Before Touya could move, however, Fuyumi grabbed his arm with surprising strength and forced him to sit on the bed. Glaring at him with such force she truly did look like her father’s daughter for a moment. Shoto smiled, he wasn’t sure when they’d all gotten close, having been pitted against one another as children, but he couldn’t say he didn’t appreciate it. Touya grumbled but otherwise didn’t move and Fuyumi and Natsuo moved to join them on the bed as well.
Shoto stared up at his siblings and they all stared back at him with varying degrees of interest. Eventually, Fuyumi nodded her head encouragingly and Shoto closed his eyes, inhaled slowly, and began speaking.
“I met a boy, a year maybe two years ago, he’s… I don’t even know how to describe it but he makes me happy.”
Shoto sat up suddenly, distressed.
“He’s kind and genuine and so pure and I don’t want to ruin that, I can’t ruin that. At first, he was just a distraction, something that could help get my mind away from everything for a little while but then I got to know him and it was like seeing the sun again after the polar night.”
“Stars above, did you fall in love with a fucking commoner?” Touya asked incredulously.
“Did I?” Shoto asked panicked. “I didn’t mean to, honest!”
“It’s ok, Shoto,” Fuyumi comforted. “We can’t control who we fall in love with.”
“But we can never be together! He’s- father would never approve!”
“So then don’t ask for his approval,” Natsuo said as if it were the simplest thing in the world. “Run away and go be happy with him in the woods or something.”
“I can’t just ask him to leave with me in the dead of night, he has a family too after all. A family father would surely hurt once he found out I was gone.”
“Looks like you’ve found yourself a paramour then,” Touya snickered.
“I don’t just want to have sex with him, he’s too special for that.”
“Well, then what do you want?” Natsuo asked.
“I don’t know! I just want things to remain how they are!”
“Sho, it doesn’t work like that. You can’t have a relationship in a bubble” Fuyumi said softly.
“I know, I know.”
Shoto groaned and let his head fall into his hands.
“I just want to be happy and he makes me happy, but he doesn’t even know who I am.”
“You didn’t even tell him you're a prince!” Natsuo gasped.
“And I didn’t think you could get stupider,” Touya laughed.
“It’s not funny! I didn’t want him to know, it felt nice–being treated with kindness not because he expected to get anything out of it but just because he’s a kind person.”
“If you ever want to have anything with this boy then you can’t keep lying to him, especially about something as monumental as this,” Fuyumi sighed. “Imagine how hurt he would be if he found out you’d been lying to him for this long.”
“I know, it was never meant to get this out of hand!”
“I’m not seeing the problem here, he’s a commoner it’s not like he can just waltz in and see you sitting on your little throne whenever he desires. You two are in separate worlds,” Touya scoffed.
“He’s coming to Yuletide, courtesy of the chef,” Shoto groaned, unable to look up from his feet.
He heard the collective breath being taken and he could feel their pity in waves. Shoto groaned and let his face fall into his hands.
“Well I guess we’re all about to find out if your little paramour has ulterior motives then,” Touya snickered.
Shoto stood and pointed towards the door. “Out,” He bellowed.
“Finally,” Touya sneered. He stood walking to door, not caring if anyone saw him past curfew, and paused looking back at everyone. “I hope he’s as good as you think, Shoto. Because knowing you, you wouldn’t even notice the knife until after he’d struck your heart.”
Shoto sat back down, defeated, as Touya left. He watched the door silently for a long while before he found the right words again.
“I don’t know what to do,” He admitted.
“Well you certainly can’t keep lying to him,” Natsuo said. “You will lose him if you continue to do so.”
“Natsu is right,” Fuyumi sighed. “Look Touya may have a point. You should be careful of this boy and his potential motives but from the sounds of it, he’s not like that and you shouldn’t be afraid of letting him in.”
“But-” Shoto started.
“You have one life, you can either live it half asses by doing what everyone wants and expects from you or you can be happy. It’s your choice,” Natsuo cut in.
“But won’t father be angry?”
“He’s angry no matter what we do, and it’s not like you’re the heir, you’re not even the spare. So you’ll be fine,” Natsuo dismissed.
“You deserve to be happy,” Fuyumi smiled. “But you can only be happy if you’re brave enough to seize it.”
XXX
Shoto had been pacing inside his bedchambers for the better part of an hour. He was dressed in his Yuletide regalia. He wore a midnight blue tunic with wool black pants underneath. His ceremonial armor was strapped to his chest and his sheath was belted around his waist. A floor length cape was clipped around his neck, the inside being embrodered with golden thread in his family’s crest. His crown sat on a velvet pillow encased in glass but he wouldn’t wear it, not yet at least.
He stopped and inhaled slowly, closing his eyes and counting to fifty. Once his pulse steadied, Shoto squared his shoulder and marched out the door. The celebration and feast wasn’t for another few hours but he had no plans of spending his time listening to dull conversations and dancing with princess who loathed him as much as he loathed them. He was going to be brave. He was going to seize his happiness.
Shoto had no idea where the kitchens were, he’d never been allowed, but after thirty minutes of searching and a maid taking pity on him and pointing him in the right direction, he finally found his way. He stood outside the doors, waiting for an opportunity. Everyone bustled about, not paying him any mind. It was hot and everyone was sweating but the roasted duck and plum sauce smelled wonderful.
His eyes scanned the area until he found Izuku. Shoto straightened and cleared his throat. Heads turned and short gasps were let out as people fumbled to bow and curtsey but Shoto only had eyes for Izuku, who’s entire being lit up once he met Shoto’s gaze. He opened his mouth to greet Shoto but Shoto spoke first.
“If you could accompany me?”
Izuku’s face flushed a deep red as whispered bounded off the walls of the rather large kitchen. Shoto clenched his fists to keep them from shaking and Izuku was barely a few steps away when he turned and headed down the hall.
“Wait, Sho… Your Highness-”
Shoto stopped abruptly and spun on his heel. Izuku, rather clumsy even on his better days, crashed right into him and would’ve fallen if Shoto hadn’t caught him. Shoto righted him but stepped back quickly.
“How did you know?” He demanded.
“Know what?”
“To call me that? How did you know that I’m… I’m…”
“A prince?” Izuku supplied.
Shoto nodded and Izuku laughed but stopped when he saw Shoto’s expression.
“Wait you’re being serious? This wasn’t exactly a secret was it?”
“Of course it was!”
“Really?” Izuku asked in disbelief. “It’s a good thing you’re a prince and not a spy because you’d be horrible at it.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I’m sorry, truly I don’t mean to offend, but yes of course I knew. Did you really think I was that idiotic?”
“Of course I didn’t, but it’s not like I’ve mentioned it to you before!”
“You didn’t have to. You carry yourself the way a prince does and besides your face is on our coins.”
Shoto’s face bloomed into an embarrassed blush. The portrait was old, he was only seven when they minted the new coins, but it was still undoubtedly his face on every single copper piece. Copper pieces he used to pay for his meals every time he visited the tavern.
“Why- why didn’t you say anything?” Shoto begged, grasping at any semblence of control he could muster.
“I didn’t think it mattered. Clearly you didn’t want to tell me and I respected your decision. Are… are you cross with me?”
“No!” Shoto said quickly, grasping Izuku’s hands within his own. They looked down at their joined hands and blushed but neither of them pulled away. “But I had spent the better part of a few weeks coming up with the perfect way to tell you without angering you but you already knew!”
Shoto giggled, sounidng like a lunatic but he didn’t care, suddenly this huge weight had been lifted off his chest and he felt freer than a bird. Without much thought, Shoto pulled Izuku into a hug and spun him around, still giggling. Izuku’s arms wrapped around his neck and he started to laugh as well. His arms still remained around Shoto’s neck even after he put Izuku down.
“I’m sorry for lying and for keeping secrets but-”
“I understand,” Izuku cut in. “But hopefully that was the only secret between us.”
“Yes, other than the whole, royalty thing I have been nothing but honest to you.”
“Have you?” Izuku asked wryly, raising an eyebrow.
“I- yes I have? Why? Are there any other secrets you think I’ve kept from you?”
“Well I don’t think you’ve kept it from me perse but rather yourself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Shoto I like you, I like you rather a lot.”
“I like you too,” Shoto responded, still not understanding where Izuku was going with this.
“No, Shoto, I- I like you in a romantic way and…” Izuku got impossibly closer to him. “I’m really hoping you feel the same way.”
Shoto’s eyes widened as Izuku nervously chewed at his bottom lip, waiting for a response.
“You… what?”
“I have feelings for you, I have for so long now, and I don’t know what this means for us but-”
Shoto cut him off as he pressed his lips against Izuku’s. Izuku gasped but quickly melted into the kiss. Shoto’s arm snaked around Izuku’s waist and pulled him so close not even light could pass in between them. Their kiss seemed to warm Shoto’s heart and caused his mind to grow deliciously fuzzy and they were both breathless by the time they pulled away from each other.
“I think it’s safe to say you feel the same way?” Izuku laughed nervously.
“I do,” Shoto whispered. “Each and every day I spend with you warms my heart and lifts my spirits and I do not want to give that up, I cannot give that up!”
“So what does this mean?”
“I don’t know,” Shoto admitted. “But what I do know is that I want to spend every possible moment I can with you.”
Izuku smiled and he looked down at his feet a moment before looking up. “Mama and I may not be hosting a feast at the tavern for Yuletide but we will still be celebrating, would you like to join us?”
“I would love that,” Shoto smiled, kissing the tip of Izuku’s nose.