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Of all the months of the year, Shikamaru had always got a soft spot for September. Sure, it was his birthday's month, but what really mattered was the landscape. With the onset of autumn, the sky was filled with hypnotizing gray clouds and the wind brought the smell of waterlogged humus. Through the deafening murmur of the trees, the majestic bellowing of the deers echoed all the way to the village. But above all, the leaves took on the color of gold and the sun's rays turned amber like honey.
No other time of the year could match the beauty of this unreal monochrome hue, with leaves falling so slow it was like walking in a daydream. And just like dreams, it was dissipating way too fast. In October, the trees would turn an aggressive bright red. From November to March, the branches would turn bare and the sun a dull cold white. From April to August, it returned to monotonous green. So Shikamaru would look at the sky, bored out of his mind while waiting for the shine of gold and honey dancing in the storm.
In a way, that was why he had a thing for blondes.
- YOU BASTARD!
Her eyes watering like a storm about to burst, Temari slapped him with all her force. He didn't even try to avoid the blow, since he deserved it. They had been on the chunin exam's committee for three years now. Three years of seeing each other every spring for intensive months of working together, eating together... sleeping together. It was always Temari who took the initiative. She would force him to follow her to her hotel, grab him by the collar and kiss him wildly before pushing him into her room. Then they would have sex to their hearts' content, and never spoke about it once out of the bed. Shikamaru could have been satisfied with that. From his humble opinion, he was still too young to get into a serious relationship, and with those troublesome stories of long-distance love and differences between ninja villages, being serious with Temari seemed way too difficult for him.
So as long as he could watch the spring light playing in Temari's honey hair, as long as he could run his fingers through her wild wicks when they had sex, he didn't care about the rest. It had never occurred to him that the young woman had feelings for him. With her, everything was always crude, without finesse. She didn't seem the type to wish for romance. He had been royally wrong.
- I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR STUPID FACE AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME!?
She had thrown him out of the room, the hallway echoing with her hysterical screams. When the door slammed in his face, Shikamaru felt neither shocked nor upset, and even less guilty. Yes, he had screwed up, but was it really his fault? If Temari had been clear about her intentions from the start, none of this would have happened. Sighing, the Nara quietly took the path back home. It was the last day of May, the trees were in leaf. He was going to miss the chunin's blonde hair. But at the same time, it was a great excuse to quit the exam's committee.
Spring had given way to summer without Shikamaru paying attention to it. Temari's brothers hadn't sent him any imminent death threats, so the young woman had surely kept silent about her disappointing love life so she could better turn the page. The Nara therefore returned to his bored contemplation of the sky, and continued his missions with his teammates without paying any further attention to the subject. That is, until Ino landed abruptly in his field of vision while he was lying relaxed on the rooftops.
- Something happened with Temari.
Girls and their impossible instinct in matters of the heart. This was going to quickly become a hassle, Shikamaru could feel it. Already, the young woman was placing her fists on her hips, a sign that she was going to annoy him with this until she extracted all his secrets. It was particularly annoying, but Shikamaru didn't feel the strength to push her away. First, it would be of no use against the determination of this fury. Second, he was too lazy to get up anyway. And third, he couldn't take his eyes off Ino's hair, long golden threads of silk that gently waved in the breeze.
- Did she leave you because she was jealous of me?
- I knew you were egocentric, but not to this extent.
- Don't act innocent, everyone sees how you look at me.
- I do not…
- You're doing it right now.
- … This is not voluntary.
- So it's true, you really have a fixation on blonde hair. Is that why you kept sneaking glances at me back when we were in the academy?
His weakness suddenly exposed, Shikamaru looked away, blushing. Said like this, it seemed much less poetic than his painting of autumn and bewitchment, but he would not reveal those thoughts to Ino. His wonder at the beauty of September was only to himself. Maybe it was childish to jealously guard this secret, but there's no way he would risk someone making fun of his passion.
Sighing, the teenage girl sat down beside him, her blue eyes watching thoughtfully the people walking below them. A pleasant silence settled in, a rare event around the so talkative Ino. Daring to glance in her direction again, Shikamaru lingered on her fine shiny hair. She was beautiful when she wasn't insufferable. For a moment, he imagined going out with her, being able to contemplate September all year round in her hair, running his hand through it again and again without getting tired. They lived in the same village, grew up together and were mission partners. It would make their fathers proud, get their clans even closer. Somehow, it could work.
- Ino, would you go out with me if I asked you?
- No. I... I'm waiting for someone else.
The blue gaze became fragile, showing a weakness that had always been there, but refused to reveal itself for too long. Those were the eyes secretly dedicated to Sasuke, the miraculous finally returned to Konoha after so many years of mourning. Shikamaru couldn't compete in the face of so many bitter tears, dashed hopes, and desperate stubbornness. There is no chance in fighting against a broken dream. In any case, it was better that way. Going out with Ino would have just been to fulfill a selfish feeling, nothing more. Shikamaru couldn't change who he was, and he wasn't what his friend needed. She was looking for someone strong who could stand up to her, someone wild and passionate. He was none of that.
On the rooftops of Konoha, under the blinding light of summer, the silence continued as two teenagers thought about the future that was emerging before them. A future that promised them no fairy tales, quietly erasing their hopes of happy couples and families.
Like every year, September passed too quickly. The garish red of the leaves now attacked Shikamaru's pupils, as if to tear from his retina the last images of perfection that had been engraved there. He and Ino had no longer brought up the subject of vain love. They worked together as if nothing had happened, and this situation satisfied them both. Shikamaru went back to watching her golden hair waltz away, and his friend continued to ignore this fact without stopping him. Basically, nothing had really changed, and apparently, nothing was going to.
Then came Naruto's eighteenth birthday.
With all his diplomatic missions in other villages, it had been almost eight months since they had seen him. No one expected him to show up for his birthday, not when he was away from the mainland making talks with Kiri. Sakura had brought up the idea of sending him a joint card, which everyone had signed without fanciness (except for Lee who had given him a whole paragraph on the vigor of youth) and it had stopped there.
The demon fox's attack on Konoha being now mostly forgotten, and replaced in memories by more recent tragedies, being at the eve of this historical date changed absolutely nothing in Shikamaru's habits. As midnight approached, the teenager opened his window, turned off the light and lit his last cigarette of the day. There, in the almost liquid darkness of this night with opaque clouds, the young man contemplated the glowing embers twirling in the breeze. As always, he had a thought for Asuma and his daughter who would soon be two years old. Even after all this time, regret and nostalgia refused to heal.
Crushing what was left of his cigarette, Shikamaru was about to close the window when footsteps on the roof's slates stopped him. Seconds later, a figure was hanging upside down in front of him, grabbing the lighter from his hands to light it with a flick of the thumb. In the split second that the flame lasted, the teenager recognized a sparkling smile of mischief and two laughing blue eyes.
- Yo!
- … Naruto, what are you doing here?
- Well, the others were asleep, so I thought maybe you…
- No, what are you doing in Konoha.
- Oh! Well, I was supposed to be back a week ago, but I wanted to take a detour to the Land of Waves to say hi to some old friends, so I pretended the whole thing at Kiri was dragging on.
- And I guess you purposely came back on your birthday to make it more dramatic?
- Classier, Shika! Not more dramatic, classier!
With a sigh, Shikamaru retrieved his lighter in an expert gesture and stepped aside to let the newcomer enter. With as little embarrassment as if he owned the place, Naruto went straight to sit on the bed, taking off his sandals covered in dirt before crossing his legs.
- I wanted to see Sasuke or Sakura first, but they would have killed me if I'd woken them up. I didn't think you were the night owl type, though, but that would explain why you're always napping…
- I was getting ready to go to sleep.
- Oh, come on Shika! It's my birthday and it's been eight months since we last saw each other! You're not going to kick me out and leave me all alone, right?
- …There is a futon in the wardrobe.
It took Naruto almost half an hour to set up the famous futon, the teenager hitting his feet on every furnitures' corner while cursing against the darkness. Then it was another good thirty minutes before he finally decided to shut up and go to sleep. Blaming his shitty luck and all the Uzumakis on earth, Shikamaru eventually fell asleep from exhaustion, lulled by his friend's slow snores.
When Shikamaru woke up in the morning, he realized that September had taken over his room. Still dressed in his traveling clothes, Naruto's smell of earth and humidity filled the entire room. His snores, made hoarse by the mucus, sounded like the distant bellowing of a deer, and the movement of his wrinkled clothes recalled the rustling of leaves in the wind.
Through the still open window, a cold breath made his golden and honeyed hair tremble in all directions.
Numbed by sleep, shocked by this vision, Shikamaru remained for long seconds without moving, without breathing, as if afraid of making this mirage flee like a frightened animal. Of course he knew Naruto was blonde, even the whole world knew it. But he had never developed a fixation on him. It was then just a physical detail pleasing to the eye and nothing more. After all, there had always been Ino around, and since it was more normal for a boy to observe girls, Shikamaru had logically focused his attention on her.
He had been wrong. Temari didn't have hair like honey, but like fields of wheat. Ino didn't have golden hair, but rays of blinding July sunshine. Naruto… Naruto was September and it was as if the axis of the world had turned around and the months were rewinding at full speed. For the first time, Shikamaru felt emotions he barely knew pierce his ribcage, reanimating his heart in a dormant coma.
It was the most terrifying experience he had to live after Asuma's death.