Work Text:
Three months. One week. Five days.
That was how long ago Rai last saw their sister. That marked the days since their horrific final parting. That was how long they had been searching for her.
Never once did Rai falter in trying to get back in touch with her, always driving to see her one last time and to tell her how sorry they were. During the continued stretch of months, the crushing feeling of guilt never once left them, weighing on their mind more than that demon ever could. They just wanted her to know how badly they wanted to turn back the clock, how they wanted to take back that day on the pitch. But that thing kept sowing seeds of doubt in their mind.
He refused to give them any kind of moment’s rest, haunting them every night in nightmares and whispering to them shadows when the sun was out. Every day for those three months, he kept their brain a never-ending buzz of increasingly darkening thoughts. Perhaps he was right when he said he wasn’t the one at fault, that it had been Rai themselves who picked up the bat and turned on Cel. But he made them so angry in the moment to the point where they could only see red with a terrifying urge to lash out at those repeated apologies.
But they regret everything that they ever did at that moment. They never should have gotten angry at Outis’ probing, at her evil words and hateful glares. They should have never listened to the demon in their head in the first place. They never should have gotten annoyed with Cel’s pleading for them to calm down. They should have never… never swung that bat at her.
“But you did,” said the demon, once more not even bothering to ask before intruding on their internal dialogue.
Rai did their best to ignore him, which was easier said than done. Instead, they tried to fight back against that ever-growing thought, arguing that he had been the one who goaded them into it!
While he didn’t verbally reply, they swore they could hear him give an amused and disbelieving scoff. That hurt as much as him saying something back, if not more. Did their words hold no weight to him? Why was he doubting them? This was their mind, not his, but he knew how to get to them better than they could.
They had to stop dwelling on that instead of the place ahead of them. Rai’s back straightened as their months of searching finally paved the way to this derelict factory. Tall, imposing, and cracking from weather, the blocky building stood tall against an overcast sky. Its high chimneys, where no more smoke billowed, scraped the gray clouds and sent long and fuzzy shadows down over Rai. They felt impossibly small underneath this crumbling facility, even more so than they usually felt.
Sucking in a deep breath that smelled strongly of dust and ozone, they tried to quell their racing thoughts to some degree of success. No matter how much they tried, they couldn’t get rid of the swelling of anxiety festering and oozing in their chest. What if Cel was there and this was the end of the road? For months, Rai never believed there to be a stop to their search, fearing that she would pack up and leave before they even got close to her. But this feeling nagged at the back of their mind, telling them they would stop after this.
The doors in front of them were heavy and made of metal and steel. Along their surfaces, rust bled through what was left of paint chunks with dents and scrapes littered throughout. Rai’s heart gave a sort of twist of guilt, rendering them unable to do anything but stare. If this was where Cel now stayed, it was so much worse than where she left. Back home, she had warm, well-kept rooms with clean doors and painted walls. Here, it was as if she were trying to scrape by with shelter.
“And who do you think put her in a place like this.”
“Shut up,” Rai replied, their lips moving almost soundlessly but enough to let the quivering whisper out. Only then did they realize how frightened they were. They were so close to her and the reality of the situation was finally digging its icy claws into their heart.
Their fist felt like lead as they raised it up to the door. In their ears, their heart beat faster and louder, feeling as if something horrific was rushing up to meet them. What if she didn’t answer? What if she did but refused to let them get a word in? They weren’t ready for this, but they knew that they never would be. Instead, they would have to let what was to come happen.
Loud, hollow sounds echoed from the doors, reverberating into a much larger and spacious room beyond. Each rap and each tinny echoing sound made the fur on their tail involuntarily stand on end. Every nerve in their body was set ablaze, becoming more and more jittery the more the seconds ticked past. Though nobody answered, not even a sound beyond the rusted doors.
No, they didn’t come this far just to be turned around by a door, they needed to be heard out. The demon in their head glowed with satisfaction at their resolve, though they tried to ignore it. Anything that he liked certainly didn’t sit well with them, but what other choice did they have? They couldn’t give up on Cel, not now.
Rai reached out and took the scratchy and rusted handle of one of the doors and swung it open with effort. Hinges that needed oil long ago creaked and screeched in protest as they moved, the grating sound making Rai pin their ears back in discomfort. Did Cel have to deal with this every time she came here?
There was no turning back now. With their anxiety rising higher than ever, Rai stepped into the main chamber of the factory, which sang loud and clear about its nature. The concrete floor was cracked in several areas, though despite how old they were, there weren’t any plants poking their heads out. The walls were dark and the gray light from the doors revealed them to be made out of plates of worn bronze metal with buttons, latches and dials that Rai couldn’t even begin to think of what their uses were. The main foyer had a unique quip with two staircases wrapped around the walls and leading to a higher landing. They only expected those to be in more fancy buildings.
“To imagine you made your sister live in such a pig sty when this is where you belong.”
Again, they tried to ignore him. It became easier with the growing apprehension.
An unpleasant smell of iodine filled their nose and their lungs, nearly making them gag. Even if Cel was a robot, they couldn’t imagine at all what spending her days in this place would be like. It felt so claustrophobic and depressing, so unlivable.
They could ask her all of that and use that to their pleads to bring her home. Hoping for that outcome, Rai set themselves to venture deeper to see if their sister was within this vast run-down facility. The landing above had more lights on in the form of orange glowing oil lamps which cast inky black shadows on the floor they stood on.
Rai ascended the stairs, each step of theirs ringing out in loud clangs despite their greatest efforts to keep each footfall gentle and soft. It sent their ears flinching and their eyes twitching with each sound, though it was over quickly. However, when they reached the top, it was devoid of all life. There was no one within the long and stretching hallways, which were all pitch black. But if there was no one up here, then why were all of the lights on in the landing?
“What are you doing here?”
In a single moment, Rai felt a cold suddenly take over their body, freezing everything into place, including their heart. Their mind went deathly still and even the demon in their thoughts didn’t say a word either, but they could recognize his sudden alertness.
Slowly, Rai turned and their wide eyes fell on the person they had been tearing themselves apart to see. A few paces away, dramatically different but still the same person, stood Cel who was as rigid as they were. Her clothes were different, much more harsher and fitting for the place she called home now. That with-- Rai felt a new chill sweep through their body, turning their heart into cracking glass in the process-- a lion’s mask covering the side of her face that they…
They didn’t know how badly they messed her up. The extent of it… they never knew.
It looked as if she had come up the stairs after them, one of her hands resting on the railing. How did they not hear her?
“Cel, I--” They cut themselves off, their words getting caught within a painful lump growing in their throat. For months, they planned what they were going to say, careful to cover everything, but now it slipped out of their mind with no traces left.
“Because why would you give lies to her?” the demon asked.
Before Rai could shut him up, Cel spoke. Never before had they heard such contempt and hatred poisoning someone’s voice, especially her own. Her eyes glittered with pain and anger, painting a strained expression across her face.
“If it’s for apologies, I don’t want to hear it,” she said with a snap, “I made it clear I don’t want to see you ever again.”
Silent mirth that didn’t belong to them rang out through their head as Rai stood there, struck dumb. The demon was having his fun, fueled by Cel, but they couldn’t accept it. They had to keep fighting, to be heard out, they wanted their sister back.
“Then please want to,” Rai said, “I had to-- I need to talk to you. You have no idea how much I regret what happened.”
“You should’ve thought about that before you swung at me.” Cel’s shoulders squared but she kept her distance as if there were some impenetrable field around Rai. Despite the distance, they could still feel the rage radiate off of her as if they were standing right next to her.
“She’s right. You let your actions get ahead of you and look where that’s got you.”
Again, Rai screwed up their face in added effort to keep the demon’s words at bay. He couldn’t get to them, not now when it was so important. Why couldn’t he just shut up for five minutes?! Across from them, Cel’s posture subtly changed at their expression. A new wariness settled over her shoulders as her eye narrowed.
“Now, don’t get mad at me again,” she said, though her voice didn’t hold any sort of pleading. Not anymore. “I made my choice and you need to stop chasing after me. I put my trust in you and you ruined it, so why get upset that you can’t win it back?”
“No, wait!” With an effort, Rai pushed away their hatred towards the thing in their head, horrified. “I’m not mad at you! It’s not you-- this thing keeps butting in--”
“That ‘demon’ that you kept blaming?!” Her voice rose drastically, sending a bolt of shock shooting through Rai’s very being. “That shouldn’t be an excuse for anything! I was your sister, I should have been put before whatever fantasies your mind makes up!”
The barrier between the two rose as she finally took a step forward, her bushy tail lashing angrily behind her. With each step she took, the smaller and smaller Rai felt. Their ears pinned against their skull and they refused to hold any more eye contact, their stare instead boring into the debris-strewn ground in front of them.
“Look at her. This is your retribution. Nobody cares about any involvement I had, as it was you, not me who nearly killed her. Don’t blame innocent parties.”
Rai couldn’t even reply to him, still trying with all their might to focus on their irate sister. She was right about being angry, but the demon wasn’t made up by them! Vyomi had him too!
“He’s not fake,” Rai tried to protest, wringing their hands together until their knuckles turned white, “Before we were born-- when dad died-- Vyomi saw him! She told me herself!”
“Only a lie to make you feel better. Who knows if she wasn’t taking pity on you and didn’t want your anger to take over again? She didn’t want to be next..”
Stop talking.
The expression on Cel’s cracked face darkened and her eye flashed with hurt. She took another step forward, that one stomp echoing throughout the space around them. “I don’t care about if Vyomi saw the same thing! Who used that bat?! It wasn’t that thing you keep blaming. It was all you!”
Rai flinched as if she had hit them, their mind spinning at the crack at the end of her response. They finally looked up at her, watching as her face slowly began to morph into anger into something that looked pained and broken. That didn’t belong in the slightest, it hurt so badly to see.
“I looked up to you! I loved you!” she continued, more emotion pouring into her voice. What had once come out sharp and icy was now heavy and thick. “You were my rock and you protected me from her. I was always so scared, always so worried about where I fit in. Every time she’d make me an outsider, and you were there for me. You always were… And when I needed you the most, you sided with her! You attacked me! Were you finally tired of me?!”
No, they never sided with her. Rai’s mouth went completely dry as they shook their head rapidly, all thoughts straying from their head except for the demon. He stood tall in their mind and they could almost feel a grin coming from him along with the radiation of triumph. He was right.
“Don’t you see? You’re trying to fool yourself into thinking you’re a better person than you actually are. Everyone knew that you were done being her babysitter, even you. It’s pathetic seeing you play a saint now.”
“Shut up,” Rai muttered. His voice was getting too loud and they just wanted him to stop talking. Why couldn’t he leave them alone to defend themselves against Cel?
Only then did they realize they replied verbally, as the demon once more glowed with satisfaction. Half a second later, Cel almost exploded with a fresh new wave of outrage.
“‘Shut up’?!” she repeated, her voice growing an octave higher, “‘Shut up’?! I’m telling you what you’ve done to me; you destroyed my life and my trust! And that’s all you have to say to that?! You need a wake-up call. This isn’t about you and your precious little ego. I was the one who was hurt and I have the right to tell you to shut your mouth!”
“That wasn’t for you!” Rai quickly defended. They fell over their own words, which came out in a frantic panic as they flung up their arms and waved their hands to deter her. “I was talking to that thing-- he was saying something and I didn’t want to hear him!”
“Enough about that thing!” Cel exploded, “I’m tired of you hiding behind that thing as a defense!”
“Please listen!” Their waving hands quickly clasped together in pleading as Rai became more desperate. Their eyes stung as tears fought their way into the dusty air. Everything was falling apart faster than they could put it together and they knew no matter what they said, they were digging themselves a deeper grave for Cel to kick them into. But it couldn’t end now. “I love you-- I’ve always loved you! I never wanted that day to happen, I never meant it!”
“But you still felt genuine anger.”
“Though your anger was your own!”
The two spoke at the same time, flooding Rai’s mind with biting accusations. They grit their teeth, their eyes shutting tightly as two teardrops freed themselves from behind their lashes. They were right, both of them were, and Rai didn’t want to hear it. Their anger wouldn’t have been as bad if the demon hadn’t gotten involved. Never would they have resorted to something as terrifying as that without his pushing!
“But you still listened to me. How she was weak, how she didn’t deserve your protection anymore, how she was a waste of space. You agreed to me.”
“It wasn’t entirely me though!” Rai pleaded, “I was angry with Outis!”
“Then why turn the bat on me?! I’m not Outis!”
“Because I--”
Cel shook her head as she bristled with mounting anger, even more than she could ever keep in. She stormed toward Rai as a force to be reckoned with as each step sent large echoing booms throughout the quiet facility. Panicked, they took a few steps back, their own shuffled steps against the concrete becoming clanging as their boots met hollow metal.
“Stop with the excuses!” she butt in, “You were tired of me and you know it! I don’t care if you’ve changed your mind, I want you out of my life! You’re not going to destroy it more than you already have.”
That wasn’t true. Rai shook their head again in horror, their mouth working soundlessly before they could even find the words. Their throat felt as if it were on fire with a scream they could never utter trying to break free from the invisible barrier. After a few moments, they managed to grab onto them but they already knew it was useless before they even opened their mouth. “I was never tired of you-- I was so overwhelmed by everything! I’m so sorry, I can’t say it enough! I never meant to do this to you, I want you back!”
“And when I’m back, when’s the next time you decide I don’t need the other eye?” Cel’s words came out as a low hiss as she stopped a single stride away from them. She almost sounded tired and defeated, done with the arguing. “You’re a ticking time bomb, Rai. You’re not safe, and I don’t see you as a sibling anymore. Even if right here, right now you beat my face in again, I still won’t come back with you.”
With an almost death-like calm, she walked around Rai, who kept turning to face her in a panic. They kept frantically searching her face, trying to find some kind of remorse or some kind of hesitation. Just anything for them to know that a part of her still loved and cared for them like they still did for her. There was nothing.
“Cel-- please! I just want my Lettie back!”
Again, Rai realized they said the wrong thing a split second after it left their mouth. They suddenly turned frigid with horror as the name of their deceased brother floated tauntingly in the air between them. Lettie. The person who Cel was meant to be. The person she never wanted.
She stiffened as well, her back facing Rai as her ears flattened against her head again. Something far colder than before settled over her shoulders and her piercing yellow gaze was hardened like diamonds. It was enough to cut through Rai’s heart and bring a new swell of painful tears to their eyes.
“I’m sorry,” they whispered. That was all they could say anymore.
Cel said nothing in return, which increased the pressure on their chest tenfold as she reached out for one of the many levers on the wall. There weren’t any thoughts of its purpose going through Rai’s head, only the increasing need for her to suddenly sag her shoulders in defeat. They wanted her to give them a second chance. Why couldn’t she do that?
“Tell your fathers that I’m doing well. Don’t come back.”
And just like that, she pulled the lever, and the metal floor beneath Rai fell away. A mixture of a gasp and a scream burst past their lips as both their roiling stomach and their tearing heart jumped into their throat with their body plunging towards the darkness. The last thing they saw was their sister’s stoney face staring them down.
They touched something faster than they knew, but it wasn’t the ground. The trapdoor had dropped them into a smooth chute but Rai could hardly pay any attention to it. Any noise that they could’ve made now once more got stuck in the back of their throat. Their hands flew up to their face as they painfully hit imperfections within the tunnel.
It was over before they thought possible and the dark and dirty ground rushed up to meet them. The strangled cry that had been lodged in their throat burst out with a mingling shout of pain as they slammed into the ground. It took a few moments for them to properly sit up from their tangled mess of limbs since more tears blossomed and their nose began to sniffle. In that single moment, taking in the woods around them, they felt what hadn’t been hurt before in their heart had completely broken.
“Why are you crying? You deserve to be thrown out.”
Rai tried to bat the voice away, but it kept growing in severity.
“Maybe if you stick around, she’ll kill you. What goes around comes around, and maybe you’ll save everyone a headache by letting her do it.”
Abruptly, with a still sniffling and runny nose, Rai pushed the demon back again, not wanting to listen to another word he spoke. They stood up on shaky legs, holding their arms as they were wracked with sobs. This couldn’t be it. She wasn’t supposed to go so easily. They could’ve done so much more to make her understand but they fumbled it.
They needed their Cel back. All of those months of searching couldn’t amount to this. They had to try again, they couldn’t give up on having her listen. Maybe if more time passed she’d be easier on them.
Still, even with that hopeful thinking, they felt crushed and compressed with both her and the demon screaming the same things into their ears. They wanted it to be quiet. They wanted things to be normal again. One day, they would be.