Chapter Text
If she could describe it through a comparison, she would say it's like a calm breeze on a fine day, a gentle caress to her skin enough to make its presence known but not forceful as to be disruptive. Or like floating horizontally on water, aimlessly and simply letting the wave take her, high and low, left and right, round and round, changing the angle from which she can stare at the vast sky before her. This is not a lightning strike that shocks her entire person down to her core at the first encounter. There is no big or momentous event.
What Krizia has with Harry, it simply is.
Brief moments finding settlement on spare time, in the mornings while still tangled with the blanket and swamped with pillows, begging for more minutes before begrudgingly starting the day, during mealtimes and the downtime between things that need to be done, and the tranquil, intimate period at midnight right before succumbing to sleep. It is as natural as functioning in her day-to-day life, as ordinary as meeting random people on the streets or casually making acquaintances with people at work.
With the difference that Harry is meant to be a significant person to Krizia, and that both have found themselves in each other's life due to that fact.
If, in the future, Krizia finds herself looking back on these days, she might scoff. Theirs isn't exactly turning out to be the extraordinary tale she would have thought it would be in their situation. At least not the ones written on the pages of a classic love story. No swoon-worthy scenarios, no over-the-top moments that will sweep even the reader off her feet. She is not even certain that it will be his memories that she'd be looking back on someday. For all she knows, this Harry that she knows now, the one who has been taking up her free time, whose face occasionally sidles into her mind during idle moments, would just be another face lost in the sea of countless others, whom she is forced to move on from, having encountered him once along the way in her journey towards another path, another future, another person.
The Infinite Universe, new planets, study of emotions... It's such a wild and ambitious concept, not to mention shady. And yet, when Harry tells her to delete the app as early as their first day, why doesn't she? Perhaps, it's curiosity and intrigue. To bring even the universe into this as if it's some higher power that has brought the two of them together is absurd. But who is she to talk about absurdity when she herself plays otome games and dates fictional 2D men as if the actual world has run out of them? Or maybe, in some deeper level, being the hopeless romantic that she is, the thought of having someone to belong to... makes her feel needed somewhat, like out of all the people in this world, there is one person to whom she matters. Loved and cherished by a man in a way he would not love and cherish any other since her.
Of course she understands that love isn't meant to be rushed or forced, or in their unique case, an act of prophecy fulfilled. It's not always smooth-sailing either. Regardless, for someone who's supposedly Krizia's best match, Harry sure is tearing down every expectation, impression, and rules around him, making a point to her that he is not aboard this whole 'love and romance' ship unlike her. Which she doesn't take offense in. It's nice enough to have a reason to talk to someone, without all that fuss of creating a suitable situation or mustering up an entire universe's worth of courage just to be able to say "Hello". Maybe that's what the bird AI thing - Piu Piu - is there for, to serve as a middle man to help make things a little less awkward and move things along.
And it's a good thing they have Piu Piu, because while Krizia admits she's not entirely sane, Harry is just... pure insufferable. Maybe it's partly her fault for having expectations. She must have had them, or she wouldn't be feeling slightly disappointed to find that the things he gives a damn about amount to less than the number of fingers he has on both hands. Her initial intrigue turns into mild annoyance at his indifferent and dismissive attitude, but this shift in feeling also allows her to respond to him in kind. Harry seems like the type who would either take it in stride at best or not care in the least at worst, so Krizia doesn't tell herself to feel guilty whenever she shows outright disinterest in their conversation or ditches him altogether in the chatroom. She even talks with the chatterbird more than she does with her supposed match.
And they're supposed to fall in love?
When she stops minding every time she has missed Harry in the chatroom or being too careful of what she says to him, logging in becomes less of a chore and more of a casual way to pass the time without being intrusive on her day-to-day life. The setup works for the both of them, it seems. But probably what Krizia has not counted on is the fact that human mind and emotions are subject to changes and progress. In a situation like theirs where they're bound to talk regardless, and for whatever personal reason both have found themselves staying in, even more so.
It creeps in so subtly that she doubts Harry has even noticed it, or is aware he is doing it. There's no obvious or physical sign. The only testament to the change is in the way Krizia smiles a bit more often, how her eyes would rake over the same message more than once, wanting to relish in the rare times Harry says something remotely kind and considerate towards her. Shows some interest in her. Soon it becomes a steadily growing thing between them. Despite Harry's usual nonchalance, there is something he doesn't outright verbalize hidden between the lines of his typed words, his voice during phone calls sounds a lot less obligatory and more tolerant, more neutral with just a touch of tenderness to make warmth bloom in her chest.
Before Krizia knows it, this has become so natural for her. Not like before how she could easily overlook or ignore it, but in a way that's comforting due to familiarity. Because it is now part of her life. She's aware of it and she's indulging in every second of it. At this point, it's undeniable that the two of them care about each other more than they've thought they would when all this started. Feeling once again like a giddy school girl with a crush, Krizia finds herself impatiently awaiting each chatroom opening. Just being able to end her day with Harry, and to start the next one with thoughts of him gently nudging their way through the sleepy haze in her brain... Realizing how effortlessly he is taking over her thoughts even when she's busy, affecting her outside of their small, private world in the app, so much so that her day would not feel complete if she doesn't hear from him. Or, as cliche and perhaps too fast as it may be, he brings out the long lost courage from within her, becoming her new motivation to face the reality she fears and brave through each day's challenges with a smile.
It's quite ironic, that when she starts acknowledging her growing feelings for Harry, they start messing with her. Making her more sensitive to the man's criticisms and blunt personality. Becoming a little too aware of him, a little too conscious of what she says to him, how she'll look to him. It bothers her that she feels the need to measure up to a non-existent standard, considering he has been fine with who she is. She supposes it comes with loving someone, wanting that person to see only the best version of yourself, and feeling vulnerable and receptive to every little thing they say or do.
And, God, does she love him so much. Seventeen days since meeting Harry through the app, and Krizia finally ascertains that she's in love with him. It's electrifying... and scary at the same time. But more than anything, she loves being in love with Choi Harry. She has never felt more alive than when she gains a new purpose and meaning in her life. One more reason to keep living so she could spend more days with Harry. The push she needs to work harder in order to become someone worthy of him, and even more than that, to become a person that Krizia herself would be proud of one of these days.
Of course, with Harry, it can't be a fairy tale. He's not that perfect, ideal guy who tends to her needs with an abundance of sensitivity and care. There are times, predominantly in the earliest stages of their acquaintanceship, when he can be too cold or dispassionate to the point that his words feel piercing and offensive to her. In no way has it ever been intentional on Harry's part, nonetheless that doesn't stop the ugly emotions from rearing their heads and churning unpleasantly in her stomach. Because she likes him a lot. And because he is so important, she can't help it if her feelings become a little more dependent than necessary on his words and actions. Yet Harry doesn't always say the right things. And sometimes, it's as if there's something lacking whenever he fails to take notice of certain things she desperately wishes for him to know.
Kind of what Krizia is like to him though. Harry thinks she's annoying, and claims that she sometimes makes him uncomfortable. To him, she's a weirdo. And yet... when he uses these very words to describe her, when he talks about her to his ex-girlfriend aware that she's reading the conversation, why does her heart swell? With something akin to pride? humility? ...a heartfelt joy?
Why does it make her spirit soar?
The fact that she can elicit such emotions and reactions from him, which, to her knowledge, none of his past girlfriends or even his closest friends has managed to accomplish. That she can affect him to an extent, because maybe there's something about her that draws him in, makes him keep coming back to talk to her instead of just uninstalling the app, singles her out from the rest who have tried to incorporate themselves into his life yet failed to leave any significant impact.
That's what makes all the difference. Because he's not perfect, but in his own 'Harry' way, he values Krizia and whatever semblance of a relationship the two of them have. They may seem small and trivial, but they hold weight and sincerity in the details, like casually-posed questions that belie his interest in her well-being and daily life
'I remember things about you. Like the fact that you love chocolate. Your favorite flavors of ice cream are double dutch and rocky road. You like to drink ice cold chocolate with marshmallows especially when it's cold. You're a night owl. You collect action figures and plush dolls. You like horror stories even though you sleep with the lights on. You can't float on water, much less swim. You dislike carrots. And you write as a hobby.'
Sometimes, it feels strangely domestic, when he informs her he's on his way home, relates what happens to his day. When he finds something amusing, she's the one he shares it with. On more than a few occasions, he has asked for her opinion on various matters - what he should eat for dessert, what to do to alleviate his boredom, what clothes suit him best. He calls her in the middle of the night so she can listen to him play the piano for her.
He asks about her days and how she feels at the end of each one.
His friends know about her. On his side of the screen, people around him know of her.
With Harry, there are plenty of disappointment and frustration. He can be harsh and unfeeling at times, or maybe Krizia's just too sensitive. But it means that he doesn't need to mask himself for her, to pretend to care and have interest for the sake of gaining something. He is as honest as he could be to her, even if he's bad at expressing himself. She and Piu Piu have even agreed that the two of them know the real Harry. So whenever he shows the gentle side of him nowadays, when he laughs more openly and heartily over the phone at something she says, when it's her whom he reaches out to when he's agitated or upset and need a few words of reassurance or simply someone to calm him, knowing that he needs her and no one else, they're more than enough for her to decide that this is all worth the while.
Ultimately, Krizia doesn't need some grand story. The magnitude of her feelings alone, the hard beating of her heart in her chest, the feelings that can be simultaneously overwhelming and not nearly enough, make their story compelling enough for her. And while it's not a classic one, it's something that she would still reminisce with fondness someday.