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Coffee in the mornings had become a tradition for Sebastian and Lilian. Usually they would sip slowly while doing the Daily Prophet crossword or puzzle together at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall; occasionally they would take it with them to sit on the shore in her peaceful seaside vivarium; and more times than they cared to admit, they’d relied on it to get through a late night of studying when exams were approaching. They had an unspoken agreement between them to bring an extra cup to one of their usual haunts if one of the other was missing from the breakfast table.
That particular morning, Sebastian had found Lilian sitting on a bench in the garden outside the Great Hall, rich chestnut hair plaited and shining in the warm sunlight. She sat with one leg crossed over the other, poring over the Advanced Potion-Making book in her lap and jotting down notes, dark brows furrowed in concentration. She scratched her freckled nose lightly with one finger, another one of her little tells that she was deep in thought.
Sebastian’s mouth quirked to the side in a half smile, watching her for a moment before interrupting. She may appear cute and harmless from afar, but he knew that look. She took her schoolwork very seriously and he’d had his head bitten off for breaking her focus enough times to have learned his lesson by now. She could tell someone off verbally just as well as she could duel, which was saying a lot.
She didn’t seem to notice him walking toward her until the scent of her favorite spiced brew drifted over on the chill spring breeze. Tearing her eyes away from the passage on Polyjuice, she lifted her head and grinned when she saw Sebastian.
“I figured you could use this,” said Sebastian, offering her a mug. “Ominis told me you left the common room before dawn and we’ve got double Potions today.”
“You’re a life saver,” Lilian replied, setting her quill between the pages as a bookmark and closed her copy of Advanced Potion-Making in her lap, then moved her bag so he could join her. A strand of wavy hair had came loose from her braid. She tucked it behind one ear and extended a hand for the steaming coffee. She wrapped both hands around the mug and made a small noise of contentment, savoring the warmth.
“You know the exam isn’t for weeks, right?” Sebastian asked as he took a seat to her left on the bench, sipping from his own mug.
“I like to be prepared. In case you don’t remember, I missed the first four years here and I don’t want to fall behind again.”
“Cartwright, you’re the best in our year. Can you blame me if I occasionally forget that you had to catch up with the rest of us, considering how quickly you got ahead and put the rest of us to shame in O.W.L.s?” He chuckled. “You’ll be outstanding again this year, no doubt.”
She rolled her eyes but Sebastian could see a small smile on her lips as she lifted her coffee to her mouth. She drank deeply and visibly relaxed at the comforting warmth even as a chill breeze swept through the garden, carrying the scent of freshly bloomed flowers.
“Sure, I can follow the instructions to brew well enough, but I wouldn’t know how to recognize half of these potions by sight or smell like Sharp is always telling us. These illustrations only give you so much information,” she said, looking at the book in her lap. “And I still have the sections on poisons and love potions to read more thoroughly.”
“You sure you weren’t supposed to be in Ravenclaw?” Sebastian joked, “And some say poisons and love potions are the same thing.”
Lilian laughed, the sound like music to his ears, and she closed her book again.
“I’ve read that book backwards and forwards by now so I’d offer catch you up, but I doubt you’ll need it. You’ve never been anything but brilliant in Potions.”
Sebastian watched her as she took another sip of her coffee, noticing a faint tinge of pink on her cheeks. Probably from the chilly morning air, he thought, as she’d been sitting out here for a while before he arrived. The wind blew again, ruffling her dark hair and she shivered slightly. He felt an overwhelming desire to offer her his cloak or put an arm around her, but settled for moving a bit closer to offer some friendly warmth, shoulder to shoulder now.
“So, why are you out here instead of studying in the common room?”
She glanced up at him briefly, then back out at the garden. “I wanted some fresh air. I’ve felt cooped up all winter and it’s nice enough to sit out here now. And seeing as it’s as cold under the lake as it is out here,” she added, “I figured I may as well get some peace and quiet before you finally rolled out of bed and came to pester me,” she bumped her shoulder into his.
“Pester?” Sebastian asked, feigning offense. “I’ll remember that next time I’m tempted to visit the kitchen to ask the house elves for cinnamon to add to your coffee, Lil.” He nudged her back.
She rolled her eyes again, smirking. “I know you really visit them for the pastries they shove into your hands. Staying in my good graces by bringing me my drink of choice is just an added bonus,” she joked as she drained her mug.
“I take back my offer to help you study,” Sebastian quipped, then snatched her book off her lap and easily held it out of reach, as she stood a little under a head shorter than he.
“Alright, alright!” Lilian said, standing up to grab her book back. “Only joking. And I know you wouldn’t want me to retaliate against your lack of generosity when we duel in Crossed Wands later,” she threatened with a wicked grin.
“Fair enough. I wouldn’t want to get on the bad side of an impressive Troll Slayer such as yourself,” Sebastian winked as he lowered his hand to give her book back.
“Har har.” She rolled her eyes yet again, but Sebastian knew she appreciated the praise despite how she played it off, and he chuckled as she stowed the book away in her bag before the warning bell chimed.
“We should head down to class,” said Lilian, brushing off her trousers and straightening her uniform jumper.
Sebastian swiftly picked up her bag off the bench and slung it over his shoulder along with his own before she could grab it. “Come on then, let’s go try not to get poisoned.”
They walked to class side by side, chatting and laughing along the way.
~~~~~
Professor Sharp had an array of cauldrons lined up already when they arrived in the classroom, contents softly bubbling, the air thick with steam and heavy aromas. Sebastian took his usual seat, stationed with Lilian and Imelda. Ominis had dropped the class as soon as he could, detesting how much he’d needed to rely on others’ help with the visual elements required by this form of magic.
“Today we will be identifying and discussing some of the most dangerous potions in the world,” Sharp told the class as the last student filed in and took their seat. “Identifying potions by sight and smell is an important skill. It could make the difference between saving your life or ending it,” he added grimly.
A few students sat up a little straighter. Sharp took a moment to let them absorb his statement before telling the class to stand in a group near the simmering liquids in front of the professor’s desk. Sebastian could swear he smelled a hint of something familiar, something warm and enticing over the acrid flames.
“This will be a practical quiz to see if you can identify these potions using only your sight and sense of smell,” the professor gestured to the vessels before him.
“Can anyone tell me what this is?” He indicated the first cauldron, filled to the brim with a pale pink liquid.
“It’s the Draught of Living Death, sir,” said Amit immediately. “The Draught brings upon its drinker a powerful sleep that can last indefinitely, if not brewed exactly and administered with utmost care,” he practically quoted from the textbook.
“Correct,” said Sharp, “5 points to Ravenclaw.”
The professor paused at the second pot, which contained some kind of gurgling grey sludge. “And this one?”
“Polyjuice Potion,” Lilian answered, recalling the description in the passage she’d been reading before Sebastian had interrupted her study. “It physically transforms the drinker to appear as someone else.”
“5 points to Slytherin,” said Sharp. “And what color will it turn when completed?” He asked the class.
“The color changes depending on the essence of the person whose er, bits have been added to the potion,” Sebastian chimed.
“Another 5 points to Slytherin,” Sharp nodded.
This continued on, and the professor seemed reluctantly impressed that the advanced group of students had kept up with the assigned reading. Nobody had been stumped yet. Until he arrived at the final concoction.
“Last but certainly not least, does anyone care to volunteer what they smell in this potion?” Sharp asked the class as he gestured to the cauldron.
There was a lull in volunteers, but Lilian raised her hand.
“Yes, miss Cartwright?” Sharp prompted.
The girl cautiously stepped closer to the glimmering cauldron, the steam rippling in the air. “It smells like...parchment and ink - like old books” she wafted the steam, frowning slightly in concentration. “Wait, a sea breeze? And...fresh brewed coffee,” she turned to the professor, puzzled curiosity on her face.
“Anyone else?” Sharp asked, not answering her silent question.
Imelda said boldly, “I can smell broom polish, worn leather, and grass.”
Garreth stepped forward next, “What? All I’m getting is smoke and a hint of Firewhiskey.”
Sharp’s eyes briefly narrowed at the boy’s comment before he looked around the room expectantly. “Well? Based on these observations, who can tell us what this potion is?”
Sebastian glanced at each of the students who volunteered and pondered to himself. What brew could possibly emit such different fragrances between three people? He looked more closely at the spiraling steam, now noticing the shape of it, and the shiny surface of the cauldron. A hint of comforting spice drifted toward him. Something finally clicked into place in Sebastian’s mind.
“Sir, is this Amortentia?”
“That’s correct, Mr. Sallow. Another 5 points.”
The class let out a chorus of ooh’s and giggles at the revelation of the love potion’s power to attract using scents that appeal to the unsuspecting drinker.
He glanced again at Lilian and noticed her cheeks tinged with pink once more. No chilly morning air to blame in the steam-filled classroom.
Everyone knew Imelda loved flying around the quidditch pitch more than anything. Garreth was well known to enjoy potion making of course, though he had a reputation for brewing trouble just as much. But Lilian...
Sebastian stopped hearing Sharp’s explanation of the telltale mother-of-pearl sheen and the spiraling steam characteristic of the most powerful love potion in the world. His mind was reeling, entirely focused on what his friend had just said.
Books...like the library where they spent so many evenings craning their necks studying side-by-side, or sneaking into the restricted section after Madam Scribner retired for the evening. A sea breeze...like their days spent together in the sun in the seaside vivarium, laughing and caring for her menagerie of rescued magical beasts. Fresh brewed coffee...
He felt his face heat too as Lilian accidentally made eye contact with him, then quickly looked away. His heart jumped and he rubbed the back of his neck in a failed attempt to appear casual.
Had Lilian inadvertently hinted at returning his feelings? It could be that she just loved those favorite things of hers - the library full of knowledge to be devoured, the calming sea air, and caffeine to help get her through all she’d accomplished these last two years. She had her own life independent of him, probably had no interest in him beyond friendship, and how vain was he to think what she said had anything to do with him? But the blush, something in the sudden shyness when she looked away from him...he felt his heart stutter again.
Sebastian was vaguely aware of Professor Sharp discussing the dangers of love potions but his mind was wandering far from the dungeon classroom.
Lilian didn’t meet his eye again during class and she left quickly after the lesson, stating some lame excuse about needing a book and rushing off before Sebastian could fall into step with her.
~~~~~
Sebastian didn’t see Lilian for the rest of the day. It seemed she was avoiding the Great Hall as she didn’t show up for lunch, and she had Beasts class to attend while he had a free period for study with Ominis.
After debating with himself all afternoon, Sebastian had decided not to tease her about what she said in their Potions lesson that morning, not until he could gauge her mood. He knew how private and guarded she could be. Knew she wouldn’t have volunteered that information in front of the whole class if she’d known what she could be potentially revealing about herself, whomever she may harbor feelings for. As tempting as it was to poke and pry, he decided he’d rather not get hexed for ribbing her if she wasn’t in the mood.
Sebastian was determined not to mention it at Crossed Wands, but he had no chance to as she didn’t show for their scheduled sparring time. His concern grew.
He waited in the common room until dinner, trying to force himself to act casual while glancing up from his book with every set of footsteps he heard coming down the spiral staircase, but there was no sign of her. He’d started to worry in earnest when he didn’t see her at the Slytherin table and wandered over to the Hufflepuffs to ask Poppy if she had seen his friend. After she said no, he’d even dared to ask Imelda if Lilian was in her dorm, and the girl informed him that she’d spotted his friend heading past the Charms classroom an hour ago.
~~~~~
“Thought I might find you here,” Sebastian huffed as he walked onto the balcony of the Astronomy tower.
Lilian startled at his voice and glanced over from where she stood leaning against the railing. She said nothing, however, and turned back to the night sky.
“How can you stand climbing all those stairs?” Somehow after all these years he still wasn’t used to the exertion the castle forced onto its students.
“I wanted some air,” was all she said.
“Seems like a pattern is forming,” Sebastian pushed. “That’s twice in one day you’ve needed some air.”
“You want me to stop breathing?” She asked sarcastically, raising one scarred brow.
“No,” he sighed, pausing for a moment before reaching out a hand.
“I brought you some cheese and rolls. I didn’t see you at dinner,” he said, holding out the food he’d loosely wrapped in a cloth napkin, “And I know how cranky you get when you’re hungry,” he added with a smirk, trying to break the tension.
She gave him a withering look but took the parcel out of his hand, tearing off a piece of bread before turning back to the mountainous view.
He chuckled softly and stood next to her, arms draping over the rail, elbows nearly touching. “C’mon, out with it. What’s on your mind, Lil?” He asked.
She chewed her food slowly and didn’t reply.
“Fine then. Brood away.”
“Did you come up here just to needle me?” She asked sharply.
“I came up here because my best friend has been hiding all day and I want to know why.”
“I haven’t been hiding.”
“You practically ran out of Potions and now you’ve gone about as far away from the dungeons as possible. You skipped Crossed Wands and missed two meals.”
A red flush creeped up on her face yet again at the mention of the lesson, and she looked away again. “I don’t see what’s so wrong with wanting some time to myself,” she stated simply.
“I waited for you in the common room, Poppy told me she hadn’t seen you since Beasts class, and Imelda said you weren’t in your room. After you didn’t show up to dinner I knew something must truly be bothering you.”
She shot him a sidelong glance. “You were looking for me?”
His turn to blush. “I just meant I expected you to show up at some point.” He said quickly and rubbed the back of his neck. “And when you didn’t, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine,” she said. It might have been convincing if not for the hint of disappointment on her face.
“Clearly.” Did she want me to be looking for her? Sebastian wondered.
She scoffed. “What is it you want me to say, Sebastian?”
A minute of silence passed between them as he thought back on their time together. All this time, Sebastian thought he’d been so obvious in his admiration of her. He’d agonized privately that she knew how he felt but thought the girl wanted to spare his feelings by sweeping it under the rug. However, he had been content to suffer a bit of heartache in order to avoid a painful rejection and to remain friends. He hadn’t let himself dream she could possibly return his feelings. Until today, when that kernel of hope sprouted in his heart.
Lilian shivered in the brisk evening air. Sebastian felt a pang in his chest at the realization that she hadn’t even returned to the common room to fetch her cloak before coming up here, as far as she could get from Slytherin dungeon, just to avoid him. And now she was trying to close herself off rather than admit any potentially embarrassing feelings.
She must truly have no idea how mad I am for her, he realized. He’d have to be the one to show his hand first. Sebastian steeled himself, still a bit nervous he’d misinterpreted the signs somehow.
“Perhaps you’d rather listen instead?” He asked, turning partially, one arm still on the railing. He gazed at her eyes, a deeper brown than his own, reflecting the night sky, and felt his mouth go dry as gentle gust blew a loose wave of her dark hair across her face. Be brave, he said to himself, and he took another risk, tucking a piece behind her ear as she’d done that morning.
Mild surprise flashed across her face and she wrapped her arms tighter around herself, whether to comfort or to stave off the chill night air, he wasn’t sure. Sebastian shrugged off his cloak anyway and draped it around her shoulders. She closed her eyes for a beat, features softening, then murmured a thank you. Her posture relaxed somewhat before she looked out at the night sky once more.
“Is there anything you want to ask me to level the playing field?” He prompted.
“If you have something you want to talk about, go ahead,” she replied, aloof act in full force. “I’m listening.”
“Don’t you want to know what I smelled in the Amortentia?” Sebastian nudged her elbow, trying to provoke her to drop her guard. Anything to get her to smile, to laugh, to stop shielding herself from him.
“Probably too busy staring at your reflection in the potion to notice any fragrance” she said dryly, still not looking at him.
Sebastian chuckled, then turned to face her fully. He took a breath and mustered all of his courage as she turned too, finally meeting his gaze.
“I smelled paper and ink. Like my parents’ study. Like the stacks in the Hogwarts library. Like the beautifully bound book you gave me for my birthday this year.” His face wore a look of vulnerability and his tone was sincere, something he reserved only for those closest to him.
Lilian blinked but continued listening with that unwavering attention she gave to the things and people that mattered to her.
“I smelled salt. Like the beach…Like enjoying a warm day at the seaside, splashing in the water with my best friend.” His heart hammered in his chest.
Her eyes widened slightly but she remained quiet, focused on his words.
“I smelled cinnamon. Like Christmas Day. Like warm pastries. Like you sprinkle in your coffee every morning,” he said, taking her hand in his.
Her breath hitched.
“In case you haven’t noticed,” he added warmly, “I do look for you. I have done for a while now. I wait for you and I seek you out, not just because you’re my friend, not just because I need a study partner or dueling partner who pushes me to be better. Yes, you’re brilliant, and talented, and powerful. But I’m drawn to you, Lil, not just your abilities.”
Sebastian inched closer to her, and her rapt attention focused solely on him made his heart quiver again.
“I gladly spend every day with you because I’m drawn to the way you see the world, the way you make me laugh so easily even when I’m in a foul mood, the kindness you show when you think nobody is watching. You are so caring and selfless. You give your whole heart to those who manage to scale the wall you guard yourself with. I know you protect yourself because you feel so intensely and you’re afraid of letting people in, scared they’re going to hurt you. And I get it - that’s something we have in common. But you don’t have to hide your feelings. Not from me.”
A silent tear slid down her cheek and Sebastian gently brushed it away with his thumb. She took a deep breath.
“I didn’t mean to shut you out,” Lilian said quietly. “But you’re right. I am afraid. When it comes to talking about my feelings...” she swallowed. “It’s... I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t dare to tell you in case - in case you didn’t feel the same way. I figured it would be better to leave it because I didn’t want our friendship to be ruined. I felt humiliated today, and angry with myself. I thought I’d revealed too much and you’d be awkward around me from now on, or worse yet, avoid me. But that’s exactly what I’ve done all day. I was acting like a coward.”
Lilian looked down and bit her lip. Sebastian’s heart twinged. He gently took her face in his hand, tilting her chin up to let her eyes meet his once again.
“I’ve been a coward far longer than you,” he said soothingly. “You’ve stood by my side no matter what, even when and it was more than I deserved. I was so grateful for you remaining in my life after everything I did last year that I didn’t dare push. Didn’t dare hope for more than your loyal friendship. I - I thought you deserved someone better than me. I still think that.”
Lilian opened her mouth as if to contradict his statement, but Sebastian continued, “But it doesn’t change how I feel about you, Lily. And I’m so tired of pretending. You’re the first person I think about when I wake, and the last before I fall asleep. You’re the most incredible witch I’ve ever met. In truth, I’ve wanted to kiss you since you kicked my arse in our duel during your first Defense class.”
She laughed quietly, dark eyes shining like tempered chocolate in the moonlight. “Let’s see it, then.”
Her full lips parted lightly as she lifted up on her toes, and she closed her eyes upon capturing his mouth with hers. The kiss was soft and tender, everything he’d dreamed of. Sebastian’s hand slid to the nape of her neck and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, as though she might float away if she didn’t hold onto him. After a moment they broke apart, each taking in the reality of what just occurred. Sebastian brought his hand to her waist and gazed down at her beautiful, smiling face before he kissed her once more.
He felt his cloak slide off her shoulders, no longer needed with his warmth enveloping her. Lilian’s hand moved into his already messy hair and Sebastian groaned softly. The kiss deepened, and several more minutes passed before they finally broke apart again, their heavier breathing turning into relieved, giddy laughter.
Sebastian’s heart soared as the pure adoration on his face was reflected in hers. “Just to clear up any confusion before it begins, I’d very much like to court you properly, if you’ll have me.”
“I’d like that too,” Lilian said breathlessly, as she threw her arms around his middle, drawing him in for a tender hug.
Sebastian wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.
“We have a few minutes before curfew,” said Lilian, pulling back before lacing her fingers through his. “Let’s see what else we can get up to.”
~~~~~