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His apartment reeks of alcohol, weed and various repulsive substances not even he could differenciate anymore, rests of food, empty cans littered everywhere and with the shitty windows that were stuck and therefore wouldn't open, the smell was trapped and rotting everything inside. He made a face of disgust just thinking about it.
Ah, so heading back home wasn't an option then.
He decided to take a long stroll through the city, perhaps not the best idea since it can get quite dangerous, specially at night. He joked in his head about getting mugged and killed for his dead body to be thrown away with the rest of the trash that polluted the streets.
Maybe, just maybe, deep inside he wanted that to actually happen.
A strong, chilly wind snapped him out of his trance, he zipped his black hoodie with white stripes on the sides all the way up and slid down his sleeves so he could be fully covered and maybe feel warmer on this cold night.
---
Time goes by as his mind roams, his feet follow a steady walking pace, almost as if they had a mind of their own. He had no idea where he was going, nor cared, but as far as he knew he was far from home.
How much time has passed?
No matter the hours or minutes he spends outside, the night is at its point where the sky won't get any brighter nor darker.
He could barely afford rent, yet he was craving his pills, an addiction which had fucked up his already trashy life, or he could take anything really just to help him live through today. Shit, he couldn't even afford a single cigarette he could buy with, what? Half a dollar? Less? His pockets only carried some plastic trash, expired coupons and a lighter which was on its last breath.
Maybe he could get creative, collect some trash, put it on fire and then throw himself in-
Smoke.
He finally lifted his head up and looked at his surroundings properly.
Well, now he knows he definitely is way too far from home.
That aside, what caught his attention was the smoke coming from the other side of a wall that surrounded a park.
There's no way another person is all alone this late, right? He peeked through the corner
Well, there is.
On the other side of the wall there was what seemed to be, a shorter guy, wearing a grey hoodie with the hood on, hands with black fingerless gloves on, smoking right under some street light that barely provided any light. On any other normal day, he would've ignored him and continue his own path, but man, didn't a good smoke sound good, this guy could probably be carrying a pack, what could he lose? He could have an extra to offer and he'd calm himself with the help of nicotine, or he could have an extra but decline giving it, or wors,-- and probably the most realistic, he could freak out the guy by being a random dude in the middle of the night and asking him for a cig in the middle of nowhere.
He was desperate and honestly, his head didn't care of anything at this moment, so he just went for it.
"Sup."
He managed to catch his attention, the guy turned his head to look at the direction he called from. As he walked to get closer, hands in pocket and a friendly hand gesture to accompany his greeting. Now having a clearer view of his face, he noticed the guy had pitch black hair and eyes and a light stubble.
The black haired only nodded in response.
He hadn't had a proper talk with another person in so long that he had forgotten how to approach someone. He might aswell just be direct and end this quickly.
"You got an extra?" He pointed at the black-haired's hand that was holding his own cigarette.
His words only followed by silence, he thought maybe this guy was going to tell him to go away and mind his own business, until he reached out for his pocket, opened the pack and brought out his arm to offer one. Lucky. He kindly reached out and took one.
"Thanks man"
"Hm"
He took out his lighter and after some embarrasing attempts to bring it back to life, he managed to turn it on, taking a long drag and exhaling. He leaned his back on the wall to relax his body.
The soft breeze gave him goosebumps, but now he didn't feel as cold with this light source and the warm feeling between his fingers. He gave a peek to the stranger and noticed he too was a victim of the low temperatures.
Maybe he could strike up a conversation so this felt less awkward. It would also be a great distraction from the awful weather and how none of them came prepared with the right clothes to deal with it.
"What are you doing out here? It's kind of risky being out here at this hour"
"Why do you care?"
The man barked with annoyance, he was startled by his sudden angerness and the venomous answer he was met with.
A pause.
"..sorry, couldn't sleep, that's why. I also can't stand being in my room sometimes" His gaze shifted from an angry to an apologetic look, his body became less tense.
"Hah I get that" Only that his own room situation was way worse to even compare it. Nasty.
The black-haired gave him a short look and returned his face to look at the nothing. This was getting awkward.
He should probably change the topic.
"I didn't get your name"
"I'm Simon"
"David, nice to meet you"
"Hm"
Simon took another drag of his cigarette and he followed. He turned his face to look above, the stars were hardly visible with that many clouds that painted the sky.
"Not much of a talker?" He should probably consider his words better after the negative response he got from his previous comment. He was dumb, though.
"Not really, no" He surprisingly answered "I don't really talk to others, people tend to avoid me" He stopped for a second to take a drag "But it's alright, I don't mind that much"
"People can suck, huh?"
"Yeah"
Simon looked at him from the side.
"You don't look much like the type of person who struggles with people"
He chuckled.
"Don't let my looks fool you, I might look like a jock or something, like a social butterfly-- and that's what people think of me initially not going to lie, but no one stays long.
I'm... difficult to be with"
"It's hard to believe, you surely got a girl or someone" Simon cringed at himself inmediately after the comment, maybe unintentially projecting, he noticed.
"Pfft I wish, I've tried many times, at the beginning it's fine but when they actually get to know me, they get freaked out."
He paused to blow smoke "I'm fine with quick hook ups, no time to see the rotted side"
"That bad?"
"That bad."
...
"What about you?"
"Huh? Ah," Simon looked away "There's.. this girl I really like, my best friend, she has... done so much for me." He sighed melancholicly.
"Have you thought about making a move?"
"No way" He laughed "I don't, I don't wanna ruin it
....
..and she deserves better"
"Chill man, you'll find many people throughout your life, if it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world" Simon looked back at him "you look like a nice guy, Simon, in the worst outcome she'll say no and if she's as good as you say you will continue to be friends."
"Don't end up like me" he concluded.
Simon's eyes stayed still on his face a bit more until they went back to look nowhere.
He didn't know how else to keep up conversation and his cigarette was dying out so he just continued taking short drags of it and looking at the sky, thinking and slightly enjoying the company of another human being after months? Years?
Some good few moments of silence went by before Simon spoke up again.
"Can I ask you something?"
He doesn't look back at him yet, simply continues admiring the night sky, almost abscently.
"Go ahead"
Simon pauses and takes an extra long drag of his cigarette, thinking before he asks the question
"Are you lonely?"
David finally looked back at him, taken out from his trance as they met eyes.
He could answer honestly and say he feels so alone he sometimes doesn't even feel alive, if he was gone nobody would notice until someone finally went to investigate the awful smell that came from his apartment. Or he could simply lie or avoid the question, after all, this is a stranger who has no reason to be in his business and who he will probably never see again.
They had just met, they weren't old friends or colleagues, or brothers, they knew nothing of eachother's personal life. His original plan was ask for a cig, take a quick smoke, thank him and that's it, leave. No, in fact, he shouldn't even be answering this from a complete stranger. Who even was he?
"I am, all the time" yet David, was dumb.
...
"It's an awful feeling isn't it? You don't even feel alive"
'it's as if I wasn't real' David thought
"it's like you didn't exist" Simon finished
David never expected to sympathize so much with another person, he had given up on creating bonds with others, he always messed up.
Everybody looked at him like he was crazy, he had fucked up. He no longer belonged anywhere, there was no place for him in society.
"I am lonely, normally, every day of the week. It's all a loop that never seems to end. It's unbearable. I feel like my body is slowly decomposing as if it was dead, but I'm alive" There was no filter for David anymore, nothing to hide. "Sometimes I wish things were different, maybe destiny made me fuck up and end up where I am right now, maybe it was planned"
"If destiny put us here, maybe it's not that bad" Simon followed "what were the chances that we met? nobody had understood what I felt, I felt so different from others, what's wrong with me? Why am I like this?" His voice volume lowered
"It's comforting, I don't feel that lonely" Simon tossed away his burned out cigarette. David's was long forgotten by his side, between his fingers, burning out.
Soon came realization to David, when their cigarettes run out they'll have no reason to stay, they both have to go back home eventually, or just somewhere in David's case. Perhaps to never meet again. At the end of the day, all nights end.
Weird. He didn't want to go away anymore, he wanted to stay, he didn't want to go back to his cold and dark apartment, he wanted the warmth that heated his hand to never end, so much he didn't even care for the nicotine anymore just so it could live longer.
"I never thought a random walk in the middle of the night would've made me meet someone who understood"
Simon let out a small laugh.
"I wonder how much time it would take me to see this other side of you you talked about because right now I'm enjoying your person"
David smiled back. After giving it thought he opened his mouth to speak only for a sudden cold feeling hit him on the tip of his nose making him flinch.
A single raindrop.
"Shit! It's going to start raining soon, I better head back" Simon exclaimed.
"You're heading back? You don't have an umbrella, you'll get all wet"
"It's no big issue, my house is near around that street- shitshit"
It started pouring, forcing David and Simon to seek shelter somewhere under the trees.
"
(Hi you've reached the part where the fic chops since I didn't properly save the note bc I wasn't counting que un pendejo se chingara mi celular en la combi!!!1!1!! I hope you read the note before the fic but yea, if you want you can imagine what happened here, in summary David is a dumbass)
It was late, and so the night now felt colder
and lonelier.
.
.
.
.
.
A phone rang, did he really expect her to answer at this hour? She was probably asleep already, maybe he could just sleep on a bench and hope for the best--
-click-
"Ah, uh, yo Soph" he stumbled on his words and sighed "can you.. can you come pick me up..?"