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It was naïve of him to believe for a fleeting second that, though minuscule, there was a chance that everything would be all right. That someday he would manage to make you let out a laugh and that a sparkle would show in your irises as you spoke, maybe even a blush would be painted on your cheeks; but it was useless to dream. Twilight adorning the sky bathed in a thousand stars, your fragile voice like a volatile feather being the first out-of-tune sonata the white-haired one had ever heard— a prelude to the soft sigh that would escape your lips soon after, a bitter smile creeping across your face.
"I don't mind. I'll take the sickness. The taint." out of the corner of your eye you noticed the dried leaves of a plant you wished you had taken better care of, and your pet lying among the messy bedsheets. You would lower your head, oblivious to the disheartened expression that the one in the dark clothes had shown after saying that, his eyebrows arched in concern.
You were supposed to be dead, so fate itself had narrated. Genuinely you didn't see why you should continue to try to evade your own death; in front of you was the one who would take your soul in a matter of hours, and you had nothing against it. "You want to take my soul, don't you? I might as well be helpful beforehand."
He tried to convince you that it wasn't exactly a good idea, but his voice seemed hollow in front of your ears. He was worried about you, his scarlet eyes mirrored it. He thought you were sick, perhaps, that they were just poorly chosen words in a ramble through the maelstrom of ambivalent thoughts. But you weren't— you were perfectly aware of your actions, what you were saying and even that lump forming in your throat.
The bouquet of sunflowers and flowers as colorful as the Milky Way smiled at you across your desk, a reminder of what had happened the night before.
You felt irritated with yourself, even though the chill expression on your face hadn't changed a bit. You had become deeply attached to the individual on the other side of the screen even though it was almost serendipitous that you had met him a few short days ago, but you lacked the slightest bit of energy to show it. You wanted to hug him tightly, to thank him for making you feel a little bit important throughout the week, to feel that you were the brightest star in the sky he had painted.
However, you had convinced yourself that you didn't deserve such affection and didn't see yourself capable of confessing such a thing to him. The most bitter scenarios burned in your mind like a painful wound; you imagined his disappointed face, which you were afraid to look at, and because of that same fear, you chose to hide, to run away from hope or happiness and settle for the tender displays of affection that Casper showed you.
So when he mentioned loving you more than just as a friend, you felt the need to close your laptop and hug your legs, even if you didn't end up doing it. It was a fixed gaze, with crystallized eyes and pearly beads threatening to slide over your cheeks, hidden under the palms of your hands in an attempt to cover yourself; your lips were pressed into a thin line and you were biting your tongue to keep from crying in front of the one with pale complexion. You heard him, but paid no attention to what he said. His voice was a mere hum in the thick silence of your room.
You realized that the call had ended, that he had mentioned something to do with taking a shower, and at that very moment your lower lip trembled with hesitation, hands waltzing the same waltz, throat barely emitting a disconsolate sob in front of the screen. You thought the nickname he had given you was not quite right, for how could a ray of sunshine be so weak in the face of so little.
It was unfair, and yet he chose to love you so much...
Dawn was the only witness to how your limbs weighed, eyes burned and throat ached. The little flower buds you planted not long ago were crumbling on the ground, your cat sitting at the foot of your bed taking a nap. You were oblivious to the time, how much time had passed after the events of the last night, and whether you would have much more to bear in the little time you had left.
Your footsteps became a blur for the rest of the day, faint mist accompanying your worn vision. You took your pet to the vet with hopes that her condition had eased, but the waves of fate seemed to be against you. You grew hand in hand with death, its cold fingers intertwining with yours, wrapping you in an icy embrace as it relentlessly pursued you in order to fulfill fate, yet you seemed to be ignorant of how cruel death could be.
You gave up and opted to let yourself decompose in bed, staring at a null point on the ceiling of your humble apartment. You didn't have much else to do beyond running your hand over the fur of the cat resting serenely on your abdomen. "Live a full life..." you commented, hopeful that you could restore even a little health to your pet. "I'd hate to meet you in hell... or whatever is after death so soon."
A star-studded firmament accompanied the cool night blizzard sneaking into your apartment. Soon you would let out a yawn, barely turning your head towards the windows as you closed your eyes wearily, wondering if it had been a bad idea to ignore the notifications coming from your laptop.
That would be the last thing you would do, the last thing you would see. Or at least that's what you thought just before you fell into a deep sleep, from which you wouldn't wake up until a few days later.
You sat up in bed, drowsy but intrigued by the aroma of freshly cooked breakfast. With rapid breathing and a headache, you blinked a couple of times in an attempt to get used to the blinding sunlight— you still felt too tired to comprehend that you were in your apartment. "Am I dead...?" you looked around, the sunflowers Casper had given you had their backs to you, greeting the sunrise, and your heart felt a sting at the thought of never seeing the pretty-faced man again.
Cheerful meows caught your attention and you were greeted by a ball of fur taking a seat in your lap. You felt your eyes widen and your lips part in surprise, soon bringing your fingers to her to offer a few cuddles to your pet. "You look so much better..." waking up crying wasn't exactly something you were pleased about, but you couldn't help but shed a few tears when you saw that the cat seemed to have gotten better in your absence.
"Sunshine...!" you raised your head as you heard a voice you didn't think you'd encounter, and time seemed to freeze the second you exchanged glances. It was melancholy, the way his eyebrows rose in surprise, how his eyes held an indescribable fondness, the way he wrapped his arms around you and gave you a tight hug filled with love. "Nine hells, I thought I had lost you." you heard him sob for the first time, yet somehow familiar.
With trembling hands you stroked his snowy hair, sinking your fingers into his strands as you unconsciously wept beside him, corresponding his embrace. "Did you take my soul, Casper? Am I dead?" as you pulled away you wiped your tears with the back of your hand, ashamed that you had shown that weak side to the one you loved the most.
"You..." he frowned, looking at you as if he didn't believe the words coming out of your mouth. "I am incapable of doing such a thing, mortal. I... love you too much to take your soul." his cheeks were tinged with that characteristic pink as he spoke, and he found it hard to say sweet things in front of you. It was adorable, too much for you.
You felt as if you were walking on ice, as if you were a fawn taking its first steps, and love was a tough subject for you. It was bittersweet, how you shared feelings but were afraid to comment on it, just because you had convinced yourself that you didn't deserve to be loved. "Casper..."
"Your soul was in a terrible state when I arrived, it was quite impressive that you didn't... cease to exist. I took care of you and your pet the days you were unconscious." he had tried so hard for you, getting nothing in return. You lowered your head despondently, feeling guilty that he had bothered to take care of you when you were supposed to die.
"Sorry." you mumbled, not knowing what else to reply.
"What are you sorry for?" he rested his head on his palm, tilting his head to pin his eyes on you just as he did when you talked via video calls. Your voice trembled as you made an attempt to speak, and soon you would be interrupted by him. "Ah, you mortals and your stupid emotions. I did all that because I didn't want to see you die, you have nothing to feel guilty about."
You raised your gaze, playing with your fingers sunk in nerves. "...I love you too, Casper." you admitted, your voice breaking and tears running down your cheeks once again. You wanted to hide, again. "I...the other day..." you stammered between sobs, "I wanted to say it but...I didn't think I deserved it, your love, your affection." he listened attentively without mentioning a word, your cat now lying on his legs. "I think I'm not someone very suitable for the nickname you gave me... I'm clumsy and useless, I can barely cook for myself and, and..."
There they were again, his arms wrapped firmly around your torso, using just enough force to make you feel safe. You hid your face in his chest, and felt his hands stroking your back up and down with the intention of cheering you up. "Even if I'm not as bright as the sun...even if...I can't speak for myself most of the time...could I still be your sunshine?"
"You always have been, Sunshine. That will not change.” you closed your eyes, thinking of so many things you had to say, to do. His voice was soft, warm, unlike his cold hands.
"I love you, Casper."
"I love you, mortal."