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Dr. Lucy Gray Baird did not necessarily want to be at Seattle Grace Hospital, but they merged with Mercy West– and who was she to do anything but go where the money is?
So here she was, standing in the middle of Seattle Grace, hearing the chief or surgery, Dr. Gaul, congratulate the merger and say a few more things. Honestly, Lucy Gray could not care too much about what she was saying. That was, until Dr. Gaul paused, took a breath, and then said something that she wasn’t expecting.
“Of course, we must consider something. With this merger, we have too many staff members to operate functionally. Starting now, I will be making cuts based on your performance over the next few days. If there is a good a time as ever to be at your best, it is now. Good luck,” Dr. Gaul says, looking out at the sea of residents and attendings in the crowd.
Lucy Gray felt pretty confident in her abilities. She was as good of a surgeon as anyone, and she was lovely with kids. But the way that Dr. Gaul was looking out at the crowd made Lucy Gray feel anxious– like she was being judged even right now.
The meeting ended after that, and she went to work right away, getting her charts from the nurse’s station and reviewing them. She loved how busy the hospital was– the constant bustling and moving, it made her feel like she was doing something with her life. It reminded her that all these years of work and sacrifice were worth it, even if she was at a hospital she didn’t necessarily want to be at.
The morning went by quickly. She did consultations on a few pediatric patients, and she was killing it. The kids loved her, and always have. Today, like any other day, she wore a colorful headband, and a pair of colorful shoes. She even wore glitter on her eyelids. She’d wear colorful scrubs if she was allowed, but she made do with what she could. Many of the little ones loved it. And she was charming to boot, so the parents got comfortable with her quickly.
It wasn’t until nearly noon that she ran into her first roadblock for the day. A little boy, barely seven, was presenting with headaches, nausea, vision changes, and slurred speech. After a quick look over, she looked to her intern. “Get a head CT, an MRI, and when you’re done, page me. I’m going to go find the head of neuro. Dr….?”
“Snow. Dr. Coriolanus Snow,” said the intern, Reaper.
“Right, thank you,” Lucy Gray said kindly. “I’ll speak with him once we get those results. Page me.”
She set off to the next patient, feeling a mixture of things. She was nearly certain that it was a brain tumor, but she kept that suspicion to herself. Once the tests came in, if her suspicions were correct, she’d page Dr. Snow for his opinion. Neuro is tricky, and you need someone experienced. Especially with a child that young.
It made her upset, that someone that innocent had to go through something like this, but she had to shove the feeling away. This was part of the job. If she got emotional now… then what would she do if something went wrong, god forbid? No, she needed to stay steady.
And that’s what she did. Until two hours later, when she got a page from Reaper for the results of the head CT and the MRI. She practically ran there.
“Hi,” she said to Reaper, almost distractedly. She grabbed the results from him, not really paying much attention to Reaper at all.
It was just as she suspected. A brain tumor. She had to close her eyes for a quick second, to make herself be strong.
Then she paged Dr. Snow.
He didn’t come running, but he didn’t take his time either. When he walked in, it was with an air of confidence and efficiency. He was tall, almost too tall, and blond curls pushed out of his face. If they had met under any other circumstances, Lucy Gray may have taken the time to realize just how handsome of a man he really was.
But they hadn’t met under less dire circumstances. They were meeting now, with a seven year old boy’s life on the line.
“Dr. Snow,” she said, shaking his hand. “I’m-”
“Dr. Lucy Gray Baird, head of pediatric surgery from Mercy West,” he said, nodding at her. “I’ve read up on you.” He was smiling at her.
This made Lucy Gray pause, just briefly, before she remembered why she had paged him in the first place. “Well, consider me flattered.,” she said politely before grabbing the CT and MRI results. “Dr. Snow, I paged you because I have a seven year old boy with a brain tumor, and I wanted your consultation on how to move forward. From what I can see, he needs surgery, but I’m not as knowledgeable in this area as you may be.”
Dr. Snow’s face immediately changed to one of concern as Lucy Gray spoke, peering over her shoulder at the CT scan results. The tumor wasn’t small, and it seemed to be protruding into areas of the brain that were making the situation dire.
“Dr. Baird, I believe you’re right. Do you mind if I see the patient myself? I need to know how much time we may have,” Dr. Snow said quietly.
Lucy Gray nodded. “By all means,” she said, just as quietly as he did.
His eyes lingered on the results for just a moment more before blinking away and looking at her. “Lead the way? I would like to check him and speak with his parents.”
She nodded quickly and led him to her patient’s room. “Daniel Hopkins, seven years old. Head tumor, presenting with headache, nausea, vision obstruction and slurred speech. Currently only given Tylenol for the head pain,” she said, handing him Daniel’s chart as they walked quickly. “Parents are John and Maria. They are falling over themselves with worry, as to be expected, poor things.”
Dr. Snow just took all of this in, nodding and glancing at the chart as they walked. “Alright. Just let me take the lead while I’m in there, so they’ll trust me,” he said as they approached Daniel’s room.
She didn’t love the idea of letting someone else take the lead like that on a case that belonged strictly to her, but she called for his help, and if that’s what he needed, then so be it. This went above her own ego.
Dr. Snow followed her into the room, but Lucy Gray took it upon herself to at least act as a bridge between them for their introductions. She had a rapport with this family, and it was the least she could do.
“John, Maria, this is Dr. Snow. He’s the head of neurosurgery here at Seattle Grace,” she said, stepping aside, so they could do their introductions. “I called him for a consultation following the results of the head CT and MRI that I ordered for Daniel.”
Dr. Snow stepped in at this moment, shaking John and Maria’s hands, his face the perfect picture of sympathy. “Dr. Coriolanus Snow, I wish we were meeting under different circumstances. Unfortunately, the tests we did on Daniel have shown that he has a tumor in his brain, near the frontal lobe,” he explained, his tone matching his perfectly sympathetic expression.
Maria gasped and teared up, and John looked ready to cry as well. Daniel was sitting in his bed, looking frightened as ever. Lucy Gray’s heart broke in that moment, and she kneeled down next to Daniel and took his hand in hers. “Dr. Snow is going to patch you right up,” she whispered to him.
Coriolanus nodded at this and looked to John and Maria. “I know this is a lot to take in. But our best, and likely, only option for this type of tumor is surgery,” he said, keeping his expression even and professional, while still sympathetic. “The sooner we have a decision, the better. We need to act fast, but ultimately the choice is yours.”
He handed them a clipboard with the consent wavers and nodded at them. “When you’re ready, if you choose to move forward with the surgery, fill these out, and we will get him ready as soon as we can.”
It didn’t take the Hopkins family to choose to go forward with the surgery. Two hours later, Lucy Gray sent Reaper to prep Daniel, and she, herself, was prepping for surgery. Dr. Snow would be leading, of course. Neurosurgery was not her speciality, but she was going to be in there, because she knew the most about pediatrics. And it would ease the Hopkins's nerves if she was present.
It didn’t slip her mind that if this surgery was successful, Dr. Gaul would notice and likely refrain from cutting her from the hospital. Lucy Gray was good, she told herself everyday that everyone was good. But moments like this made her wonder where goodness ends and self preservation begins.
She shook her thoughts away with one quick movement of her head and walked down to the OR. Dr. Snow was washing his hands quietly, scrubbing in. He looked up when she walked in, and she smiled politely, walking over and washing her own hands next to him.
Even in his scrubs and surgical cap, he looked gorgeous. Of course he did. If she was any less determined to stay focused on her patient, she would have taken a couple more seconds to notice.
“You ready?” she asked politely, drying her hands.
Snow smiled at her briefly. “Always am,” he said smoothly.
All she knew to do was nod as they entered the OR together. Something about him made her nervous. She was always sure of herself, always had been. She was an excellent surgeon and tried her best to be a light to the people she loved. But he was so cool and self assured. And quick on his feet. It unnerved her.
The surgery went as smoothly as anyone could imagine. Snow was like a god in the OR, it seemed. She could practically feel him feeding off the power and control that holding someone’s life in your hands could give. He was calm, controlled, and confident in a way that’s required of neurosurgeons. She was beginning to see why everyone said he was the best.
She was there primarily in case anything went wrong. Children’s bodies are different from adults’ bodies in many ways, and she had made it her life’s work to understand those differences to help children. What Snow lacked in knowledge in children, she made up for it.
When the surgery was over, Daniel was set for a full recovery. They just had to wait for him to wake up. Lucy Gray found herself washing up her hands afterwards outside the OR, next to Snow again.
“Great work in there,” she said, scrubbing her hands.
He nodded at her. “And yourself,” he said politely. There was an air around him, like someone who gets compliments constantly just had another one to add to his ego.
She smiled at him and cut off the water to her sink. “I’ll have Dr. Ash monitor him for a few days, and if there are any complications, I’ll let you know,” she said.
He nodded and cut his water off too. “I appreciate it. Let’s hope I don’t get that page.”
On that note, he left the OR, and Lucy Gray felt briefly like she was being underestimated by him in some way.
It was past nightfall when she got the page. In a flash of panic, almost on autopilot, she sprinted to Daniel’s room in the hospital, practically dropping her patient charts. One minute, it was business as usual, and the next, she was running and moving around people until she was at Daniel’s door.
The room was already full of nurses, and Reaper was there as well. “Did you push-”
“Yes, we’ve done everything,” Reaper said, sounding stressed.
She took his place over Daniel’s body. He was coding. The sound of the flatline on the monitor was blaring above them. “Page Dr. Snow. Immediately,” she said.
She started with chest compressions. His body was so small, she didn’t want to use electricity for this if she didn’t have to. She compressed his chest like the professional she was, even though she felt a deep, unruly sadness and panic.
1.. 2… 3… 4…. And it wasn’t working.
She did it again.
And again.
And yet again.
She was in the middle of another chest compression when Dr. Snow walked in. He actually looked like he was running, but Lucy Gray did not notice.
Because it was at this moment that Daniel’s pulse picked back up. She could practically sob with relief if she allowed herself to do it, but she didn’t. She closed her eyes briefly and then opened them again. She had a job to do.
“We need to figure out what caused this, and quickly,” she said aloud to everyone in the room. “We need tests, and for the love of God, do not leave him alone under any circumstance.”
Dr. Snow stepped in, then. “Dr. Baird, if I may…?” he asked, stepping closer to Daniel’s bed. Without waiting for a response, he took a quick look at Daniel’s eyes and head. “This doesn’t seem neurological, but we’d need a CT or an MRI to know for sure.”
She nodded at him. “I’m suspecting cardiothoracic,” she said gently, looking down at Daniel. He was still unconscious, but he was breathing and his heart was beating. “I need a chest scan, but… he just came out of surgery.”
Snow nodded. “I understand your concern. We can be careful, or find ways to work around it,” he remarked. Then, in a quieter tone, she heard him say, “I want him to live as much as you do.”
This shouldn’t have surprised her. He was a surgeon, who wanted his surgery to be successful. But the look on his face made it clear he was invested in this boy now.
She nodded. “Yes, well. I’ll get that chest scan and a head scan for good measure and let you know as soon as I know anything.”
Daniel was unconscious a little later, but he was weak. And that concerned her. How could she send a little boy, who just had a brain tumor removed, into a place with huge machines that would likely scare him?
She was sitting beside his bed, observing him when he awoke, and for his sake, decided to be gentle with him. “Good morning, Daniel,” she said softly.
He looked over at her and blinked a couple times. “Dr. Baird? Where’s Mom?” he said weakly.
“Your mom took your little sister home, and your dad is working late. He’ll be here after work,” she said softly. “How are you feeling?”
He frowned and looked at her for a second. “Bad,” he admitted.
She smiled a little at this. He was trying so hard to be brave, she could see it in his eyes. “That’s expected,” she told him. “You’ll be alright. There’s been some issues after your surgery, but Dr. Snow and I are going to fix it all the best we can. Okay?”
He nodded and then yawned. “I’m still so tired,” he said.
“Go back to sleep, Daniel. I’ll stay here until your dad shows up. Alright?”
Daniel nodded sleepily and relaxed into his pillow, his little eyes closing gently, as if the lids were too heavy for him to keep open.
As he drifted off, Lucy Gray starting to sing him a lullaby. Something her parents used to sing to her from all the way in Appalachia when she was his age. It was sweet and soft, and it seemed to be doing the trick.
Unbeknownst to her, this is the moment that Dr. Coriolanus Snow happened to be walking by. He was going to check on Daniel himself, but he slowed his steps when he heard Dr. Baird singing to Daniel. He approached slowly to the open door, making sure to make no noise, and he watched for just a moment.
Dr. Baird was sitting there beside Daniel’s bed, holding his hand gently, and singing some soft bluegrass tune as Daniel began to sleep. In all his years as a surgeon, he hadn’t know a single lead surgeon to go above and beyond like this– especially in pediatrics. Pediatrics was notoriously the most emotionally taxing specialty– watching children die, and taking care of delicate, nearly broken families with a smile was no small feat. But here she was, using her time to comfort one child.
It made him wonder if she was always like this.
He began to walk away slowly, as not to alert her that he was there, and he felt something in his chest. It was almost like he was becoming fond of her, which was absurd. He was hardly fond of anyone other than Tigris, Sejanus, and Grandmam. And he just met her. But… here he was, with that feeling that he didn’t quite understand.
He walked and walked until he found himself at Dr. Gaul’s office. He knocked twice and waited for her to tell him to come in.
“To what do I owe the pleasure, Dr. Snow?” she said, smiling up at him from her desk. It was no surprise that she was there. She worked almost all the time.
“Dr. Lucy Gray Baird, what are your plans with her?” he asked, keeping his posture casual.
Dr. Gaul eyed him for several seconds before answering, as if trying to uncovering why exactly he was bothering her with this so late in the evening. “I won’t lie to you, Coriolanus, I was considering cutting her.”
“Don’t,” he said quickly. “She’s incredible. I was in the OR with her today and can personally vouch for her talent.”
Dr. Gaul nodded. “I hear what you’re saying, but talent isn’t the only thing I look for in my lead surgeons. And the surgeon we had already from Seattle Grace is excellent.”
Coriolanus’s jaw ticked a little. “She’s upstairs singing a little boy who nearly died today a lullaby. Where’s your other peds surgeon? Lucy Gray is excellent, Dr. Gaul. I think you might lose a real investment if you cut her.”
She considered him for a moment, making note of the way his jaw ticked and the look in his eyes. She could almost sense the fond feelings he was developing for Dr. Baird. Almost. She hadn’t made the connection quite yet. “Well, if you feel so strongly, I will take this into consideration. Thank you, Coriolanus.”
He nodded at her and then paused. “I could take a pay cut,” he said suddenly. Why on God’s green earth was he saying any of this. “If you’re dead set on the surgeon you have now, consider that. Please.”
And then he left, before Dr. Gaul could comment on his statement.
As he stepped into the parking lot, he felt a mix of things. For the most part, he was baffled by that statement he made. A pay cut? Over a girl he hardly knew? What had gotten into him?
But as he was lamenting, and kicking himself a little, he saw her stepping out of her car. She kicked the front wheel once out of frustration, looking exhausted. As if on instinct, he approached. “Dr. Baird? Do you need some help?”
She spun to face him, startled, then sighed. “This old thing never works. I’ll just walk him again,” she admitted.
Coriolanus blinked at her and then shook his head quickly. “Oh, no, please, let me give you a ride home. You’ve been here since dawn.”
She looked like she was about to argue, but he could tell by her eyes that she was absolutely exhausted. “Alright,” she conceded.
A small smile spread across his face as he led her to his car and opened the door for her. He shouldn’t feel this good about this. He was just helping out a coworker, nothing more. That’s all he was doing, this whole day.
Lucy Gray couldn’t help but notice the smile on her face, and she fought hard to keep her expression from matching his. He was just helping her, as a coworker. Nothing more. The same thing he had been doing all day with Daniel. It would be foolish to get emotionally involved with someone like Coriolanus Snow– especially if she didn’t know whether or not her job here was secure.
And thus, he drove her home. Almost in silence, except for the few times she pointed him toward her apartment. The radio was the only thing to cut through the lack of conversation for the entire drive. And even still, neither of them felt odd or uncomfortable– just tired, and a mix of something they could not quite put a name on.