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The Best Way to Not Get Married

Summary:

Kidd and Maka are betrothed. But Maka loves someone else. Kidd will figure out a way to stop the arranged marriage for her during his birthday ball.

Notes:

This is literally an idea I came up with at 4 am and was laughing to myself. This is dedicated to my teenage self. I always wanted to write a Soul Eater fic but never did. Also I haven’t read Soul Eater since the manga ended.
This is totally supposed to be crack. Heavily Deathstar focused because I couldn’t help myself. I’m going to apologize in advance because I honestly can’t tell if this will be funny to anyone other than myself.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Maka stared with her mouth open at the scene happening in front of her. The whole ballroom was silent, and shocked stares were everywhere. She almost pinched herself and proceeded to slap her hands on her forehead while shaking her head.

What the hell, Kidd!

Couldn’t you be normal and talk to your dad privately or something!

Why so extra all the time…?

_ ________________

 

This all started because of their stupid arranged marriage. Kidd was a prince and Maka was part of high nobility. Even though she was not a princess, the friendship between their parents was what pushed for this arranged marriage. It didn’t escape her that this union would help her gain status and continue friendly bonds between the two families.

But… She just didn’t care for Kidd that way. They were just friends, having grown up around one another. Luckily, Kidd had told her, when she confessed that she had feelings for someone else, that he didn’t want the marriage either. They agreed to break everything off. Kidd would handle everything.

“Yeah, don’t worry, Maka. I got everything covered. I will speak to my father the day of my birthday. Dad won’t even be able to say no.” The midnight haired prince happily said with his legs crossed over one another.

Maka sighed in relief, “I really appreciate this, Kidd. I’m so glad we’re friends.” She was so happy she could almost cry. In fact, her bottom lip was starting the tremble. She tried blinking the tears away.

“Oh, enough of that. I just want you to be happy, Maka. So, tell me more about this Soul guy.” Kidd’s fingers tapped against his crossed legs while a single midnight eyebrow rose. Kidd clearly wanted to the deets on the guy who peaked her interest.

Soul may have been lower nobility, but he came from a long line of prestige musicians. At first, Maka couldn’t stand him, and they fought a lot. They had taken sword classes together. Their teacher kept pairing them up together even though they had complained. Slowly over time, their fighting that become more like flirting though Maka had been clueless to it.

It wasn’t until Soul had played the piano in front of her that she realized that they were friends. He confessed that he didn’t like his own music and usually refused to play in front of others. It must have taken a lot of trust the bare so much in front of someone. That memory meant a lot to her. He had slowly became the most important person in her life.

Now that she was older and the arranged marriage was approaching next year, she realized what she felt became more than just friendship.

Maka hadn’t confessed to him yet, but she was almost sure Soul felt the same by the look in his eyes. The tenderness when they talked about things that made them happy. The underlining sadness that crept up whenever her arranged marriage was brought up by her father. The times they were so close to kissing before Soul would interrupt by mentioning her fiance.

 

Which takes her here. The night of the ball. Nervous to what was to come. She didn’t know when or if Kidd spoke with his father yet. She wanted to talk to him before the ball, but everyone was too busy getting things prepared for today. She really wished Kidd had let her in on the details of what he was planning. She shook her head hopelessly.

Maka looked around the crowded ball room, trying to find a hint of midnight or, more honestly, white hair. Now that she was closer of age, her father was even more protective of her image and virtue. She wasn’t able to see Soul very often. She missed him.

“Hey.”

She jumped as the deep voice spoke up behind her. She turned with a small smile appearing on her face.

Green eyes met red.

“Soul!”

“How have you been?” He grinned back. He was wearing a fancy outfit, and Maka almost laughed, knowing Soul hated being a forced into such stuffy get-up. She had to admit he looked handsome in it regardless.

“Don’t sneak up on me!” She play-chopped him on the head. “I was just fine before you did that.”

Soul laughed, “I don’t know about that, Maka. You seem kinda nervous. Who were you looking for?”

Maka didn’t know what to say to that so she rolled her eyes and huffed.

“Sorry.” He nudged her shoulder. “I shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t cool.”

“You’re fine...” she whispered.

“Huh?” He couldn’t hear her.

“I said its fine, and I wasn’t looking for anyone. Who would I even be looking for?” Her face felt like it was on fire. Even though she thought Soul might like her back, she was still somewhat shy around him.

“Probably… Kidd? Since, you know, y'all are like… betrothed? And this is his birthday today and all...” He dragged his hand along the back of his neck while looking down. He chuckled weakly.

She winced and felt her heart sink. She just couldn’t wait for Kidd to call things off any longer. She wanted to tell Soul her feelings right now.

“Soul, I…”

Just then, a swift flash of black passed behind Soul’s shoulder. Maka’s eyes locked on to it. It was Kidd. Kidd and… Some tan blue-haired guy. A guy that looked oddly familiar…? Maka squinted and watched them pass by.

_ ________________

 

Kidd was in the middle of throwing a fit. A frown was pinching his face sour.

Today just wasn’t his day. Yes, it was his birthday. Today should be, and was, about him. But he also had important things to do today. His plan was supposed to be simple and straightforward. However with everything crazy with his upcoming birthday event, he hasn’t even had a minute alone with his father to discuss his arranged marriage. Not to mention the awful morning he was having.

He stared at his mirror, his eyebrows drawn up tightly together over his golden eyes.

“Its not that bad, Kidd,” his servant’s voice, full of boredom, came from the side.

“But it is, Liz! Look at my hair!” He turned toward Liz and her sister, Patty, who was holding his outfit for the day. “This stupid… cowlick will absolutely not sit flat and… and…today is my-” He couldn’t hold it back any farther and covered his mouth with his hand. A muffled whimper followed by the painful sound of pajama covered knees landing on the polished floor.

Liz sighed and watched her sister run over to him. She rolled her eyes and sighed again. She had long been over this little prince who had the personality of a main character syndrome theater kid. In fact, this was an almost weekly event at this point.

“Patty, don’t pet him. Kidd, remember what your therapist told you.”

Kidd curled his knees up to his chest and repeated quietly to himself, “I’m not symmetrical, and I’m am garbage.”

He took a deep breath before continuing, trying to ground himself.

These are intrusive thoughts.

A few minutes past by. His racing heartbeat slowed down, and his labor breathing also calmed. His anxiety was still present, but the best way to overcome this was to face the day. He stood up and dusted off his pajama bottoms.

“Okay, I think I’m better.”

“Really?”

“…Give me a few minutes to myself.” He felt a little dizzy.

“Bye bye, Kidd.” Patty giggled and handed the clothes to him.

Liz and Patty left the room to allow Kidd to change into his clothes for his celebration. Kidd’s hands lightly shook as he buttoned up the front of his black dress shirt. He stood in front of the mirror again to make sure the shirt laid down correctly. His damned hair still stuck up on one side. He took another deep breath and continued putting on the rest of the outfit.

He added a small amount of eyeliner to his lower waterline and some light concealer under his eyes. Painting his nails black, fastening his silky tie around his neck, and working an onyx earring into one ear slowly put together an image of an exquisite goth prince. As he slipped his rings down his fingers, he noticed the shaking had stopped.

“There. Looking much better now,” He smiled back at his reflection in the mirror, “Now, I just have to deal with Father later. Hopefully no more problems for the rest of my birthday.”

“What silly little problems do you have to deal with, Princess?”

Kidd’s eyes opened wide before his head snapped towards the smug voice that was coming from his window. He gritted his teeth in agitation at the voice’s owner who was sitting across the windowsill with his arms behind his head.

“Shut up, Blackstar. I told you not to call me that. Its disrespectful and, honestly, sexist of you to use feminine terms as an insult.”

“Blah blah blah. You know that shit doesn’t matter to me, right?” The tan warrior grinned carefree at Kidd’s reaction. Kidd was so easy to rile up.

“Well, it should. Why are you here right now? And I’ve told you before, stop coming through windows and watching me like some kind of creep!”

“I sure didn’t come here to listen to you bitch if that’s what your asking. And you should be glad I grace you with my great presence so often. So what’s the issue with your dad?” Blackstar was a knight under Kidd’s father, so of course he would want to be the first to know if there was an issue that could be solved with fighting.

Blackstar was probably one of the best in their mercenary, but he was so full of himself that Kidd wouldn’t ever dare let that slip out. Kidd had met him years ago when he was being trained in princely sword fighting. Blackstar was just as bratty back then. They constantly challenged each other and fought hundreds of times. Kidd won a majority of the time, having been able to keep calm and thoughtful enough to guess the blue-hair boy’s attacks.

“There are no issues going on with Father.”

“Oh, come on. No way something isn’t worrying you with how fussy your acting. What’s going on with you?”

“If I tell you, will you leave?” Kidd calmly asked.

“Maybe.” Blackstar blinked innocently.

“Its about my arranged marriage.”

“Oh... so you need me to go kick your fiancee’s ass?”

“No, you idiot! Where did that even come from?” Kidd grabbed his arm before he could take off.

“You know… you should start talking nicer to someone as great as me. Show you appreciate my friendship.” Blackstar started laughing loudly in front of Kidd’s face.

“Ugh. You never take anything serious, do you? And what friendsh-”

“Of course I do. I’m completely serious about overthrowing you one day.” Blackstar had shoved his face closer to his, and Kidd’s eyes widen. He quickly let go of his arm to move away. Before Kidd could, Blackstar grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. Blackstar had a cold expression on his face, and his eyes had an odd look. Blackstar used to arrogantly say he would become King one day. Luckily, his father never took such things seriously and laughed them off.

“Blackstar, I thought you stopped with that nonsense.” Kidd frowned and gazed back at that expression. He noticed the tight grip Blackstar had on his wrist and almost opened his mouth to tell him to let him go, but Blackstar spoke again.

“What’s the problem with your arranged marriage?” He said slowly without taking his green eyes away from his gold.

Kidd stared back before sighing, raising one arm up in a shrug.

“Nothing is wrong, per se. Maka just doesn’t want it.”

“And you?”

“Of course, I don’t want it either. We’re breaking it off… tonight.”

Blackstar hummed and finally let go of him. It was silent for a few minutes with neither of them moving. Then the blue-haired knight tilted his head back and laughed. Kidd just watched confused. Blackstar’s flip of a switch exchange left him speechless.

“Hahahaha! Let me guess! You need my help to break the news to your father tonight!” Blackstar’s eyes closed as he smirked and crossed his arms. The dark haired prince just continued to stare, not making sense of the words he uttered. Blackstar tilted his head to the side and gently patted the side of Kidd’s head. “Don’t worry I’ll help you, dude!”

“Wha…”

“I’ll see you tonight then!”

The blue-haired knight turned around and left through the window. Kidd stood there for a few moments before turning around and leaving the room. He rubbed at his sore wrist while muttering under his breath.

Great. Now he has another problem to deal with.

What Kidd didn’t notice was that the stubborn cowlick that bothered him so much earlier was now laying down neatly.

And a small gift box was left innocently on the windowsill.

_ ________________

 

Kidd crossed his arms, and his eyebrows twitched in disgust while he looked up and down at the sight in front of him. The ball was already ongoing, and the birthday boy was just about to enter the ballroom to make his glorious appearance. Blackstar had cut him off.

Blackstar’s outfit was a mess. Tie was haphazardly done, and a few shirt buttons were matched up wrong. His white shirt wasn’t even tucked and those pants were wrinkled.

The blue-hair mess grinned and rubbed the back of his head.

“This is the best I got, okay.” At least Blackstar had enough gall to be slightly ashamed at his appearance. “Not that it matters to someone as good looking as me.” Never mind...

“I changed my mind. I don’t need help.” Kidd turned around before he lost his mind.

“What? Kidd, I dressed up just for you!”

“Come here, then. There is no way I’m going out there with you looking like this!” Kidd’s head was starting to hurt. Blackstar moved to stand in front of him.

Kidd fixed the mismatched buttons, tucked in the shirt, and drew in close to fix the tie. Kidd could feel Blackstar’s eyes on his face while he focused down at the dark blue tie in his hands. Since earlier, Kidd felt strange about how the knight had acted before. This made him oddly nervous, and his face felt hot. His eyes glanced up without his control and was met with a warm gaze.

Blackstar’s looks weren’t that bad, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking. He was… almost handsome… in a rugged way. Kidd immediately looked back down and started tightening the tie with more strength than necessary.

“Hey! Are you trying to kill me?” Blackstar fussed, yanking on the tie that was choking him.

“No! I’m trying to make you presentable. Don’t mess it up again!” Kidd must be going insane for even thinking Blackstar could ever be considered attractive.

Blackstar rolled his eyes, but let go of the tie.

“So Kidd, I figured out the best plan to let everyone know that you don’t wanna get married.”

Blackstar grabbed Kidd’s hand.

“We’ll be gay!”

Kidd’s eyes looked down at his hand and back up to the other’s face. His brain was slowly melting and would start dripping out his ears on to the floor at any moment. His eyebrows skyrocketed. His mouth dropped open but no noise escaped in his agony. His already pale face somehow became even paler. Blackstar started waving their grasped hands back and forth, beaming without a care in the world.

“Do you think this is a FUCKING JOKE!!!” He finally screechedout.

He might just faint.

“No. What, are you home-of-phoneic or something?…” Blackstar said completely calm for once in his life.

“IT’S HOMOPHOBIC, IDIOT! AND NO!”

“STOP YELLING, GAY BOY!” Liz screamed from somewhere down the hall.

That snapped Kidd out of the rage induced panic he was in. He slapped himself before placing his hand over his mouth. He really was having an awful birthday. He just wanted to go lay down in his soft bed and cry himself to sleep. He bent down on his knees and tried to calm down.

“Listen, Kidd... I’m not saying you’re gay. I’m just saying that the easiest way for your dad to understand why you wouldn’t want to marry a girl is to convince him you’re gay.”

Kidd just looked at him with watery eyes.

Weirdly enough, Kidd agreed with him.

He wouldn’t have to worry about another arrange marriage with a random woman, and he was sure his father wouldn’t judge him for it. King Death might be surprised but never angered. His father was very accepting of his son’s oddness and quirks. Being gay wouldn’t be adding to the fire. Plus, Kidd could just say it was a phase if he did find a girl he was interested in pursuing. Still, though, this would be the weirdest way of coming out to a parent ever. But Kidd didn’t really want to think about this anymore. Maybe his brain really did melt.

“Okay…” he said sullenly.

Blackstar helped him up and the two walked into the ballroom together.

Kidd looked around as Blackstar trailed beside him with his arms crossed behind his head. He briefly thought about finding Maka to tell her about the plan, but he was approached by a few party goers wishing him happy birthday. He thanked them and continued moving on.

Blackstar promptly grabbed his waist to push them closer together as they walked. Kidd looked down at the muscular arm around his waist in discomfort before looking up questioningly at the other’s face. The midnight haired prince froze up momentarily when the other brought his lips close to his ear.

“Got to make it look genuine.” he whispered. Kidd shivered.

As they moved through the crowded space, some people gave looks toward the two. Kidd was starting to feel like this might have been a bad idea. A very stupid, bad idea. His father had yet to make his appearance. At least that gave them a moment to get used to the party and greet more guest. He was still scanning around for his soon-to-be-ex fiancee. He wasn’t able to find her.

A servant passed by holding a tray of glasses full of a deep red liquid. Blackstar grabbed two glasses.

“Here. It’ll help take off the edge.” Blackstar shoved one of the glasses into Kidd’s hand. Kidd wasn’t much of a drinker. He licked his lips as he stared down at the ripples on the red surface. He was about to tell Blackstar again that he changed his mind, and they should just call this whole joke off.

“Kidd, get out of that head of yours. Have some fun. Its your birthday.” Blackstar crossed arms with him. The warrior tilted his chin up to bring his glass to his mouth and pushed Kidd’s glass closer to him. So Kidd tossed his head back and drank. Honestly Kidd lost count of how many drinks he had that night. It was enough his worries waned, and he actually started enjoying the night.

Laughing and letting go, the birthday boy pulled Blackstar along to dance. He forgot about the looks of the other people. Kidd found that Blackstar was actually fun to dance with. Surely, he was making a fool of himself, but it no longer mattered. He smiled at Blackstar and placed his arms around his neck. The other’s hands felt warm on his hips, and Kidd found that it didn’t feel as uncomfortable as he previously thought.

At some point, he was sure that he saw Maka standing by someone with white hair and had waved, not stopping to talk. He nearly forgot the reason why he was here with Blackstar. The tan knight tipped him back, and Kidd stared into his eyes. Just a breath apart. Kidd tilted his head back and allowed his whole body to relax in the other’s arms. His eyes slowly shut. This was exhilarating.

Suddenly, Kidd heard the sound of his father’s voice. Opening his eyes to push Blackstar away, he turned his head to find his father at the center of the ballroom. A “What the hell!” was ignored in favor of Kidd brushing down his own shirt and stumbling toward his father. The blue-haired knight followed after.

His speech was slightly slurred, and his face was flushed, “Father.” He stood in front of King Death.

“Oh, Kiddo. How are you enjoying your party?” King Death’s voice was full of cheer, so happy to see his son getting along well with his friend.

“Father… I’m a homosexual!”

Everyone started quieting down in disbelief. Even Blackstar was surprised at Kidd bold statement, but he wrapped his arm around Kidd’s neck and pulled him to his side.

“Yeah. We gay as hell!” The blue-haired knight exclaimed with no shame, pointing at the prince beside him. Blackstar almost couldn’t hold a straight face at this point. He was a little tipsy.

“Kiddo-” King Death looked slightly concerned at his drunk son.

“I can’t marry a woman, Father! I love men!”

The entire crowd gasped. Kidd grabbed Blackstar’s tie and forcefully kissed him. Blackstar, after getting over the shock of princely lips pressing against his, deepen the kiss by gently cupping the back of Kidd’s head. They continued to make out in front of everyone, the whole party watching, dead quiet.

_ ________________

Maka could not believe her eyes. She blinked, rubbed her face, and blinked again. She always knew Kidd acted a little fruity, but nothing on this dear green earth would have even had her guessing this was what Kidd would come up with to get them out of this marriage.

Looking over toward Soul, their eyes met. Soul had to most expressive expression on his face that Maka has seen him have. Shocked with his mouth wide open just like the rest of the crowd around them. She turned forward again and watched the scene continued. The two idiots were still making out grossly in front of King Death.

Maka thought to herself that this might be the cringiest thing she’s ever been forced to witness.

The king’s face was blank, not reacting much at all. He just stood there watching his strange goth son sucking face with one of his loyal knights. Dark shadows started covering his face, and his silence was deafening.

Oh death. How we getting out of this one? Maka thought.

Suddenly, King Death’s shoulders started shaking, and his hand slowly rose toward his face. Wiping at his eyes, tears sparkled off his index finger.

Maka’s mouth fell open again.

Kidd! You made your father CRY!!!

“Kiddo… I never knew you felt this way. I would have never pressured this marriage on you if I knew you felt this way. I, of course, respect your preferences.” King Death was moved to tears. “The arrange marriage is off. I’m sorry my dear friend, Spirit Albarn, and to your daughter, Maka. I cannot in good conscience allow it to happen when my son had to go to such lengths to be felt heard. And lastly, I am sorry, Kiddo, I am ashamed.”

King Death finished his speech and silently left the party to mourn his sorrowful emotions in peace. Spirit, who was previously talking to Death, fainted on the spot and fell head first on the ground with a thud.

The two finally stopped kissing as Kidd had passed out, the drinks finally catching up to the lightweight prince. Blackstar caught him and also walked out of the party. Everyone continued staring at the spot all of this went down.

Suddenly, the music started up again and slowly the crowd started talking. The event started back up again, and the celebration continued as if nothing had just happened.

Maka was still in shock, but she took a deep breath. Turning to Soul, she grabbed his hand.

“I love you, Soul. Can I please have this dance?” Maka was barely holding it together.

“Uhhhhh… Sure...?” Soul wasn’t doing much better. But his mouth turned up in a small smile.

After their dance, he confessed that he also loved her back.

Maka was glad everything was a success. Weird, sure, but a success not matter.

The end.

_ ________________

Epilogue

Maka and Soul had a spring wedding. Sure, her father had taken it hard, but Maka really didn’t care. She told him if he didn’t like it, then he wasn’t invited. He gloomly allowed the wedding to happened.

Maka invited all her family and friends. Even her mother came.

It was the best day of her life.

News of the canceled engagement actually wasn’t that big of a deal in the kingdom nor was Kidd coming out at his party. Though, last she heard from Kidd, his father apparently was trying to set him up with some noblemen. Kidd did finally have a private heart-to-heart with his father about not wanting any kind of arranged marriage and would preferred one out of love. Of course, he didn’t have the heart to tell his father he wasn’t gay.

Weirdly, Kidd even tried to convince Maka that he wasn’t actually gay and that Blackstar was the mastermind behind everything that happened. Maka just shook her head in agreement while knowing it was a lie. There just wasn’t any way. Kidd had feelings for Blackstar. The blond had known for a while now with how much Kidd used to talk about the warrior when they were growing up.

During her wedding, the two men pretended like they didn’t come together. Maka thought it was kinda cute. As much as Kidd denied any feelings for the blue-haired knight, the looks they kept giving each other during the ceremony and after at the banquet dinner were so obvious.

Later, Maka didn’t even bother interrupting them as they made out in the back of the garden hidden away from the other guests.

She smiled up to the love of her life.

What a happy ending.

 

Notes:

Blackstar did the hand spit trick to lay Kidd’s hair down lol. Also Blackstar came over to wish Kidd a happy birthday. Blackstar will become a King by marrying Kidd. You know he would go batshit insane, so Kidd is still in charge. I tried really hard to be funny. Sorry if it ain’t. All I know is that I was screeching and laughing while writing this and that is the most important. :D