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Tiny bits of interactions was what fueled Seungmin to stay in her marriage. At least, that’s what she’s telling herself. She knows she’s just convincing herself for the sake of the contract under her name and yet, she doesn’t leave.
Not yet, at the very least.
She had always done her part as someone married to her counterpart– Minho. Someone she met at the club; a drunk guy who approached her because he thought she was pretty. She was also mesmerized by how beautiful and handsome he is. However, what she didn’t expect was to be on the headlines the next morning.
They didn’t even do anything. All they did was talk and flirt with each other; mostly Minho doing the flirting because God, for the life of her, she doesn’t really know how to. What upsets her is the fact that the article is implying that something happened between the two of them.
She was upset that the media had made up their mind that she’s someone who drinks and fucks someone for fun. She’s well-aware that someone does that but when it comes to her own dignity, she’d rather burn in hell than let them tarnish her name.
But at the same time, just as she expected, someone who knows Minho, came to her apartment. She doesn’t even know how they knew her address but she found herself nodding when the guy named Felix asked her to come with him so they could meet Minho and talk about the rumors spreading around her name.
Turns out, Lee Felix is Lee Minho’s cousin. A surprise given the fact that Lee Felix blushed at the sight of her (she saw that), while Minho was so bold when he approached her. Maybe it’s just the alcohol fueling his courage and boldness, Seungmin doesn’t really care that much.
“Why is he even famous?” she meets Felix’s widened eyes as if the question was something dangerous and not to be given an answer to. “Oh…you don’t know who Lee Minho is?” Seungmin was a patient woman. She really is but when faced with, maybe, dumbness, she’s a little bit impatient and sharp-tongued.
“I wouldn’t ask if I knew, would I?” she asks, barely keeping the snarkness of her tone. Felix just smiled apologetically and chuckled. “I apologize…it’s just that, I’ve never met someone that doesn’t know who my cousin is before. Anyways, Lee Minho is the youngest CEO and most famous model in the country. I think they mentioned that in the article?”
“Well, pardon me for not giving a fuck about the content of the article the moment I read the title.” she states, bitterness seeping from her tongue to her expression. Felix nods in understanding just as the car stopped in a parking lot.
He was a gentleman, Felix is. He opened the door for her and guided her with utmost gentleness when they went inside. He even told her the purpose of each room that they passed. Seungmin doesn’t want to think about why he did that.
“Minho hyung is inside. Wait a second,” he says before knocking on the door. Seungmin’s heart was beating too loudly for her liking. She’s nervous. Not because she was meeting Minho and his stupidly handsome face but because of the possible outcome of this meeting.
She hears a familiar voice just as Felix opens the door. It was a fairly neat office, she notes. There’s also a cat lounging by the big panel of the window, bathing in the sun. Then there’s Minho at his desk in the middle of the room looking all professional yet Seungmin could see the restlessness and… anger? She doesn’t know how she could read his emotions but there she was, heart beating even more loudly and fast.
“I brought her, hyung. Do you want me to stay?” The question was asked more to her than to Minho even though he was facing him. “Yes, stay please.” Seungmin answered for them. She meets Minho’s eyes and frowns at his expression. Why is he looking at her as if she’s the cause of what’s happening?
“Sit down, Seungmin-ssi.” he gestures at the soft-looking sofa with an even softer smile. Her butt still hasn’t touched the seat when Minho suddenly says, “We need to get married.” She genuinely flops on the sofa, her knees weakening at the words. She blinks and blinks as if Minho will disappear like a bubble and she’ll soon realize that she’s just dreaming but then Minho repeats the statement and further sends her mind spiraling down the drain.
“We need to get married, Kim Seungmin.” his voice was rather…cold and indifferent.
She doesn’t know Minho that much, heck she didn’t even know that he was famous but something on the back of her mind was disappointed and confused at Minho’s attitude. Isn’t he the one who approached her because he thought she was really pretty? Isn’t he the one who gave her his handkerchief when someone accidentally spilled their drink near her?
She doesn’t want to dictate and judge Minho’s real personality but she figures she prefers drunk Minho more. Even if he flusters her with every word coming out of his mouth.
“Why do we need to get married?” she asks when she finally composed herself a little. Minho sighs as if she was asking a stupid question. “Did you not read the article? Rumors–”
“Exactly. Rumors . So why do you feel the need to make it a reality?” she interrupts, not liking how he questioned her. “Because this is the only rumor that we can’t cover up. Everything was in so much detail and I can’t lose my…reputation or something and be accused of being a playboy or some bullshit they will come up with if I tell them that we’re strangers to each other.”
“And why do you think I should care about, I don’t know, your reputation? Is it my fault that your babysitter or fucking bodyguard left you alone all drunk and not in the right state of mind to flirt and hit on someone when they were well-aware that you’re not allowed because of your and I quote ‘reputation’?”
Silence surrounds the suddenly dimming room with the clouds hiding the sun as if giving them privacy and making the tension thicker. Did they think that just because she flirted back with Minho they could make her marry him out of nowhere?
“Seungmin-ssi, I am also a human who needs to let go sometimes, that’s why I wa–”
“Then why didn’t you go to a private club or something? Don’t rich and famous people know about various private clubs where they can go all apeshit?” Minho is starting to get on her nerves with all his excuses and she’s not very fond of that feeling.
Felix clears his throat and faces Seungmin, a pleading look in his eyes. “Seungmin-ssi…I apologize. I’m the one who’s supposed to be aware of his actions and whereabouts but I failed to do so that’s why we’re in this situation. Please don’t be mad at hyung.”
“What’s done is done, Felix-ssi. All I want to say is no, I am not going to get married to some stranger who flirted with me once and now in a crisis because he’s apparently famous and rumors could fly.”
She’s young and still has many dreams and getting married so quickly is not one of them.
She looks away, observing the cat, when she sees Felix looking at Minho. She knows they’re communicating silently but she’s firm on her decision on not marrying. “Kim Seungmin-ssi, you’re in need of money, aren’t you?” she stiffens, still not looking at the two.
“I can pay you with a larger amount than your work could provide monthly. I can even give you money right now if that will make you agree.”
She stands abruptly, surprising Felix who’s sitting across her and stomps her way to Minho’s desk,
And slaps him.
There’s unshed tears in her eyes as she glares at Minho who looks back at her nonchalantly like she did nothing. “Yes, I’m in dire need of money but I am not desperate to marry someone just for the sake of it.”
She turns around and was about to walk away when Minho calls out again,
“Do you think you’ll be safe out there from the media and some of my fans? They know what you look like and it’s just a matter of time before they find out where you live.”
It’s like a bucket of cold water washes over her at the realization.
Right. This man, Lee Minho, is famous. It’s only common sense that he has fans; some normal and some too crazy. She shudders when she remembers reading some article about fans going crazy and throwing hate comments when idols or actors started dating.
Kim Seungmin is sharp-tongued and acts shit sometimes but she has a soft and sensitive heart that cries at a miniscule amount of hurtful words.
Godfuckingdamnit.
—
Seungmin waits for the front door to close before walking out of her room. After they got married, Minho’s company had proposed that they should live together for a more convincing act for the public. She agreed on the conditions that 1.) she won’t be paying for anything– foods, bills, and other things– 2.) they will sleep separately 3.) Seungmin is not responsible for Minho’s things 4.) Visitors are only allowed if the other agrees.
Fortunately, the company and Minho himself weren't against it.
She sighs, looking at the ceiling, recalling the things that transpired these last few months of living together with her supposedly said husband who doesn’t act like one at all. She’s not really affected.
But Seungmin is an expert of gaslighting herself.
For the last two months, the thing called heart inside her chest aches whenever Minho doesn’t give her the time of the day. She could still recall the moment it started feeling like that.
Minho wasn’t really a bad person. In fact, he’s caring at times, especially when he thinks that no one is looking. Sometimes, Seungmin would wake up to the aroma of the breakfast being cooked. Oftentimes, she’ll see that her laundry has been done. Or her favorite drink sitting on the kitchen counter.
It’s the little things that Minho does for her that she thinks it’s ridiculous for softening for something as small as that.
But maybe, she can’t really blame herself when it’s the first act of affection that she’s receiving after being discarded and uncared for before. Maybe it’s her heart stupidly deciding to fall for someone who seems to not like her in the way it decided to feel for the other.
She sighs again and whines.
“Why are you sighing and whining?” she jumps at the voice, looking at Minho with wide eyes. “Why are you here?” she questions back. Minho raises an eyebrow at her, “I can’t be in my own house now?”
She frowns, “I meant why are you not at work? Aren’t you supposed to be at your company right now?”
Minho smiles slyly and Seungmin already knows what he’s about to say. “You memorized my schedule.” it was a statement, not a question. “Yes. So I know when you’ll be gone to avoid you.” she answers. Minho just smiles, not believing her one bit. He walks towards her slowly while Seungmin steps back and the dance repeats until Seungmin bumps into the kitchen counter.
Her nose wrinkles when she catches a whiff of alcohol on Minho. Was he already drunk when he went out? No, did he really go out to pretend he’s gone so he could catch Seungmin off guard? Seungmin doesn’t understand this guy.
“Do you hate me?”
Seungmin blinks and is about to answer in a joking manner when she sees that Minho was serious and was genuinely curious. “I don’t.” she says, firm. She doesn’t hate him, no, she’s just upset.
“Ask me if I hate you.” Minho slurs, slowly blinking as if sleep is tugging him. “Do you hate me, Minho-ssi?” she asks, lips a thin line.
Silence surrounds them before Minho opens his mouth at the same time he slowly loses consciousness.
“I do. I hate you.”
Seungmin stands at the kitchen with an armful of asleep Minho, her heart breaking. Growing up, people around her had always told her that she shouldn’t care about others’ opinion or feelings about her, especially if it’s negative. But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s still soft at heart.
That is why she finds herself slowly sitting down, still gently holding Minho as she sobs silently.
“Ah…something must be really wrong with me if people always leave; physically or not.”
—
The sun rises to its spot as usual yet Minho wakes up to a suspiciously colder house. There’s no sign of his wife everywhere and he’s starting to get worried instead of tending to his hangover.
Even though they’re not that close, they always let each other know where they will go aside from work. Seungmin also always leaves a note if she goes out after Minho has gone to his work.
“Felix, did Seungmin tell you that she’ll go out today?” He’s now on a phone call with his cousin after a few minutes of looking for his wife. “What? No. Why would she even tell me? Hyung, don’t tell me you drove Seungmin-ssi away?”
“What? No! I didn’t do anything!” he retorts, a little bit offended. He knows his attitude towards Seungmin wasn’t the best but he’s not that …bad.
Right?
“Okay, okay. I’ll look for her, too. But hyung, if ever she really left because of something that you did, try to remember, yeah? I know you were drunk last night because of your texts.”
Felix doesn’t give Minho the privilege to reply, not that he could because there’s something at the back of his head nagging at him like an impending storm. Right. He was drunk last night.
But he can’t remember doing something that is…against Seungmin’s decision. Hell, he can’t even remember seeing her yesterday.
He sighs and walks out the house to look for Seungmin. For some reason, there’s a bad feeling seeping slowly inside him.
“Shush, I got you, Seungminnie.” Hyunjin coos, caressing her hair as she silently sniffled at the crook of his neck. Her other friends were busy but Hyunjin took the effort to make time for her.
“What did he do?” he asks, voice cold. He was the first person to know about the arranged marriage and also thought that it was a ridiculous proposal. But he understood Seungmin’s situation and how she could be hurt by the fans and had no choice but to give her his support in any way he could.
“He told me…he told me hates me, Hyunie. I know I shouldn’t be this hurt about it but…but”
“Do you love him?”
Silence was what Hyunjin needed to know the answer.
He had been subjected to Seungmin’s not so subtle borderline L word rant about her husband almost every day and he would be dumb not to notice the underlying fondness she has for Minho even through chat.
He’s a little bit upset that she’s falling for someone who he believes doesn’t deserve someone like her but he’s not one to dictate his friend’s feelings.
But now, he really should have just gone through his plan of tending to Seungmin for the time being just so she could escape his husband’s fans. However, he trusts that Minho and his company will keep her safer.
“Do you want to stay here for the time being?” he asks softly. Seungmin sniffles and shakes her head. “I don’t want to burden you further. I know you have a lot of things to do. Just making time for me is enough. Thank you, Hyunie.”
“Idiot. No need for thanks. You know I and the others will be with you whenever you need. Well, at least one of us because we’re busy.” they both giggled at that, nodding.
“But what should I do now? I don’t think I can face him…”
“Hmm…check your phone, maybe? It’s been vibrating nonstop for the past five minutes.” Seungmin immediately scrambled for her phone, eyes widening at the tons of missed calls and texts from Felix and Minho himself.
“Oh, no. I forgot to leave a note. I just left!” she exclaimed, slapping her forehead and groaning. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
Minho’s car was gone when she got home. She bid Hyunjin goodbye and hastily walked inside, hoping no one's around to see and gossip that she got out of an unfamiliar car. Hyunjin’s car was tinted but it was better safe than sorry.
She already texted Minho back that she’s home, the ‘seen’ status making her nervous. Minho’s text blew up her messages but all of them sounded concerned for her being.
He even apologized even though it was followed by a, “I don’t know what I did to make you leave. Please come back and let’s talk. Don’t leave me.”
A part of her is hoping that he doesn’t want to lose her. But there’s also something at the back of her brain telling her to not hope too much.
Because the last time she did, she ended up broken.
A few minutes later, she hears Minho’s car. The sound of its engine is so familiar now that he can’t mistake it for someone else’s. What followed was the slam of the door, making her flinch and the hasty paddings of feet.
“Seungmin-ah?” came Minho’s hopeful voice. “Kitchen.” she answers, pretending to be nonchalant and sipping on the coffee she made during her wait.
Minho’s disheveled state came into view, making her eyes widen for a moment. Why is he panicking so much?
They stared at each other for what seems like an eternity, Minho gaping and taking her presence, making sure she’s not just a hallucination.
“You’re…here.” he says and Seungmin raises an eyebrow. “Well, obviously. You’re looking at me, aren’t you?” she retorts, licking her lips to avoid looking nervous. She knows that Minho doesn’t recall anything that happened last night but it’s still hurting her, nonetheless.
Minho just nodded and then,
“Good. I still need you. We’re going to a party next week. Dress up…decently.” he says, looking her up and down as if he’s disgusted by her fashion, by what she’s wearing at the moment.
Like he’s pleading with her to not embarrass him.
Shame suddenly courses through Seungmin’s body. She’s not one to be insecure about her fashion but she doesn’t like the way Minho looked at her.
She’s just dressed up in pants and hoodies right now but she knows how to dress up; formally or not.
Really…
Minho told her he needs her but he’s the one pushing her to go through with her plan of getting divorced. And maybe…maybe after the party, she’ll go through it.
—
Before the day of the party arrived, Minho called a fashion designer and asked the person to dress Seungmin prettily.
Seungmin just stood there, doing whatever the designer wanted her to do. She’s so caught up in her mind that she doesn’t see the way Minho was looking at her.
Now, she stood in front of the big mirror they have in the living room, admiring herself. She feels pretty! She promises herself that she won’t be ruining her happiness by overthinking Minho’s actions and words that she will receive tonight.
Surely, he’ll act all lovely towards her for the public and she’ll reciprocate it but that’s that.
Nothing less, nothing more.
Just an act for the public and for Minho’s reputation.
The venue was a lot smaller than she expected but she’s not surprised, knowing that it’s a party for famous people. She guesses the invited individuals are limited.
“Can you manage yourself? I’ll just talk to someone.” came Minho’s voice that interrupted her thoughts. She raised an eyebrow and was about to answer bratty but decided against it.
She’s feeling good tonight. She’s not going to ruin it just because of Minho’s dumbness and even dumber questions.
She settled with a nod, raising her glass as if shooing Minho away to whatever or whoever.
“All right, love. I’ll be back.” her husband surges forwards, dropping a kiss to her forehead and then smiling softly at her after pulling back.
It’s an act.
“Take your time, hubby!” she bubbly retorts, giggling.
It’s an act.
It was just a fraction of a second but she sees something flicker in Minho’s eyes, causing her stupid little heart to flutter violently like it’s a bird trying to take off.
Felix approaches her after a few minutes of being alone. “Hi, Seungmin-ssi.” he greets. “Hello, Yongbok-ah.”
For the past few months, she had grown fond of Felix to the point that she insisted he calls her informally. He does call her that sometimes but for some reason, he’s formally calling her right now.
Maybe it’s because they’re in public where prying eyes and ears could be present.
“Where’s your husband?”
“Took off somewhere. Says he needs to talk to someone or something like that.”
Felix nods in understanding. “You look pretty tonight.” he suddenly states, a soft yet bashful smile on his lips.
Before Seungmin could say something, an arm winds around her petite waist, tugging her back until she collides with someone.
“Making a move on my wife, Lix-ah? I might just have to fire you.” came Minho’s voice. Felix just chuckles as if Minho acting possessive was normal on a daily basis while Seungmin was doing all her best not to squeal at the squeezes Minho is doing on her waist.
“Hey! You can’t just fire my favorite employee of yours just because he stated the truth.” she says, lightly hitting Minho’s chest, grinning cheekily. Minho looks at her for a moment in silence that it got Seungmin thinking if she did or said something wrong.
But then Minho is leaning down and then Minho is pecking the corner of her lips, the tip of her nose, her forehead, and then he’s taking hold of her hand with the hand that wasn’t hugging her waist possessively and drops a kiss on it, too.
And then Minho was leaning back, a soft smile on his lips as he looked at Seungmin as if she hung the stars for him.
“Well, I can’t blame my secretary now, can’t I? Not when he’s really telling the truth about your beauty tonight. You’re so pretty, Seungminnie.”
It’s a nickname that Minho rarely calls her with.
It’s always Seungmin-ah or Seungmin-ssi as if they aren’t married. But ‘Seungminnie’, as Seungmin had noticed, only comes out of Minho’s mouth whenever he’s talking to her as if they are married under normal circumstances such as being truly in love with one another.
And right now, they are in public, married out of love.
It’s an act.
Bitterness seeps on her being and she tastes it on her tongue as she forces a wide smile to Minho.
“You’re pretty, too. Pretty handsome, hubby.”
Seungmin is not sure if it’s an act anymore.
Minho, with Seungmin’s permission, not that he actually needed one (but they were at a party), started drinking. Seungmin was by his side all the time, trying to converse with people who tried talking to her. She’s not socially awkward, by any means, but there’s a part of her that doesn’t want to interact with these people because they are famous and they can hire someone who can ruin her image or something like that.
She knows she’s overthinking but she’s not really taking any risk.
“What? She is pretty, she is my wife, after all.” She hears Minho say, a smug smirk on his face as he looks at Seungmin.
She just smiles softly at him, letting her ‘L’ word out through it now that she’s sure Minho is really drunk. Minho hugs her waist again, swaying them, not bothering to look at the person he was talking to earlier.
“The prettiest baby…” he slurs against the crook of her neck. She feels his lips and her breath stutters, heart thumping loudly. Minho is drunk and he doesn't know what he’s saying and doing, Seungmin’s mind helplessly supplies.
She sighs when Minho falls silent. “Let’s go home.” Her eyes meet Felix’s and the latter immediately understands, making his way towards them, helping her to carry Minho.
“Is that you, Lixie-ah?” Minho says, eyes squinting at Felix who scoffs and smiles. “Yes, hyung, it’s me.”
Minho removes his arm that was around Seungmin as if he forgot that she was also helping her. “Perfect timing! Felix, my dearest cousin, I don’t want Seungmin.” he whines, freezing Felix on his track, wide and concerned eyes darting to Seungmin who also stopped and was just looking ahead, eyes empty.
But her lips were pursed as if holding back a frown that’s borderlining on a pout. “Hyung–” Felix starts but Minho shushes him, swaying on his feet.
“I don’t want her. I don’t like her.” Minho repeats and Seungmin looks up, breathing deeply, then her eyes wander around and her fingers are pinching herself, doing anything just to stave off the tears gathering in her eyes. Stave off the emotional pain by inflicting physical ones.
It was proven useless, she notes.
Because her heart hurts; physically and emotionally and she can’t do anything about it.
“I don’t want her. I don’t like her.” repeats over and over again in her head like a mocking mantra.
When Minho loses consciousness, she still catches him with Felix.
“I don’t want her. I don’t like her.”
It’s not an act.
What was the saying? Drunk thoughts are sober thoughts? Right.
Seungmin loves Minho and Minho doesn’t love Seungmin. Doesn’t even like her.
It’s the truth and not an act.
—
“I want a divorce.”
Minho freezes on his way to the kitchen, head whipping around so fast to Seungmin that the latter feels concern for his neck.
“What?” he asks, eyes wide, blinking rapidly. “Did you say something, Seungmin-ah?”
“I want a divorce.” she repeats, looking Minho in the eyes. “Why?” he asked just as quickly as Seungmin answered him.
“What? I can’t have my own decisions now? We’ve been pretending for months , Minho-ssi, what else do you want? It also states in our contract that if we surpass three months of marriage, I can decide on divorce whenever I want. It’s been seven months.” she explains but really, it sounded like she’s rambling just to convince herself that there’s nothing wrong with divorcing.
Minho’s eyebrows meet each other, lips pursed.
“I still need you.”
“You don’t. I don’t.” it’s a bitter word on her tongue but she plows on. “We can just tell the media that we were actually already on the verge of divorcing so we decided to club to feel and see if it will help but it didn’t so now we’re here, going through the plan of divorce. End of story.”
She breathes out silently as if she ran out of it, standing up to make her way outside. She doesn’t get very far because Minho catches her wrist and gently tugs her back.
“What do you want, Minho-ssi? Why are you so reluctant about this? Don’t be stupid and say ‘I need you’ again.”
Minho remains silent for a moment and Seungmin scoffs, knowing she caught him.
“You’re the one who needs me.” he says after his silence and Seungmin blinks at him. “Excuse me?” It sounded ridiculous. Why would she even need Minho?
“Well, not me but my money.”
Seungmin really, really thanks Minho for still holding her dominant hand because it is itching to slap Minho over and over again. Her other hand, however, comes up to pinch the bridge of her nose and she counts from one to ten to calm herself down.
Yanking her hand from Minho’s hold, she glares at him.
“Well flash news! I don’t need you and your money anymore! We’ve already talked about it!” she snaps. That’s not entirely a lie because she already managed to pay almost half of the hospital bills they accumulated for her father’s confinement.
Felix and Minho don't know that that is the reason for her desperation for money. They only knew that she works multiple part time jobs, coming to a conclusion that she needed help. Felix had confessed to her two months into marriage that they weren’t actually sure if she’s in need of loads of money but her reaction to Minho’s question on their first proper meeting confirmed it all.
Seungmin just waved him off, then, ignoring the ache and shame forming in her chest.
“You can’t get all things with money, Minho-ssi. Besides, didn’t you say you don’t want and like me? I figured you’re also pitying me that’s why you’re not bringing divorce up so I’m here, telling you that we should divorce.”
Bitterness was a frequent taste on her tongue that it eventually turned acidic inside her. Then it sizzles down, claiming home everytime she looks and speaks to Minho and she hates it. She hates it because love shouldn’t be like this. But then she figures that only love can hurt like this. Only love can make her hopelessly hope that her feelings are reciprocated. Only love can make her stupid enough to fall in love with someone who doesn’t even like her.
She’s young and has many dreams and Minho was added to the list later on.
She’s well aware that she’s not very likable and could be easily discarded. Experienced it firsthand from her ex whose fond gazes turned into a cold, indifferent, and disgust look. Saw how his loving words changed to hurtful ones, dripping venoms as if he was waiting all his life to say it to her face.
She saw it on herself when she couldn’t even look at her own reflection without her mind supplying negativity. She saw it on herself when she couldn’t even think about how she loves her own person.
She saw it and burned it into her retina, stored it on her brain and carried it like a needed oxygen gas to breathe.
“Seungminnie…” came Minho’s voice, interrupting her train of thoughts and it is only then that she realizes that she’s crying . Biting the inside of her cheek in frustration, her hand comes up to wipe her eyes aggressively.
“We shouldn’t have married officially, Minho-ssi. Now we’re going to go through the hassle of official divorce, too. It’s such a waste of time. Don’t follow me. I’m not going to accept any excuses of yours.”
With that, she turns around, not glancing back to see whatever expression Minho has.
Or if he even bothered to go against her request.
She likes to think that the quiet sob she heard was her’s.
—
Felix watches with a grim expression as Minho busies himself with the paperworks, barely even eating if he doesn’t force him to. He was already informed of the divorce by Seungmin who called him the same day Minho knocked on his door, drunk.
He can’t even be mad at Minho, just upset. He knows his cousin doesn’t remember anything he said at the party and he also didn’t bother to tell him because Seungmin specifically told him not to and he doesn’t have the heart to go against her request. Not when she dragged him to the living room gently and told him to not say anything to Minho, eyes teary.
He knows she knows that he knows she is in love with Minho. Maybe that’s why she trusted him about what happened that night.
He’s upset at Minho’s tendencies to be forgetful after drinking a night away. He’s upset that Minho didn’t even remember that he was hugging Seungmin before they decided to walk home that night.
He just hopes Seungmin is getting enough rest she deserves.
“Hyung, you’re working overtime. Let’s go home already.” he states when he notices that it’s already past one. “You can go home, Lixie-yah. I need to finish this.” he sighs because there aren't any documents that need to be finished urgently. “I’m not going home without you, hyung. Not when you look like you’ll faint any time now.”
The clacking of the keyboard answered him, making him sigh for the nth time that night– that day?-- Whatever, he figures it doesn’t matter and decides to address the elephant in the room.
“Why are you acting like this, hyung? Is it because of the divorce?” Minho visibly stiffens, hands stopping and just hovering over his keyboard. When Minho remained silent, Felix continued.
“Do you even know why Seungmin wanted divorce?”
‘Besides, didn’t you say you don’t want and like me?’
Minho doesn’t know Seungmin’s exact reason for divorce. They were doing well for the past few months and he likes to think that they already got comfortable with each other. But then he finds out that he thought wrong and now he’s just a pile of confusion and hurt.
“What did I even do, Lix? I thought we were doing well. I thought we were starting to be okay for our married status to go on for years.” he hopelessly states, unaware of Felix’s lips shutting on a thin line.
But Felix catches the pain and desperation in his voice and shoots his shot.
“Do you like her?”
Silence answers him for a few moments, followed by Minho’s sigh.
“I like her. A lot.” he confesses. Felix groans, stands up and marches his way to Minho. The older man looks up at him in confusion, eyebrows questioning him. Then Felix hits the back of his head, not too strong but not too weak either.
“Ow– dude, what the fuck?!” Minho’s eyes almost bulged out of their socket because of his cousin’s suddenness. “What’s that for?!”
“Hyung, my favorite cousin of all time, you are so stupid I can’t believe you’re a CEO of a company and a cum laude in your college days.” Why Felix is insulting him, he doesn’t know. “For the love of God and for Seungmin’s sake,”
Felix stops and smiles at how Minho perks up at Seungmin’s name. God, how could he not notice that Minho is in love with Seungmin before? He apologizes to God and their ancestors for the failure before continuing.
“Again, for the love of God and Seungmin’s sake, stop drinking. You know you always forget things when you’re drunk!” Minho was about to question how drinking and Seungmin connected with each other before his eyes widened at some kind of revelation.
“Oh, no…” he mumbles, fearful eyes looking at Felix. “Don’t tell me I said something stupid about Seungmin? Or even to Seungmin?!” At Felix's grim and tight expression, followed by a nod, Minho drops his head to the table over and over again, groaning.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah. You really fucked up, hyung.”
“Wait.” Felix already knows where this is going. “If I said something stupid, why didn’t you tell me afterwards?” the younger scratches his nape and sheepishly smiles at him. “Seungmin told me not to say anything so yeah…I didn’t want to go against her request so I just remained silent.”
“Felix…what did I say?” Even though Minho has an inkling of what he said, he still wants a confirmation from Felix who, apparently, was a direct witness to his stupidity. Before Felix could say something, he adds, “Please don’t tell me I didn’t tell her that I don’t like her and I don’t want her.”
Along Felix’s silence was the dreadful confirmation he wanted. “Well, technically, you didn’t tell her directly. Hyung, Seungmin and I were supporting your weight back to the car when you suddenly stopped to face me and told me that, yeah, you don’t want and like Seungmin. She was there beside you all the time. How could you be so stupid and not remember?”
Felix then remembers that he didn't apply to this job to deal with Minho’s stupidity but alas.
Said personification of stupidity just groans and proceeds to bonk his head on the table again, mumbling about needing to stop himself from drinking and apologizing to Seungmin and then he said something else but Felix didn’t get any of it.
“What was that, hyung?”
Silence answered him but he was patient enough for Minho. Had been patient for years.
“I don’t want a divorce…” Minho says, lips wobbling slightly when he looks up at his cousin. “I don’t want to lose Seungmin,” he confesses. Felix sighs and nods in understanding. “You should tell her that, hyung. Who knows, maybe she’ll change her mind if you just get yourself together and not be emotionally constipated whenever she’s around.”
It was a hidden insult but Minho doesn’t mind. Not when it’s true that he’d been nothing but stupid whenever his wife was around.
“Do you think she’ll answer if I call her?”
“Try and find out, hyung.”
--
Seungmin was not answering any of his calls but he finds out that she’s answering Felix’s so he decides to act on desperation, begging Felix to pretend to discuss the divorce with Seungmin so he can see her.
“Why are you here?” came Seungmin’s first words when she saw him instead of Felix. He feels bad for fooling Seungmin but he figures that nothing will change between them if he doesn’t do something about it. “Sit down and let’s talk, Seungminnie.'' He sees the way she falters and the way she purses her lips, biting back a frown.
“Please.” he adds and he sees Seungmin softening at that.
He feels like a fool.
How could he not notice the way Seungmin is looking at him and how she’s acting so gentle around him? To him? It feels like a punishment.
He observes his wife for a few moments and his heart clenches. Seungmin was still beautiful. Always beautiful. But he notices her eyebags and her cheeks that have lost their baby fats. He wants to know what’s causing her stress but he also knows that he’s a part of it and he wants nothing more than to bang his head on the table.
“Are you going to start talking or did you just fool me into coming here to waste my time?” interrupts Seungmin’s voice. God, how he missed her voice. It’s such a gentle yet firm voice that grounds him and pulls him back to reality.
“I don’t want a divorce, Seungmin-ah.” he confesses. That wasn’t supposed to come out of his mouth. Not yet. He’s supposed to apologize first for fuck’s sake. “And I do want a divorce. We’ve talked about this, Lee Minho-ssi.” It hurts hearing Seungmin talk to him formally as if he’s just a stranger. Maybe he is.
He is now.
Just a stranger who didn’t think any better before coming into Seungmin’s life and ruining it for her. Just a stranger whose name is in the marriage contract. And just a stranger whose surname was adopted by Seungmin.
“I don’t understand you. Why are you like this?” Seungmin questions and it sounded like she’s borderline begging. She’s too confused and hurt and exhausted. She doesn’t really want to deal with anything else other than sitting besides her father in the hospital to look out for him.
It’s like the Gods or whatever deity listening to them decided to grant her wish because her phone rings and Hyunjin’s name comes into her sight.
Then again, Seungmin shouldn’t really wish things hastily because one moment, she is staring at Minho with wide eyes, then the second, she’s in Minho's car and they are on their way to the hospital.
And within the next moments, she’s trudging through the hospital hallways, hand in hand with Minho.
Hyunjin’s eyes immediately zeroed in on their hands, eyebrows shooting up as if demanding an explanation but he remained silent, he knows Seungmin’s father is the priority here.
“Hyune, what…what happened? He was just okay when I left, wasn’t he? Why—” Hyunjin gently pulls Seungmin in his hug but Minho still hasn’t let go of her hand.
To say that Minho was surprised is an understatement. He wasn’t aware that Seungmin’s father was confined.
Is this the reason why she’s so desperate for money?
He feels shitty all over again.
“He’s fine now, Minnie. Just had a bad health scare for a moment. He’s okay, you need to calm down and breathe with me.” With that said, Minho felt how Seungmin was shaking and how her body was trembling visibly.
He squeezes her hand in hopes of grounding her, heart aching.
“The doctors say he’s not allowed to have visitors for a while because they need to check up on him constantly. Where do you want to stay?”
“Can we go to the rooftop?” Seungmin sounds so vulnerable and tiny and Minho wants nothing but to wrap her with blankets and make her some hot choco.
But then Seungmin is pulling her hand away from him and then Seungmin herself is being pulled away from him by the man named Hyunjin.
He wants to reach out.
He needs to reach out.
Something inside him is screaming to reach out because if he doesn’t, it feels like he’ll never see his wife again. If he doesn’t, he’ll lose her.
“Wait!” he reaches out and they both stop but only Hyunjin turns around, raising an eyebrow at him. “Let me take her. I want to…be with her.” he confessed.
Hyunjin doesn’t say anything, just looks at Seungmin before gently letting Minho wrap her with his arms. Seungmin doesn’t say anything; doesn't even resist his hold and just lets Minho take her to the rooftop, trusting Hyunjin with her father.
On the rooftop, Seungmin finally parts away from Minho, sitting on the edge, her back against the railings. Minho just observes her, maintaining a respectful distance between them. It’s just some few feet away but he feels like they’re worlds apart due to the silence surrounding them.
“You know, father is the reason why I’m desperate for money.” Seungmin starts and Minho feels himself tense, bowing in shame. “He’s….he’s not really in a good condition as you can see earlier. The bills have been piling up and piling up and piling up…I was on the verge of giving up but then you came.”
He looks at Seungmin and his heart clenches at how vulnerable and sad she looks.
“You came and you offered a much more enormous amount of money than all of my jobs combined could provide and I just…I just realized how down in life I got. I’m supposed to be doing the thing I loved and not…not being so desperate for money. I don’t blame my father, of course. If I needed to sell my body just so I can provide him with the best hospital, I will.”
Minho’s breath hitches.
“Your offer was too good to be true at first. My pride didn’t let me agree easily because why would I need to let myself be used just for someone’s reputation? Then you mentioned that I needed money and all I wanted was to agree because I fucking need it like you said.”
Seungmin looks at him and Minho doesn’t look away. His wife smiles at him sadly, almost apologetically.
“I’m sorry if this comes out as me using you for money, Minho-ssi.”
Minho looks away, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. This was not supposed to go this way. He never thought of Seungmin agreeing to the marriage for money. He just knows that Seungmin is not that type of person. All of this started because of him and he’s now painfully aware of it.
“Seungmin.” he calls out softly and looks at her again. But this time, he stands up and makes his way closer to Seungmin, in front of her, to be specific. “Seungminnie, you have nothing to apologize for, yeah? We both know that that was not your intention when you agreed on marrying me.”
When she was about to retort, Minho gathered his courage and cups her face gently, like a petal. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for forcing you to marry me. I’m so sorry for not acting like a proper husband and for saying that I don’t want and like you because fucking hell, I do like you and I do want you.” There's a part of him that disagrees with his timing of confession but he doesn’t know when else he’s getting the courage to do so.
The first drop of tears came and Minho let it go. He lets Seungmin cry in his hands all while holding his own tears back. There’s an unexplainable ache and feeling on his chest and it was further intensified by Seungmin’s next words.
“I’m sorry– I can’t. I can’t right now.” Seungmin states, doing her best to shake her head while letting Minho still cradle her face. Minho blinks his own tears away and nods, a lump on his throat as he forces himself to smile. “It’s okay. I understand.”
Seungmin sobs at that and Minho breaks at the sound of it. He swallows the lump and succumbs to his selfish desire of having Seungmin.
“Seungminnie…I understand but can I make it up to you? Can I still try?” He was asking questions but his tone was borderline begging. He doesn’t want anyone else. He wants Seungmin and Seungmin only and he’s about to lose her if he doesn’t do anything.
Call him selfish and he’ll agree.
But it’s Seungmin. It’s his wife .
He got hold of Seungmin’s hands and kneels in front of her. He brought her hands to his forehead as if praying, “please…I don’t want to lose you.” he hears Seungmin hiccuping and looks up to her, her downward lips welcoming his eyes. “You’re so unfair…” Seungmin whispered.
“For the past few months, I loved you. I love you still. How come you only realize that you also love me just when you’re about to lose me?”
They probably look ridiculous. Seungmin sitting back against the railing, and Minho kneeling in front of her, hands gripping Seungmin’s as if she’ll disappear if lets loose a bit, and they’re both crying.
“How can you…” her own sobs cut her off, “how can you easily say that you don’t want me when all I ever wanted was you?”
Seungmin had a boyfriend once.
He was a sweet soul at first. He was always taking good care of Seungmin and he was her comfort whenever she’s lost in her head and drowning in her thoughts. It was safe to say that she was beyond broken when he turned out to be not who he was as Seungmin expected him to be.
He got a foul mouth and an even fouler one when all his venomous words were directed to her. She only realizes that it’s a mistake of letting him know how sensitive she is and how she hates it when people raise their voice against her, especially if all what they’re saying are bad things about her.
But no one can blame her, can’t they? She didn’t know that he was just putting up a fake front for her because he wanted to get her to bed. No one knew that the love he declared was nothing but a dare.
All Seungmin wanted was to experience love that will take care of her. A genuine one.
But here she was, under a contract of fake marriage and an even more fake love.
“I love you. I truly love you, Seungmin-ah.” she sobs at the thought of someone loving her the same way she loves. The same way she feels about Minho. It was such a nerve wracking thought; Minho loved her. It feels unreal because not even two months ago, she was subjected to his confession of how he doesn’t like her nor he wants her. But Minho is here, kneeling in front of her and confessing over and over again as if the world was ending and he won’t get any other chance to tell her how much he loves her.
She thinks she’s about to make another foolish decision, second to her first, that is letting herself love Minho, but she deserves this, right? She deserves a love so genuine that it’ll make her sick and rotten to her very core with all the love she will be receiving. She will need time to adjust and change her view of Minho’s actions. She’ll need constant assurances and declaration of love through words and actions a lot.
Is Minho willing to give that?
“I am. I am more than willing to give you that.” she didn’t even realize that she was blurting all of that but she doesn’t care, no, not when she got an answer. It was such a grounding tone from Minho that she wants to believe everything he tells her.
However,
“Will you wait for me to be ready?” The smile Minho gives her is so comforting yet blinding at the same time. “I will, Seungminnie. I’ll wait for you. Always. I’ll also be with you in every step.” he assures, rubbing circles on her palms with his thumbs. “We can also get that divorce like you want and start all over again. Let me fix this from the very start. I want to court you, I want to cuddle with you, and I want to wake up everyday with your face welcoming me.” he confesses with a shy smile, one that has Seungmin flustered.
“I’m a lot to handle. I still live with my father. I’m a broke person, not really, but you know what I mean compared to you. I’m sensitive to a lot of things and I’m moody.” She informs Minho as if his husband didn’t already know that from the months they lived together under the same roof.
“We can live together with your father if you don’t mind me further imposing in your life. I can provide enough for all of us but I’m also not going to stop you from working if you want. I will learn how to handle you and how to be careful with my actions and words towards you.” Seungmin looks up to hold back more tears, not really expecting him to say all of that.
“Will you really?” her voice was so soft that it almost missed Minho’s ear if he wasn’t paying so much attention to his wife.
“I will, really.” he says, volume the same as Seungmin’s, afraid of breaking whatever bubble they had created around them. They both stared at each other with Minho smiling at the way Seungmin is starting to calm down. He brings her hand to his cheek and kisses her palm.
“In our first month of living together, you started cooking breakfast every now and then and I started looking forward to it everyday even though I wasn’t sure if you’ll continue doing it. The first breakfast you cooked was my favorite and I literally froze when I saw it because how did you know? Then gratitude came afterwards because how can you cook for someone who put you under a contract?
Then in our third month, I cooked breakfast for us. At first, I was afraid that you wouldn't eat it because I was the one who made it but your eyes sparkled at the sight of the food and you scarfed it down without hesitance. You even thanked me for it.
In our fifth month, you came home drunk and I was so worried and I felt like I was lacking when it comes to being your husband because you didn’t tell me anything about drinking. But then I was reminded that you did tell me that you will drink that day and you might need help coming home if you can’t but I was so caught up in my work that it slipped my mind. I completely forgot about you drinking.”
Minho stops and closes his eyes. ‘That night, I went down on my knees and thanked God for bringing you home safe to me.’
Seungmin’s thumb caressing his cheeks made his eyes open and he’s so, so, in love with her. With her eyes, her lips, the mole on her cheek, and her cheeks that he wants to pinch.
“All this time, I’m in love with you but I was too busy being scared that you won’t reciprocate my feelings that I didn’t even realize I was pushing you away and hurting you and for that, I’m so sorry, Seungmin.”
Seungmin hums, a small smile on her face but it was genuine and not forced.
“Thank you, Minho.” was all that she said but it relieved the weight on Minho’s shoulder at the same time that it grounded him firm on his resolutions. “Thank you , Seungmin.” he says back, kissing her palm again, this time, letting his lips linger against it.
That night, he went down on his knees again and thanked God for bringing Kim Seungmin in his life.
–
‘Until I Found You’ welcomes Minho’s ear as he trudges through their door. Nine months after he and Seungmin officially got divorced, Seungmin came up to him with a shy smile, telling him that she wants to live with him again. It tripped Minho on his toes, literally, because they were walking when Seungmin dropped the bomb casually and Felix got the first row of Minho planting his face on the floor, ears red like it’ll explode.
“Really?” he asks, eyes wide. He hasn’t even got up from the floor, not when his knees felt jelly and weak in front of Seungmin who was still laughing and she looks so beautiful Minho wants nothing more than to kiss the ground again.
Seungmin breathes out her last laugh and nods, wiping the tears of joy from her eyes, “Yes, Minho…I want to live with you again.”
She drops on her knees to level him, smiling sheepishly at him. “Can I?” she asked and Minho sees how she’s trying her best to appear calm. He immediately got hold of her hands, nodding rapidly. “Of course! Of course, Seungmin-ah. Thank you. I love you.”
Seungmin doesn’t say it back but the blush that creeped on her cheeks was enough to send Minho spiraling down his ‘in-love-with-Seungmin’ drain.
“Seungminnie?” he calls out, a smile already on his face. “Kitchen!” it feels like a deja vu, his brain supplies a memory of this scene happening more often. He comes home, shouts that he’s home, calls out for Seungmin, and Seungmin will always be at the kitchen, cooking, as if she knows that Minho will be hungry when he comes home.
Seungmin’s back and her humming welcomed him, his heart clenching painfully good at the sight. He wrapped his arms around her petite waist and felt happier at how she instantly melted in his hold. “What are you making, baby?”
“Kimchi stew. You said you were craving for it.” every fiber of his being throbs so achingly well that he didn’t have the capability of holding himself back from kissing Seungmin’s neck, loving the way he could feel her pulse speed up under his lips. He smiles at the curse Seungmin lets out, letting his teeth graze just a bit before pulling away. “Seungminnnie…” he whispers, feeling her shiver as she hums in answer.
He turns Seungmin around, turning off the stove as he does so and cradles Seungmin’s face that’s sporting a surprised expression. He smiles softly at him and she smiles back, hand coming up to hold his wrists.
Minho slowly leans forward, eyeing Seungmin’s lips then her eyes as if signaling her what he’s about to do, and gives Seungmin the chance to pull away. His heart stops when Seungmin stays. He doesn’t kiss her lips, no, he kisses the corner of her lips at first, not knowing if he should proceed. But then Seungmin is sighing and she’s angling her head toward and now he’s kissing her lips.
It’s soft like before, like how it felt the first time they kissed for their ‘fake’ marriage. An act for the public. This time, however, was an action from their genuine love for each other. This is their second time feeling each other’s lips but it feels like the first and in some way, it is.
He sighs on the kiss when he feels Seungmin smiling before pulling away, their forehead on each other. “I love you a lot, you know?” He says and he feels like he won in life yet again (he loves to claim that he won in life for the first time the moment he met Seungmin) when Seungmin nods without hesitation. “I know.” she states, grinning.
It makes Minho grins and all he wants is to cry because Seungmin is here, Seungmin is in his arms, and now they’re dancing in the kitchen as ‘Lover’ plays in the background along with Seungmin singing.
When they signed the divorce papers, Minho’s world came crumbling down even though he knew that Seungmin allowed him to try again. The knowledge that Seungmin still can let somebody else love her, still choose someone else, makes him weak in the knees. As his pen lifted up from the paper, he wanted nothing but to put it back down and scribble all across the documents. But this was what Seungmin wanted and even his selfishness will give her what she wants.
When Seungmin comes home and gathers her things and drives away with Hyunjin’s car, Minho feels his heart on her hands and lets it be. He offered it to her, in flesh and still beating her name loudly that he hopes she hears it. Hears how he truly loves her and how he yearns for her presence even though she just left not even thirty minutes ago.
He believes he doesn’t have the right to drink all his sorrows away, not when he was the cause of it blooming in his and Seungmin’s chest, that’s why instead of sulking on his now Seungminless house, he gathers himself and courted Seungmin everyday in his own ways everyday without fail.
Every month that passed by was like a hand of a clock that ticks backwards but Minho watched how Seungmin opened up to him again. He watched how they got even closer than before. He watched as Seungmin fell in love with him again. And Minho thinks that he’ll pay with his soul to watch it all over again.
He’ll pay with everything he has, except Seungmin, just to watch Seungmin fall for him in another life, if they are for each other by the book of fate. (He hopes they are. He can’t imagine himself loving someone other than Seungmin.)
When Seungmin told him he wants to live with him again, Minho’s world came crumbling down again, in a good way. When Seungmin kneels to level his sorry ass that fell for her, literally, he feels himself falling all over again. He believes that Seungmin is really for him and he’s doing his best for Seungmin to feel that he’s the one for her, too.
“What are you thinking about?” Seungmin’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts. “You.'' It was such a cliche answer but it was the truth he’ll tell her over and over again and it paints a pretty hue of ruby on Seungmin’s cheeks. “Cheesy.” she teases but Minho just hums, kissing her lips again.
“I was really thinking about you. I was thinking about how you have an enormous impact in my life. You’re like a meteorite, you know?” Seungmin blinks, probably confused at his randomness but she tilts her head and nods, encouraging him to continue. “You came and left a crater and I wouldn’t do anything to cover it up. Not when it’s Seungmin-shaped.” he lazily grins, loving the way Seungmin shy away from his eyes.
Seungmin clears her throat, sniffing to cover up how flustered she was. “Seungminnie.” Minho cooes, pinching her cheeks. “I love you.” he says again. Seungmin looks at him, then, a smile on her face.
When Seungmin came to him with tears on her cheeks, Minho does all his best to not walk out and find the bastard that made her cry. He stays, however, and gently hugs Seungmin, whispering sweet nothings as he sways their body. “What happened, my love?” he gently asked when he deemed Seungmin calm.
Seungmin shakes her head from where it was buried on Minho’s neck and sniffles, “It’s nothing…” she says and not even she sounds sure with her answer. “It’s clearly something, Seungminnie. But you don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready, yeah?” He feels Seungmin’s grip on his clothes tighten, prompting him to do the same with his arms around her.
“I saw…I saw my ex.” she confesses and she sounds like she’s about to break all over again. “He said some things…and I know that they’re not true but–” her sobs cut her off but that was all Minho needed to hear. He wants nothing more than to find this bastard and beat the shit out of him but Seungmin is his priority.
“Seungminnie, tell me, what did he tell you, hm?”
He waits as Seungmin pulls away and lets her play with his hands. She wasn’t looking at him but that’s enough for him.
“He told me that I’m hard to love. That no one will truly love me and you’re…you’re just using me. He said that…” she looks up at him, eyes wide and sad, and her lips are wobbling. Minho bites his tongue to hold back his own tears.
“He said that you’re just acting. And I know that you’re not. That you truly love me but I just can’t help it. I can’t help but think, what if he’s telling the truth? What if I’m actually hard to love and you’re just pitying me? But then I got so frustrated because I know that it’s not true and you really love and…I’m sorry, Minho. I trust you, I do. I’m so–”
“Seungmin. Seungminnie, shh, calm down. You have nothing to apologize fo–”
“Let me…please.” she sobs out.
“Then you’re forgiven, Seungmminie, my love. The fact that you got frustrated because of those negative thoughts shows that you trust me. That you believe me and everything that I feel for you and for that, I’m thankful. What he said wasn’t true, Seungmin-ah. You’re so easy to love that it’ll be the easiest thing if breathing isn’t the first. That’s how easy it is to love you.”
“Am I really?” Minho kisses her forehead,
“You are, really.”
“Minho.” Seungmin calls out and Minho hums.
“I love you, too. You know that, right?” Something blooms in Minho’s chest. Seungmin rarely says it back– this was her third time saying it back, to be specific, but it carries so much weight and Minho would be a fool to not know that Seungmin loves him just as much if not more.
“I know. I know, baby.” he beams and laughs at how both of their eyes are teary. It was such a normal day but something about being with Seungmin makes it so special. He kisses her again, longer than before, and reaches for her hand.
The clang of their metal bands make them smile in the kiss.
He can’t wait to marry her again.