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There aren’t a lot of things that can comfort me.
The Abyss isn’t a comforting place, it isn’t one that was made for sitting back or relaxing. It is dark, stuffy, and to be frank, stinky. When I sit on my throne, one that the demons had unwillingly surrendered to me at first, I can pretend that none of those things can bother me, or will ever do so. The lord of the Abyss chose me, his little witch, just as powerful as that upstart “Queen” Alice, and maybe even more so. I can giggle and smirk all I want, ogling at the demons cowering at my mercy, simpering at Moskov, or Dyrroth, even Thamuz, all the senior demons who have no idea why I’m there but couldn’t do anything about it. I could pretend I’m at home. I could pretend I am comfortable.
But I never was. The throne was granite, cold, biting at my skin through the clothes. The air was stale, thick, smoke and sulfur threatening to clog my lungs at any moment. And the stink—the smell was ghastly. Had I mentioned the sulfur? And the demon stench… it was probably a good thing half the demons in the Abyss didn’t have noses, or they would have died with the smell, and the Abyssal army would have dwindled into nothing.
But now, there wasn’t an army anymore, or even an Abyss to worry about. There was only me, and the moon.
The moon. The one thing that could only ever truly comfort me.
It’s strange, isn’t it? It was a plain ball of rock thousands of miles away from me, surrounded by pointless dots of light and even more pointless blackness, but its light… somehow… it’s a good light. A warm one. A comforting one. From my place here, lying in the meadows, I could almost believe that the moon was the only thing that mattered, not the dark, twisted power running through my veins, nor the crazed and maniacal past I had left behind.
“Selena!”
Who was that?
“Selena? Where are you?”
I sat up from the meadow, now truly confused. Who would be looking for me? I was all alone, and no one could find me. Unless…
No. They can’t find me, couldn’t find me. How was that even possible? They… they had fallen to the Empire, years ago—
“Selena! It’s time to go home!”
Home. But the Abyss was never home, it was a gilded cage. It had brought out the worst in me, the way a maze of mirrors points out the things you wanted to forget, the imperfections you didn’t want to see, even as it caught your gaze with every step. It was a trap I was caught in without even knowing, chains of darkness and lava and pure evil that held me down, that made me forget how the trees looked, how the grass moved with the wind, how the moon made me feel warm. But I was not about to let that go. Not without a fight.
The trees at the edge of the meadow rustled, and the darkness within me took over.
I never had full control over my Abyssal form. It was the one part of me that I dared not touch, the one thing that stained my soul that I could never really understand. The Abyss had tried to make me their own, and this form… this creature within me… it was a sign of things to come had they succeeded. Why, then, would I ever waste time on this part of me? Why should I let this form take over? Just because it was the most powerful bit of magic I had left? No. I shouldn’t have morphed into this, become this… thing… in the first place. I must shift back—I can’t let them catch me, but I can’t be a monster any longer—I should run, run as fast as I can, hide, fly if I have to—
“Selena…”
The voice was getting louder—someone was shouting? Or maybe getting closer? It didn’t matter now—every muscle in my body fought, mind fumbling over shifting back into elven form and running away. I should have full control over this—as I did ages ago—what was happening to me now? Why… why was every part of me confused, fighting… I should simply run. Yes. Escape. I can worry about my form later—
“Selena! Don’t run away! It’s me!”
A bright, purplish form ran towards me—Moskov? Or perhaps Alice? Whoever it was, I needed to get away, far away, so that they couldn’t touch me. The wind sliced along my talons and ruffled my hair, reminding me of what I looked like, but I couldn’t stop, not if I wanted my freedom, my chance at starting anew, one more moment to look at the moon. I looked up, as though I needed more light—
And another source of light immediately flew past my face, sticking into the trunk right next to me.
“Selena! It’s me!”
I turned around and growled. It wasn’t something I could’ve controlled my Abyssal form to do, but it felt good nonetheless.
“Selena, it’s me, your sister…”
… Sister?
“Look at the blade, sis. Moonshadow. Don’t you remember? You loved it because it reminded you of the moon.”
Somewhere between the confused haziness of my mind, and the dark magic swirling all around it, I managed to look at the blade in the wood, then at the moon up above. They both felt…
“… Warm.” The figure became clear now—an Elven form similar to mine, eyes only slightly sharper than my own, skin pale like mine, only bluish. Her smile… it wasn’t like any grimace or sneer back in the Abyss. It made me think of something else, something I don’t think I’ve had for a long time.
“This wasn’t the first time you’ve ran, you know.” Karina unstuck her blade from the tree, still smiling. I don’t know why she would still be doing so. I had just turned into a monster… and ran away from her. My own sister. Why doesn’t she despise me? “But it’s okay. You ran far less than before.”
“Before?” My voice in Abyssal form was rough, deep, inhuman. Nothing like how I sounded normally, and I hated it.
“Before, you ran for three days without stopping. And before that, an entire week. But I think you’re beginning to understand.” She touched my shoulder, and I couldn’t help but flinch—I was terrified of what I was, of what she told me I had done, of what more I could do. “You run from me, less and less. You didn’t run to me just to run away, Selena. No matter what you did, no matter what you’ve done, I know you. I know what you want.”
“And… what do I want?”
Her eyes were as bright as the moon above.
“You want a chance.”
It was as though a sharp spike had been removed from my heart. I didn’t know how many times she had had to do this to me, had to calm me and reassure me that there was nothing to be afraid of, that all I needed was a chance to start over again, away from the dark. But her words, no matter how many times I had heard them, was a truth I felt deeply in my heart.
The dark magic within me receded, and I was in my Elven form again, falling down to my knees. I heard Karina sob as she knelt with me too, and tears of my own fell as I held on to my sister for dear life. Somehow I knew I would never run away from her again, but could it really be that simple? Could it really be that I deserved a chance start anew, a chance to begin again, away from the dark and under the blessing of the moon? Could it be that I had a chance to be with my loved one again, starting over, the way a winter-stormed flower blooms?
I could hope. I could only hope.