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"AAARGH!" Once again, screams have woken up Princess Silvana from her slumber. She immediately came out of her bed and ran towards the source of the scream but stopped short when she reached the door of a room.
Silvanna was torn between wanting to knock or ever barge on the door to check on how her brother is doing and just letting him be so that he won't feel guilty for waking her up and making her worry.
After all, these fits of screaming in the middle of the night have been goin on for weeks now. It has been the case since Princess Silvanna and the Lightborn Squad retrieved Prince Aurelius III–or Dyrroth, rather–from the Abyss.
The first few times Silvanna insisted on checking on her brother but Dyrroth's answers were always the same, that he was just having a bad dream and that he was okay, that he's sorry for making her worry and causing a scene. Yet Silvanna can sense that there's more to it, but Dyrroth still seems to be unable to open up to her.
Finally the screams have stopped and Silvanna could hear footsteps, then the windows opening. He must have woken up and wanted to let some fresh air in to relax himself. The princess took a deep breath then knocked as she let out a heavy sigh.
"Yes?" Dyrroth asked with a voice that sounds like Eruditio gears which badly needs to be oiled. All those screaming must have hurt his throat. "Nothing, I couldn't sleep so I've decided to take a walk in the hallways, then I heard you opening the window and thought I might as well check on you since we both seem to be unable to sleep." Silvanna answered, thinking if it was the right decision to leave out the part that she was woken up by the screams, if it was wise to pretend like that never happened, but she knows pushing him to talk about it again will also push him further away from opening up to her.
"I see", Dyrroth's voice sounded dreamy, it's as if he is at a trance, staring outside the window. Silvanna decided to go back to her own room, since she already know her brother's all right now, at least physically. She understands that Dyrroth has gone through a lot and starting a new life as the Prince of the Moniyan Empire is not going to be easy.
"Uh, Silvanna?" She stopped from walking away and let Dyrroth know she heard him by answering with a, "Hmm?"
"Thank you…" Dyrroth said, still sounding dreamy and unfocused. Silvanna was caught off guard by Dyrroth's sudden gratitude. Sure, it was just two simple words, but as a sister, she felt everything Dyrroth wanted to say. She know Dyrroth couldn't see her but she still smiled her biggest smile when she replied.
"Sure, you can always count on me."
***
Tears started falling from Dyrroth's eyes. He's so happy but at the same time he feels so angry. He feels loved, he feels hated, he feels rage, he feels so frustrated.
He can't think how blessed he is to have a sister like Silvanna. A sister who never gave up on him, who never doubted him. He's so lucky but he knows he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve her love, her forgiveness, nor do the citizens of Moniyan's cheers when he finally came back to the empire as Prince Aurelius III.
He has done things, terrible things. He killed thousands–old, young, innocents and even those who were defenseless. He must have been freed from the demon's curse, but it doesn't change anything. He's still a demon inside.
He hates himself for feeling loved by their subjects, for carrying their hopes for the empire. He hates how good it feels, when he used to be one of those who was working to destroy Moniyan–the whole Land of Dawn.
Yes, he was kidnapped as a child. His mind was poisoned. His heart tainted. It wasn't his fault. He was just used and manipulated. The heck he is. No matter how hard he or how haed others tries to convince him that that is the case, he still can't accept it. Just because he was brainwashed by the Abyss, his sins are automatically washed down. He can't just have a clean slate and start a nrw beginning. Especially when everything is still clear in his mind, when everytime he closes his eyes all he can see are destruction and the agony of the countless people he murdered.
He desserve to die, not these. But what can he do? If he dies, Silvanna and the whole empire will go through the pain of losing their brother and prince again. He will just crush their hope all over, making their victory meaningless. He can't do that.
After all, if the think it through, death will be an escape rather than a punishment. But living with his sins, feeling guilt everyday, it is worse than hell.
Time after time, he can still hear Thamuz' condescending voice, calling him weak for having such thoughts and feelings. That it is not how a proper demon should think and act. But he is not a demon, he was just made into one. And now that his human heart have been freed from the impurities, making him feel again, making him more human, he can be weak.
'I guess this is my first step to being human, acknowledging these pains, it tells me that now I have a human heart.'
Dyrroth suddenly realized what to do next. He's no longer a demon, he does not need to act all though everytime. He is a human. A weak human. But he have someone he can count on that will lend him strength.
He wiped the tears in his eyes and ran as fast as he could. Silvanna was just about to open her door when Dyrroth found her. She faced him with a curious and surprised looked when she heard him running. Dyrroth wrapped his arms around her and cried his eyes out on her chest. Silvanna hugged him back and cried with him, but he can feel it is not because she's hurt to see him like that, she's happy she can finally be the big sister she only use to dream of. She's happy that she's got her little brother back and that he's now ready to share her his worries.
'This is my new beginning, and this will be different. Because now, I will not be alone…'