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It had always been Mei and Mk against the world. Well ok, not always, there was a time when she didn’t know of his existence. Still, they had done almost everything together, they knew each other in and out. They tried out new hobbies together, and they laughed when they inevitably failed. They were practically inseparable, they had sleepovers every week, and when Mk became the Monkie kid, they fought crime together. Who knew kicking ass with your best friend would be so fun? They had one of the healthiest and most fulfilling friendships one could dream of, so it was surprising when Mei felt a little sad when Mk got a boyfriend.
It’s not like she wanted to be the one to date Mk, no, their bond was much too different compared to romance, and it’s not like Mk had suddenly been cold towards her. In fact, he had been as loving as ever. She would third wheel Mk and Redson, watching as the 2 love birds spent the day away. She had no feelings of jealousy, anger, or sadness, but she couldn’t bat away the feeling of being alone. It's not that she felt left out, she understood that for a few months, those 2 would be inseparable, and then everything would slowly fall back into place. Obviously, you would want to spend every moment with your lover when you first get into a relationship, that's just how humans work. (She didn’t know if that was how humans actually worked, she had just assumed based off of the media she consumed)
So why was she feeling so hollow inside? At first, she assumed it was due to past friendships, once her friends found a partner, they wouldn’t do anything besides talk about romance and their love. Of course, that wasn’t a bad thing, but it had gotten extremely boring. Then again, she didn’t know why she felt empty, since after a month or so partners and romance were mentioned less, and her friends would talk about stuff they normally talked about. Besides, Mk was Mk. He barely talked about romance, but every once in a while, he mentioned how cute Red Son was when he wasn’t setting everything ablaze. (Mk would also talk about how cute Red Son was when he was setting everything ablaze) Mei didn’t mind Mk talking about how he liked Redson, and she didn’t mind hearing Redson mention that he enjoyed the noodle boys' presence, she actually found the two really entertaining. They still gave her one-on-one time and regularly hung out with her, and it reassured her that they weren’t just hanging out with her because they had to. In fact, she had been the one to help them get together in the first place, so it wouldn't make sense if she hated the idea of her friends being together, and she never really felt left out bye the two. So no, it couldn’t have been the fear that her two friends would leave her behind.
Then she went under the assumption that maybe she wanted a partner. Maybe she wanted to go out on cute dates, maybe one day win her partner a stuffed animal at an arcade. Maybe she wanted to grow old with a partner. Maybe she wanted to love somebody like everyone else. Maybe society was right, and eventually, everyone did find romance. Her assumptions were cut short when she saw 2 people kissing on the street and she gagged. She quickly began to realize the thought of her holding someone's hand romantically made her want to barf and kissing made her cringe. She didn't want that romance junk, she didn't want to love anyone like that.
When she realized she didn’t want to love anyone romantically, she found it a bit weird. All her life, she had seen the solemn looks of love her parents had given each other. Even though they had an arranged marriage, they loved each other dearly. None of it ever felt forced. Mei had figured from a young age that one day she would also find someone like that, someone to love romantically. She figured that one day, she would live till a hundred with a large family. Back then, she didn’t know how families worked, or how she would live until a hundred, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she knew what she wanted. She wished she could be like that again. Now she had no idea what was bothering her, why she felt so lonely. It wasn’t the wish to have somebody. It wasn’t the crushing fear of being left behind. It wasn’t her past self's wishes of finding someone being unfulfilled, so why did she hate the idea of never finding someone?
She felt hollow inside, although she didn’t want romance, she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone. She felt the burning pressure to go out and find someone, and although she tried to go out and meet new people, she had no desire to love them romantically. Each and every person she met worried her more, if she didn’t want any of the new and interesting people, who would she want?
Questions like these were complex, and Mei didn’t like complex thinking. She liked to go with the flow. TV taught her that romance was the best way to receive love. She was taught that one day she would find someone to love and care for her. She was told that she hadn’t found the right person yet when she told her friends that she didn’t have a crush. She didn’t blame her friends, they simply didn’t understand how she felt. She told Mk, and he understood her lack of crushes. Apparently, he felt slightly similar. Of course, he never felt the exact same, he could still fall in love, but compared to their other friends he had a hard time. She never told her parents, or the other adults in her life about her problems with romance, she figured it would be way too embarrassing to talk to them about it.
One day however, Sandy did want to talk about it.
“Mei? Are you feeling okay?” He asked, patting her shoulder. She looked up at him and nodded, giving him a large grin.
“You sure? You didn’t even wave bye to Mk when he went off on his date.” Sandy pointed out. Mo, who was curled up on his shoulder meowed, almost like Mo also noticed Mei acting off.
“Just thinking really hard.” Mei responded, continuing to stare down at the floor hard.
“About what?” He asked. He had started to brew some tea with the tea bags he hid in Pigsys cupboards. If Pigsy was in the kitchen, he would’ve stopped Sandy from getting into his sacred cooking space, but he wasn’t. Right now, Pigsy was taking a mandatory rest day with Tang, something the couple had agreed to do when Pigsy had gotten burned out from working so hard. At first, Pigsy resented the idea of taking a break from his beloved work, but Tang had managed to convince him. Mei guessed it was the power of love that finally made Pigsy agree.
“I mean, it seems like everyone found their special someone.” Mei muttered. It wasn’t like her to be so out of touch with everything, but she was going through a plethora of confusions that made it difficult to be like herself.
Sandy nodded in response. “Yup, and that's okay!”
He wanted to comfort her better, but he had no idea what was wrong with Mei in the first place.
“Sandy, how do you do it?” Mei asked, looking up at him.
“What do you mean little friend?” He asked. The water in the kettle had nearly finished brewing, and he was getting the mugs ready.
“I mean, you don’t have a love interest and you seem so happy. I always assumed you needed some love interest to be the happiest you can be.” She said, shrinking back in her chair.
“The truth is little friend, I never needed romance to be happy, nobody needs romance to be happy. Some people want romance because they think it makes them feel better, and if it does make them happy then that’s good for them. That doesn’t mean it is good for everybody. Pigsy and Tang feel happy with each other because that's what they want. I feel happy with my cats, tea, and my friends because that’s what I want.” He smiled, stirring in the tea leaves.
That's when she had finally understood the emotion that had been bothering her for the past month or so. The reason she had felt so lonely, the pangs of bother she had when she saw another person get asked out. It was not that she felt left out, and it wasn’t that she truly wanted to do romantic things with anyone. She had been feeling guilt about all of this romance stuff, since everyone expected her to find someone. Even she had expected to find someone. She hadn’t come to the realization that it would be okay to live a romance-less life. Well, she had thought about it, but never really explored the concept. Would she and Mk still live in the same house like they dreamed of doing since they were seven? Would she skip out on valentines day?
Regardless, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of her chest. She didn’t have the burning pressure to go out and find someone to love, she didn’t need to. All she needed was to hold close to her thing things she loved most, racing, monkey mech, her heritage, and her friends.
And maybe that was enough love for her.