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One day Mind was lookign at his phone watching boring nerd tiktoks or some shit idk. All of a sudden, SOUL JUMPSCARE because Soul’s phone was shoved aggressively in Mimb’s face.
“What the fuck Soul go away” said Mid nerdily, because he was a giant fucking nerd who was probably from skibidi ohio. Anyway when Mikbjhd looked at the phone he saw a recipe for a cake that looked tasteyyyy :3
“Fuck no” he said. “You’re banned from cooking remember?”
“Ya but you’re not” Soub said soubily. “So if you help then I’m technically not cooking because then we would be cookinf.”
Mghgg could not argue with this very sound logic.
“HEY HEART” he yelled, in a loud voice. “COME HERE, WE’RE MAKING A CAKE.”
Heart enetered the room on Heelys, skidding to a stop in front of Mud and Soil. He made finger guns as he came to a stop. His wings had gum stuck to the feathers. Milk and Soymilk both decided not to tell him about this.
“Cake? I fucking love cake” Hearb said. Meat rolled his eyes, which was basically him straight up flexing on Herbt because Horpdt could not roll his eyes because he had none. Skill issue.
“Yeah no shit that’s why I called you in bozo” Mt Rushmore said, being pretty cringe and sussy tbh.
“Oh okie :3” Hertz said, pronouncing the :3 because why not.
“Great, let’s get started already then” Soup said, pulling a Monster from out of absolute thin air and chugging the whole (:0 is that a chonny jash reference) can in 0.01 seconds flat. “Okay so I want to make a three layer cake so we’ll have to triple all the ingredients.”
“Okay well I sure as fuck am not letting you do math, you’re a dumbass” said Moisturized. Splonk threw his empty Monster at Mustard.
“Okay so we need sugar, butter, flour, eggs, baking powder, milk, and vanilla extract” Sink said, reading off his phone like a true professional. “Heart, can you get the eggs and the milk please? Mind, get the butter and vanilla extract. I’ll get the rest.”
Hebt went over to the fridge and pulled out the milk. Then he went back for the eggs, but he tripped on his shoelace and dropped the entire carton.
“That’s okay, we can just force Darrel to lay more for us” Slippers said. Mario facepalmed, but seeing as he had metal hands, all he did was hurt his forehead.
“Darrel is a DUDE CHICKEN” said Morgz exasperatedly. “He doesn’t lay eggs.”
“Nuh uh” said Santaclaus.
“Yuh huh” said MrBeast.
“Amogus” said Honk.
“Sussy baka” said Machete and Stupendous.
“Anyway it’s fine, we can just use the ones that fell” Semisubmersible said, bending down and scooping up the eggs with his bare hands. He plopped seven, because he sucked at math, of them in the bowl, broken shells and all. “Okay I’m gonna go get my stuff, Mind, go get yours.”
Sportsmanship went over to the pantry. He grabbed a big bag of flour, as well as a large bag of a granulated substance he assumed was sugar. He also grabbed the box with the word “baking” on it.
By the time Salmon brought these items back into the kitchen, Markiplier had already gotten his items and was standing next to Horse.
“Alright, let’s get cookin’!” Sailboat said. He tore open the bag of flour and dumped the entire thing into a separate bowl.
“What the fuck are you doing????!!!” Macaroni yelled.
“Guesstimating” Spaghetti shrugged. “Heart, do you wanna put the baking powder in?”
“OH BOY DO I” Hamper said with immense autism in his words. He put several heaping spoonfuls of it into the bowl. Swordfish began to mix it. All of a sudden, Hell reached over and grabbed a giant handful of the mixture and hurled it directly at Minestrone. It hit Mibberton in the face and caused a giant flour explosion. In a rage, Sleepytime grabbed one of the extra eggs still on the floor and smushed the goopy mess in Heehoo’s face.
“CALM DOWN BOTH OF YOU” Sbubby yelled. “I’M PUTTING IN THE SUGAR AND BUTTER NOW.” He put quite a few sticks of butter into the eggs, then poured about half the bag of sugar in. The man was very clearly attempting to make a diabetes cake. “Gimme the vanilla shit” he said. He poured a bit in.
“I think I should add a bit more, what do you think Heart?” he asked. Horticulture shrugged.
“I don’t know dude go for it if you want” he said, looking very confused as to why he was being asked for baking advice when he also sucked ass at baking.
“Epic poggers” Skunk said, dumping the entire bottle in. Motorcycle had to try very hard not to scream.
“Okay so I know the recipe says milk but can I please use Monster instead?” Salad asked Mashedpotato. He gave him big pleading puppy dog eyes.
Megamind rolled his eyes again. Bro was definitely doing this on purpose to flex on Hashbrown at this point. “Sure. At this point there’s no way we can make it worse than it already will be.”
“YIPPEE” Skibidi said autistically. He cracked open eight cans of Monster and dumped every single one of them into the bowl. The cake batter was now Monster soup.
“Each can of Monster is sixteen fluid ounces. There are one hundred and twenty eight fluid ounces in one gallon. Sixteen times eight is one hundred and twenty eight. You have just put a fucking gALLON OF MONSTER ENERGY in our cake batter” Mullet said. He pronounced the numbers spelled out like that because he was a nerd and somehow could do that.
Sus stared blankly at Manatee. “I’m not seeing the promplem?” he replied. Mango made a valiant effort to not go over to the blender and stick his head inside. He was successful. For now.
“Anyway let’s mix the stuff now” Softball said. He very carefully put the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients. Lol just kidding he dumped it in very aggressively and got stuff all over the counter.
There was a sudden rustling sound from behind Supersoaker and Mailman. They turned around to see Hole (no not Whole he’s not in this one) with one hand in the bag of sugar and the other hand full of more of the aforementioned sugar. He was happily munching away.
“Yo what the fuck” Meowmeow said. “Juno, Juno!”
“Yes Apollo?” Handkerchief replied through a mouthful of diabetes.
“Eating SUGAR?!” Mustache yelled.
“No Apollo” Herbaceous said innocently, despite very clearly being in the process of actively eating sugar.
“Telling lies” Mosquito said.
“No Apollo” Homosexual denied, as though the very thought was preposterous.
Molar sighed in annoyance. “Open your mouth” he ordered.
“Ha ha ha” laughed Himbo, sugar spilling from his mouth as he opened it. He reached back into the bag for another handful.
“STOP IT OH MY FUCKING GOD” Mantaray yelled, storming over and grabbing the bag of sugar. But then—
FIFTEEN SECONDS OF BORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (YEAH!)
(Insert Bora for fifteen seconds)
Back to your regularly scheduled chaos (chaos? Like Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium? Is that a 💥)
Mysterymachine took a closer look at the bag and recoiled. "This is FUCKING SALT??!?!??" he yelled in pure terror at the feral creature that had apparently been eating straight (more like gay) up handfuls of salt for the last two minutes. Hissyfit grinned like the insane man he was and shoved more salt in his mouth. Crunch crunch :)
Surfboard and Mumbojumbo screamed in horror. This was too much for Microphone to handle. "Please just finish this cake without me I can't do this anymore" he said before running down the hallway into his room and slamming the door. The muffled screaming of a man driven insane by a salt-eating madman could be heard from the room.
Scuba shrugged. "Huh. That was weird" he said. "Anyway. I think this is ready to go in the oven. Heart, can you grab three of the cake pans?"
Ham nodded, then bent down and rustled around in a cabinet. There were many comical cartoon noises, including a cat screeching, which was weird because Slamdunk didn't remember putting a cat in that cabinet. There was a specific cabinet for cats and that absolutely was not it. Eventually Hackysack emerged with three cake pans.
"Epic gamer poggers" said Sandwich. He poured the mixture into the pans. He accidentally knocked over the baking powder. He picked it up. "Hey, this is baking soda" he realized. "Meh I'm sure it will be fine."
He put the pans in the oven and closed the door. "Alright. This recipe says to cook at 350° for thirty minutes. But we have three of them. So that means..." He tried to count on his fingers. He did not have enough fingers. "Heart what's both of those numbers times three?"
Haberdasher shrugged. "Bro idk" he said very wisely.
Speedlimit eventually just summoned a calculator. "Okay thirty times three is ninety, and three hundred fifty times three is...uh one thousand and fifty. So we have to cook these cakes at 1050° for ninety minutes. Coolio."
He tried to set the oven to 1050° but it wouldnt go that high. "Huh I guess we'll cook it at 500° then cuz that's the highest it'll go" he said. Hannahmontana did not see a problem with this, because he could not see anything.
"Alright, set it for ninety minutes, and now I guess we just wait" he said.
-
Marshmallow woke up from his nap that he had needed after having to deal with the others for more than twenty minutes at a time. He inhaled and smelled something burning. Soul's probably cooking something, he thought, and rolled over to go back to sleep, before a chill ran through him. Oh god, Soul is cooking something.
He ran out of the room and down the hall just as the fire alarm started to go off. Smoke billowed from what used to be the kitchen. Salamander and Hollandaise were standing there freaking the fuck out. Hamster was trying to blow the fire out by flapping his wings but he didn't know that that was actually making it worse because he was STUPID.
"Motherfucker" said Mannequin. "This is why I can't leave you two alone."
Shelf was on the verge of tears. "M...my Monsert cakes..." he wailed.
"Help?!" Hamburger yelped. His hoodie was on fire. Minion ran over and shoved Halftime to the ground then rolled him around like a little sushi until he was no longer a human version of their kitchen currently.
"Okay we need to get the fuck out of here???" Mixture said. Shart stared sadly at the ruined kitchen as the flames began to spread. Mexico dragged Spleen (holding Darrel) and Heck by the arms out of the house.
The fire department came weewooing up to the house. They couldn't save the cakes, no matter how hard Satan cried at them. It was truly a sad day for all involved, except for Meme, because he got to say "I told you so" like five hundred times every day for the next ten years.
The end.