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“Simon, don’t!”
“Hm?” Simon grabbed the piece he had let harden in the window by the tiny decorated plate.
He had poured the little bottle of resin over the toast. It was a deep brown, giving it the appearance of Nutella. He carefully placed the little banana slices in the sauce. He then “baked” the piece by putting it out in sunlight.
Now, he had a hardened piece of toast, a delicious looking piece of toast.
Simon looked at Olen. Slowly, he pressed the piece, plate, toast, and all, to his mouth. Olen moved to grab him just as Simon hurried to shove it in his mouth. Olen rushed him to put him in a headlock as Simon crunched plastic loudly. Olen wrestled him and grabbed at his mouth, Simon staying closed lip. Eventually, He swallowed.
“Tasty.”
“God fucking damn it.”
“Now for a shot.” Simon took a bottle of electric blue resin labeled as blue raspberry syrup. Olen didn’t even bother this time as Simon knocked it back.
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“Time for bed, Olen.”
“No, I’m in the middle of something.” Olen said. It was more like five actually. FIve separate books floated around him, flipped through their own pages in turn to how Olen paid them attention. In his hands, he took vigorous notes on scrolls, sketching out complex magical sigils and magical equations.
His eyes were maniacally scanning information; however, his eyelids seemed to have a hard time not closing. Olen’s leaned back in his plush chair of his desk, his head lulling to the side for a second. The magic paused for a moment before Olen perked back up. He continued on like nothing happened.
“I said its time for bed.”
“I heard you.” Olen said.
“It’s been nearly three days. How are you not hallucinating yet?”
“Shush, I’m reading about space pandas.” Olen’s floating Dummy’s Guide to Magical Portal Maintenance flipped frantically in front of him.
“Ok, that’s enough.” Simon walked over. In a quick scoop, he threw Olen over his shoulders. Olen let out a squawk and flailed. His magic quickly dissipated, the floating books around them crashing down and clattering across the office.
“Put me down!”
“Nah, time for snuggles.” Simon said casually. He brought his man to bed and threw him on, following quickly behind to do his best impression of an octopus. Olen squirmed, but he was trapped in Simon’s arms.
“No, I have things to do! Things to study. I swear to the Gods…”
Not three seconds later, he was honk mememememe-ing with the best of them. Simon reached into the fancy nightstand, rummaging around before put his little sleep cap on. The little puff ball on the end bounced through the air as he snored.
Excellent. Now, Simon could sleep.
The bed shook with his tractor snores as he finally slept.
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Must resist. Must resist. Must resist.
Olen stared at Simon as he bent over for the third time that morning. This time, he had dropped a toaster waffle on the kitchen floor, but that wasn’t his concern. What was his concern was his plush rump he saw clearly as he bent down.
Are you nasty? Was written across his ass in sparkling letters across red booty shorts that did nothing to hide his booty. Olen was so conflicted. On one hand, he wanted to destroy that offending piece of fabric. Who the fuck even thought making that a thing and then having the audacity of selling it to Simon? He will hex them into their next lifetime.
But on the other hand, the siren call of dat ass is haunting.
Must resist, must resist…
“Oh no, my toaster waffle. Gosh fuck.” Simon dropped his waffle with a thunk next to Olen’s chair. Simon bent down, his prime booty on full display. Olen gripped the table.
Simon put the waffle back on his plate and started to straighten back up. The tempting rump was almost out of Olen’s eye sight only for it to slip back to the floor. It seemed his frozen waffle was defrosting and thus was slippery. “Fuck.” Olen inhaled.
SMACK! Olen couldn’t help but smack that booty hard, making the cheek giggle. Simon gasped and grabbed his wounded posterior.
“How dare you? At least, smack the other to make it ev-”
SMACK!
Simon gasped and moaned out. It was a loud, exaggerated moan, yet Olen blushed hard at the sound. “You are the single most infuriating creature on this mortal plane. The fact that you exist is a headache for me.”
Simon blinked and frowned. “Does that mean I’m not gonna get pegged?”
“Get on the bed now.”
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“He is my baby girl.” Simon said, swinging around to show Olen slung over his shoulder like a shoulder cat. “My little kitty cat. The poorest lil meow meow. My cupcake sugar plum honey suckle, sweetie pie, lil dumplin’ honey cake. The apple of my eye, the tajin to my soap. The crunch in my plastic snacky snack.”
“Would you stop?”
“He is not a snack, nor a snacky snack. He is more than a snack. He is a whole meal, damn it.” He swayed his hips, rocking Olen with him. “Like he’s got every course my guy. Just look at this cake.” He gave Olen’s booty a smack.
“Simon!” Olen squawked, his face going beet red.
“It’s as the saying goes. His eyes are like the ocean. His tits are also like the ocean.”
“...Ok, you have me. Keep going.”
“We got kicked out of the movies that one time, remember? It’s cause they don’t let you bring your own snacks.”
“They also don’t let you start fires in the screening room.”
“That was brother, shush. I’m not done. Are you art? Cause I gotta hang you on the wall.”
“I don’t think you said that one right. It’s is this a museum cause you’re a work of art.”
“Aw, thank you for noticing. I just got these shorts.” He wiggled his butt that was once again at Olen’s eye level. This time, it was an eye bleeding highlighter yellow 80s abomination. A marked improvement over the last pair. Olen gave it a playful smack.
“Anyway, are you Lightning? Cause you’re McQueen.”
“Kachow.” Olen said unenthused. Simon grinned maniacally. “Oh gods, you have more, don’t you.”
“Is your name Jimmy? Cause I’m Fallon.”
“Boo.” Olen teased. Simon gave him another booty smack in retaliation.
“You know, if you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.”
“Where did you get all these? The fantasy internet?”
“Are you a charger? Because I'm dying without you.”
“Debatably true.”
“If you and I were socks, we'd make a great pair.”
“Yeah?”
“What is it like to be the most gorgeous person in this room exactly? I wish to know.”
“I wouldn’t know. What is it like?”
“Wait what?” Simon replied suddenly in a broken voice. He looked at Olen with wide watery eyes. Olen contorted himself to cup Simon’s face.
“Cute.” He smooshed his cheeks. Simon let out a little broken noise.
“I need a safe word. This is too much.” A tear slid down his face. Olen just patted his head with a sigh.
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“I am once again possessed by the peanut demons.” Simon announced as he stuck the spoonful of peanut butter in his mouth. Cartoonishly red blisters were starting to pop up on his skin.
“Did you mix resin in the peanut butter again?” Olen huffed. Simon took another guilty spoonful of butter. “And you need to stop. You’re allergic to peanuts.”
“No way. I like my peanut demon. He’s chill. See?”
On his shoulder, a peanut appeared. It had circular cartoonish eyes overlaying his shell along with a black cape and rubber house animation limbs. It waved at Olen. Olen tentatively waved back.
“His name is Carl. He makes things itchy.”
Olen stared at the demon. He opened his mouth and closed it. “I’m…going to go research this. That’s not supposed to happen.”
“Nah, it’s chill. He’s gonna show me his friend, Bobby Lou. I think shes a hazelnut demon.”
Olen waved his hand in a circle, magical wiggly woos starting to appear. “I cast the evermore epi pen on yee. Demon begone, thot.”
Carl was suddenly thrown across the room. He let out a Wilhalm scream before he crashed through the wall in a cartoonish peanut shape. Simon watched before shrugging and eating his resin butter.
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“Olen, what do you have?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what’s with the trench coat? You don’t need a coat.”
Open closed his lumpy trench coat tighter around himself. “Says you.”
“Seriously, what do you have?”
“A smoothie?” “Yeah? Where is the smoothie?” Olen reached into his coat and pulled a smoothie attached to purple clawed hands. The hands quickly retreated into the coat, and they could hear a slurping noise.
“Um…I’m regenerating limbs again?”
Simon narrowed his eyes at him for a second before sighing. “I’ll get the kiddie stuff. What’s their name?”
“Cassian.”
Out popped a full grown tiefling man with the most horrendous fashion sense. Simon’s eyes widened. He moved to pick up the gangly man and his Barbie girl boots.
“So he takes after me then?” Simon said, squishing Cassian into a death hug. He quickly cast presidgiation to make a squeaky toy noise.
“Where am I?” Cassian asked with a silly smile.
Olen sighed in relief. “New son?”
“New son!”
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“Geralt you will not believe the shit I dealt with this week.” Vlad grumbled, his voice muffled where his mouth was clamped around his Worlds most Okay Father water dish. He places it under the wicked elixir that was the still water at the plastic lawn chair. Slowly it filled with algae riddled goodness.
Geralt tipped his beer in greeting. “What happened now?” Geralt asked.
“The humans are putting chemicals in the water.” Vlad grumbled. Once his dish filled up, he eagerly slurped some water up. Mmm pond scum.
“They are?” Geralt asked.
“Yes there’s chemicals in the water.”
“Really?”
“Yes the chemicals in the water.”
“The chemicals in the water?”
“To turn the fricking frogs gay!” Vlad cackled. “Got em.”
“Hmph.” Geralt narrowed his eyes and gave him the most are you fucking serious look. Vlad just kept laughing.
All of a sudden, Vlad grew sober. “But seriously, the humans are polluting the environment. They will be the downfall of themselves and everyone on this planet. I hate them.”
“I’ll drink to that.” Geralt chugged his beer. He was going to need something stronger at this rate.
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“Ok, ok. Eskel.”
“Yes?” Eskel tore his eyes away from the opening of the Garfield ride. He was dressed in a i heart Garfield shirt with a giant plushie under his arm and Garfield hat on his head.
“What If we smooched on the Garfield dark ride?”
“In front of the Garfield statue?” Wick signed. Destin nodded seriously.
“In front of the Garfield statue.”
Eskel’s eyes widened. “That is sacrilege….however…”
And that’s how they got banned from the Garfield ride.