Work Text:
"Before we go any further, there is something you should know about me."
Dorian half turned from where he was checking the shelf nearest to him. "Oh my, well that's a serious tone. Whatever could warrant it?" He sounded bemused, but when the Inquisitor didn’t answer him immediately or give any other reaction, Dorian turned to properly face him; the concern immediate on his face.
"Sam?"
Samriel took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly through his nose. He did his best to lean casually against the railing, keeping his arms folded over his chest to hide how badly his hands were shaking. His pulse was thrashing in his throat, and his ears were drawn taut against the sides of his head. He felt like a small animal trapped in a snare.
It was foolish of him. He and Dorian were close friends now, and things had been progressing so smoothly. But still the fear clawed at him from the inside, leaving him short of breath and filled with the wild, desperate urge to bolt off running. But he’d put off telling Dorian his secret for long enough.
"When I was young... Very young, only twelve summers or so, I..." Samriel swallowed and licked his lips in an attempt to bring moisture back to his mouth. Creators spare me. "I made a pact with a spirit."
Dorian looked taken aback. "How? You're no Mage, how did you summon one?"
"I didn't. I ran into it, deep in the Wilds outside of where my Clan had camped. I just so happened to catch its attention with all the noise I was making." He breathed in deeply again in an attempt to calm himself. "I'm surprised you aren't asking about what exactly the pact entailed."
"I thought the fact you made the pact at all was the big secret."
"It's not." Samriel’s jaw tightened. "The real secret may affect how you feel about me."
Dorian laughed a little. "How so? I sincerely doubt you committed any heinous crimes when you were twelve."
Samriel was quiet for a while, long enough that Dorian approached him, the concern back. He reached out and gently rested his hands on Samriel’s arms in a reassuring way, his expression shifting as the Inquisitor flinched. Hurt. Samriel closed his eyes and swallowed back the pain seeing that brought, and struggled to hide how uneven his breathing had become. He forced himself to meet the mage’s eyes.
"You said you preferred the company of men." His heart grew heavy as the words left his lips.
Dorian shook his head, the hurt and concern mixing together now. "And?"
Samriel closed his eyes again, and kept them closed. His voice was strained as he next spoke; "Which I am now. But I wasn't born one."
The silence was not the kind he was expecting. There was no tension, no change in the hold Dorian had on his arms. It wasn’t long before the man let out a shaky breath, and Samriel opened his eyes. His stomach sank at the devastated look on Dorian’s face.
But the man’s next words changed things.
"Heavens.” Dorian was choked up. “Is that what’s had you so worried?"
Samriel stared blankly at him for a moment before it sank in properly. He immediately relaxed a little, his heart still pounding. "Past experience has given me good reason to be wary about sharing it. I've had a few close calls, and that was just from being an Elf, and slight in frame. I didn't even have to tell any of them about it, yet they..." He paused, a little out of breath. He shook his head. "Fereldan is... not a kind place for people like me."
Dorian shook his head. "Nor is Tevinter, unfortunately."
His hands shifted down from where they were resting on Samriel’s arms to gently pry them from their folded state, his hands then grasping the Inquisitor’s own. His grip was steady and firm as he spoke;
"Sam, as far as I'm concerned... You were born a man. Even if your body didn't reflect it at first. Happening upon that spirit when you did merely corrected the mistakes done by your Gods when they created you."
Samriel’s throat closed up. He let out a little shaky sound involuntarily, quickly ducking his head to hide the wetness in his eyes. He returned Dorian’s grasp tightly, and they stayed together for a time, merely standing in the newly comforted silence between them.
"So we're fine, then?" Samriel managed after a time, his voice a little hoarse. He blinked hard and looked up. Dorian was smiling in a way that made his heart skip.
"More than fine." Dorian gave Samriel’s hands another squeeze. "Oh, also... You needn't worry. I know my way around, if you know what I mean." His tone had immediately shifted back to its usual playful note. Samriel grinned.
"Well you needn't worry, because the spirit was incredibly thorough." His pulse was calmed now, his ears relaxing from their tense state. "By my request, of course."
Dorian’s eyebrow quirked, and he laughed. "Were they now? Well, that opens up some fun for us, doesn't it?"
“Indeed.” Samriel closed the remaining space, Dorian meeting him halfway. Before kissing him Samriel paused, his eyes fluttering closed.
"Thank you, Dorian." The words were soft, barely a breath. Dorian’s hand moved up and gently cradled his face.
"Don't mention it."