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Marlene had never really known who she was.
God, does anyone ever really know who they are? No, most likely not, because life is pretty much just a series of events that help develop you, or something. Marlene heard that from Lily once, when Lily and Remus were sitting in the common room and were most likely not in clear mind.
When Marlene was little, her parents introduced her to the people next door - the Potters with their child, and the Pettigrews with theirs.
(Marlene’s parents stayed away from the Crouches. Marlene and James and Peter became friends with Barty on their own, before they moved away.)
Once, Marlene overheard her mother talking with her father, and it went a little like this -
“It’s so nice how Marlene is becoming friends with the two girls next door. The three of them might even be life-long friends!” (but, of course, in Russian.)
Later on, Marlene had asked her mother, “Why did you call James and Peter girls?”
Her mother just sighed and patted her head. “You’ll understand later, okay, Marlenichka?”
Little Marlene had just nodded, heading off to do whatever little children tend to do.
(Sometimes, Marlene wished she had asked more about it.)
When Marlene was in either TK or kindergarten, one of her friends, Sofia, had joined her school. Sofia only spoke Russian at the age.
Marlene would translate for Sofia, and the two were pretty inseparable. Marlene had even introduced Sofia to James and Peter.
This friendship lasted a year. Sofia moved away, and Marlene’s family didn’t really keep up contact with Sofia’s family.
Marlene never forgot Sofia, though.
(Sometimes, Marlene would swear she sees Sofia in the halls of Hogwarts, laughing with friends. Whenever Marlene checks, though, she doesn’t see anyone.)
When Marlene was little, she used to take piano classes.
Her teacher was left-handed, just like her, except her teacher wrote with her right hand.
Little Marlene was confused.
(Her teacher hadn’t been allowed to write with her left hand.)
When Marlene was in first grade, she met Lev.
(Marlene didn’t like him.)
His mom recommended she sign up for dance classes, for some odd reason or another.
(Marlene loved it so, so much. She still went when she could.)
It felt so nice there, like a second home.
(God, she had loved her dance teacher, Sonya. She still was sad she couldn’t attend lessons anymore when she started Hogwarts.)
When Marlene was in fourth grade, she met Blossom.
(God, Marlene hated Blossom.)
Marlene was instantly intrigued by Blossom. God, at the time, Marlene thought that the sun shined out of Blossom’s ass.
(Marlene sometimes wished that she had never met Blossom at all.)
Sometimes, when Marlene got sentimental, if you asked her, she might tell you that Blossom was her first-ever real crush.
(The ones she thought were real, but were actually comphet, never are mentioned.)
Marlene and Blossom became fast friends. It was quite the ideal friendship, honestly. The two of them just … clicked.
(Marlene never felt like enough.)
Sure, they had a couple fights, but that’s normal in friendships, right?
(Marlene was always the one to reach out and apologize, even when she was in the right.)
Soon into their friendship, Marlene started learning what gay, and lesbian, and bisexual was, with the help of another friend, Eleanor.
(No surprises there. If Marlene wasn’t really allowed a TV or a way of knowing about the muggle world, how would she know about the LGBTQ community? Her parents weren’t much help about that either.)
Marlene confessed her feelings to Blossom while texting one night.
It went a little like this:
Marlene McKinnon
idk smtimes when im around you i feel a liil lesbian
Blossom Gibbs
when im around u i feel a lil lesbian too
Marlene McKinnon
:D
Blossom Gibbs
mebe we ment to be
Marlene McKinnon
mebe
(Marlene tended to make sure her spelling was readable back then, because Blossom wanted her to. Marlene doesn’t really do that anymore. She feels fine texting her friends with many spelling errors. …She doesn’t feel guilty when they tell her to spell better, as a joke. …She doesn’t sometimes feel like it would be easier if she just minded her spelling.)
Anyway, around a month into this… awkward friendship? Relationship? Something? That Blossom and Marlene had, they had another conversation.
Blossom Gibbs
honestly i never actually liked u that way
im straight
Marlene McKinnon
oh
didnt you say we were ment to be
Blossom Gibbs
idk i just like leading ppl on smtimes 🤷
dont take it too seriously
Marlene McKinnon
oh
ok
(Marlene hated these kind of people, that played with people’s emotions like this. She felt quite heartbroken after that moment.)
Anyway, the two of them stayed friends! Hmm, whatever could be the reason?
(Marlene’s tendency to do anything to try and get her peers to not leave her.)
Marlene experimented with many labels at the time. Between fourth and fifth grade and her first year of Hogwarts, she came to the conclusion that she was bisexual.
(She counted her comphet crushes as real at the time.)
When she came out to her friend group - her, James, Peter, and Rosalind - James and Peter supported her full heartedly.
Rosalind… not so much.
Rosalind stopped sitting with them. I don’t want to catch the gay , Rosalind had explained.
Marlene and James and Peter had laughed about it later.
(God, Rosalind had been such a pick-me. Good-fucking-riddance.)
(Maybe Rosalind had been right, and they hadn’t paid enough attention to her.)
(Marlene had never really liked Rosalind anyway.)
(Sometimes, Marlene felt guilty about losing Rosalind.)
Rosalind moved away by the end of fifth grade.
Another thing Marlene now loved to do was talk about Effie, James’ mother.
She would make these little comments about how attractive and pretty she was, and Effie would just shoot her kisses or winks.
(Marlene still does this now, not only because it annoys the hell out of James, but because Effie is, honest-to-god, one of the best people Marlene knows.)
Marlene and Blossom’s relationship came to a halt the summer before her first year at Hogwarts.
Blossom had slowly drifted away, becoming one of the people Blossom had made fun of with Marlene.
(Sometimes, when Marlene comes back home, she sees Blossom with her new friends. It’s always too awkward for Marlene to reach out, and so she never does.)
(Marlene hates Blossom for making her feel like shit whenever one of her friends is disappointed or upset at her.)
When Marlene started the first year of Hogwarts, God she was scared.
On the train, she decided to sit on her own, for God knows what reason.
(Marlene was feeling a little sad that Blossom didn’t want to be her friend anymore.)
(If you ask her about it, she won’t say that. She’ll claim she was a little annoyed at James and Peter at the time.)
On the train, two more people entered her compartment - a honest-to-god most beautiful person Marlene had ever seen, with dark, curly hair and dark skin, and another of the prettiest people Marlene had ever seen, with gorgeous ginger hair and stunning green eyes.
(Marlene told the two multiple times about how fucking gorgeous they were. God, she mistook her adoration for them for attraction.)
The first of the two smiled brightly, then asked, “Could I take a seat here?”
Marlene instantly nodded. “Hi, I’m Marlene McKinnon, and you?”
“Mary Macdonald, she/her pronouns.”
(Marlene, at the time, hadn’t really known about pronouns. Blame her upbringing, if you will.)
Marlene just blinked, though, and went, “Okay! Me too!”
“What about you? What’s your name?” Mary turned to the ginger.
“I’m Lily. Lily Evans.”
(Marlene would never know how much strength it took Lily to say that.)
“That’s a pretty name!” Marlene responded.
“Thank you. I picked it myself.”
Marlene blinked. “Okay!”
(The three of them became fast friends.)
(Later on, when the three of them were dormed together, Lily told them that she was trans. Marlene later researched what that was, because she wanted to make Lily comfortable.)
(…Marlene had two childhood friends who were both trans. How come she never knew what it meant? All she knew was that James and Peter were boys who were always called girls.)
Marlene’s grandmother tended to fly in from Russia in the winters.
(Marlene … really disliked her grandmother.)
Her grandmother was her dad’s mom. Her mom’s mom had died prior to all of Marlene’s brothers’ births. For some reason, the McKinnons spent more time with Marlene’s dad’s family.
(Mostly her grandma. Her grandpa tended to have to take care of his mother, Marlene’s great-grandma.)
(Whenever Marlene would tell people how old her parents or grandparents or great-grandma was, they would look shocked at how young they were. For example, her oldest brother had been born when her mother was twenty-two. People seemed really confused by this, for some reason.)
Anyway, Marlene didn’t really like her grandma.
Once, when Marlene was in second year of Hogwarts and home for Winter Break, she, Alexander (or Sasha, as she would call him), her dad, and her grandma went to the library together. In total, Marlene and Alexander had picked out twenty-nine books.
When they got home, her grandma told Marlene to let her dad take in the books.
(Marlene hated when her grandma said this, following it up with “girls shouldn’t carry heavy things.”)
Marlene carried the bag up herself.
When Marlene was in Russia once for the summers, she and Sasha were standing around a fire with their grandpa.
(Marlene had always been closer with Sasha than with her other brothers.)
Marlene and Sasha were poking the fire with sticks, and their grandpa left them to go do something. Marlene didn’t remember what.
Marlene accidentally poked herself with the hot stick. She got a small burn mark.
(Marlene kept looking for her grandma to tell her that she was hurt, and that her grandpa had left them without supervision. She couldn’t find either of them.)
One of Marlene’s favorite memories with her grandma was making Olivye with her and her mother.
Marlene’s mom didn’t tend to make very Slavic foods often.
(Honestly, Marlene would say the most Slavic foods she ate were lapsha - a chicken noodle soup - and venigred, a beet (?) salad.)
Marlene liked eating the chicken in Olivye.
(She hated mayonnaise. Her parents called her a picky eater. She hated certain foods, including bell peppers, cheese, and mushrooms.)
(Also, everything tended to taste a little … bland to her, for some reason or another. Marlene didn’t like this.)
It had been a good day.
When Marlene was in first year, she really, really wanted to cut her hair short.
(It had been growing out for a long, long time. It was at her waist, actually, and Marlene always wore it in a braid or fully down, because she hated the restrictiveness of the braids that her mother tended to make.)
Marlene’s mother told her she could do it if she was 100% sure after two weeks.
(Marlene was so fucking glad when they finally chopped her hair off.)
Marlene joked that she couldn’t be called blonde hair, blue eyes anymore, because her hair was a lot darker for some reason now.
(She still calls herself dirty blonde, though.)
When Marlene was in second year, she began feeling gender dysphoria.
(Maybe. Marlene wasn’t entirely sure what it was.)
She began to dress exclusively in really oversized hoodies and baggy jeans.
(It was the most fucking attractive she had felt in her life at the time. God she felt like lesbian.)
At the start of third year, Marlene told her friends she was a lesbian.
(Mary and Lily came out as bisexual and lesbian, respectively, too.)
Marlene loved how the three could bond over their love for women.
Later that year, Marlene requested they use she/they pronouns for them.
Lily and Mary replied with “of course”.
Marlene feels a little rush of joy whenever the two of them call Marlene they .
(When Lily later asked for she/they pronouns as well, Marlene did their damndest best to use the correct pronouns for them, too.)
During winter break of third year, Marlene came out to her mom.
(She still hasn’t come out to anyone else in her family other than their brothers. God her brothers were wonderful. They accepted them, and they loved that so, so much.)
Marlene and her mother had been in the car when Marlene had announced,
“Mom, I like girls.”
Marlene’s mother responded,
“Okay.”
(They never talked about it. Marlene doesn’t think their mother even remembers it.)
In third year, Marlene saw Dorcas Meadowes for the first time.
They were playing a Quidditch match against each other, and when Marlene looked into Dorcas’ eyes, they felt like they were going to spontaneously combust.
(Later on, when Dorcas said some things sounding oddly like threats, Marlene was so fucking giddy when she went back to the dorm that she kept giggling into their pillow.)
Marlene’s parents had enrolled Marlene and Sasha into Russian lessons. They also agreed that Lily could attend the lessons too.
(Marlene was so fucking grateful that Lily decided to learn Russian with them, it was so fucking nice of her.)
Their teacher was … a little homophobic. When they were reading a story about a little girl in love, when Marlene suggested that she would fall in love with a girl, the teacher responded, a little uncomfortably, that she “doesn’t understand” that kind of love.
(Marlene and Lily laughed about it later.)
When Marlene was in fourth year, their parents decided to get DNA tests, for whatever reason, for the family.
(It was honestly kind of fun.)
Apparently, they were part Finnish and Belarussian, not only Russian. Marlene’s mother was more Russian than her father, who was more Finnish and Belarussian. Their grandma was more Finnish, and their grandpa was more Belarussian.
(Around this age, Marlene learned the word Slavic and began to call themself that instead of Russian. It would’ve been nice if she could’ve learned about these kind of labels from her parents instead of the fucking internet.)
Marlene had a really, reallyyy love-hate relationship with Dorcas.
On one side, Dorcas was most likely the most fucking attractive person to ever walk this Earth.
On the other, they were so. Fucking. Annoying . God, they were so fucking smart and funny and pretty and perfect that it made Marlene want to scream, cry, fucking kiss Dorcas, kick her feet and giggle into their pillow, or everything all at once.
(…When Marlene told her friend group that they had a crush on Dorcas, they all gave varied responses of how they already knew.)
Marlene and Dorcas became friends in fifth year.
After the creation of a groupchat, she and their friends got close to some other people in other houses.
Marlene really fucking wanted to tell Dorcas about their feelings.
(Marlene is nothing if not a scaredy cat though.)
So, imagine Marlene’s surprise when Dorcas fucking Meadowes tells her that they like her.
(Marlene felt like they had died and gone to heaven.)
Obviously, Marlene had done what only a normal person could do.
She fucking burst into tears, told Dorcas that they liked them too, and ran the fuck away.
(Marlene was not a normal person.)
Dorcas had found her, though, and they had a longass talk that Marlene doesn’t feel like describing. Bottom line is, Marlene now had a partner! Yay! Cheers!
When Barty, Regulus, Evan, and Pandora left their homes during that fateful winter break, they were all instantly taken in by Effie.
(Marlene, Peter, James, and Barty had a really joyful fucking reunion about it. The whole group, back together at last.)
…Sometime later on in fifth year, Marlene figured out that they were probably asexual. Marlene was really fucking scared that Dorcas would break up with her about it.
No, they just had a good, very communicative talk about it that ended in a really fucking nice cuddle session.
Honestly, Marlene still doesn’t really know who they are.
Marlene doesn’t really care, though.
(Definitely.)
She’s just glad they have all of these people they’ve met by their side.