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“I gotta give you that..” there was a slight pause, then he continued. “.. you’re a fast worker!” Daryl grunted at him with a sneer.
“What d’ya mean?” Rick shifted around as if he couldn’t find a comfortable position. He had been so relieved when Daryl, Abraham and Sasha came back that day. He just needed the comfort of the other’s company, so he sat down beside Daryl on the porch of their house. There was perhaps a foot of space between them.
“Heard about the kiss.”
Rick gazed at him wide-eyed and caught his eyes for a second before Daryl looked away again. He continued to fiddle with his shoelaces.
“Yeah … that..” Rick grinned.
“So ya got what ya wanted then?” Daryl mumbled in a low voice. His long bangs covered most of his face so Rick couldn’t see his expression.
“I … well.. “ Rick paused. “Why d’ya wanna know?” Daryl raised his head and shook the hair out of his face so Rick could see his eyes properly. Daryl regarded him with a challenge in his eyes.
“We’re friends, ain’t we? It’s what friends do, don’t’cha think?” He squinted at Rick.
Rick slowly rubbed his eyes and face with his left hand. He then focused back on Daryl who still watched him expectantly.
“Sure … ya right! S’just ya never seemed interested before.” Rick muttered.
“Was never a reason before, now there is.” Daryl grunted.
Rick tilted his head a bit to the side to regard Daryl again, something seemed odd about his friend.
“Is there something ya wanna tell me?” Rick decided to try and get a decent answer from Daryl. “Ya seem to have a problem with that?” Rick demanded.
Daryl was silent for what seemed like a long while, until he looked at Rick again and explained. “Just wished you’d have waited and come to me before ya just went and killed that Pete guy. Feels as if ya don’t give a shit anymore what I think. Seems as if things changed a hell of a lot, since we’re here, an’I don’t like it. A’now ya went and got the girl whose husband ya killed. Man, I don’t know if I still know ya.” The last sentence Daryl kind of barked at him. He still looked at him and their eyes met again.
Rick stared at him with an open mouth, he wasn’t sure if Daryl had ever said that much to him in one go, and without any incentive. He closed his mouth and swallowed, he looked down at his boots to process what Daryl had just kind of accused him of. It was strange that Rick didn’t even feel any anger or fury bubble inside of him, he also didn’t feel as if he wanted to defend himself on any of the points. He felt sad. He felt lost, and he then realized how much Daryl’s opinion of him actually meant to him. His chest felt tight and he felt tears well up in his eyes. He swallowed several times because he didn’t want to cry now in front of Daryl. That would be too embarrassing. Still he couldn’t completely suppress everything and his eyes were a bit watery when he turned back to Daryl to look into his eyes.
“S’that how you feel?” Rick whispered. Daryl’s eyes softened a bit when saw Ricks eyes.
“Yeah. I…” Daryl stopped speaking to nervously chew on his lips. “I kinda feel left out. As if I’m not important to ya anymore. Now that ya have Jessie even more.”
“I’m so sorry brother. Yer family, yer very important, I could’ve never done anything without ya by my side. I’m so sorry to give ya that impression.” Rick said, then Daryl jumped up. He stood there just in front of the porch, his fists were clenched and Rick could see the tension in his whole body. Then Daryl turned around, and he looked at Rick with an intensity that took Ricks breath away.
“Look, I’m not yer brother, never wanted that. Had a brother. I wanted ta be yer friend, ya were the first friend I ever had. And I know that it should be enough, but it ain’t. It ain’t enough. I always thought that maybe you’d feel it too one day. But ya didn’t and I can’t do this anymore. I’m honored that ya see me as family and as yer brother, but still it ain’t enough.”
“I don’t know what to say!” Rick said quietly after some time.
“I know. Ya don’t have ta say anything.” Daryl said, head hanging low. He was about to turn around and walk away when he felt two strong arms come around him slowly. After the first shock Daryl hugged him back.
“Give me some time.” Rick whispered into his ear.