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"I can't get used to how warm it is here," she muttered, looking out the window at the nearly green lawn, hands on her hips, like the weather was going to behave if she just had a little talk with it. It had been a common refrain, increasing in frequency the deeper into December they got. She did not seem to believe him that the light dusting of snow they'd gotten a week ago was as much as they were likely to get. She glared at the warm sunlight.
Joel actually thought it was on the chilly side, but he kept that well to himself.
They were due at Tommy's as soon as Sarah finished getting ready, and he was looking forward to the big fire that was sure to be burning under the twinkling lights his brother always strung up in the low branches of the mesquite trees in his dusty backyard. There would be food and drink, cousins and friends, and they'd laugh and sing and dance late into the crisp evening before everyone cleaned up and got on their best behavior for the more formal Christmas celebrations that were to come.
Joel's stomach fluttered with unexpected nerves as he watched Tess, admiring the way the sunlight caught in her hair, lifting golden hues in the brown strands.
The last time he'd brought a plus one to Casual Christmas had been years ago, before Sarah, when Emma was still in his life. He remembered the glances and whispers everyone thought they were so good at hiding, the sour tones and rolled eyes. He'd skipped several years of celebrations after Emma left for good, when Sarah was too tiny to bring with him, when he was too heartsick to go alone.
But there were cousins and friends for Sarah, too, and he'd deny her nothing, so he set aside his own discomfort and learned to enjoy the celebration again, just differently. Snuggling her by the fire when she was small, watching the sparks spiral up into the dark sky while their family, both blood and found, reveled around them was its own joy. She grew with the rest of her cousins and friends, first playing under watchful eyes, then migrating to the edges of the firelight where the shadows danced. A second celebration bloomed within the first, just as it had for Joel with his cousins and friends.
Now he watched Tess, out of place in the winter warmth of Austin, longing for snow, and felt nerves like a teenager bringing a girl home for the first time.
She turned her head, eyes narrowed as a smile tugged at her lips.
"What?"
"Nothin'."
"Don't 'nothin' me, what're you lookin' at?"
He smiled. He couldn't help but smile at her. Sometimes he couldn't believe she was here. He caught himself smiling at random times, thinking about her and her place in his life now. The sun lit her eyes, amber and green and gray, and there was no room for nerves when she smiled back.
"You."
He took a step toward her, then another. He brushed his fingers along the back of her arm, turning her to face him.
"Still doesn't seem real that you're here."
She stepped into his arms, fingers brushing along his jaw before twisting into the hair at the nape of his neck. He could feel her smile as she kissed him.
"Dad! Where's my purple sweater? Oh, gross! Do you have to do that here?”
He could hear the laughter in her voice, under the exaggerated disgust, and he turned, hands on his hips in his own exaggerated annoyance. He couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “Here in my own damn house?”
Sarah was pulling a face at them from the doorway, and Tess laughed behind him.
“Seriously, my sweater.”
“If ya didn’t leave your stuff layin’ all over the place…”
“… then I wouldn’t need to look all over for it,” Sarah finished. “I know, I know, but please.”
“It’s on top of the dryer,” Tess said, and that familiarity nearly undid him, her comfort in their home with its scattered sweaters and out of place shoes and music playing from multiple rooms all at once.
“Thank you!”
He caught Tess’s arm as she passed him, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to the soft hair at her temple.
“Thank you,” he murmured against her skin, words heavy with meaning beyond locating sweaters.
Her eyes were soft when she smiled at him, understanding him like she always did, knowing and loving and making his breath catch in his chest.
Then she slipped past him and called, “Did you find it?”
Sweater found, and shoes found, and jacket - no not that one, this one - found, Tess’s car was loaded with the two massive pans of lasagna, snug next to Sarah in the backseat. They’d made them the day before, another tradition, another part of their lives shared now. He’d worried, because he couldn’t help it, but Sarah was the best of him, and she’d welcomed Tess into the kitchen so enthusiastically his heart hurt.
Now, from the backseat, his guitar safely held on her lap, Sarah listed the aunts and uncles, cousins and friends, how they fit into their lives. He thought, for a moment, to ask her to stop, to stop boring Tess, but Tess was half turned in her seat, co-conspirators sharing their intel, giggling over gossip.
Tess caught his eye, smiling, before asking, “Wait, which one is Josh again?”
The house was lit like a beacon, street lined with cars. The kitchen was nearly bursting with crockpots and pans, and the oven was shuffled to fit the lasagna alongside the roasting chicken and simmering birria. A table in the narrow hallway sagged under the weight of cookies and cakes, pies and candy, and Maria grinned at him from the end of it.
“Think we’ll starve?”
She fit in Tommy’s house like Tess in his, and he thought they were both so lucky, so favored by fate that it bordered on unbelievable. It was like a dream.
“I think we might just have enough to get through the night,” he said, and they laughed together before heading into the yard where guitars were filling the air with music and voices were sweet in song. Tess was holding hands with Maria’s boy, swinging their arms back and forth between them as he very seriously explained that he’d let Santa know he’d be at Tommy’s house this year.
“Good turn out this year, huh?” Tommy said, one hand warm on Joel’s shoulder, the other offering a beer.
“There’s a lot of us now.”
Tommy glanced at Maria, then back, and the grin on his face was wide and full of wonder. “More next year. At least one more.”
Joel felt his breath catch in his throat, then he grinned, wrapping Tommy in his arms.
Tommy's voice was rough when he whispered, "Don't say nothin', it's supposed to be a surprise for Christmas."
He held Tommy at arms length, laughing with joy. There were tears in their eyes, and all he could do was shake his head when Tess slipped her arm around his waist and gave him a questioning look.
Tommy turned toward the yard and bellowed, "Time to eat!"
There was more music after they ate, singing and dancing, and soft conversation after that, and the sky turned black and velvety. He settled on a lounge by the fire pit, relishing the heat, and by the time Tess joined him he was warm and drowsy. He pulled her onto his lap, kissing her. She rested her head on his chest, smiled against him, humming contentedly.
The fire popped, startling them both, and they laughed as the sparks swirled into the sky. Her eyes were luminous in the firelight.
"You have a good night?" he murmured.
"Not bad, Texas." She pressed a kiss to his jaw. "I could get used to this."
He threaded his fingers into her silky hair, dipped his head to catch her lips with his.
"Good."