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For the past 23 years of their lives, Barry and Iris have always been happy. They met in high school and after a lot of encouragement from his best friend, Cisco, Barry finally asked her out. They broke up when they went to college after trying the long distance thing for a while. They reunited after college and married each other at the age of 27. They moved into a two storey, three bedroom house in the suburbs that had a double car garage and after two years living there, they welcomed their first baby, a girl, who they named Nora and three years later another child, a boy, named Bart. Life was great. Both kids did karate with Nora following in her mother’s footsteps as a journalist, while Bart was science minded like his father. During the summers they spent time at their family cottage, swimming at the lake nearby, overindulging on cookie dough and mint chocolate chip ice cream, watching old movies and making up bedtime stories.
Iris documented the moments when the kids smiled their first smile, took their first steps, uttered their first words and lost their first tooth. School pictures lined the walls of their home of Nora and Bart from preschool right up to their college graduation. Iris coached Nora’s debate team and Bart’s softball team. Barry advised and sometimes assisted with their science projects and math homework. During the winter months they would go skating at the local rink, always stopping to get hot cocoa with extra marshmallows. They visited the Christmas tree farm each December to select the most perfect tree and spent the rest of the day decorating it with all the handmade ornaments Nora and Bart ever made. Iris always managed to talk them into wearing matching Christmas pajamas and insisted on putting out milk and cookies long after the kids stopped believing in Santa.
One day, as her mom was helping her organise her bedroom, Nora picked up a journal sitting in the box with her baby book. She smiled as she read some of her mom's entries and asked her mother why she wrote down every little detail on their lives, one in particular that she read.
“Mom, did you really need to write down that Blake Chapman was my first boyfriend…and that I cried for four days when he broke up with me for Tammy Sampson!”
Iris grinned as her daughter over dramatically exclaimed.
“Of course I did. He was your first boyfriend. That’s a huge first step in a person’s life.”
“Mom, that’s so embarrassing!”
“One day you’ll be happy I did this.” Iris said as she swept the journal out of her daughter’s hands to put it back for safekeeping.
Iris always wrote everything down. She wrote how she felt as she watched her children pack up and leave their home for college. She cried their first night away from her, saddened that she couldn’t pop her head into their bedrooms to chat with them or say goodnight. When she did, Barry would always sweep her in his arms and hold her, reminiscing about times when the kids were younger and some of the shenanigans they got into. They would laugh and laugh until their bellies hurt and tears were running down their faces. It wasn’t hard for him to remember because he read everything she had ever written. He always knew what to say or do to make her feel better.
She wrote about how excited she was when the kids returned home for their first Christmas in college and the joy at the sounds of both their friends' laughter filling their home with so much noise and chaos. She even saved a pizza receipt of the night both kids decided to have a joint Christmas party with their friends. They had spent $357.86 dollars on pizza and they didn’t even get a slice. Barry grumbled about the kids eating them out of house and home but she just kissed him and made him a ham sandwich. She didn’t care how much they ate. Her babies were home and under her roof, even if only for a short while.
When the kids eventually moved back home, even though it was temporarily, it made her heart sing. She was happy to have them to fuss over again. She cherished the times Nora would have her read over her articles or ask her opinion on a piece she was working on. It made her happy when Bart would come to her for gift suggestions for his girlfriend. Having the family that she and Barry had always dreamed of come to fruition meant more to her than starting her own successful media empire or winning a few Pulitzers. Her family had always been the building block on which she judged her success.
One day at work, in the middle of a team meeting, Iris forgot what she was talking about. Her mind went completely blank. Thankfully Nora jumped in, continuing on her train of thought, giving her a moment to catch up.
You see, a couple years ago, Iris was involved in a car accident and suffered from a concussion. Her recovery, although slow at first, had been going well and she had been clear to return to work. They were told that memory loss could be a factor in the future but since she showed no signs, they thought she was in the clear. Iris, of course, wrote about the prognosis and potential symptoms she should look out for.
Nora followed her back to her office.
“Mom, are you okay? What was that back there?”
“I don’t know. One minute I was talking about our projections for the next two months and the next minute my mind just went blank.”
“You’re probably just overwhelmed with everything going on here. You’ve been pushing yourself and everyone else to do better and be better. I mean you didn’t win three Pulitzers for nothing, right?”
“Hmm. Yeah. You’re right. That’s probably just it. I mean your dad and I haven’t gone on a vacation in a few years.”
“That’s a great idea, Mom. You and Dad should totally take some time off. Go somewhere fun and relaxing to recharge. Bart and I will be fine.”
Iris was still thinking about what happened in her meeting earlier. She also hadn’t been sleeping very well and had been misplacing her phone and keys quite often. There were a few other things that she noticed had been happening like having to write everything down otherwise she would completely forget but she didn’t want her daughter to worry.
“You’re right, honey. I’ll call your dad now to see if he can meet me for lunch and I’ll talk to him about it then.”
“Sounds like a great idea!”
“In the meantime, you have a lead to follow, so get going. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
Nora kissed her mom and left her office. Iris walked over to lock her door, walked back to her desk and picked up her phone. A few minutes later, she left the building.
A couple hours later when Barry showed up at The Citizen with lunch in hand, Nora was confused.
“Dad? What are you doing here!”
“Hey sweetpea! I just came to have a surprise late lunch with your mom!”
Nora looked at him confused.
“I thought she left a while ago to meet you for lunch?”
“Umm, no. I haven’t spoken to your mom all day today.”
Nora pulled him aside and whispered, “Dad, I think Mom needs a break. Like a vacation. She’s overworked and overwhelmed. This morning she completely forgot what she was talking about in the middle of our team meeting.”
“Hmm.”
“Yeah. It was totally weird. I’ve never seen her like that before. She’s totally stressed out.”
“I’m sure she’s fine. But a vacation doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”
“Just call her and tell her you’re on board. She seemed receptive to the idea of a vacation when I talked to her this morning.”
“Thanks sweetpea. Here, you take this and I’ll get something else for your mom.”
“Yes! Free lunch! Thanks Dad!”
“Love you Bean.”
“Love you too Dad!”
Barry called Iris’ phone and instead of picking up, she sent him a text saying she was home. It was unlike her to not answer when he called and going on a hunch, took the rest of the day off. When he got home, he found her curled up in a ball under the covers in their bed. Her work clothes were strewn across the floor and she had wool socks and the hoodie on. It was an oversized hooded blanket for two people to cuddle in. He bought it for her one Christmas and over time, it became the thing Iris only wore when she was upset and didn’t have the words yet to formulate how she was feeling. In those times, he just held her until she was ready to speak.
“Iris. I’m here, Baby.”
When he crouched down beside her, he could see she was shivering and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. She had been crying for a while. He immediately stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed with her, slipping his head through the neck of the hoodie. He held her body close to his as she clung to him for dear life. He softly ran his hand up and down her back, his actions soothing her as it always does. He listened as her breathing evened out and her sniffles quieted. He never moved, never spoke. Although it was killing him not knowing what was upsetting her, this wasn’t about his need to know what was wrong and how he could help her. This was about her and her need for his comfort at the moment. They laid like that for a while so much so that Barry thought she had fallen asleep. When she finally spoke he heard the fear and sadness in her voice.
“I think I’m losing my memory. I can’t remember simple things anymore. I’m constantly misplacing my phone and keys. I’m not sleeping very well. Sometimes not at all. Today I was in the middle of a presentation with my senior editors and I completely forgot what I was saying midway through. I feel like I’m going crazy, Barry.”
“No. You’re not going crazy.”
“Maybe not. But I am losing my memory. At least I think I am.”
“Why don’t we make an appointment with Dr. Stein for a follow up evaluation?”
“I already did. I was just there and he confirmed it.”
“Did he say if it was permanent or just temporary?”
“There’s no way of knowing. It could go either way.”
“I wish I had known you were going to see him. I would have come with you.”
“I’m sorry, Barr. I was just freaked out when I lost my train of thought at work today. Nora had to step in and finish what I was saying.”
He pulled her closer still to him, attempting to smooth her cries, her body beginning to warm from their skin to skin contact.
“Hey, no. Don’t cry. It’s okay. I’m here now.”
“I don’t want to forget our lives Barry. We made a beautiful life together with our amazing kids and I don’t want to forget any of it.”
She says it in such a quiet voice but the fear is loud and clear.
“You won’t, Iris. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that. You don’t know for sure what’s happening to me. No one does.”
“You’re right. We don’t know what’s gonna happen in the future. But what I do know and what I can promise you is this. I will be here with you every step of the way. If you start to forget things, I’ll be there to help. I’ll remind you of all the wonderful and beautiful things you’ve accomplished in your life. You’re not alone in this, Iris. In sickness and in health.”
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
“What if I forget you? And Nora? And Bart? What if I forget who you are to me? I’d rather not live, Barry. I’d rather die than forget you guys.”
“Hey no. You won’t forget us. I’ll make sure of it. You have all your journals and diaries where you’ve written down every single detail of our lives together and the kids’ lives. If you forget, we have your words to remind you. And like Dr. Stein said, we don’t know if it’s permanent or not. You can start the speech therapy he suggested. We’ll do everything we can to get you back to yourself. We still have hope.”
“We still have hope.”
Barry lay there holding his wife and once he was sure she had fallen asleep, he allowed his tears to silently fall. They weren’t tears for him or his son or daughter but for his wife. His beautiful, brilliant wife. The trepidation in her voice, knowing that there was nothing he could do to prevent what was happening to her. She was scared and he felt helpless. They had no way of knowing if the therapy would work, but until they’ve exhausted every possible avenue, he wasn’t going to give up.
The next day, Barry called Dr. Stein to speak with him regarding Iris’ diagnosis and what steps they should take next. Dr. Stein was cautiously optimistic that speech therapy would work for her. He also agreed that a vacation prior to her starting therapy could be helpful. She would be in a relaxed state that may result in a more positive outcome. So that’s what they did. Barry whisked her off to Bali. It had been on her vacation bucket list for a long while. He got a brand new journal for her for their trip. It was the best two weeks they had in a long while. He was worried that the trip itself would be too much for her but she was adamant that they do everything they wanted on the trip. They went horseback riding, took a helicopter tour, had sunset dinners on the beach, hiked a few trails, took cooking lessons and a balinese jewellery making class. It was a vacation of a lifetime. Iris quickly filled up the journal Barry gave her, keeping it close to her on their trip. Luckily he was able to purchase another for her which was also quickly filled up. Barry noticed she sometimes forgot words or where they were. He just smiled and would gently tell her where they were or spell the word she couldn’t remember. He noticed she wasn’t falling asleep at night as easily as she once had and would tire quickly during the day. There were moments of clarity where she excelled like the days of their cooking class and jewellery making. Other days, like on their hike, she got disoriented and confused. Barry sat with her and held her closely, assuring her that he was there and she would be okay. When she calmed down, he could hear her whispering to herself, “Barry’s here. I’m okay.” It made him smile knowing that she took comfort in his presence but it broke him that his once powerhouse of a wife had been reduced to this. He determined, whatever it took and no matter the cost, he would get his wife back.
She started therapy as soon as they got back. It was intense and exhausting but she was determined to remember her family and not forget what made her Iris West-Allen, faithful wife to Barry Allen, devoted mother to Nora West-Allen and Bart West-Allen, badass media mogul and CEO of CCC Media. Barry, Bart and Nora cheered her on, encouraging her in whatever way they could, celebrating every milestone she made. Bart bought dozens of journals for her to write in and made her brownies on demand. Nora got her a special writing blanket, pen and teacup for her tea and as requested by Iris, Barry read her old journals to her to help her with her long term memory. She found his voice to be soothing, a balm to her tormented mind. After he would finish an entry, she would rest her head on his shoulder and try to recount the story she just heard. He would kiss her and smile when she got it right and tell her how proud he was of her.
After two weeks of therapy, Barry noticed Iris was sleeping through the nights again. Her dizzy spells were pretty much non-existent and she was in a much better mood. Her short term memory had also drastically improved and she could remember things told to her and recall things she saw. After three weeks, she was able to multitask and at the end of the month, her long term memory had improved. She remembered details of things she had written down, like the white linen dress with little purple roses that Nora wore on her first birthday or the red and yellow plaid tie Bart insisted on wearing on his first day of grade two. In the span of two months of therapy, Barry watched as life returned in his wife’s eyes. She was the same woman he had fallen in love with when he was a scraggly fifteen year old. She returned to work, back at the helm of The Citizen, with a renewed outlook on life. At first, she physically pushed herself more than she should have and she tired easily but once she made adjustments, everything began to fall into place. Her family was delighted in her progress. Dr. Stein had never seen such drastic, positive improvements in any patient of his in his 30 years of practice. She had put in the work and the results were incredible.
That year on Christmas morning, after all the other gifts had been opened, Iris handed each member of her family one more gift. She watched as silence filled the room around her as they one by one opened their final gift and realised what it was. She could see them all fighting back to hold back tears as the wrapping paper fell silently on the floor around them.
Nora spoke up first, her bright hazel eyes brimming with tears.
“Mom. I don’t know what to say. This is…”
“Beautiful Mom. The best gift ever.”
Iris smiled at her son, reaching out to cup his face. She looked over at Barry who was silent beside her, wiping tears from his cheeks. He was combing through her gift, shaking his head, a plethora of emotions pouring out from him.
Nora looked over at Bart and gave him a slight nod.
“I’m going to read this in my room. Thanks again Mom.”
She leaned over and hugged Iris tightly.
“Yeah me too.”
Bart hugged his mother and kissed her cheek, following his sister upstairs to his room.
Before she could say anything, Barry leaned her back into the couch and kissed her passionately. When he released her lips, he looked down at her and smiled.
“You’re an incredible woman, Iris West-Allen. Bart, Nora and I are so lucky to have you in our lives. You’re the best wife and an amazing mother. The way you love us is something special that leaves us in constant awe of you. This gift is by far, the most precious thing any of us have ever received and I know the kids and I will cherish it forever.”
“I’m glad you all like it.”
“Like it? Baby, we love it.”
Iris smiles as she watches her husband read through the pages of the leather bound journal she had made for him. The front cover with the words “What I love about Barry” seared into it. Inside were pages and pages in her handwriting of all the things she loved about her husband. Some were just a few words. Others had paragraphs. Both her babies received similar gifts. She sat up and gathered the pieces of wrapping paper strewn across the floor around them and placed them in a garbage bag and took it to the garage.
When she got back in, Barry was standing right in front of her. He grabbed a hold of her hand and began pulling her towards their bedroom.
“Where are we going in such a hurry?”
“Well number twelve you talk about my, uh, sexual prowess, shall we say. I’m going to change your mind as to the placement of it in your list of things you love about me. It should be number one.”
“You have a one track mind, Mr. Allen, but please, change my mind.”
She squealed when he picked her up and walked her back to their bedroom bridal style. When she wrote about her memories of that Christmas, she left that particular moment out of her journal. Instead she wrote about it in great detail in the journal she gave him and tucked it back into its spot. He would eventually read it.
Until then, she’ll continue creating more memories with her husband and kids, recording them all in great detail for you never know what the future may hold.