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"Literally why does she keep doing that?"
"You know at first when they started, it was really cute seeing them make mistakes, but it's been like 3 months and they're still making all kinds of mistakes and trying to laugh them off? It's not funny anymore."
"Whether it's an unconscious habit or not, she needs to fix it. Obviously fans will feel uncomfortable about it. Why are you flirting in the middle of MC-ing?"
Arin tried not to let it get to her, she really did. She binged watched Korean dramas; snuggled on the couch with Binnie; slept side-by-side on the bed with Mimi; ate her heart out with Seunghee. But she couldn’t get rid of the lingering malicious whispers that would creep in the second she was alone. It even made the newspapers! There was news about her and her ‘lack of professionalism’ regarding Soobin, being an MC, and everything. And it hurt.
"I think she does have a habit of doing that, but she needs to fix it because it can cause misunderstandings."
"That's what girls usually do when they're trying to flirt? Does Arin like Soobin?"
A part of her couldn’t help but laugh at the bitter irony that her first scandal in the five years of her idol-career was over physical touch, a habit that she had been doing for years. The other part of her was devastated. How did something that lasted less than three seconds explode in her face, knocking the breath out of her? She didn’t mean for it to happen. She could hardly remember what happened, embarrassment clouding her mind at the moment. She was so embarrassed, laughing awkwardly at her own mistakes that she didn’t even realize that she had unconsciously reached for him, for anyone for comfort. She would have done the same thing had it been anyone else, turning to someone to rescue her from her embarrassment. She had barely touched him. And yet, her carelessness had opened a can of worms that she didn’t even know was possible.
No, she knew. She just forgot.
She was currently sitting up in bed, leaned back against the headboard as she went into a daze. She should have been sleeping. It was already late. But she couldn’t sleep. Not when the malicious voices kept clawing away at her mind. She didn’t want to bother her Unnis. She had already slept over at their places for two days. She should quickly get over her feelings and steel herself. She had to. How else was she supposed to survive this week’s broadcast? But the voices wouldn’t stop.
"The viewers don't really think it's all that funny, but she laughs in the middle of her comments way too much."
"Honestly speaking, if I were a fan of TXT, I'd be pissed."
"I think she needs to distinguish between work and play."
A ring broke her out of her reverie and she reached for her phone. Her eyes widened at the caller ID, but she didn’t hesitate for a moment to answer.
“Min…seokie?” Her voice was soft with surprise.
“Arin.”
His voice instantly calmed her nerves, all the other voices dissipating into nothingness, all in an instant. Such was the effect that Minseok had on her, or more accurately, such was the effect her feelings for him had on her.
“Minseokie…” She repeated, her voice brimming with quiet affection. “How are you?”
“That should be my line.”
She heard him let out a breathy sigh and her heart clenched.
“How are you?”
How was it that three little words from him could cause her to tear up? She didn’t cry earlier. She didn’t cry at all the past few days, refusing to break down in the face of negativity. And yet, hearing Minseok’s voice, breathless with concern reminded her of her own frailty and she just wanted to cry.
“I-I’m fine…” She tried to keep her voice steady, but it was too late. Tears had already started pooling in her eyes, quietly falling down her cheeks.
“… Arin.”
Her heart throbbed painfully.
“I-I’m fine! Really… Really, Minseokie.” She wiped her tears hastily on her sleeve. “It’s fine…”
As she heard his gentle breathing over the line, she closed her eyes and pictured Minseok’s face – a furrow in his brow and lips pressed tightly together into a pout as he looked up thoughtfully. As she focused on his face, she attempted to erase all the negative voices, comments, and criticisms she had been hearing for the past 48 hours. Like magic, her tears ceased at the image of him she kept in her mind and heart and she took in a deep inhale, leveling her breathing.
“… Did you watch the broadcast?” She wiped the last of her tears, her voice a lot brighter now.
He waited a beat before answering.
“I always do…”
His husky voice caused her heartbeat to speed up and she let out a nervous giggle.
“… Always?”
“Always.” His affirmation instantly warmed her insides.
“Aww… Thanks… What do you think?” She leaned back against the bed’s headboard with a genuine smile on her lips.
“… I think you’re good.”
“And I think you sound really fake right now.” She laughed quietly. “Such a generic answer.”
“I mean it! You’re really good! You’re bubbly… Natural… And you make the guests comfortable. I saw your interview with the Hyungs.”
“Of course I was natural with them! I’m comfortable with them, silly.” She giggled. “And that was three months ago!”
“I saw the recent one too! You interviewed G-Friend!” His voice became high-pitched in defense and she was startled into another laugh.
“Ok! Ok! I believe you…” The giggles continued to trail from her mouth as he let out a huff.
“You’re good, Arin…” His voice was sincere once again, causing the giggles to get caught in her throat. “You’re really good. I mean it… You have good chemistry with your co-MC too.”
She immediately stiffened. Minseok didn’t believe the rumors, right? Her heartbeat quickened. He wouldn’t believe them right? He knew… she only had eyes for him, right? She sat up straight, gripping the phone tighter in her hand.
“…You’re not jealous, right?” She tried to keep her tone light, but the way her voice faltered gave away her worry.
He sucked in a breath.
“… No.”
Her shoulders relaxed.
“But I am upset.”
She tensed up again.
“Upset?” She frowned, her stomach starting to churn.
“Of course I am. I’m upset at how you’re being criticized and blamed for something that’s not your fault! I’m upset… that you’re hurt… And I can’t do anything about it.” His voice cracked.
“Minseok?” Arin was alarmed. “Are you ok?”
“I’m fine!”
“Are you… crying?” She felt as if she was in a daze.
“N-no… O-of course not!” His evident sniffles indicated otherwise.
“I’m ok.” She felt her heart melting. “I’m fine… Please don’t cry.”
“But I’M not fine.” His breath was heavy over the line. “I’m NOT ok with people hurting you…” He sniffled again. “My Arin…”
‘My Arin’ – 2 words.
And yet, her heart beat faster hearing those two words from him than extravagant compliments from anyone else.
“I love you.” Her confession spilled out before she even processed it.
“What?”
“I love you.” Tears began to fall from her eyes once again as she released the deepest secret from inside her fragile heart. “I love you, Minseok.”
“You’re confessing to me over the phone?” His teasing voice couldn’t stop her tears.
“I wish I could confess in person…” She wept silently as she was filled with an overwhelming sense of longing and want for him.
At that moment, she wanted nothing more than for Minseok to be here. If he were here, everything would be better. She could curl in his arms, burying her face in his shoulder as she breathed him in and as his scent washed over her, she would forget everything. She would completely disregard all the negativity and malice, simply because his presence would be enough to heal her. But he wasn’t here and he couldn’t always be beside her.
“No.” His voice interrupted her quiet sorrow.
“What do you mean, ‘no’?” She whimpered, wiping her tears on her sleeve.
“I won’t let you confess first. When I see you, I’ll say it first… I liked you first.”
“Liar.” Despite herself, she giggled, her heart feeling lighter at the words she wanted to hear. “I liked you first.”
“No, I did Choi Yewon.”
Hearing him call her by her full name in that low voice he rarely used made her shiver, her heart lurching in her chest as feelings of want and yearning flowed in and out of her. Overwhelmed, she giggled again, trying to calm her erratic heart. Minseok being Minseok waited patiently for her giggles to die down; always patient, always sweet.
“Minseokie…”
“Hmm?”
“I miss you…” Even though he couldn’t see her, she still covered her face embarrassedly at her own confession.
She was being unusually bold today. She wondered what he thought of it.
“I… I have a day off on Wednesday…” His voice trailed off and Arin felt her heart thump painfully in her chest. “I don’t know if you’re free-“
“I am!” She spoke without thinking. She didn’t even check her schedule to see whether she was free or not, but it didn’t matter. She’d make herself free.
“I’m available… So come see me…” Her question ended up coming out as a quiet request, a hushed plea for him. “Come see me, Minseok-ah.”
“… Ok.”
The following Friday broadcast, Arin was more careful. She made sure her hands remained glued to her own body, was conscious of keeping personal space and professional distance between her and her co-MC. But the bright smile remained on her face and she still laughed freely when she could. Even when it was time for her and Soobin to take a picture, she posed without any awkwardness.
“Good work today, Arin-shi.” Soobin smiled almost hesitantly at her, like he was sorry about something.
“Thanks! You too, Soobin-shi.” She grinned back at him freely. “You did especially well with your twin!” She gave him a thumbs-up, startling him into a giggle.
“Good job on keeping things professional, Arin-shi.” She heard someone call out.
While the Arin from last week would have felt slighted, she merely smiled and bowed politely to the person who made the comment.
“I’ll keep doing my best. See you next week, Soobin-shi.” She bowed politely and quickly took her exit.
“Such a strong girl.” She heard some people whisper admiringly.
“She’s so beautiful and adaptable!”
“So impressive!”
“Who knew a little negativity could work positively?” She heard others snigger and sneer. “At least now, she’s not flirting.”
“Seriously! She was so unprofessional before. So glad she fixed that attitude of hers!”
“But did you see her? She was like a statue! Her hand was practically glued to her side!”
“Probably working on extreme self-control not to touch guys.”
While it did sting to hear negative comments, she didn’t take it to heart. After all, she couldn’t please everybody and she didn’t need to. But more than that, she was too preoccupied with one person’s comments and thoughts more than anyone else’s. A giggled passed through her as she remembered what happened two days prior on Wednesday.
Wednesday 2 Days Before:
“So you are jealous?” Her laughter rang out, causing Minseok’s face to redden like a ripened cherry.
“N-no…” He stammered. “No! No, I’m not!”
“Look at how red you are!” She squealed, poking at his flushed cheeks. “So cute! So Minseokie gets jealous?”
“I’m telling you that’s not it!” He waved his arms around, obviously flustered and Arin wanted nothing more than to squeeze him.
“Sure…” She giggled. “I’ll be careful from now on. Don’t worry. More than criticism… I’d hate to make you jealous.” She laughed some more as he huffed at her.
“Actually, maybe I should just ignore it. Soobin’s cute and-“ Her voice got caught in her throat at the sudden pair of soft lips she felt on her cheek.
Her eyes widened and she felt blood rushing to her head as she gaped at Minseok. He averted his eyes, looking away from her while also blushing.
“Next time, it won’t be on the cheek.” He mumbled embarrassedly and Arin felt butterflies flutter in her stomach.
Next time?
“…That’s fine.” She found herself saying.
At that, he blushed harder as did she, but she didn’t care. She scooted closer to him on the couch.
“… I don’t mind.” Her voice was no louder than a whisper yet Minseok flinched as if he was electrocuted.
“You-“
In a surge of boldness and impatience, she lurched forward and grabbed his face with her hands as she leaned in. Her eyes were already closed as she firmly pressed her lips against his in a sweet kiss, chaste and slow – just like them. The kiss didn’t last more than three seconds with Arin immediately pulling back.
“Y-you- A-arin-“ Minseok stuttered, causing her to flush.
“Don’t ‘Arin’ me!” She looked away embarrassedly with rosy cheeks. “… I didn’t want to wait.” She mumbled.
An awkward silence fell upon them and Arin felt like she could die of shame or embarrassment, or maybe both.
“I-I’ll g-get us drinks-“ She jumped to her feet, eager to get away from him and the suffocating silence when his hand on her wrist stopped her.
Puzzled and still very red in the face, she slowly turned to face him. Minseok’s eyes were dark, almost black in complete dilation and his face was as crimson as blood. Additionally, he was breathing heavily, taking in audible deep breaths as the tension in the room increased by the second. Arin felt her heart stop at the sight of Minseok looking at her with so much… desire. He pulled her to sit next to him and her breath hitched, feeling completely stunned. She remained absolutely still as he began to lean forward, coming so close that she could see his lashes and feel his warm breath brush against her lips. She swallowed, but waited in anticipation, her eyes starting to close when-
“Arin! We’re here-” Seunghee’s bright voice caused the pair to jump apart shrieking.
“Arin? What is it- Oh MY GOSH!!!”
“What? WHAT THE HECK?!”
“MINSEOK?!”
“LAUN?!”
“KIM MINSEOK?!”
Arin exchanged wry smiles with Minseok as her Unnis let out screeches of shock, which melted into a full-blown episode of outrage and disbelief. Needless to say, what Arin had hoped would be a quiet home date turned out to be a very eventful afternoon with her nosy older members interrogating the former idol, now Arin’s boyfriend, once they had calmed down from their initial shock.
“Next time, let’s meet at your place.” She whispered to his ear as her older members engaged themselves in another random topic.
“Next time… we’ll go on a proper date.” He turned to her with a sweet smile and she felt her cheeks heat up.
“During the corona virus?” She teased with a giggle.
“I’ll think of something.”
“… Minseok-ah?” She bit her lip, but leaned closer to him as she prayed to God that her Unnis would stay engrossed in their conversation for a little longer.
“Hmm?”
“Thank you…” She took his hand in hers, making sure they were hidden under the table so no one could see them as she gave him a beautiful smile.
Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for being the person I love.
She didn’t need to say all those words out loud. Minseok knew just by looking at her eyes. He always did. He gave her a shy smile back and gave her hand a gentle squeeze before intertwining their fingers together.
It was funny. She had touched Soobin for three seconds and it seemed like the whole world had flipped over. But here she was, holding Minseok’s hand under the table for whatever amount of time she wanted, completely at peace. And it felt right. Because the only person she would consciously choose to touch over and over again, was Minseok.
Because the most meaningful touches were the ones that were intentional.