Chapter Text
After that dreadful scene on the staircase, Niles had only one thought in mind: to pack up and leave. He was aware that he had crossed a line. Despite the pain caused by CC's reaction to his proposals and her relentless tormenting, he had intentionally hurt her by brutally pointing out the truths they had always avoided. He didn't want to face anyone, and if that made him a coward, it no longer mattered.
However, amidst his tumultuous thoughts, he couldn't find the calm and resolve to decide what to pack. He had a ticket to return to England, but he had no idea what he would do once he arrived there. Perhaps he would begin by paying a visit to his family, but then what? He knew that even though he was a member of the Butler's Association, finding a new position in England wouldn't be easy. And truth be told, he didn't really want to either. He couldn't form another attachment to a family like he had with the Sheffields. He would have to come up with an alternative plan, but at least he had a few weeks to think about it. He had some savings, and if he could stay with his family, he would be financially stable for a little while.
He sat on his bed and let out a deep sigh. His thoughts inevitably drifted towards CC, as they often did these days. He remembered the time she first arrived at the house, interviewing for the position of Maxwell's secretary, recommended by Sara. They had known each other since their days at Bryn Mawr, and Sara believed CC would be the perfect candidate to handle the business side of Sheffield Productions. Sara had hoped that this would allow Maxwell more time to focus on starting their family.
On that first day, CC barely spared him a glance. He was accustomed to it from their time in England, but since Maxwell and Niles had moved to the US and Sara had become a part of their family, the Sheffields had grown more informal with him. It bothered him when CC didn't even consider him worthy of her attention. She simply handed him her coat and issued a curt command to announce her arrival to Maxwell. In that moment, waves of old feelings resurfaced—the familiar sense of inferiority that he had experienced for years, being inferior to almost everyone around him. Feeling lesser than Maxwell, Nigel, and Jocelyn in the Sheffield mansion, despite playing and attending school with them. It became even more pronounced when he accompanied Maxwell to Eton and Oxford. The late Mr. Sheffield had funded Niles' education on the condition that he would assist Maxwell as a valet and study partner. Despite Maxwell always treating Niles fairly, he couldn't escape the feeling of being in a lower position compared to Maxwell and his friends. If there was any task that needed to be done, it invariably fell on Niles—whether it was cleaning, homework, or errands.
He used to have dreams of escaping, of becoming a barrister or even a member of parliament. However, reality rudely shattered those lofty goals. In the end, Niles ended up accompanying Maxwell to the US, leaving those dreams behind.
CC was given the position of Maxwell's secretary and would come to the house to work every day, sometimes even on weekends. She treated Niles as nothing more than a servant. Whenever Maxwell or Sara showed kindness towards Niles, seeking his advice or offering assistance, Niles could clearly sense the contempt in CC's eyes.
When Niles met Mrs. Babcock (formerly Griswold), he gained a better understanding of why CC behaved the way she did. Mrs. Babcock was even worse, finding fault in everything Niles did and in the Sheffield household in general. She had expected an old English aristocratic family, only to find a family that was almost suburban (albeit the wealthiest suburbanites Niles knew). This, coupled with her resentment towards CC for working instead of marrying into wealth, led to an extremely uncomfortable dinner that was never repeated.
Mr. Babcock, on the other hand, was much kinder. He spoke to Niles as an equal, even when asking him to perform menial tasks. However, CC didn't seem to know how to connect with her father, likely due to her parents' bitter divorce and her mother's overbearing nature. It took Fran's help to rebuild that relationship.
In an attempt to capture CC's attention, Niles began teasing her. Sara found this amusing, and since she tolerated it, Maxwell did as well. Initially, CC didn't know how to respond; she was deeply offended. She had never encountered a servant who would talk back to her, and if she had, they would have been immediately dismissed. After all, nobody was irreplaceable. But Niles wasn't her servant, and Maxwell believed he was truly one of a kind. Thus, there wasn't much CC could do except retaliate with insults. This exchange gave Niles an exhilarating thrill; she gave as good as she got.
Over the years, CC never truly saw him as anything more than a servant, never an equal to Maxwell or herself. In an effort to change that perception, Niles tried everything he could think of. He would insult her even more harshly, pointing out that she wasn't any better than him. He would escort her to events she was invited to when Maxwell was unavailable or accompanying Sara, always behaving like a perfect gentleman. He would dance with her whenever the opportunity arose. He took care of her in lots of little ways, even without her knowing.
Slowly, he came to realise that it was about more than just making her treat him with respect. He yearned for her attention. He despised the days when she didn't work from the mansion. He was consumed by jealousy whenever she went on a date with another man.
Another man. Somewhere along the way, he had begun to consider her as his own, and himself as hers. She was his woman, and he was her man. The only issue was that this reality existed solely in his mind. He knew she would never view him in that way, no matter what he did. He was a servant, and she was an heiress. Their worlds could never intertwine.
However, in the past few years, it seemed like she had been changing her perspective. There wasn't one significant shift, but they had grown closer. They danced more frequently. They shared kisses. They experienced moments together. Niles had heard from Fran that CC had not left his side when he had his heart attack. He had visited her as often as he could when she was at The Place.
Upon her return, she seemed softer. It appeared that she was more in touch with her emotions and kinder to him. They shared more intimate moments. Niles didn't always know how to handle this kinder version of CC. At times, he would revert to his old patterns, using his old insults. He knew it hurt her, he could see it in her face, but the alternative was to reveal how he really felt, and he wasn’t really certain about what that was.
Now that Maxwell and Fran were married, Niles had hoped that CC would stop pursuing Maxwell and perhaps focus on him instead. He had wished for that. He wanted some happiness in his life. He didn't want to feel so alone in a house full of people. Fran had recognized that in him.
The events of the past few days kept replaying in his mind. He knew he had been... clumsy. Who stages a musical with no experience, causing their boss's business to face substantial fines, damaging relationships, and then, without any further consideration, proposes? Despite his frustration with Fran's schemes, he acknowledged that he was the one who had messed up.
Niles knew that CC had agreed to have dinner with him out of obligation to Maxwell. He resented Maxwell for still having that power over CC, despite her being a full partner now. So, he arrived at the restaurant on edge. He tried to talk to her, attempting to build up to a proposal by explaining his reasoning. However, she didn't want to listen, and in his frustration, he ended up proposing again. Three times.
Her answers had been painfully clear all three times. She would never marry anyone, especially not him. He was just a butler. She didn't love him. She despised him. There was no chance. It would be a cold day in hell. Her message had been crystal clear. He took his shot and missed.
Feeling hopeless, he did the only thing he believed he could do. He resigned. He couldn't stay at the mansion and pretend everything was alright. He couldn't forget about the whole ordeal. Seeing her nearly every day, flirting with Maxwell despite his lack of interest. Witnessing her with other men. He couldn't bear it. Maxwell had a second chance at happiness, and Niles felt he deserved his first. This clearly wasn't it, so he had to break away and search for it elsewhere.
When Maxwell demanded his presence downstairs, he felt humiliated. That man could be so infuriating. Nevertheless, he obliged, curious about what CC would say.
He received an apology. He might have believed it. He might have pretended to believe it, just to keep the peace and possibly restore their old relationship. But when she pressed play on that damn voice recorder, he realized she truly believed this was all a joke. She thought she was turning his prank around on him. And then, when she vocalized his fear of not having anything to fall back on after quitting, he snapped.
He voiced his most negative thoughts about her out loud. She had no genuine friends (neither did he), she was destined to be alone (just like him), she would end up in rehab (given his current state of mind, he could envision himself there as well). And what infuriated him the most, her longing for Maxwell, even now that he was married again. Why was Maxwell deemed worthy, even though he took advantage of their partnership by making her do most of the work and taking credit for it all? When had he ever shown her any affection, whether romantic or platonic? Why was Maxwell worth more than he was?
Her words made him realise that she hadn't thought he was seriously proposing marriage. He thought it had been so obvious that their relationship was heading in that direction. Whenever they were outside of their usual routine, they were great together. And those dances, those kisses. That time they mistakenly consumed those special cookies. The moments when she was missing with Maxwell and Grace in the snow. They had grown so close. He had assumed there was romantic interest from her as well. He assumed she felt the same way and saw their relationship progressing romantically in the future. But apparently, he had been mistaken.
A hesitant knock sounded at the door, and Fran cracked it open slightly. She understood that Niles had reached his breaking point, and she didn't want to bother him any more than necessary. Niles rarely got angry, but when he did, it was a terrifying sight. She didn't want him to leave while still harboring anger towards her.
"Sweetie, I'll only be a minute. I brought you a plate, please eat a little something." Fran offered Niles a gentle smile as she placed a plate and utensils on his dresser. "I hope you won't leave without saying goodbye. Oh, and I thought you might want to know, Miss Babcock also resigned. She said that her resignation letter would be on Max's desk tomorrow."
Niles sat on the bed, avoiding eye contact. To be honest, he was still somewhat upset with Fran. It was irrational, but he felt that she had pushed him, and perhaps he wouldn't have proposed if he hadn't confided in her about his true feelings.
Fran could see how difficult this was for him. All she wanted to do was give him a hug and come up with a plan to fix things. But that's what had gotten him into this mess in the first place. He no longer wanted her involvement, and she had to respect that. She planted a kiss on his forehead, patted his shoulder, and quietly left, gently closing the door behind her.
Only then did he lift his gaze. Tears streamed down his face. Oh, how he wished he could turn back time a month or two. Back when he had kept his emotions tightly locked away. It was better to bottle them up inside than to experience pain like this.
He recalled about the last time he saw CC. The final time he would ever see her. She stood at the foot of the stairs. He had been confrontational, hurling hurtful words at her. But she hadn't even looked at him. She seemed distant, a look he had seen on her face before, right before she went to The Place. It had been her way of coping, disconnecting from the situation to protect herself. During their conversation on the stairs, it had infuriated him. Now, it merely concerned him. He knew she had been in a dark place before when circumstances beyond her control were changing. Regardless of what had happened between them, he didn't want to push her back to The Place. He knew how terrible it had been.
And what did Fran say? CC had resigned? Why? Didn't she have everything she ever wanted now? A full partnership in the company, something she had worked towards for twenty years. Him out of the picture, no longer bothering her every day. Why would she leave? She truly didn't need to, especially when he was already on his way out.
He couldn't allow her to quit. He understood that her job was her life, and she rightfully took pride in her accomplishments. She shouldn't give it all up simply because he had deluded himself into thinking she would reciprocate his feelings.
He picked up his phone and dialed her number. He waited a moment before her voicemail greeted him. His heart physically ached upon hearing her voice. She sounded happy. He hoped that she would find that happiness again in the future, even if it would be without him.