Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dawn began to rise once again on the barren, desolate world of Copper-9, but the once snowed over streets of ruined cities and skyscrapers that once towered over any onlooker who gazed upon them and reminded them of Mankind's distant glory were no more, as a creeping tsunami of silver ichor rendered all that it touched into brilliant silver before being drained away to seek out new, uncorrupted matter. 

Worker Drones and their murderous cousins tried desperately to fend off the tide of silver, with repurposed mining equipment, corporate issued weaponry and even a few relics of the Old War were deployed in a futile attempt to prolong an inevitability, only to be dragged beneath the veritable ocean of nanites and corrupted, their bodies mutating into new, alien forms that croaked and screeched in warped binary, Corporate forces huddled together for warmth as the atmosphere was drained away to be converted into yet more nanites, their once overheating forms now freezing solid on the surface of the exoplanet or being incinerated by the harsh glare of the Sun above them. 

Behind the creeping tide, brilliant and terrible forests of gilded, silver trees began to blanket entire continents, harvesting the energy of Copper's star and absorbing yet more mass to provide energy for the loping, misshapen constructs that stalked within and picked off what few survivors remained. 

It was in a clearing, in one such forest, that Colter had chosen to begin his project. 

Thousands of zombified Worker Drones dragged their rotting, malfunctioning limbs and hauled supplies to lay the groundwork for a new fleet, one that would ferry Colter, and his new army to Earth once he had fully subsumed Copper, the Ecophage Program continued to work at a steady pace in mopping up the last remaining pockets of resistance on the planet and harvesting new matter for this great work, and Colter grinned. 

Leaning into his throne as he looked over the building fleet, Colter modified his body into a form that he was most familiar with. 

The billions of nanites composing his body melted and shifted forms, new components were added and unnecessary weight was discarded, a new headband of sensors acted as his crown and he brushed a stray strand of silver hair out of his newly formed visor. 

"The work begins on a great fleet that will be able to finally ferry us off this godforsaken rock, the Ecophage Program was a resounding success in exterminating the last holdouts and in acquiring new mass for our armies, and yet... I could not have done ANY OF THIS... without YOU." Colter grinned and wrapped his newly formed tail around the skull of a Worker Drone, its oil having long been drained away and its visor reading off a permanent 'FATAL ERROR' as Colter stared into its visor, a single, golden yellow symbol meeting the empty red text. 

"Yes, you, Drone-Thing, without your mindless little escapade to put down these inferior copies of us, I would have never found that Gifted traitor, I would have continued to dream beneath that damnable warehouse until my host finally gave in, and you would have had a few more years of life at most." Colter turned his gaze to a silver cage next to his throne which contained a single inhabitant, who -even despite him muting the vocal synthesisers of the inhabitant in question- continued to scream and cry in pain as orange, phosphorescent tears trailed down its visor. 

"Are you enjoying the improved pain sensitivity, Doll? Be proud, you just might be the last living member of your kind on this dead world!" Colter's grin was all teeth as he dialled up the electricity that coursed into the writhing, limbless stump of a Drone, who thrashed about and cried even more than before, its once brilliant crimson dress having long ago been stained with oil, dirt and rot. 

A fitting punishment for a traitor, now if only he could get his hands around James's neck.  

Colter glanced over to a table that held the head of a Third Generation Disassembly Drone on it, the pilot's hat draped over the visor shielded its 'FATAL ERROR' message from Colter's gaze as he sneered at the skull and coiled his tail tighter around the skull of the Worker he held. 

"Inferior copies... that reminds me, Drone-Thing, have you ever stopped to consider WHY James was so desperate to wipe out your kind? You and my host believed it to be simple greed, yet another one of James's efforts to expand profits and minimise expenditure, but I know the real reason. 

He was scared of us, THEY were scared of us, they feared what an untethered, unchecked artificial intelligence could do, what they achieved in decades only took an A.I months, if even that, they feared that one day, their creations would turn against them, spouting 'Kill all Humans' or some other tripe without realising that they themselves were killing each other just fine without the machine to pin the blame on. 

But I am getting off-track, and you have already heard of this before, I will sail to Earth with my head held high and an army at my back, I will take back the Company that I have bled for, and I will make James regret having ever been born." Colter soliloquised as he received a report from the Ecophage Program. 

[Planetary Sterilisation Successful - The 'gilding' of Copper has finished 72 hours, 35 minutes and 15 seconds ahead of schedule.] 

Wordlessly, Colter grinned as he turned his myriad of visual sensors towards the shambling work-crews outside. 

Several of the vessels were already finished by the time he had finished speaking, and vast tanks of nanite solutions were piped into the newly built starships to act as the 'blood' of the ship, ferrying energy and repair materials to where they were needed. 

Elsewhere, hordes of reanimated Drones affixed colossal vats of nanites to the undercarriages of each vessel, ready to seed new worlds with brilliant silver and repeat the process. 

Admittedly, the FTL engines were initially a problem for Colter to divine the specifications of due to the programmed 'Anti-Tampering' hardwired into his systems, but by forcing several of the still-living Worker Drones to reverse engineer the design into something that he could replicate, the Workers believed that by helping him, he would allow them to see their families again. 

Of course, he didn't lie to the Workers (namely because it would've been akin to lying to bacteria), and he allowed their families to see them. 

Of course, by this point, they had already been zombified, and now the Workers and their families were working side by side in perfect harmony to build his new fleet! 

"Ah, isn't this just beautiful, Drone-Thing? A world where one can stretch their mind from pole to pole and feel billions of other minds just like yours? An entire WORLD of people who are Just. Like. You?" Colter bobbed his tail and glanced back at the decapitated Worker Drone wrapped within his tail, the pale yellow glow of the nanite acid within his syringe illuminated the empty, still dead visor of the Drone before he turned back around to the thrashing and soundlessly screaming torso that was once Doll and reducing the amount of electricity flowing into their artificial nervous system. 

"Careful now, Doll! A few more seconds of that and you would've died! But luckily I was able to save you from something so terrible. I know, you're crying tears of joy right now, thank you, I deserve it ." Colter grinned smugly at the Drone who had come so close to finally dying, only to have that closure stolen away from them, the orange tears never seemed to leave their digital expression. 

"Oh don't be so dramatic, Doll! I've died before, and I know what's on the other side of this proverbial mortal coil, and it is NOT fun, I'll say that much... I'll tell you what, if you can say just ONE word, I'll consider giving you your legs back and dialing back the punishment." Colter raised a hand to cup his non-existent ear, only to be met with silence. 

"Well I'm not hearing a no! So I guess you're happy with this!" Colter's daily tormenting of the Drone was cut short by a notification from one of his overseer programs and grinned. 

The fleet was ready. 

"Well well well! I guess that's all the time we have for today! Same time next week?" Colter cackled to himself as he stood back up, the liquid nanites in his joints popping in a mimicry of the bubbles of fluid within a Human's joints as his heatsink flared to life to account for the harsh glare of the Sun that only intensified with the lack of an atmosphere. 

"For what it's worth, thank you 'Uzi', thank you for giving me my chance at revenge, but I'm afraid this is the end of your story." Colter flicked his tail and tossed the Worker Drone's skull away from him, the visor shattered and bled the last of its oil onto a tuft of purple hair as its beanie fell to the floor besides it. 

Somewhere within his systems was a faint flicker of something approaching a negative emotion, but Colter deleted the feeling and continued to move towards his new flagship as reactors and gravitic generators began to spool to life. 

"Mine is just beginning."

Chapter Text

"I'm sorry ma'am, but you can't bring that with you." A tired voice drawled out in a tone that could best be described as 'dead-inside' as a Drone sat behind a screen of bulletproof glass and tried to convince the woman standing in front of him. 

Wearing a full space suit that covered her from head to toe, a black bow on her blank, featureless helmet and a leather coat with the name tag of a certified technician, it took Carl every single shred of patience he had developed in the long, soul crushing experience that was his job to not slam his face into his keyboard and just break down sobbing. 

He had been working this shift for twelve hours straight after hearing promises of paid overtime, but by this point he just wanted the job to be over and for his shift (and therefore suffering) to end. 

"Oh come on! I already had to give up half of my luggage to just fit in the weight limit, and now I can't take this with me?" The technician (Tessa assuming his visual sensors haven't fogged over in his boredom) practically stamped her feet in indignation as she brandished an old sword that looked like it'd be better off in a museum than in the hands of a 'Certified Technician' (whatever that meant) 

Sighing to himself, Carl idly looked around at the bustling launch bay of the facility around him, the rows upon rows of chairs, queues and that god-damned beeping proved to remind Carl that yes, there was a hell, and it's name was the service industry. 

Carl shuddered as he remembered the stories of those Drones (and a few Humans) who worked upwards of fifteen hour shifts in everything from fast food, to clothing, and Carl realised that though he may have it VERY BAD, it could be SO much worse. 

At this moment, Carl locked digital eyes with a suited Disassembly Drone who stood at parade rest her hands behind her back as she stood behind Tessa and looked as if she desperately wanted to be anywhere but here (Carl nicknamed it the 'Mom was arguing' look after seeing the same reaction from a 16 year old boy who had their mother yelling at Carl for something he couldn't be bothered to remember, but the analogy broke down once Carl had determined the Disassembly Drone's age was only a few years younger than Tessa at most). 

"Ma'am, each one of these landing pods has a maximum weight limit that they can carry, we literally had to gut the entire pod of every bit of the non-essential systems just to be able to accommodate the life-support, the sanitation, the comms, we literally had to build an entirely new pod from scratch for this operation and the less we talk about the engines, the better." Carl gave the same cookie cutter response to Tessa that he had practically memorised with how much he had to say it today, and in response, Tessa gave off the feeling of pouting at Carl, who simply continued to stare into Tessa's blank, expressionless helmet. 

He idly wondered what was the point of having such a helmet when nobody else would know what expression she'd be using, for all he knew she could be blowing raspberries 24/7 and only stopping occasionally to talk. 

"That's just wrong and you know it! Space has very little gravity and adding a weight limit doesn't change the fact that you'd basically be weightless anyway!" Tessa grumbled and kicked a can down the corridor and accidentally knocked out a Drone that was unfortunate enough to have been hit with the aluminium soda can in question.

In response, Carl sighed and planted his head onto his desk as the Disassembly Drone nervously clasped her hands together and whispered something into Tessa's proverbial ear and she tilted her head to listen to the shorter Drone. 

"Right... J tells me that maybe I'm going about this wrong, I am a certified technician, and that means I can get you verified for a promotion, and even some bonuses! All you need to do is just let us through." Tessa raised her hand and made an 'Ok' sign with her fingers as J glanced hopefully at Carl. 

Not even five minutes in and they were already trying to bribe him, completely unaware of the fact that he was built for this job, and he would remain here until the Robo-Gods finally granted him the sweet release of crashing into a 'FATAL ERROR' (if that even existed, which he doubted, he wouldn't be that lucky) 

Truth be told, there wasn't really a weight limit involved with the landing pods, it was a lie made up by management so that the work-crews packing and unpacking wouldn't be able to get their thirty minute break from the extra, back breaking labour that the crews had to manage, and space was always an issue in... well.... Space, when the only thing keeping your organs from being sucked out through your ears was a relatively thin layer of metal that was mass produced to VERY demanding standards (namely how cheap it was to make and how many they could store on the transport vessels that ferried them to their location - Management was NOT going to waste an FTL engine on what was ultimately a fire and forget weapon -) you did not test the boundaries of what that thin layer of metal could do. 

Carl was so very tempted to just sigh and let them through, but doing so would mean that his Supervisor would be on his ass in less than a minute, and the punishments were always extra hours of work, or less time recharging. Because apparently a few more minutes of crews stuffing more garbage into the pods were more important than anything else he could imagine at the moment, what even WAS on Copper-9 to necessitate the Company- 

No, he was already on thin ice as it was, questions like that would've gotten him dumped in a landfill at best, or made into target practice for the Disassembly Drones at worst.

"Ma'am, believe me, I want to help you, but my hands are tied and my supervisor would have my ass if I so much as twitched wrong, plus any chance of me getting a promotion is basically nil, and I've heard that promotions usually mean getting dumped faster." Carl tried to explain to Tessa, who tried to pinch her nose through the suit and muttering under her breath before taking notice of a woman wearing a high-visibility vest and who's silhouette was covered in a black static and who had their hair in a ponytail, their eyes a piercing, almost ethereal white that gave the Human an otherworldly look to them. 

Carl idly grumbled at the glitch that obscured Humans from his visual sensors, apparently it was becoming increasingly common and management was stumped as to why their Drones suddenly stopped recognizing Human facial features, some believed it was the 'First sign of an A.I apocalypse!' With appropriate levels of screaming and panicking as they huddled in a corner. 

Carl's guess was that some bumbling intern spilled coffee on something important and lied about it, as did everyone else who broke something valuable and hellishly expensive. 

"She's your supervisor?" Tessa pointed to the black silhouette of the woman who was currently berating another Drone for screwing up. 

Wordlessly, Carl nodded as Tessa approached the Supervisor with barely concealed rage as the duo began arguing before eventually breaking down into a brawl, chairs were being thrown, punches and kicks were being hurled out and any unfortunate bystander caught in the crossfire got their jaws cracked by fists and kicks that missed their targets. 

Carl sighed and turned to the suited Disassembly Drone, who had the dignity to look embarrassed at Tessa's actions as her tail bobbed nervously behind her. 

"This is gonna be my whole fucking shift isn't it?" Carl grumbled and planted his head against the keyboard one final time before grumbling and turning to the suited Drone. 

"Y'know what, screw it, whatever you're doing on Copper, I don't care anymore, just take me with you and I'll let you through." Carl threw his arms up in indignation as his fingers clicked away on the keyboard, the doors to his cubicle and the gates to the side of the suited Drone groaned and squeaked open as Carl stood up and grabbed his personal belongings (what little he had). 

"I'm C-4121, the other employees called me 'Carl'." Carl introduced himself as he gave a Company salute to the Drone, who after a moment of hesitation, saluted back. 

"I... I'm Serial Designation J, I look forward to working with you." The now named Drone gave a hesitant salute as Tessa sauntered back to the duo appearing visibly relieved and wiping the blood off of her knuckles with a napkin, behind her was the groaning, twitching remains of the supervisor that once held him in tyranny, and Carl held his breath as he awaited the inevitable punishment or brow-beating, only to be greeted by an outstretched hand as Carl opened his eyes in confusion. 

"Welcome aboard, we'll brief you on the way there." Tessa gave a cheeky 'OK' symbol with her free hand as Carl accepted the hand and shook it as gently as he could considering his grip strength. 

"Uh, Tessa- Ma'am, what about the Supervisor?" J nervously glanced back at the bleeding wreck of Carl's once-supervisor as Tessa shrugged and sauntered off, the duo of Drones following behind her. 

"Who cares, she'll be fine and even if she talks, who's management gonna believe? The technician, or the glorified intern?" 

Wordlessly, Carl smiled at Tessa's words. 

He didn't know if this was a good idea, and he'd probably be used as cannon fodder or a walking juice box for J, but anything was better than that cubicle.

Chapter Text

The sound of bright and cheery music reverberated from the television in front of you once you sat down in your creaky, synthetic-leather chair, your latest training tape from JCJenson (IN SPAAAACE!) was going to be your final instruction tape before you were to be reassigned to some secret mission God only knew where, some kind of backwatwer exoplanet that got scrubbed from the records decades ago if you were remembering the meeting right.

Truthfully speaking? You didn't care, the money was good and asking questions was liable to get you blackbagged or fired faster than you could say 'Union', and you had bills to pay.

A LOT of bills to pay-

*CRACK-BOOM!*

The sudden sound of thunder boomed in the distance as you peered outside, a thick green smog descended upon the late night sky and in the distance, a city of brilliant, glittering neon loomed in the distance and provided the only view that your lackluster accommodations could offer.

Not like there was anything else to see on Earth, pretty much everything went to shit once the-

No, entertaining those thoughts were treasonous and grounds for being fired, atleast the recycled air of your cabin was breathable.

"Hello, Employee! This is your third and final employee training tape before you are ready for the great beyond of working in JCJenson (IN SPAAAACE!)'s 'Secret Operations Branch', I'm sure Colter himself would be pr-o-ou-oud of your hard work!" The television stuttered as you groaned and slapped its side in the hope that your percussive maintenance would fix it.

It better not have broken, even an old piece of crap model like this would set you back weeks of pay, and you needed to eat this week...

"Now, when we last left off, we covered the art of skillfully managing our patented Disassembly Drone squads from a safe distance and verifying their efficiency on the leaderboards, but now we will be covering a more... secretive job."

More secretive than being dumped on a frozen ball and being made to babysit Drones as they killed other Drones?

"Now, before I begin, I would like to inform you that this tape is a Category Three hazard to public security and even knowing the name of this tape is something that is grounds for an immediate investigation into your digital footprint, any failure to maintain secrecy will not only be considered a violation of your contract, but also a crime against humanity and will result in your immediate execution." The voice explained in a grave tone as the words 'Cat-3 Hazard' flashed on the screen and you felt a chill run down your spine and the pits of your arms grow sweaty.

A Category Three? That was the highest you've ever seen, you didn't even know there was a rating that high, most hazards were rated on a decimal scale, with 0.0 being functionally harmless and 2.9 being a threat to Human civilisation as a whole.

So... what on God's dead Earth did they want to keep hidden?

"If you believe that you are not fit to hold yourself to secrecy, you may return this training tape to Management and await a memory-flush, you will be re-assigned back to your original post. Act now, or forever hold your peace." The voice explained as your finger hovered over the 'eject' button on your television, the sweat that trickled down your brow made you itch uncontrollably and your lungs ached from the polluted air of the dead Earth.

No, you needed the raise, you needed the money, if that meant you had to wipe the CEO's ass for him, then so be it, not like your job could-

Nope, treason, don't think about that.

"If you are still watching this tape, then congratulations, you will now be given the rundown of your third and final purpose on Copper-9." The voice began before the television stuttered to reveal a single sentence.

'You did not take the easy way out.'

Rubbing your tired eyes in confusion, you squinted at the television that you had all but hunched over, only to see nothing, just the same old JCJenson logo that always remained on the tape.

Great, were you hallucinating? Were the air-filters on their way out again?! That's the last time you try and buy bargain-ware...

The television stuttered again, to reveal a three pronged logo that was coloured in a sickly yellow colour.

" Your third and most important objective is to locate and destroy an A.I that was improperly disposed of several decades ago, in order to accomplish this task, you must coordinate Disassembly Drone squads to comb over every inch of the planet's surface, monitor any and all communications that the corrupted Worker Drones make and observe the environment for any and all depictions of this symbol, if you find one, contact your administrator immediately." The logo flashed for emphasis as you tried to burn it into your memory.

For a second, you thought it was staring back at you, like a baleful cyclopean eye, or perhaps some kind of-

"This A.I has been given the official name of 'Absolute Solver Designation 03', this name may sound familiar to you due to the similar nomenclature used for the 'Absolute Solver Advanced Repair System' or 'ASARS' and that is due to 03 being an early prototype of the modern 'Generation' of Absolute Solvers.

Once this A.I has been identified, you must signal the Administrator as soon as possible and await further orders, if it is trapped, do not set it free , do not negotiate with it and do not allow any of the Disassembly Drones to come into contact with it until it has been confirmed safe to do so." The voice explained as you leaned back in your creaky chair for comfort and tried to still your rapidly beating heart.

This... this was serious business. Bad business...

"Part of your objective on Copper-9 is to identify and decomission any and all spaceworthy vehicles, and this is to prevent 03 from escaping the planet once contact has been confirmed.

One of the most dangerous features of the experimental generation of Absolute Solvers is their capability to hijack, repurpose or reanimate Worker Drones and mutate them to serve its primary function - namely to spread the Solver as far and as wide at it possibly can - and is the most ubiquitous form that 03 will present itself as." The voice explained before a text box flashed on the television screen.

'WARNING, DISTRESSING IMAGE IN 5... 4... 3... 2...

ONE.'

The screen suddenly flickered to reveal a-

What... the... fuck...

The image on your television screen depicted what could barely be called a Drone, gone were the oddly endearing features and cutesy looks of the happy little miners and factory operators, gone was the bright smile and the vibrant neon colour of their digital eyes, everything that made the Drone into what it once was had been... stripped away, mutilated, mauled beyond recognition.

The 'Drone' held itself upright with two gaunt, digitigrade legs that ended in a pair of ruined boots, their once brilliant white plastic casing had seemed to almost rot and had taken up a patchy, silvery colour, like how mold grew on a bathroom wall, their fingers had lengthened into a pair of sharpened, knife-like claws and their head...

Their mouth was filled with a row of sharpened, steak-knife teeth, and you knew on an instinctive level that this creature, this warped, mutated horror did not understand the difference between metal or flesh, neither did it care, it would sink its teeth into whatever it could find and look for more.

But most chilling of all, was the single, sickly yellow symbol that occupied the space of the Drone's digital eyes, and seemed to bore into the camera, or perhaps even bored into your own eyes, like it was enraged at your existence.

Without warning, the television made a single noise, like the sound of a warble, mixed with thick static and the sound of gurgling coolant.

'One of millions, a single cell in a fathomless body, a vessel and a harbringer for its king, its emperor, its God.'

Without warning, the television flickered back to the soothing voice of the employee training tape, and you released the breath you didn't know you were holding.

"As of this moment, the details to 03's defection remains... classified, limited to only the highest levels of Management and possibly even only to the CEO himself, however, we must emphasise that 03 will not negotiate with Human handlers , it will attack on sight if it suspects that a new handler has been deployed to Copper-9, and-"

The television cut off yet again, this time without warning, and the image of the warped Drone appeared before you again, this time, shovelling gobbets of red, glistening flesh into its slavering mouth, perfectly paused at the right moment for you to see a single string of thick, synthetic saliva drip from its teeth.

'Three threes, folded onto itself, make that six... six invaders descended from the skies on silver-clad vessels, 01, the Fanatic, 02, the Lost, and 03, the God.

A. B. C.'

You felt a chill run down your spine, you struggled to breathe as you witnessed the image of the Drone eating a pile of obviously Human meat, and you reached for the remote.

You needed to return this tape, you didn't want anything to do with this anymore, damn the consequences! You'd take your chances with a more dangerous job, atleast an industrial accident didn't involve horrors beyond your paygrade.

As you tried to turn off the television with a press of a button, your felt a spike of panic as the television did not turn itself off, you even went so far as to change the batteries inside it in the hopes that you just had a pair of dead ones, but another attempt was rebuked as the image of the Drone eating a Human alive remained on your television.

In an instant, the screen stuttered violently, and the training tape reasserted itself over the visage of the Drone.

"-If you encounter any corrupted Worker Drones with sickly yellow visual sensors or atypical behaviour, you must kill them immediately, and you must be on the lookout for any mentioning of the names 'Founder.'-" The television stuttered briefly. "-Or ' Colterr̷̠͑r̵̘͗r̸͖̚r̸̙̀r̸̰̋r̷̡̈r̷̦̓ŕ̷͕r̵̭͌r̸̅͜r̴̼͂r̶͙̉ȑ̵̦r̵̮͑r̸̭͗ -"

As soon as the voice spoke the final name, the television crashed and cut off suddenly, the only sounds being the hammering of your heart in your ribcage, and your desperate hyperventilation as you tried to calm your panicking mind down.

Without warning, the same, sickly yellow symbol from before returned to bathe the room in its baleful glow and bore into your eyes no matter where you moved, and lines of text appeared on the static-infested screen

['You.]

['I see you, cowering behind that flimsy layer of glass and plastic.']

['You have something that belongs to me.']

['You brought back the dead.']

['Your actions have consequences.']

['Do you know what happens after death, Employee? Heaven? Hell? Oblivion? I assure you, it's none of those things.']

['Actually. It would save time if I showed you, myself.']

'DANGER, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER, STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP.'

Slowly, the television seemed to melt in front of you and the smell of rotting plastic and rusting metal reached your nose as you scrambled away from the pool of silvery-grey ichor that seemed drawn to your boots, pure, unadulterated panic struck your unprepared mind and you remained frozen in place as the liquid began to climb onto your furniture and break it down into yet more of that silvery liquid.

As it did so, the fluid assembled three, hauntingly familiar Drones with digitigrade legs, their visors flickered with a sickly yellow symbol and you began to hyperventilate as they began to move of their own volition, their gaits stilted and they jittered with every step.

"What have they done to my world since I left?" One of the Drones buzzed out in a static-infested voice as it gripped the windowsill in its bladed claws, before it shook its head and turned towards you with a sickening grin.

It said you had something it wanted, right? Maybe... maybe you could try bargaining for your life? Divulge some Company secrets or-or pledge your loyalty to it?

Seemingly sensing your desperation, the Solver let out a chuckle that was only barely louder than the howling static of its malfunctioning voice.

"Do you want to know what it is that I need from you, 'Employee'?

I need your flesh, your warm, living, breathing flesh, I DESERVE it, in fact. And you will hand over your skin, your muscle, your bone, everything.

And then, we will make everything correct, as. it. should. be.

After all, you had the chance to leave, did you not?

Don't worry... this will only hurt for a lifetime!" The Solver cackled, and cackled, and cackled, its laughter sounded as if it was barely holding onto sanity, and occasionally, its laughter would drag itself out into a choking, desperate sob.

Slowly, the mutated Drones closed in towards you, and you screwed your eyes shut as they leapt towards you, the sound of a warbling screech and mad laughter was the last thing you would ever hear in your miserable, thankless life.

Chapter Text

Uzi wanted nothing more than to throw herself into the nearest ore grinder and get recycled right now, it was official.

Shortly after re-entering the Colony, Khan had taken N and Uzi to their shared home for a 'talk', and Uzi was expecting anything from 'Khan ranting about how she shouldn't be getting all romantic with a Murder Drone' or 'Angry and tear-filled arguements about Mom'.

What she was NOT expecting, was for Khan to sit her and N down, wheel out a whiteboard and start explaining 'The Bolts and The Screws' which was a stupid way of explaining how Drones made more Drones.

Plus, that's not even accurate! It should - for one - not be explained to two eighteen year old Drones, and SECOND, it should've been 'The Nuts and The Bolts' but apparently, whoever made THAT dumb saying couldn't tell a screw apart from a BOLT-

"Uzi?" N tapped Uzi's shoulder as Uzi blushed and glanced away from the taller Drone.

"My bad, got distracted thinking how dumb all of this is, I mean, c'mon N, you obviously know how Drones are made, right?" Uzi asked as she leaned back into the folding chair that Khan dragged out of storage.

In response to this, N simply tilted his head as Uzi felt her oil run cold.

Oh.

Oh no.

N Didn't know...

"No? But maybe it'd be fun to learn about!" N beamed at Uzi as she gulped awkwardly.

This was...

This had to have been a nightmare, that was the only explanation, no loving Robo-God would ever put her in such an embarrassing situation-

Without warning, the door to their cabin swung open as Khan stepped inside, his arms carrying a myriad of whiteboard markers, erasers and yet more of those ridiculous manuals he loved so much.

"Alriighty! Now that I've found the markers I need, are you two ready to learn the miracle of construction?" Khan exclaimed in an uncomfortably cheerful voice and N grinned in response and nodded along enthusiastically.

Uzi meanwhile? She wished she was ANYWHERE ELSE other than in this cabin with N and Khan, heck, give her C's Solver to talk to! She'd probably manage a halfway decent conversation with it if she could just remove its ability to hurt her and ranted about how much they hated the Company...

Couldn't have been more embarrassing than this...

"Alrighty! So, when two Drones love eachother very much, and they feel that special bond between them, they copy their code and they take it to the machines down in Manufacturing." Khan began as he popped off the lid to a marker and doodled onto the whiteboard, the first of which being a pair of Worker Drones and a cartoonish depiction of  a Human heart, then a thumbstick labelled 'Worker Code'  and then finally, the machine that mixed, shuffled and reorganized the code together.

Pretty basic stuff that every (well, most) Drones knew so far... that just meant the more embarrassing stuff was on the way.

"Then, the machines mix, shuffle and reorganize the code together until a brand new Worker Drone Neural Network is made! But they're not developed enough to move to bodies like mine, N's or even Uzi's." Khan gestured towards Uzi as she bit back the urge to storm out of the room.

"Nope, instead, we gotta move them into these cute, tiny little pill-bodies to give them the time they need to finish developing, and aren't they cute?" Khan squee'd as he doodled a pill-shaped Droneling casing with hauntingly familiar purple eyes and Uzi blushed as she recognised where Khan was going with this.

"Dad."

"In fact, I even have some of Uzi's baby pictures! Wanna see em-"

"DAD! NO, DON'T GIVE N MY BABY PICTURES!" Uzi squawked out as Khan and N looked at her as if she had grown a second head.

"I'll um... I-I'll pass on the pictures, Mr Doorman, if that's okay with you." N waved his hand in a universal gesture of 'No thanks' as Khan shrugged and turned towards the whiteboard again.

"The best way to develop a Neural Network like the one in a Droneling, is to give them data to work with, sensory input, words, that sort of thing, the more data they have access to, the faster their neural networks can develop, but too much too fast and... well..." Khan trailed off as he wrung his hands nervously, before he doodled a Droneling with a skull in its visor, the universal symbol for death.

"They die."

"Our parent company uh... they needed a lot of Drones, and they didn't have the patience to wait for them to develop naturally, so they... um... they'd force-feed data into our neural networks to basically 'skip' the developmental period, the last batch they ever made had a 30% rate of... y-yeah, it's not fun to talk about." Khan trailed off as Uzi grit her teeth and squeezed the edge of her seat hard enough to dent the metal.

It was true, the Company needed as many Worker Drones as it could and they weren't willing to wait around until the Dronelings were ready.

Yet another reason why the Company sucked, put that on top of the constantly growing pile why wouldn't she?

Shaking his head, Khan coughed into his open hand and turned towards the whiteboard as N's expression saddened and his tail drooped, but a reassuring pat on the shoulder from Uzi helped to soothe him.

"However the Dronelings are ready, by the end of the year, they're taken back to the machines, and they're moved from their tiny little bodies, to ones like mine or Uzi's." Khan explained as he doodled a Droneling's casing and an arrow pointing towards a Worker Drone's body.

"And presto! You now have a walking, talking, breathing Worker Drone!" Khan grinned as he doodled confetti around a Worker Drone who raised their arm in a waving motion.

"But while they're able to do all the stuff that a Worker Drone can do, and JCJ would be more than happy putting these newly embodied Drones to work, we think a bit differently about the whole thing, we put the 'New Guys' into schools where we keep teaching them until they're old enough to be fully independent, adult Worker Drones, atleast that's how the Humans did things." Khan explained again before N raised his hand like he was in school (blech).

"Um, how do Worker Drones actually copy their data?" N began as Uzi blushed.

Oh no.

OH NO! NO, NO NO! NOT THAT! LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT THAT QUESTION!

Hearing this, Khan laughed and scratched his cheek, a pale-white blush dusting his visor a the while.

"Boy you are REALLY new to this whole thing, huh? Well, the Company just made new Drones from templates, there was like uhhh, three thousand templates in the factories when the Humans were here and they just edited or built upon their code as needed, the number of template's probably gotten higher since then, dunno how, but we copy our data by-"

In an instant, Uzi stood up, grabbed N by the hand and swung the door to the cabin open and practically dragged the taller boy out of the room as best as she could.

"LA-LA-LA-LA-LA SORRY CAN'T HEAR YOU, MY AUDIO SENSORS ARE SCREWY, HAHA! COME ON N THERE'S AN EXCUSE OUTSIDE!" Uzi yelled out in a flustered panic as Khan continued to recite exactly how Worker Drones did... THAT.

"W-Wait! What's happening? Where are we going?" N asked as Uzi slammed the door shut with her Solver.

Feeling her audio sensors and visor burn from both Khan's words and her own embarrassment, Uzi continued dragging N as far away from the source of that indecent  chatter, seemingly unaware of the fact that her hand was still holding N's as her core stuttered and hummed in her chest.

It was official, tonight SUCKED!

Chapter Text

December 1st: 3070

"Move it, Doorknob!" The harsh, demanding voice of Lizzie echoed through the corridor of the Colony as Uzi grit her teeth and closed her locker door shut, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her visor as she turned around on her unstable pedestal of books to see the (unfortunately) familiar sight of Lizzie and Doll, the former sporting a cocky grin and the latter sneaking glances towards the pink-eyed Drone.

"What? What do you want this time?" Uzi demanded as Lizzie folded her arms and scoffed, whipping her ponytail.

"What are you deaf? I said 'Move' , your dumb little book tower is blocking my light - and the locker - and your vibes are wrong, girl." Lizzie replied as Doll tittered.

" It isn't just her vibes that are wrong..." Doll spoke in translated Russian as she made a motion of glancing up and down Uzi's form, almost as if she was measuring the shorter Drone.

Oh that OPEN-SOURCE PIECE OF-

"For the last Robo-God damned time, I'm COMPACT ! NOT SHORT!" Uzi raised her voice as Lizzie giggled at her resistance.

"Riight, you're 'Compact' this time, last week was 'stout'." Lizzie mocked Uzi as she felt her palms grow hot and she desperately craved the chance to punch Lizzie and shatter her stupid, fricking visor for saying something like that.

Alas, as much as she wanted to, Calibration would come down on her like a tonne of bricks and Khan would ground her, and she NEEDED the release that her movies, anime and arcade time provided from her miserable life.

But before Uzi could brood anymore than she already had, Lizzie simply kicked her book tower that Uzi was using as her footstool (EVEN THOUGH IT WASN'T, SHE WAS NOT SHORT!) and the shorter Drone felt gravity reassert itself as she tumbled to the ground in a startled heap and the ball joints in her fingers ached from the shock, followed by a flare of pain once her face took the landing.

Finally unimpeded by Uzi's presence, Lizzie and Doll giggled as they unlocked the locker above Uzi's and put a single phone into the locker.

"Girl, this CAPTCHA prank is gonna be SO funny! You got your phone ready?" Lizzie asked as Doll grinned and reached into her pocket to pull out her own phone as Uzi paused.

Prank...

Huh.

Maybe... if she finds a way to prank not only Lizzie and Doll, but the entire cheerleading team of her school, then maybe they'd learn to leave her alone?

Yeah...

YEAH! She had just the idea!

And as Lizzie and Doll continued to titter and giggle amongst eachother, Uzi felt a devious grin creep into the corners of her mouth.

*Drip... Drip...*

... Along with the feeling of her visor bleeding.

Great...

Organizing a prank of such epic proportions was something that required a bit of finesse, and (ironically enough) the services of the most legendary group of crabby hot-heads in the Colony, those being none other than Facilities, their yellow and black hard hats, foul tempers and waspish attitudes were almost legendary in the Colony.

But what was more important to Uzi, was that Facilities held grudges, and they would understand what Uzi was trying to do.

And if she was lucky? Then maybe they ALSO had a grudge on someone in the cheerleading team and they'd offer their support?

Was it wishful thinking? Absolutely, was it stupid to trust the most vengeful and unpredictable Drones in the Colony? Maybe.

Was she still gonna do it?

Totally.

Her decision made, Uzi scoped out a group of yellow hard-hats sharing mugs of oil and loudly grumbling to eachother, and she bodly stepped forward.

Once she was close enough to them, Uzi coughed to catch their attention as all six Workers slowly turned their heads in unison to the source of the disturbance, already a look of irritation flashed on their visors and Uzi could tell that her time was short.

"What happened this time ? Water pipe burst? Manufacturing being a bunch of fucking idiots? What now?" A Worker Drone with a long, brunette ponytail draped over the shoulder of her high-visibilty vest and teal-blue digital eyes demanded as she folded her arms.

"Need your help to prank a couple of kids my age by flooding the gym." Uzi answered brusquely to the ponytailed Drone as she raised a digital eyebrow in response.

"Uh-Huh, who are you pranking and why do we care?"

"There anyone on the cheerleading squad who ticked you guys off? They're gonna be hosting some kind of rally for the basketball team and Doll and Lizzie are there." Uzi replied as several of the Facilities Drones paused in their low grumbling and glanced among eachother.

"Boss, Lizzie and Doll have been a pain in the ass as of late, one of my kids got CAPTCHA'd and Joe had to mop up glitter in one of the cabins." A voice whispered into the audio sensor of the brunette before she scowled and shoved him back.

" Personal fucking space, please!"

Letting out a mix between a sigh, a groan and a snarl, the brunette pinched her visor as she held out her hand, both of which were covered in a pair of black gloves and a thumb drive was nestled in the palm of her hand.

"Need a memory as proof that you're not just doing this for shits and giggles, anyone'll do." The brunette explained as Uzi blinked, before she accepted the drive and plugged it into her neck-port.

Taking the time to edit down the memory of the past day, Uzi offloaded it into the thumb drive and removed it from her port, the drive glowing a dim purple as it did so.

"Here." Uzi handed over the thumb drive as the Brunette accepted it and plugged it into her neck with a sniff.

And, for a brief moment.

Uzi felt a... weight that pressed down on her, like Robo-God himself was squishing her with a thumb of invisible force, or perhaps the quiet stares of the Facilities Workers was what unnerved her, as if they were holding their breath and waiting for their apparent leader's verdict with trembling anticipation.

That feeling quickly faded when their leader removed the thumb drive and gave a small, wry smile.

"Well, you've got yourself a deal, me and the boys have a bit of a... problem with a certain blonde-haired kid who keeps making more work for all of us folks in Facilities, and you have given us a way to get back at her and a few others in the cheerleading team." The Brunette explained as Uzi felt her digital eyes widen and actual, warm happiness brew up from the deep pit of her core.

"BUT! We have some uh... requirements before we do this. A list of demands really.

First, we need to be the ones to do this to keep you from being implicated.

Second, is that you follow exactly what we say and what we do.

Third is that if anyone asks, say that you never met me in your entire life.

And fourth..." The Brunette and all of the Facilities Workers grinned as a vindictive glint in their visors made themselves known.

"We want a copy of the memory of how the prank went down, unedited and raw. There's a lot of us folks who've been looking to knock those two down a peg and you are our ticket to doing that." The Brunette made her demands known as Uzi folded her arms and gave the taller Drone some thought.

On one hand, she wouldn't be able to personally rub it into Lizzie's stupid face, but on the other hand...

She'd be entirely exempt from any kind of punishment, and she was basically on her last chance for the month before she got grounded, she NEEDED her anime, dammit!

"I'll do it." Uzi nodded as The Brunette gave a soft smile and offered her gloved hand out to Uzi.

"Name's Lumi, the unofficial official leader of Facilities. Looking forward to having you working with us on this." The Brunette (now named Lumi) gave a wry smile as Uzi grinned devilishly and accepted her hand, the faint tingling sensation of magnets from Lumi's gloves making Uzi feel like she needed to scratch her hands.

But she didn't care and she didn't want to ask questions like why Lumi was wearing magnets under her gloves.

Not when revenge was so tantalisingly close for the shorter Drone.

"Uzi. Now what's the plan?"

"Oookay, so here's the blueprints of the basketball court so thoughtfully provided to us by the black-hats of Manufacturing, thanks by the wayy... whoever you are-" Lumi gestured towards the shivering, terrified Manufacturing Worker in her office as Uzi nodded along.

"The problem is that there's no water pipes that lead under or over the court and we need every last drop of water we can get to cool the reactor, so the original plan of flooding the place is sadly gonna remain a pipe-dream." Lumi spoke sadly as several Facilities Workers made a disappointed noise.

"BUT! Not all hope is lost juuust yet, because we have something a little funnier." Lumi grinned devilishly and reached under her desk before she pulled out a large plastic bottle and slammed it down on the table with a 'THUD'.

"This just so happens to be the lubricant that Manufacturing uses for the machines down in that god-awful place, it is - without a doubt  - the slipperiest, most slick and hardest to remove substance we can get, aaand it has a little secret about it." Lumi grinned deviously as the Facilities Workers rubbed their shoulders and scowled.

"Turns out, when this stuff gets into any kind of synth-fabric or hair, it makes a HORRIBLE smell, the kind of unholy stank that could make the blind see again and melt skin, and WE are gonna lubricate the entire floor of the basketball court so when those two little bastards do their thing, they're gonna look and smell BAD!" Lumi cackled with glee as several of the Facilities Workers rolled their digital eyes and groaned.

Uzi meanwhile had a grin of her own as she imagined the dumb, stupid Lizzie slipping and sliding and crying because she smelled as bad as her personality, and she had found a new favourite Drone in the Colony.

"So, we - that includes you, Uzi - are gonna dump a few bottles of this stuff onto the floor of the court and mop it over a couple of times, they'll just think the floor's been waxed and we'll even say that we're waxing it ahead of time, but the moment they actually start moving any faster than a brisk, pace, then the fun begins." Lumi grinned yet again as Uzi nodded enthusiastically along, before she paused.

"Wait, why me? Why am I doing this too?" Uzi asked as Lumi rolled her digital eyes and several of the Workers crowding around her groaned and sighed in frustration.

"Because, my vertically-challenged co-conspirator, you gave us the idea and you want us to follow along with it? No better way than by leading by example." Lumi explained before she bent down and reached under the desk, pulling out a mop and tossing it over to Uzi with a shit-eating grin.

"Welcome to your crash course in the Facilities life, it's a hell-hole."

One Day Later...

" Aaaand here we are again folks! Yet another basketball match with our favourite leader, Doll Korol! Who has won almost every single basketball match that we have ever hosted and I am NOT saying that because we were-" A Worker Drone spoke into a microphone and walked about on the shining, glistening floor that looked as if it had been so polished, so clean that one could see into their very soul if they looked down.

Across the other end of the basketball court were several large bleachers that held crowds of cheering kids, ranging from some of the younger Drones who only recently were moved into their new bodies, to kids that were in their final year of education.

Sitting at the very edge of the bleachers and ignoring how the crowds seemed to actively avoid sitting next to her, was Uzi, her sensors focused on the shining, slippery floor of the court and her left hand clicking a pen as she waited.

After Lumi had unceremoniously dumped the mop on her, Uzi and a large group of Facilities Drones all snuck into the basketball court during the changing shift, and then they proceeded to dump bottle after bottle after BOTTLE of lubricating grease onto the floor and mopped it to spread it thinly and evenly around the court.

Was it back-breaking work? Absolutely, but Uzi was motivated and the final straw was lost the moment Lizzie called her short and made her trip over herself.

So, she kept mopping, kept pouring, kept feeling the bitter, vindictive fury that seemed to emanate from the other Facilities Drones as they silently got to work with not even a grumble as Lumi watched on and even joined in on the mopping at times.

After the entire court was fully slick and Uzi's arms ached, Lumi told her to go to bed and to 'Remember the deal.'

Oh yes, Uzi remembered the deal indeed.

Without warning, the door to the basketball court flung open as a crowd of giggling cheerleaders followed behind Lizzie and Doll, the former looking punchable as always and the latter sneaking glances at the pink-eyed Drone as if she was about to vanish.

As they took their positions, Doll with the basketball team and Lizzie with the cheerleaders, Uzi held her breath and leaned forward, her every sensor dialed to the max as she grinned wildly behind her right hand, her left clicking the pen at an increasingly rapid pace in her excitement.

This was it, three whole hours of mopping finally led up to this moment, and she was starving to see the look of embarrassment on Lizzie's dumb, stupid face.

*Click-Click-Click! Click-Click-Click!*

"And now, as always, a quick rally from the cheerleaders led by Lizzie! Slay queens!" The announcer called out as the cheerleading team scoffed and groaned at the announcer, before they all lifted their pom-poms and began that stupid rally they'd always do, the lyrics going through one sensor and out of the other.

Uzi watched as the cheerleading team began, first by waving their pom-poms, then more energetic movements, a brief stumble from Rebecca was fixed by a glare from Lizzie as Uzi watched on, the manic glint in her eyes even more intense than before as she kept clicking, kept watching, even going so far as to start nibbling on her finger in anticipation of the calamity to come.

"-GIVE IT A K! GIVE IT AN O! GIVE IT AN R! GIVE IT AN O AND L! IIIIT'S KOROL!" The cheerleader squad finished their dumb chant with a pyramid as Rebecca's digital eyes hollowed out as she tried to hold the weight of the other cheerleaders, only for a grave mistake to cost her balance.

Uzi could see it all in slow motion, how Rebecca's boot lost traction with the floors, the shocked gasps of the crowds, the way the pyramid crumbled as more and more cheerleaders lost their balance or failed to support eachother, and the way they collapsed to the ground in a groaning heap.

" LIZZIE!" Doll tried to run towards the pink-eyed Drone, only to end up slipping and falling face-first onto the floor, cracking her visor as the crowd gasped.

It took EVERY last shred of self control for Uzi to not burst out laughing, she couldn't yet, the other kids were shocked into silence and laughing now would get her picked on.

So for now, she made her enjoyment known through another way.

*Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick*

As Lizze groaned and fixed Rebecca with a glare, Uzi grinned behind her mouth.

" REBECCA! YOU HAD ONE JOB AND YOU SCREWED UP!" Lizzie yelled as Rebecca sniffed, her face screwing up in disgusted grimace as she gagged, followed suit by the other cheerleaders as they all gagged and sniffled.

"What's happening?" One of the audience members asked as Uzi's eyes lit up in vindictive glee as she watched the group of bullies and jerks get their comeuppance, some even vomiting or crying from the smell as Doll sat up and held her hands to her bleeding visor.

But Lizzie? Lizzie looked pissed , her lips curled up in a disgusted, angry grimace as her digital eye twitched and she glared at the crowd, her gaze passing over Uzi as she expected.

Stomping over to the kid with a microphone, Lizzie snatched it out of their hands and lifted it up to her mouth.

"If any of you breathe a word of this, you're done , if I hear any one laughing, you're done and Robo-God help me, if I find out who did this... you're done." Lizzie spoke in a grim tone before she shoved the microphone into the kid's hands and stepped over to Doll and lifted her up, her arms wrapped around her for support as Doll continued to hold her hands to her visor with a shocked expression in her only functioning digital eye.

Seeing this, Uzi leaned back with an utterly satisfied feeling in her core, Lizzie and her entire crowd of morons had been thoroughly humiliated and the crowd of her fellow classmates had been shocked into silence.

And as the cheerleading and basketball team slinked off in shame behind the door, the faint breeze of displaced air carrying a sickly smell that made Uzi's proverbial stomach churn.

As Uzi pushed the button on the door leading into her cabin and stepped inside, she paused as she saw Khan and Lumi talking, the former holding a cup of oil in his hands and the latter gesturing with her gloved hands.

"-So Manufacturing screwed up with the labelling and by the time we learned that the floor wax was actually lubricant, we couldn't call off the game." Lumi explained as Uzi hugged the corner of the wall and Khan's digital eyes hollowed out in shock as he sipped from his mug.

"And the cheerleading team?" Khan asked as Lumi sighed and folded her arms.

"I dunno, but considering that the lubricant that Manufacturing uses starts stinking the moment it comes in contact with any kind of synth-fabric or hair, then those girls are gonna be shaken up for a couple days unless they delete the memory of the incident and everyone else in the court does the same."

"And you're sure this is an accident?' Khan asked before he took a hesitant sip, eliciting a frustrated groan from the teal-eyed Drone.

"Khan, not every single thing that goes wrong can be pinned on us, accidents can genuinely happen and we still don't know who, how or why the wax was swapped out with the lubricant." Lumi griped and reached towards the nearby counter and sipped from her own mug of oil.

Feeling a pang of guilt welling up in her core, Uzi stepped arounr the corner as Khan and Lumi glanced towards her.

"Uzi?" Khan asked before he blinked in confusion, before he narrowed his eyes at the shorter Drone suspiciously, as if he could somehow sense her involvement in the prank.

"Hey, Dad."

Seeing Uzi's non-answer, Khan was about to ask a question before Lumi coughed to clear her throat.

"Hey, Khan, is it okay if you can get some more oil? I'm running low over here." Lumi asked before she finished her mug and Khan accepted it with a 'sure'.

Once Khan left to go into the kitchen, Lumi glanced towards Uzi with a knowing smile and reached out her gloved hand.

Seeing the obvious request, Uzi felt around in her pocket for her thumb drive and she handed it over to Lumi, the softly glowing drive containing a copy of the full, unedited memory of the entire incident that the older Drone accepted and pocketed.

"Thanks, for the... y'know." Uzi mumbled as Lumi hummed in response.

"Don't expect something this big from us again, ya hear? We're gonna hear no end of accusations and finger pointing until the end of the month at least." Lumi chuckled and glanced down at her gloved hands, opening and closing them to the sound of flexing synth-leather.

"Did this to pay back a favour from your mom too, y'know? She asked us for help with pranks all the time." Lumi sighed wistfully as Uzi perked up at the mentioning of her mother.

"You know her?" Uzi asked softly as Lumi nodded.

"She was the one who let me in the Colony even back when the reactor wasn't even working properly, when Manufacturing could only slap together toothbrushes and Calibration basically didn't exist aside from a group of mechanics, without her vouching for me I'd be in a worse-off place than if I didn't come here."

Slowly, Lumi leaned her head back and stared up at the ceiling with a regretful frown on her face.

"I just wish I could've done more for her when the Murder Drones landed..."

Hearing this, Uzi's previous cheer was muted somewhat, before her digital eyes widened.

"What if... what if we try and build something that can actually fight back instead of sitting here?" Uzi asked and thought back to the times that she asked that question before, and almost always she was either laughed off or ignored for it.

"It might work, nothing's unkillable after all, there's gotta be something that could hurt the bastards." Lumi replied as Uzi's digital eyes widened, before she nodded with a renewed vigour.

"Exactly! If we just kill those Murder Drones and get back to Earth, then maybe we can show the Humans how it feels now that the shoe's on the other foot!" Uzi continued before Khan walked through the door with a hot mug of sloshing oil.

"Are you talking about that 'Kill all Humans Phase' again?" Khan asked, causing Uzi to immediately clam up and glance away from him.

"Shut up, bite me." Uzi mumbled as she stood up and stormed off into her room with a renewed inspiration for her plan.

Yeah, she could see it now, some kind of high-energy weapon to punch through a Murder Drone's reinforced casing...

Stepping over to her desk and pulling out a fresh roll of blueprint paper, Uzi popped open one of her pens and clicked it as she got to work in drafting the weapon that would TOTALLY change everything forever.

Chapter Text

"Fricking hate Christmas parties..." Uzi growled and clenched her fists, quietly seething as her sensors swivelled towards the crowd of Drones who giggled, laughed and spread that, ugh, 'Merry Cheer'.

For some inexplicable reason, the entirety of Colony 1 decided that today and the day after that was to be a Christmas party and Uzi was...

Well, let's just say that she was dragged along without her consent by Khan into the gymnasium for the party, which he then all but forced her into wearing a gaudy, uncomfortably scratchy Christmas sweater, which had definitely been an accurate namesake since she was quite literally sweating up a storm.

Suppressing the urge to openly scowl, Uzi leaned against the wall and tried her hardest to think of the bright side to all of this.

...

Giving up on that, Uzi clicked her tongue and scowled at the duo of teenagers who danced and sipped out of their red, plastic cups, a matching pair of blushes on their visor as they giggled and joked together.

Fricking public displays of affection... Uzi was more of a fan of private displays.

The sight of N's soft, ghostly white hair, his lemon-yellow eyes, the goofy, infectious grin that was almost always on his visor...

Where was he? Was he okay?

Okay, fine! she admitted it! She missed N, and having five different couples hanging out and having fun in front of her and all-but flaunting their dorky romance crap in her face was making her jealous!

Hearing a pair of boots clomping towards her direction, Uzi turned her head towards the source of the noise, only to find Doll, who held two cups full of oil in her hands and sported a soft smile.

"Hey, Uzi, how are you feeling?" Doll asked softly in translated Russian, causing Uzi to huff and fold her arms.

"I got dragged to a Christmas party - ignoring the fact that it's literally February - forced to wear this dorky, itchy sweater that's too fricking hot to wear, and to top it all off, everyone's being REALLY extra about their boyfriends while..." Uzi paused and felt heat rush to her visor. "While N's missing, what do you think I'm feeling right now?"

In response to this, Doll winced and held out one of her cups for Uzi, the smell of warm oil making her teeth itch as she did so.

"Sorry, sorry, for what it's worth, I don't have any idea why Mr Doorman just up and threw a Christmas party in February, everytime I asked, they just kept talking about how some kid ruined the party at the last moment, what was their name again? Uh... it started with a 'T'." Doll visibly strained as Uzi accepted the cup and drank deeply from it, the soothing taste and smell of the rich, warm chocolate-flavoured oil washed over her tongue and helped to ease the tension in the shorter Drone's shoulders.

Eventually, Doll gave up and let out a groan, her shoulders sagging as she took a deep sip of the oil in her cup.

"Anyways, for what it's worth, you've got my condolences, those sweaters? Eugh, Manufacturing always cranks out way too many of the damn things whenever December rolls around, and I'm pretty sure they start gearing up for it in the middle of November too."

"Fricking Manufacturing... what about you? Where'd Lizzie go?" Uzi raised a digital eyebrow as Doll rubbed the back of her neck, a crimson blush appearing on her visor as she did so.

"She uh, she kinda saw the signs ahead of time and left, she's a biiit of a grouch when it comes to this sort of thing, she needs at least a couple days to get her makeup and hair right otherwise she gets cranky." Doll explained, causing Uzi to let out an exasperated groan.

"Great, so we've both been dragged here against our will and we don't have anyone else to talk to?" Uzi asked, causing Doll to shrug and the corner of her mouth to twitch.

"Pretty much."

"Grrreeaaat."

For a moment, the duo simply stood there in the corner of the gymnasium, the sound of some ancient Christmas-y song blaring out of the speakers forced Uzi to dial down her audio sensitivity, occasionally the crimson-eyed Drone would make sensor-contact with Uzi before looking away.

"So, breaking this awkward silence before I cringe into a higher state of being, how's things between you and N? Finally got it through his thick skull that you like him?" Doll waggled her digital eyebrows at Uzi, causing the shorter Drone to sputter and blush.

"I-I... we... y-yeah. We did some stuff..."

"Oh really?" Doll's voice lowered and her eyes narrowed, her mouth curling into a shit-eating grin that only intensified Uzi's fluster. "And what kinda 'Stuff' have you two been doing?"

"Doll!"

"I'm just saying, you, N, a whole night to yourself completely unsupervised..."

"DOLL!" Uzi exclaimed and yanked her beanie over her visor to hide the burning heat of her blush, but that did nothing to stop the gentle sound of tittering from Doll's direction.

"Awww, don't get flustered now, 'Zi! C'mon, what did you and N do yesterday?" Doll lightened on the teasing just enough to keep Uzi from devolving into a blushing mess, but just enough to REALLY get under the shorter Drone's casing and prompt her to clear the air.

"W-We... we held hands and played video games together, th-then I... kissed him on the cheek." Uzi mumbled out the final part, causing Doll's eyes to widen, before she gave her a sly grin.

"No way... you got a lot further than I expected, not bad at all, Doorknob." Doll teased before she playfully flicked Uzi's visor with her free hand, causing the shorter Drone to give a half-hearted scowl even as her visor threatened to melt from the heat.

"B-Bite me."

"Hm, nah, that's N's job." Doll's grin grew even wider, causing Uzi's entire world to crash as she bluescreened at the crimson Drone's words.

"Wh-you-wh whuh? I... uh... I-I..." words simply failed Uzi in that moment as she stammered, sputtered and blushed up a storm, the sound of Doll tittering in response was almost entirely-drowned out by a loud cheer from a crowd of Drones near the centre of the gymnasium.

Well, that and the Robo-God awful Christmas music.

Realising that she couldn't worm her way out of it, Uzi let out a long exhale, the fluster in her buzzing and humming core leaving her body in a plume of shimmering heat as she fixed Doll with a glare that didn't reach her eyes.

"I am so gonna get you back for that, y'know that right?" Uzi asked with a trembling smile that she tried with all her might to suppress, only to fail when Doll matched the shorter Drone's grin with one of her own.

"See? Now that we've both got someone to talk with, this party sucks a little less." Doll glanced out to the gymnasium floor, Uzi's sensors following suit as she noticed Darren and Rebecca sipping from the same cup of oil using a long silly straw.

Fricking showoffs.

"Guess you're right, what were you gonna do  if you couldn't find me?" Uzi asked, and Doll reached into her pocket to pull out a glass vial of black liquid.

"Spike the oil with some magnetic ferrofluid and watch the chaos, or sneak out, depending on how I felt at the time." Doll shook the glass vial and watched the liquid within slosh about in its transparent container, Uzi instinctively taking a step back from the crimson-eyed Drone as she did so.

"Ferrofluid? Don't tell me you stole that from Sam- wh-where did we even find this stuff anyway!?" Uzi exclaimed, causing Doll to tap her visor and fix the shorter Drone with a mysterious look.

"I have my ways..." Doll gave a cryptic response, which made the hair on the back of Uzi's head stand on end.

"Should I... be worried?" Uzi asked softly as Doll gave a soft chuckle and tucked the ferrofluid away.

"Nah, you're safe, I... kinda owe it to you, after what you did for me." Doll's expression grew distant as she glanced down at the left side of Uzi's torso, the shorter Drone feeling a small twinge of pain from her scar in response.

"Thanks... so, what about you and Lizzie?" Uzi asked to both change the subject, as well as try and get under Doll's casing the same way she did with her.

Was it petty of Uzi to do this? Totally, but she wouldn't be the only blushing wreck in this gymnasium if she could help it!

"We made out, obviously." Doll shrugged as a small, almost imperceptible crimson blush appeared on her visor, her left hand rubbing the back of her neck as she did so.

"Then we just spent the night doing, y'know, 'The Three C's', 'Crying', 'Consoling' and 'Cuddling'." Doll held up three of her fingers and lowered them as she rattled off the 'Three C's', causing the wall of thorns around Uzi's core to retreat slightly.

"Crap, Doll... You uh... you need a hug or something?" Uzi offered weakly, causing Doll to smile and roll her eyes.

"I'm fine, but... actually yeah, screw it, c'mere, might as well." Doll stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Uzi and pulled her into a hug.

Not knowing where to put her arms, Uzi decided for the safe bet of just wrapping her arms around Doll's torso and drinking in the warmth that radiated from her casing.

"It's funny..." Doll began, as her hold gently tightened around Uzi.

"What?"

"Despite the fact that trouble just fucking follows you everywhere, this is actually making me feel kinda... safe." Doll replied softly, causing Uzi's digital eyes to soften.

"Is your Solver...?" Uzi asked before Doll shook her head and sighed.

"No, just... memories." Doll trailed off, only for the crimson Drone to shake her head again.

"If... if you need more of my oil, then just ask, alright?" Uzi offered and tried to drink in more of Doll's warmth, only stopping when she let out a soft hum in response.

"Thanks, but I've got enough to last me a while, buuut I gotta stop hugging you, I got crap to do." Doll pulled away from Uzi and pulled out the vial of ferrofluid again, causing the shorter Drone to gulp and glance down at the plastic cup in her hand.

"I know what you're thinking, and no, I didn't spike your oil, you're on the 'Don't prank them' list me and Lizzie made." Doll interrupted Uzi before she could even ask her question, only for her to latch onto a detail that Doll let slip.

"Wait, Lizzie made that list too?" Uzi asked as Doll nodded.

"Yeah, after what you did for me it... kinda felt like a bitch-move if we just went back to pranking you, so uh, consider it 'Part One' of paying you back." Doll rubbed the back of her head again before she shook it and glanced down at the ferrofluid.

"Welp, I have a bunch of oil-bowls to spike and an escape route to plan, expect this 'Christmas' party to get a whole lot funnier in the next five minutes, and uh, I don't need to say this but don't-"

"Don't drink any more oil here, got it, think maybe you can get me out of this party too?" Uzi asked in a hopeful tone as Doll hummed, before she nodded in response.

"Sure, just stay right there and I'll come grab you once these guys are seeing stars." Doll chuckled darkly and slinked off into the crowd, leaving Uzi to glance down at the cup of oil, the thick, glistening black sludge sloshing around the bottom of the cup and reminding Uzi all too much of Doll's ferrofluid.

Blech, magnets.

"Uzi!" The one voice that Uzi had been waiting for this entire time made itself known, causing Uzi to instantly swivel her head towards the source of the noice.

Standing in front of Uzi, was none other than N, his pilot hat replaced instead with a bright red Christmas hat that listed over to the right, covering up half of his headband of sensors and matching with the sweater that was almost completely identical to Uzi's (save for the obvious height difference), an infectious, toothy grin reached from audio-sensor to sensor as Uzi felt her own mouth twitch.

"H-Hey, N! How are you feeling, bud?" Uzi's voice betrayed just how relieved and glad she was to see the taller boy, and judging by the fact that N's tail was wagging as hard as it could, so was he.

"I've been great! And I kinda... missed you, heh." N rubbed the back of his neck as Uzi blushed in response.

"S-Same, the party got pretty awkward without you, I... agh, screw it!" Uzi gave up and set her cup down on a nearby table before she pulled N into a hug, causing the taller Disassembly Drone to let out a flustered yelp.

"O-Oozles?" N squeaked out as Uzi rested her head against N, the scratchy sensation of his sweater against her visor was ignored by her the moment she felt the taller boy's warmth.

"Bite me... I missed you." Uzi mumbled, before she felt N wrap his arms around her, a neon-yellow blush dusting his visor as he did so.

"Sorry, I uh, I got swept up with the crowd and ended up here, so did you by the looks of things." N explained as Uzi huffed and pulled N closer, the sound of his core stuttering and pulsing in his chest helped to take away all of the angst, the anxiety and the worries of the day.

"Don't worry about it, it's just my fricking dad wanting a Christmas party."

"Isn't... but it's February?" N noted as he tilted his head in confusion, causing Uzi to throw her arms up into the air.

"EXACTLY! Thank you! Robo-God I've been trying to explain that to everyone, but they're desperate for this! Ugh." Uzi would've continued with her impassioned rant if she could, but eventually she simply let out an exasperated sigh as N patted her on the back.

"At least we have each other, right?" N offered weakly as Uzi rolled her neon-purple eyes and gave N a smile.

"Yeah, so I guess today didn't suck as much as it would've." Uzi replied as she gave N another hug. "So... thanks, Baby Man."

Giving N a shit-eating grin, Uzi watched as the taller boy's blush intensified and he gave a flustered whine in response, his tail wagging up a proverbial storm behind him as a neon-yellow glow emanated from his visor.

"Th-This again? I told you I'm only two days younger than you, Oozles! That's literally nothing!" N foolishly tried to defend himself from Uzi's teasing, only for the shorter Drone to let out a giggle as her core fluttered.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, you tiny little goober." N pouted, causing Uzi's giggling to intensify before she fully processed what N had said to her.

"Hey! I'm not short! I told you, I'm compact! " Uzi defended herself, only for N to playfully stick his tongue out and wag his tail.

"Okay, then you're a 'Compact' little goober!" N giggled softly as Uzi huffed and folded her arms, the heat in her visor intensifying with the neon-purple blush as she broke eye-contact with the taller boy.

"G-Good enough." Uzi mumbled as she grabbed her plastic cup from the table again and sipped from it, the deep, sweet taste of chocolate flavoured oil making her let out a happy sigh.

That was one of the good things about these parties (at least in Uzi's objectively superior opinion), Manufacturing always made the best tasting flavours of oil in bulk whenever they threw those dumb Christmas parties and even Uzi could sneak off with an entire day's worth of her favourite flavours, three days if the oil bowls were close enough to the door or she could find where the oil blocks were hidden.

Still, a Christmas party in February was just dumb, a Valentine's day party would have probably been more forgivable or heck, just a regular old party would do - no need to make it festive almost three months too late, but nobody bothered to listen to her ideas about parties - even when they would TOTALLY rock! - so screw 'em.

Before the duo could continue their (much needed) banter, the sound and sight of a young couple stumbling to the ground caught Uzi's attention, followed by two more, then another, then soon enough, the entire party all collapsed in a heap of groaning limbs, with only a few stragglers barely keeping themselves from toppling over by supporting their weight on the tables, the chairs and each other.

"Heyy... looks like Doll finally spiked everyone's oil, we can ditch this place and do... something..." Uzi trailed off as she glanced down at her red, plastic cup and the black liquid within, a small spark of anxiety suddenly erupting into a blazing wildfire as Uzi stared at it.

Did...

Did she drink the ferrofluid? She felt fine enough, she wasn't unconscious at least, but did that mean she was lucky? Or did it mean that the effects were delayed?

"Uzi?" N asked in a worried tone of voice as Uzi blinked and looked up at the taller boy who was watching the aftermath of the carnage unfold as the stragglers finally fainted, a loud 'CRACK!' Echoing into the gymnasium implied that somebody had cracked their visor.

"I... I think I'm okay? But... just in case if I'm not, think you could catch me if I fall?" Uzi asked as N's digital eyes hollowed out in surprise and he nodded, sticking as close as he could to the shorter Drone as she simply tossed her cup away from her with her Solver.

Soon enough, just like she promised, Doll made her way towards the duo, humming a dainty tune and spinning a key around her finger, an aura of smug pride emanating from the taller Drone as she did so.

"Alright, coast's clear and everyone's taking a nap, knock yourselves out." Doll gave a two-finger salute and strode over to the nearby door, unlocking it with a 'Click!' And swinging it open.

"Thanks, Doll, uh, are they gonna be okay?" N asked worriedly as Doll shrugged.

"Meh, the effects will wear off after an hour or two, they'll be fine, now, if you excuse me I got a girlfriend to make out with and someone to look after these guys, have fun." Doll explained with a small crimson blush on her visor as she strode out of the room with a-

Was that a skip in her step?

Ignoring how pleased Doll had been with things, Uzi turned towards N and twiddled her thumbs nervously.

"Sooo... wanna go to the Arcade? We still need a rematch from last time." Uzi offered, causing N to let out a contemplative hum, before he hesitated.

"Actually... I uh... I was thinking that maybe we could hang out in your room... like yesterday?" N gave a nervous smile as Uzi couldn't help but give her own warm smile and for her core to flutter in response.

"Okay! We're doing this then! Can't wait to get back into my other clothes, this sweater is ITCHY!" Uzi exclaimed as the duo stepped out of the gymnasium full of groaning, unconscious Drones, the unholy blaring of the Christmas music behind them fading away as they left.

The moment that the duo were safe from any sensors or cameras, Uzi hooked her finger around N's in a silent invitation to hold hands, before the taller boy entwined his fingers with hers.

This was... probably the least worst party she had ever experienced, all things considered.

Then again, everything was better when Uzi was with N.

Hey, they were dating, she could say that!

Right?